Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is a dumb question, but how do you take a bucket bath?

It's not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread made me think bucket baths make way more sense than showers!

They save a lot of water. I got used to nice steamy showers but when my family visits from India they still prefer bucket baths.

+1. They are much better for the environment.

I know Indian American retired moms living in two million dollar homes that still use bucket baths

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is a dumb question, but how do you take a bucket bath?

How do you think people bathed in 1880?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll! Look at the time stamp when OP posts. Bangladesh is 11 hours ahead of here. So there is no way she would be posting here in the wee hours of the morning while in Bangladesh.

Op here. Yes, I am a troll here you are woken up by roosters and the call to prayer. I have been waking up at 4-5 am every day. Some nights I never slept because I slept too much in the daytime or I was lying awake hungry and had to wait until , 4-5 am to get up. We all sleep in the same bed (dh and 2 kids) surrounded by a mosquito net and we need to secure it under the mattress whenever we get up. I have never been to India but I have been told it's more modern than Bangladesh. In Dhaka, the traffic is so crazy. There aren't crosswalks. You have cars coming at you while you're trying to get across the street.

So don’t go or learn to deal with it. You married a man from a third world country. That’s how it is.

Her DH goes back home to visit and acts as if he lives near the poverty line back home in the US. Read her posts (and some here from others with spouses from underdeveloped countries). Pretending they don't live like they live back here in the US, because the sons fear their families back home will consider them wealthy when they just have normal American mortgages. Telling OP that they will take the kids shopping for clothes in the home country then saying no, probably because he fears being seen buying stuff for his kids. Not wanting anyone in the family back home to think the expat son has money; not caring if his DW and kids get sick, etc. Jerk behaviors born out of fear he'll insult, upset or get money requests from relatives back home. OP needs to tell him, no more month-long trips. He goes solo if he wants to go that long. It sounds like he twists himself into a pretzel in order to appear like he lives in the US just like they live there. I am NOT saying he should flaunt what likely is comparable wealth, but he seems to be the problem, insisting on a month-long stay when he should know it's made his wife and kids ill in the past.

Looks like the husband is a cheapskate. He’s not fooling his relatives, they know if an American woman agreed to marry him he has to be earning decent money. Even the laborers who return from the Middle East splash their cash around. He’s just making excuses to the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll! Look at the time stamp when OP posts. Bangladesh is 11 hours ahead of here. So there is no way she would be posting here in the wee hours of the morning while in Bangladesh.

Op here. Yes, I am a troll here you are woken up by roosters and the call to prayer. I have been waking up at 4-5 am every day. Some nights I never slept because I slept too much in the daytime or I was lying awake hungry and had to wait until , 4-5 am to get up. We all sleep in the same bed (dh and 2 kids) surrounded by a mosquito net and we need to secure it under the mattress whenever we get up. I have never been to India but I have been told it's more modern than Bangladesh. In Dhaka, the traffic is so crazy. There aren't crosswalks. You have cars coming at you while you're trying to get across the street.

So don’t go or learn to deal with it. You married a man from a third world country. That’s how it is.

Her DH goes back home to visit and acts as if he lives near the poverty line back home in the US. Read her posts (and some here from others with spouses from underdeveloped countries). Pretending they don't live like they live back here in the US, because the sons fear their families back home will consider them wealthy when they just have normal American mortgages. Telling OP that they will take the kids shopping for clothes in the home country then saying no, probably because he fears being seen buying stuff for his kids. Not wanting anyone in the family back home to think the expat son has money; not caring if his DW and kids get sick, etc. Jerk behaviors born out of fear he'll insult, upset or get money requests from relatives back home. OP needs to tell him, no more month-long trips. He goes solo if he wants to go that long. It sounds like he twists himself into a pretzel in order to appear like he lives in the US just like they live there. I am NOT saying he should flaunt what likely is comparable wealth, but he seems to be the problem, insisting on a month-long stay when he should know it's made his wife and kids ill in the past.

