How often are you having sex lately?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people really count the number of times they have sex every week? And is it really that stable?

I went through a phase where I kept a spreadsheet. I wanted to verify that my perception that we were having less and less sex was actually true. That grew to include notes about who had initiated, what had worked and what had not, reasons for not having sex when initiations failed.

None of this ended up being very good for my mental health. Fixating on sex made the lack of it even more troublesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do people really count the number of times they have sex every week? And is it really that stable?

I don’t know, I don’t know how people can even come up with an average. Some weeks are too busy and we don’t do it at all, some weeks we are both in the mood and do it every day. There’s absolutely no consistency. I guess some people have dates scheduled on the calendar so that’s how they know but we are not at that point.

That’s exactly how we are. Maybe other people’s lives are more predictable?

(Or maybe people who are good about having sex according to dates on the calendar have fewer kids!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do people really count the number of times they have sex every week? And is it really that stable?

I went through a phase where I kept a spreadsheet. I wanted to verify that my perception that we were having less and less sex was actually true. That grew to include notes about who had initiated, what had worked and what had not, reasons for not having sex when initiations failed.

None of this ended up being very good for my mental health. Fixating on sex made the lack of it even more troublesome.

Wow. I’m sorry you went through this. It honestly kind of sounds like what my sister went through when she and her husband were having trouble TTC. She did things with the calendar that bordered on voodoo. It’s hard to live day to day so focused on something that you ultimately have so little control over.
I hope that things are working out for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife left me late last year, we haven't seen each other since, and we're now divorced.

So, y'know. I haven't had sex in at least a year—which is statistically indistinguishable from the amount of sex I had in the year prior to that.

Get out there! If you're reasonably fit, know how to dress, and know how to genuinely ask people questions about themselves you can have so much sex.

Yeah, right, not for guys at least. If those were the qualifications, I'd be having more sex than anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2x year maybe, 50s, married 25 years. DH whines about it but does nothing to change his behavior that has ultimately killed any interest in intimacy. He’d rather blame me for withholding than do anything to change his behavior and I am too tired to fake it anymore. Although he thinks I’m low drive, it’s really more about the fact that he makes me sad and has very rarely in our 25 years of marriage made an effort to pique my interest (and I’m not talking about elaborate plans here). Just shows up and says “let’s do it” when he’s in the mood—regardless of whatever else is happening around us—and then is surprised I’m not interested.

Not saying PP's husband is like this, but this made me think of my own situation as a DH. I don't put much effort into initiation any more because of years of rejection despite various efforts. I'm happy to try to be creative if my efforts have a reasonable chance of success. My "let's do it" doesn't have a great success rate; but it's not all that much worse than my success rate with more interesting attempts at initiation.

This. I’ve given up (with the help of alternatives).

[Anonymous]

mid 40s. Together 12 years. Two kids under 7. A couple times a year, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Share your age, marital status, how long together.

29, single and been with your Mom on and off for a while

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Share your age, marital status, how long together.

29, single and been with your Mom on and off for a while

She’s dead but that’s probably your style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife left me late last year, we haven't seen each other since, and we're now divorced.

So, y'know. I haven't had sex in at least a year—which is statistically indistinguishable from the amount of sex I had in the year prior to that.

Get out there! If you're reasonably fit, know how to dress, and know how to genuinely ask people questions about themselves you can have so much sex.

Yeah, right, not for guys at least. If those were the qualifications, I'd be having more sex than anyone.

Guys after sex don’t care about being asked questions.

Anyway, if you’re truly trying to date and not getting any you’re doing something wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Share your age, marital status, how long together.

29, single and been with your Mom on and off for a while

She’s dead but that’s probably your style.

She pretty much is dead like a cold fish. That’s why I didn’t stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like people are having less sex. Sex is out of fashion right now.

Yes, they would rather focus all of their attention on dogs and social media. Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do people really count the number of times they have sex every week? And is it really that stable?

I went through a phase where I kept a spreadsheet. I wanted to verify that my perception that we were having less and less sex was actually true. That grew to include notes about who had initiated, what had worked and what had not, reasons for not having sex when initiations failed.

None of this ended up being very good for my mental health. Fixating on sex made the lack of it even more troublesome.

Wow. I’m sorry you went through this. It honestly kind of sounds like what my sister went through when she and her husband were having trouble TTC. She did things with the calendar that bordered on voodoo. It’s hard to live day to day so focused on something that you ultimately have so little control over.
I hope that things are working out for you!

Timing sex around ovulation for conception is not crazy at all. It’s the first step in actively managing fertility for many couples. You sound terribly judgmental and out of your league. Thank your lucky stars you never went through what your sister did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:mid 40s. Together 12 years. Two kids under 7. A couple times a year, sadly.

This is the way!

[Anonymous]

39 F and DH is same age. We haven’t done it since Mother’s Day. It sucks. I want it more. DH Says he’s tired. We have young kids. I even hired a nanny to take the kids overnight twice a week. He’s still too tired. Together 10 years.

I was an extremely sexual person before I met DH. Like, I either had sex or took care of myself at least once a day. It hurts to feel like this core part of my identity is just gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do people really count the number of times they have sex every week? And is it really that stable?

I went through a phase where I kept a spreadsheet. I wanted to verify that my perception that we were having less and less sex was actually true. That grew to include notes about who had initiated, what had worked and what had not, reasons for not having sex when initiations failed.

None of this ended up being very good for my mental health. Fixating on sex made the lack of it even more troublesome.

Wow. I’m sorry you went through this. It honestly kind of sounds like what my sister went through when she and her husband were having trouble TTC. She did things with the calendar that bordered on voodoo. It’s hard to live day to day so focused on something that you ultimately have so little control over.
I hope that things are working out for you!

Timing sex around ovulation for conception is not crazy at all. It’s the first step in actively managing fertility for many couples. You sound terribly judgmental and out of your league. Thank your lucky stars you never went through what your sister did.

I reread what I wrote, and I see how you took it that way. My sister was doing more than tracking her ovulation. She was tracking things like how much tea she drank and at what time of day.
It reminded me of what that poster was going through, and I just meant to say that I understand the kind of magical thinking that can happen when you want something so badly that you ultimately have so little control over.