I hate “guy trips”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A woman would be excoriated if she came home from a girls’ trip too hungover and exhausted to deal with the kids. Tell him to suck it up. The trip is fine. But when it is over, it is over.

Yes, this is the issue, I think. It’s not the 3 days. It’s that he makes it 10 days of nonparticipation without acknowledging it or getting spouse on board.

This is such a unicorn situation. How many people actually exist who are non-negligibly impaired for more than a day or two after a guys weekend?

It’s not about being drunk. It’s about being too tired to function and refusing to get back into it. My husband did this once when the kids were young, and I thought it was so rude. I couldn’t imagine if it happened twice a year, every year. (By the way, your post seems to acknowledge that this state continues for at least a day or two after the weekend. It’s pretty unfair not to acknowledge that.)

[Anonymous]

This might be a radical, impractical solution - but can he have a “detox” day or two at a local hotel - he can sleep, catch up on work, go to work etc. Then come back at 100% of whatever he normally does.

AND - those days get tacked on to your family-free getaway bank (or you get a few solo days at a local hotel).

My H doesn’t take non-work solo trips, and doesn’t drink that much. But I find it so much more annoying when he sleeps in and adds to the morning chaos than when he’s just not home, so I hear you on the complaints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - what frustrates me is that I am 100% the default parent. I typically do all the drop offs, pick ups, make food, do laundry etc.

But I expect him to help around the house with the kids. Instead he is sleeping until 7:30 (on a week day!) and now will rush to get ready to work and be all stressed because he has so much work to do.

I have been up since 6:30 getting myself ready, lunches, dealing with the dog, getting breakfast and all the kid stuff so they are on time for school.

The problem is not the 2 trips a year. The problem is what is happening the rest of the year when he’s home. You need to address the inequities that are fueling this resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are insane. It’s 1-2 times A YEAR, not once a month. I wish DH would go blow off some steam with his friends a few times a year.

If he doesn't, you aren't really in a position to call OP insane since you're not even coming close to dealing with her situation. My husband does guy trips and I'm so happy for him to do it but he has also never been so irresponsible with not managing work at his job and drinking too much that he was incapacitated when he comes home.

OP, I think he is milking it. That's so unreasonable for him to need a week to get over a weekend of debauchery. Tell him he either needs to suck it up or see a doctor because that's not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - what frustrates me is that I am 100% the default parent. I typically do all the drop offs, pick ups, make food, do laundry etc.

But I expect him to help around the house with the kids. Instead he is sleeping until 7:30 (on a week day!) and now will rush to get ready to work and be all stressed because he has so much work to do.

I have been up since 6:30 getting myself ready, lunches, dealing with the dog, getting breakfast and all the kid stuff so they are on time for school.

OP is this the day after he got back or three days after he got back? Makes a huge difference.

[Anonymous]

Your slave is broken. Send it back to the manufacturer for a replacement.

[Anonymous]

Resting back at home is part of the vacation. Include it in the day count.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - what frustrates me is that I am 100% the default parent. I typically do all the drop offs, pick ups, make food, do laundry etc.

But I expect him to help around the house with the kids. Instead he is sleeping until 7:30 (on a week day!) and now will rush to get ready to work and be all stressed because he has so much work to do.

I have been up since 6:30 getting myself ready, lunches, dealing with the dog, getting breakfast and all the kid stuff so they are on time for school.

If you're 100% the default parent, then are you doing anything extra on these mornings? If you are I think you should talk to him about that, but if your day looks no different I don't think it's reasonable to be upset about what he's doing/how stressed he is, because it's not actually affecting you materially.

My wife sleeping to 7:30 while I feed the cat, make lunches, and do school drop off is every morning of my life and it has never occurred to me to be angry at her for sleeping rather than getting up and going to work; I do the same amount of work regardless. I'm fine with the arrangement of responsibilities, which is what matters, not what she's doing with time that I'm doing kid stuff.

[Anonymous]

I think weekends away are not the problem. That’s normal and healthy. The problem is he needs a whole week to recover. Either he’s milking it or he’s irresponsible about his drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - what frustrates me is that I am 100% the default parent. I typically do all the drop offs, pick ups, make food, do laundry etc.

But I expect him to help around the house with the kids. Instead he is sleeping until 7:30 (on a week day!) and now will rush to get ready to work and be all stressed because he has so much work to do.

I have been up since 6:30 getting myself ready, lunches, dealing with the dog, getting breakfast and all the kid stuff so they are on time for school.

If you're 100% the default parent, then are you doing anything extra on these mornings? If you are I think you should talk to him about that, but if your day looks no different I don't think it's reasonable to be upset about what he's doing/how stressed he is, because it's not actually affecting you materially.

My wife sleeping to 7:30 while I feed the cat, make lunches, and do school drop off is every morning of my life and it has never occurred to me to be angry at her for sleeping rather than getting up and going to work; I do the same amount of work regardless. I'm fine with the arrangement of responsibilities, which is what matters, not what she's doing with time that I'm doing kid stuff.

Do you know what “default parent” means?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - what frustrates me is that I am 100% the default parent. I typically do all the drop offs, pick ups, make food, do laundry etc.

But I expect him to help around the house with the kids. Instead he is sleeping until 7:30 (on a week day!) and now will rush to get ready to work and be all stressed because he has so much work to do.

I have been up since 6:30 getting myself ready, lunches, dealing with the dog, getting breakfast and all the kid stuff so they are on time for school.

OP is this the day after he got back or three days after he got back? Makes a huge difference.

Yeah, this. If he's dragging on Monday morning and stays in bed an extra hour, OP is being completely unreasonable. If he's still not participating in the family at all on the Wednesday after, then he's either milking it (which would be its own issue) or needs to learn to suck it up and deal with *all* his responsibilities.

Hangovers don't last for 3 days.

[Anonymous]

1st your giving us all a bad name

2nd he should lie and say it’s an extra day and get a hotel near home and sleep so he does have to hear your sorry ars complain.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you can say that if he needs a week, he limits his trips to once a year, and he needs to stay in a hotel while he recuperates so he can be out of your hair. You each get a one-week break and are free to spend it how you choose (as long as he isn’t in the house).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - what frustrates me is that I am 100% the default parent. I typically do all the drop offs, pick ups, make food, do laundry etc.

But I expect him to help around the house with the kids. Instead he is sleeping until 7:30 (on a week day!) and now will rush to get ready to work and be all stressed because he has so much work to do.

I have been up since 6:30 getting myself ready, lunches, dealing with the dog, getting breakfast and all the kid stuff so they are on time for school.

Same. But DH makes a significant amount of money so I’m ok doing a little more at home. I grew up poor and realize how good I have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This might be a radical, impractical solution - but can he have a “detox” day or two at a local hotel - he can sleep, catch up on work, go to work etc. Then come back at 100% of whatever he normally does.

AND - those days get tacked on to your family-free getaway bank (or you get a few solo days at a local hotel).

My H doesn’t take non-work solo trips, and doesn’t drink that much. But I find it so much more annoying when he sleeps in and adds to the morning chaos than when he’s just not home, so I hear you on the complaints.

The stupidity of this reply in general aside, bean counting and score keeping like you advoctate is incredibly immature, toxic, and destroys marriages.