Yup. DH is the problem but probably he has his reasons and it's justified in his mind. However, he can't communicate it to his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread made me think bucket baths make way more sense than showers!

They save a lot of water. I got used to nice steamy showers but when my family visits from India they still prefer bucket baths.

+1. They are much better for the environment.

I know Indian American retired moms living in two million dollar homes that still use bucket baths

Right

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread made me think bucket baths make way more sense than showers!

They save a lot of water. I got used to nice steamy showers but when my family visits from India they still prefer bucket baths.

+1. They are much better for the environment.

I know Indian American retired moms living in two million dollar homes that still use bucket baths

Saving water is ingrained in many Indians of a certain age. We didn’t have public water supply in our house in India. We had very hard well water that left rusty stains everywhere and left our hair sticky. If we wanted good water we had to pump and carry it from a communal water pump. And this was in an affluent city neighborhood. Things are still not much better in many parts of India.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is a dumb question, but how do you take a bucket bath?

Fill a bucket with water. Put a plastic or steel container in and keep pouring water on yourself, lathering yourself up in between pours and then washing it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Visiting anyone for a month is difficult.

Living in a poor rural area is difficult, more so if you don't know language and local culture.

Living with In-laws is difficult.

Traveling with young kids and uncooperative spouse is difficult.

I do have some questions.

Why you didn't visit before marrying him?

Why you didn't research and prepare yourself?

Treat it as an adventure. Next time tell DH that either trip has to be shorter or he needs to let you pack accordingly.

At least you've good internet service and in-laws are nice.

I'm also from a third world country though middle class and from a big city, even i would have problems living in a poor rural town with a DH who is not helping find solutions because he is trying to prove something to his people.

You can have these discussions with DH later,for now make lemonade with your given lemons.

Your premise is incorrect. She is not in a poor rural town. This is not her first trip. She is in a fairly large town with all sorts of amenities available to her. Her ILs are not poor. Based on the pictures posted, they're at least middle class. She seems to have good internet. She claims she's lying awake hungry, not because there is no food, but because she refuses to eat it. And who the hell takes an electric pancake maker to a country with incompatible voltage requirements, when all you really need is a griddle (which, any home that makes parathas will have)? Either OP is incredibly stupid, or a troll. I suspect the latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of my SIL who insists on all organic for her, but her kids only eat chicken nuggets and a few other things. And this is in Peru which has the best food in the world IMO. I’m not from there but have visited many times.

I’ve done very rustic, but not for a month. That is indeed a long time. Why not bring a cutting board with you next time and a few other cooking implements? And buy a knife there. Or learn to use the “sword”. Does your husband think his family will be insulted if you bring stuff like that? That is so weird insisting on 2 suitcases for 4 for a month.

Op here. I have no idea. I'm exhausted from trying to figure it all out he didn't want me to bring pancake mix and a mini pancake mixer but I brought it anyway. Dh doesn't cook so it's all on me. He doesn't eat roti or a lot of Bengali food in the US. We eat a lot of South American food as we lived in Miami and we had hired help. A Peruvian lady would cook for us a few times a week and she taught me how to cook their dishes. We like food that's not as spicy as Bengali food but not as bland as American food. We went to Turkey and loved the food.

Wtf. You have half a suitcase per person and you brought a pancake mixer. What even is that? How about a bowl and a spoon? Also, don’t bring mix if you must have pancakes. They’re pretty easy to make from basic ingredients they have there

It's very small and more convenient. Much easier to clean. It's the size of a small plate. Looks like a waffle maker.

Same voltage? Did it cause electrical power issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Visiting anyone for a month is difficult.

Living in a poor rural area is difficult, more so if you don't know language and local culture.

Living with In-laws is difficult.

Traveling with young kids and uncooperative spouse is difficult.

I do have some questions.

Why you didn't visit before marrying him?

Why you didn't research and prepare yourself?

Treat it as an adventure. Next time tell DH that either trip has to be shorter or he needs to let you pack accordingly.

At least you've good internet service and in-laws are nice.

