Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

As someone who divorced, it's so annoying to have to change your name back. It just adds to the frustration of the situation and makes me feel like I changed my name for nothing and am going back to being a young adult again or something. It also makes it hard to date again keeping your ex's last name. I wish I had just kept my name. Maybe hyphenated it. You can still be part of "insert family last name" and not have that be your last name. No one cares anymore.

Totally disagree with your last two sentences. My friends and family absolutely lose their minds if you call them the Miller family if they didn’t change their names. They want to be Jennifer Jones and the Miller family I guess? Or Jennifer Jones, Matt Miller, and family. Actually I’ve been told different ways they want to be referred to by different people. It really makes Christmas cards hard.

Jennifer Jones is part of the family. It's not the Miller family and Jennifer Jones, for heavens sake.

Address the card, "the Miller – Jones family." It's not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my new wife wouldn't change her name I knew the marriage would end in divorce. I should have done it sooner, rather than wait 20 years.

I guess you should've changed your name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

As someone who divorced, it's so annoying to have to change your name back. It just adds to the frustration of the situation and makes me feel like I changed my name for nothing and am going back to being a young adult again or something. It also makes it hard to date again keeping your ex's last name. I wish I had just kept my name. Maybe hyphenated it. You can still be part of "insert family last name" and not have that be your last name. No one cares anymore.

Totally disagree with your last two sentences. My friends and family absolutely lose their minds if you call them the Miller family if they didn’t change their names. They want to be Jennifer Jones and the Miller family I guess? Or Jennifer Jones, Matt Miller, and family. Actually I’ve been told different ways they want to be referred to by different people. It really makes Christmas cards hard.

Jennifer Jones is part of the family. It's not the Miller family and Jennifer Jones, for heavens sake.

Address the card, "the Miller – Jones family." It's not rocket science.

The incredibly confused PP above confirms every stereotype I have about women who change their name lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We all have our father’s last name. I had no problem changing mine when I got married.

This is such a dumb argument.
I got my father’s surname. So did my brother.
If you say that I might as well take my husband’s name because I have my father’s last name, why does the same not apply to my brother? Why is my surname just borrowed from one man until I take another man’s name, while his name is always his own?

[Anonymous]

I changed my name when I got married thirty years ago. The first thing I did was change my name back when I got a divorce, and I was married for twenty years. It was huge PITA to change it two times.

[Anonymous]

My friend’s husband took her name and their daughter has hers as well. He’s probably the most stereotypically “masculine” man I’ve ever met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my new wife wouldn't change her name I knew the marriage would end in divorce. I should have done it sooner, rather than wait 20 years.

I guess you should've changed your name.

Why would I do that?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, well, you know -- modern women and their "fancy careers," and whatnot. Uppity.

[Anonymous]

I replied earlier asking how old OP was and if she were ancient because this isn't even a trend.

My question is, are people living under rocks? Why is the surname thing even an issue, along with the question of using Ms instead of Mrs?! Is this not 2024 and I've been teleported back to 1970?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing to consider is that it is a PITA to change your last name. Its been years and still once in a while, I will go to, say, book a flight but realize by airline FF account has my maiden name. And no you can't just update your name easily, you have to fill out forms and send marriage certificates. I knew the big things to update, but then there are also a million other things. Such a hassle.

This isn’t true. You literally fill out some forms and stand in a few lines. It takes a couple of hours altogether. People spend more time on DCUM each week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I replied earlier asking how old OP was and if she were ancient because this isn't even a trend.

My question is, are people living under rocks? Why is the surname thing even an issue, along with the question of using Ms instead of Mrs?! Is this not 2024 and I've been teleported back to 1970?

You see, women don't really have their own names. Their names are just borrowed things, and it's like they are genetically programmed to change them when they switch allegiance from their father's house to their husband's.

It's the natural way of things, and we shouldn't mess with it. You have a pretty little head, don't you? Don't worry it with thinking about things too much. Women weren't made for that hard stuff.

[Anonymous]

PS: And don't you go getting one of them fancy careers! That's asking for a whole lick of trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my new wife wouldn't change her name I knew the marriage would end in divorce. I should have done it sooner, rather than wait 20 years.

I guess you should've changed your name.

Why would I do that?

NP. To really commit yourself to the marriage. I feel bad for her, marrying a man who wouldn't change his name. She should have known then that you all would divorce.

[Anonymous]

A trend? Most of my friends did not take their husband’s names 20-30 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Was too lazy, he didn’t care, and it’s my name. Nobody cares.