I hate “guy trips”

[Anonymous]

DH goes on one, sometimes two, guy trips a year. Usually just a long weekend. I hate them. They all go and act like they are 21 again and drink way to much, stay up too late and come home feeling hungover and exhausted for the next week.

Meanwhile I am stuck 24/7 taking care of the kids and running the house while he is gone. Then when he gets home he can barely help because he is so tired and he is so behind on work from taking the long weekend off.

I completely know he deserves time to decompress and relax and reconnecting with his friends is very important. I am so glad he still has friends and is close with them! I just dislike these trips.

[Anonymous]

Sounds wonderful for him, particularly if it is only happening one or two times a year.

I suggest thinking about the type of getaway that may be good for you and doing that one or two times a year as well. Could be a girls trip, could be a solo spa getaway, could be a walking trip in France, could be a service trip to help some people somewhere...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds wonderful for him, particularly if it is only happening one or two times a year.

I suggest thinking about the type of getaway that may be good for you and doing that one or two times a year as well. Could be a girls trip, could be a solo spa getaway, could be a walking trip in France, could be a service trip to help some people somewhere...

Op here - yes I typically also get one girls trip away a year (or I try). But I go and rejuvenate myself and relax. We get spa appointments and have a wine tasting and sleep as much as possible.

Then when I come back home I jump right back into mom mode and take care of the kids. I don’t mope around the house tired and hungover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH goes on one, sometimes two, guy trips a year. Usually just a long weekend. I hate them. They all go and act like they are 21 again and drink way to much, stay up too late and come home feeling hungover and exhausted for the next week.

Meanwhile I am stuck 24/7 taking care of the kids and running the house while he is gone. Then when he gets home he can barely help because he is so tired and he is so behind on work from taking the long weekend off.

I completely know he deserves time to decompress and relax and reconnecting with his friends is very important. I am so glad he still has friends and is close with them! I just dislike these trips.

Husband goes away for one weekend year and his wife is all bent out of shape. Attention! Any men dumb enough to consider getting married, this is how backward women's thinking process is!

When I was married my wife would complain endlessly that I went on two on my son's Cub Scout camping trips each year. She seemed to think one night away, sleeping on the ground in a campsite with 30 noisy kids, was somehow a vacation for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds wonderful for him, particularly if it is only happening one or two times a year.

I suggest thinking about the type of getaway that may be good for you and doing that one or two times a year as well. Could be a girls trip, could be a solo spa getaway, could be a walking trip in France, could be a service trip to help some people somewhere...

Op here - yes I typically also get one girls trip away a year (or I try). But I go and rejuvenate myself and relax. We get spa appointments and have a wine tasting and sleep as much as possible.

Then when I come back home I jump right back into mom mode and take care of the kids. I don’t mope around the house tired and hungover.

Good for you. If he blows off steam by doing guys stuff and getting hammered with his buddies they let him. You sound insufferable- he probably drinks to forget about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes on one, sometimes two, guy trips a year. Usually just a long weekend. I hate them. They all go and act like they are 21 again and drink way to much, stay up too late and come home feeling hungover and exhausted for the next week.

Meanwhile I am stuck 24/7 taking care of the kids and running the house while he is gone. Then when he gets home he can barely help because he is so tired and he is so behind on work from taking the long weekend off.

I completely know he deserves time to decompress and relax and reconnecting with his friends is very important. I am so glad he still has friends and is close with them! I just dislike these trips.

Husband goes away for one weekend year and his wife is all bent out of shape. Attention! Any men dumb enough to consider getting married, this is how backward women's thinking process is!

When I was married my wife would complain endlessly that I went on two on my son's Cub Scout camping trips each year. She seemed to think one night away, sleeping on the ground in a campsite with 30 noisy kids, was somehow a vacation for me.

I used to complain about these camping trips. I am so embarrassed now. If that is you, honey… I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds wonderful for him, particularly if it is only happening one or two times a year.

I suggest thinking about the type of getaway that may be good for you and doing that one or two times a year as well. Could be a girls trip, could be a solo spa getaway, could be a walking trip in France, could be a service trip to help some people somewhere...

Op here - yes I typically also get one girls trip away a year (or I try). But I go and rejuvenate myself and relax. We get spa appointments and have a wine tasting and sleep as much as possible.

Then when I come back home I jump right back into mom mode and take care of the kids. I don’t mope around the house tired and hungover.

If he in general is a sucky parent, or if his hangover lasts three or more days, sure I would not like that. But a couple days for re-entry and reacclimating is something I would tolerate.

[Anonymous]

I would not be okay with this. Next time, schedule a three-day-long girl's trip for right after he gets back so he can truly suffer the consequences of his actions, or just tell him what is happening and don't let him go on the next one.

Seriously you need to do something like that or else you'll resent him so long for this dynamic, even when it ends because the kids are older. My husband never did something this bad but I do still resent the way he got more time like this than I did, like when all my girlfriends were getting together but I had to cancel at the last minute because DH's work got really busy, or when he prioritized his boy's trips over time with me. I wish I hadn't let that happen (truly, he could have dealt with work).

[Anonymous]

A woman would be excoriated if she came home from a girls’ trip too hungover and exhausted to deal with the kids. Tell him to suck it up. The trip is fine. But when it is over, it is over.

[Anonymous]

You are insane. It’s 1-2 times A YEAR, not once a month. I wish DH would go blow off some steam with his friends a few times a year.

[Anonymous]

Op - what frustrates me is that I am 100% the default parent. I typically do all the drop offs, pick ups, make food, do laundry etc.

But I expect him to help around the house with the kids. Instead he is sleeping until 7:30 (on a week day!) and now will rush to get ready to work and be all stressed because he has so much work to do.

I have been up since 6:30 getting myself ready, lunches, dealing with the dog, getting breakfast and all the kid stuff so they are on time for school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A woman would be excoriated if she came home from a girls’ trip too hungover and exhausted to deal with the kids. Tell him to suck it up. The trip is fine. But when it is over, it is over.

Yes, this is the issue, I think. It’s not the 3 days. It’s that he makes it 10 days of nonparticipation without acknowledging it or getting spouse on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A woman would be excoriated if she came home from a girls’ trip too hungover and exhausted to deal with the kids. Tell him to suck it up. The trip is fine. But when it is over, it is over.

Op - exactly this. I am totally on board with him taking a trip away. I encourage it and support him doing it. Do I think it sounds fun to get overly drunk for 3 days? No but whatever do what you want.

BUT when you get home you have to come back to reality and be present. It’s unfair to the spouse who is home with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A woman would be excoriated if she came home from a girls’ trip too hungover and exhausted to deal with the kids. Tell him to suck it up. The trip is fine. But when it is over, it is over.

Yes, this is the issue, I think. It’s not the 3 days. It’s that he makes it 10 days of nonparticipation without acknowledging it or getting spouse on board.

This is such a unicorn situation. How many people actually exist who are non-negligibly impaired for more than a day or two after a guys weekend?

[Anonymous]

Have you.... Talked to him?