I'm also from a third world country though middle class and from a big city, even i would have problems living in a poor rural town with a DH who is not helping find solutions because he is trying to prove something to his people.

You can have these discussions with DH later,for now make lemonade with your given lemons.

Your premise is incorrect. She is not in a poor rural town. This is not her first trip. She is in a fairly large town with all sorts of amenities available to her. Her ILs are not poor. Based on the pictures posted, they're at least middle class. She seems to have good internet. She claims she's lying awake hungry, not because there is no food, but because she refuses to eat it. And who the hell takes an electric pancake maker to a country with incompatible voltage requirements, when all you really need is a griddle (which, any home that makes parathas will have)? Either OP is incredibly stupid, or a troll. I suspect the latter.

For op it feels poor and rural. Op can take what she needs go feel comfortable. A mini pancake maker is fine. Cleaning and lighting the gas stove manually will be harder for someone who grew up in the US. She also probably doesn't want to deal with tap water. Foreigners are advised to stay away from it. If I ended up sick in the hospital with IVs for 11 days I wouldn't go back. She's trying to make it work. I'm sure if her in-laws visit the US they will only eat Asian food. How is this any different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Visiting anyone for a month is difficult.

Living in a poor rural area is difficult, more so if you don't know language and local culture.

Living with In-laws is difficult.

Traveling with young kids and uncooperative spouse is difficult.

I do have some questions.

Why you didn't visit before marrying him?

Why you didn't research and prepare yourself?

Treat it as an adventure. Next time tell DH that either trip has to be shorter or he needs to let you pack accordingly.

At least you've good internet service and in-laws are nice.

I'm also from a third world country though middle class and from a big city, even i would have problems living in a poor rural town with a DH who is not helping find solutions because he is trying to prove something to his people.

You can have these discussions with DH later,for now make lemonade with your given lemons.

Your premise is incorrect. She is not in a poor rural town. This is not her first trip. She is in a fairly large town with all sorts of amenities available to her. Her ILs are not poor. Based on the pictures posted, they're at least middle class. She seems to have good internet. She claims she's lying awake hungry, not because there is no food, but because she refuses to eat it. And who the hell takes an electric pancake maker to a country with incompatible voltage requirements, when all you really need is a griddle (which, any home that makes parathas will have)? Either OP is incredibly stupid, or a troll. I suspect the latter.

For op it feels poor and rural. Op can take what she needs go feel comfortable. A mini pancake maker is fine. Cleaning and lighting the gas stove manually will be harder for someone who grew up in the US. She also probably doesn't want to deal with tap water. Foreigners are advised to stay away from it. If I ended up sick in the hospital with IVs for 11 days I wouldn't go back. She's trying to make it work. I'm sure if her in-laws visit the US they will only eat Asian food. How is this any different?

IIRC, she got sick from something that she should have gotten the vaccine for, the last time. I don't think it was anything like food poisoning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of my SIL who insists on all organic for her, but her kids only eat chicken nuggets and a few other things. And this is in Peru which has the best food in the world IMO. I’m not from there but have visited many times.

I’ve done very rustic, but not for a month. That is indeed a long time. Why not bring a cutting board with you next time and a few other cooking implements? And buy a knife there. Or learn to use the “sword”. Does your husband think his family will be insulted if you bring stuff like that? That is so weird insisting on 2 suitcases for 4 for a month.

Op here. I have no idea. I'm exhausted from trying to figure it all out he didn't want me to bring pancake mix and a mini pancake mixer but I brought it anyway. Dh doesn't cook so it's all on me. He doesn't eat roti or a lot of Bengali food in the US. We eat a lot of South American food as we lived in Miami and we had hired help. A Peruvian lady would cook for us a few times a week and she taught me how to cook their dishes. We like food that's not as spicy as Bengali food but not as bland as American food. We went to Turkey and loved the food.

Wtf. You have half a suitcase per person and you brought a pancake mixer. What even is that? How about a bowl and a spoon? Also, don’t bring mix if you must have pancakes. They’re pretty easy to make from basic ingredients they have there

It's very small and more convenient. Much easier to clean. It's the size of a small plate. Looks like a waffle maker.

Same voltage? Did it cause electrical power issues?

Of course not the same voltage. Bangladesh, like India, uses 220 volts. So OP, in her limited suitcase space, not only took an electric pancake maker, she also took a transformer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Visiting anyone for a month is difficult.

Living in a poor rural area is difficult, more so if you don't know language and local culture.

Living with In-laws is difficult.

Traveling with young kids and uncooperative spouse is difficult.

I do have some questions.

Why you didn't visit before marrying him?

Why you didn't research and prepare yourself?

Treat it as an adventure. Next time tell DH that either trip has to be shorter or he needs to let you pack accordingly.

At least you've good internet service and in-laws are nice.

I'm also from a third world country though middle class and from a big city, even i would have problems living in a poor rural town with a DH who is not helping find solutions because he is trying to prove something to his people.

You can have these discussions with DH later,for now make lemonade with your given lemons.

Your premise is incorrect. She is not in a poor rural town. This is not her first trip. She is in a fairly large town with all sorts of amenities available to her. Her ILs are not poor. Based on the pictures posted, they're at least middle class. She seems to have good internet. She claims she's lying awake hungry, not because there is no food, but because she refuses to eat it. And who the hell takes an electric pancake maker to a country with incompatible voltage requirements, when all you really need is a griddle (which, any home that makes parathas will have)? Either OP is incredibly stupid, or a troll. I suspect the latter.

She said the nicest restaurant was dirty. Sounds like someone is trying way too hard to prove Bangladesh is nicer than it is. OP can't go out for coffee by herself. She's not going to a gym, swimming, or anything else she could do in the US. Dhaka would have stuff like that but not where she is now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Visiting anyone for a month is difficult.

Living in a poor rural area is difficult, more so if you don't know language and local culture.

Living with In-laws is difficult.

Traveling with young kids and uncooperative spouse is difficult.

I do have some questions.

Why you didn't visit before marrying him?

Why you didn't research and prepare yourself?

Treat it as an adventure. Next time tell DH that either trip has to be shorter or he needs to let you pack accordingly.

At least you've good internet service and in-laws are nice.

I'm also from a third world country though middle class and from a big city, even i would have problems living in a poor rural town with a DH who is not helping find solutions because he is trying to prove something to his people.

You can have these discussions with DH later,for now make lemonade with your given lemons.

Your premise is incorrect. She is not in a poor rural town. This is not her first trip. She is in a fairly large town with all sorts of amenities available to her. Her ILs are not poor. Based on the pictures posted, they're at least middle class. She seems to have good internet. She claims she's lying awake hungry, not because there is no food, but because she refuses to eat it. And who the hell takes an electric pancake maker to a country with incompatible voltage requirements, when all you really need is a griddle (which, any home that makes parathas will have)? Either OP is incredibly stupid, or a troll. I suspect the latter.

For op it feels poor and rural. Op can take what she needs go feel comfortable. A mini pancake maker is fine. Cleaning and lighting the gas stove manually will be harder for someone who grew up in the US. She also probably doesn't want to deal with tap water. Foreigners are advised to stay away from it. If I ended up sick in the hospital with IVs for 11 days I wouldn't go back. She's trying to make it work. I'm sure if her in-laws visit the US they will only eat Asian food. How is this any different?

IIRC, she got sick from something that she should have gotten the vaccine for, the last time. I don't think it was anything like food poisoning.

What are you trying to prove exactly? Why are you insisting her kids and her eat food they don't want to? Leave them alone. Perhaps they don't want to eat "simple foods" because they are too bland for them. When Indian visit the US no one is forcing them to eat Western food. It's very hypocritical to expect this. Op didn't decide to go there as a tourist. People who do that are more open to eating other food. She was obligated to go there and was constantly told they could get sick and to be careful. That doesn't sound like a relaxing vacation for me.