Husband stopping at random dive bars for one beer?

[Anonymous]

I'd maybe be slightly concerned he was driving buzzed if it was hard liquor because a bartender can pour heavy shots -- but not a single beer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is hilarious. One beer a couple times a month means he’s a secret alcoholic or serial cheater? lol

I used to be this naive too. You live long enough you will see the majority of people are full of secrets and dysfunction.

I’m probably older than you and I think this is BS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds innocuous, if it really is what he’s describing. Let the man have a beer.

That sounds fun. I'm a woman and would LOVE a legit dive bar to stop in at.

As a woman, I’m always a little envious that men can easily enter these spaces. I felt like I could in college and my 20s, and it’s still ok for men in their 40s but not women solo and in their 40s. Sometimes I’d like to sit in a chill dark place and be around people but not have to interact much.

Places that are “safe” for women to do this after work are loud, bright, not relaxing, and not social. It’s limited to basically stores and coffee shops.

I don’t see a problem with OP’s DH doing this.

I have done this at Oak Strakhouse, Old Ebbits, Burton’s,etc etc None are bright and loud

[Anonymous]

The "random" and "dive" parts are what puzzle me. I can see having a favorite "third place" spot he finds relaxing and a good bridge from work to home, and having a beer there occasionally. (If it's every workday? Yeah, that could be a bigger problem of needing a drink rather than needing a break.) But going to different, random places all the time--unless he's maybe a beer lover who wants to check out different places' microbrews or whatever? -- seems a bit off. And I'm not sure how OP defines a "dive bar" here. Sometimes that really just means cool and funky and not pretentious, but for me it can also mean in a sketchy area that's maybe not a good idea. I'd talk to him about it, not about the need for the break per se, but more about why it seems like such a restless, unfocused choice of places to stop.

[Anonymous]

Goes to different bars near where he'd been working so that no one recognizes him, buys one beer on the card that his wife sees, which accounts for his time for about 30 minutes. Drinks the beer, or not, and quickly heads over to the hookup spot. Nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would bug me OP. Is he avoiding dinner + childcare duties?

He's mentally preparing for the inevitable just-walked-in-the-front-door nagging about dinner + childcare duties.

+2

JFC you people are very rigid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Goes to different bars near where he'd been working so that no one recognizes him, buys one beer on the card that his wife sees, which accounts for his time for about 30 minutes. Drinks the beer, or not, and quickly heads over to the hookup spot. Nice.

OP's already said these stops are nowhere near 30 minutes, PP. More like 5-15. Sounds much more like he's decompressing than like he's hooking up. Cheaters who want to cheat will find more efficient ways to meet APs for much more than 30 minutes at a time. C'mon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The "random" and "dive" parts are what puzzle me. I can see having a favorite "third place" spot he finds relaxing and a good bridge from work to home, and having a beer there occasionally. (If it's every workday? Yeah, that could be a bigger problem of needing a drink rather than needing a break.) But going to different, random places all the time--unless he's maybe a beer lover who wants to check out different places' microbrews or whatever? -- seems a bit off. And I'm not sure how OP defines a "dive bar" here. Sometimes that really just means cool and funky and not pretentious, but for me it can also mean in a sketchy area that's maybe not a good idea. I'd talk to him about it, not about the need for the break per se, but more about why it seems like such a restless, unfocused choice of places to stop.

God forbid an adult male who works at various hospitals should have even a single moment in which he is allowed to be restless and unfocused. His entire life has to be prescribed and rigidly controlled by someone else, I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Goes to different bars near where he'd been working so that no one recognizes him, buys one beer on the card that his wife sees, which accounts for his time for about 30 minutes. Drinks the beer, or not, and quickly heads over to the hookup spot. Nice.

OP's already said these stops are nowhere near 30 minutes, PP. More like 5-15. Sounds much more like he's decompressing than like he's hooking up. Cheaters who want to cheat will find more efficient ways to meet APs for much more than 30 minutes at a time. C'mon.

I bet a majority of men and a lot of women would love to stop at a random dive bar for a beer occasionally. What is everyone so afraid of here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a good sign. He could be trawling.

Maybe I’m a clueless but I really doubt there are women at these bars? And he is only there for 10 or 15 minutes. He isn’t hiding this.

How do you now how long he's there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would bug me OP. Is he avoiding dinner + childcare duties?

He's mentally preparing for the inevitable just-walked-in-the-front-door nagging about dinner + childcare duties.

Sorry for your sucky life, PP. But you don't need to come here to project your own problems onto OP's thread. Maybe step up and do more child care and bring dinner home with you once in a while, and then you won't need to "mentally prepare" for your spouse to need your help so badly when you walk in the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Goes to different bars near where he'd been working so that no one recognizes him, buys one beer on the card that his wife sees, which accounts for his time for about 30 minutes. Drinks the beer, or not, and quickly heads over to the hookup spot. Nice.

OP's already said these stops are nowhere near 30 minutes, PP. More like 5-15. Sounds much more like he's decompressing than like he's hooking up. Cheaters who want to cheat will find more efficient ways to meet APs for much more than 30 minutes at a time. C'mon.

No need to find an AP for a quick paid thrill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a good sign. He could be trawling.

Maybe I’m a clueless but I really doubt there are women at these bars? And he is only there for 10 or 15 minutes. He isn’t hiding this.

How do you now how long he's there?

OP's post 8/10 17:23.

Read before you type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Goes to different bars near where he'd been working so that no one recognizes him, buys one beer on the card that his wife sees, which accounts for his time for about 30 minutes. Drinks the beer, or not, and quickly heads over to the hookup spot. Nice.

OP's already said these stops are nowhere near 30 minutes, PP. More like 5-15. Sounds much more like he's decompressing than like he's hooking up. Cheaters who want to cheat will find more efficient ways to meet APs for much more than 30 minutes at a time. C'mon.

I bet a majority of men and a lot of women would love to stop at a random dive bar for a beer occasionally. What is everyone so afraid of here?

"My spouse doesn't want to spend every waking moment with MEEEEEEE."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Goes to different bars near where he'd been working so that no one recognizes him, buys one beer on the card that his wife sees, which accounts for his time for about 30 minutes. Drinks the beer, or not, and quickly heads over to the hookup spot. Nice.

OP's already said these stops are nowhere near 30 minutes, PP. More like 5-15. Sounds much more like he's decompressing than like he's hooking up. Cheaters who want to cheat will find more efficient ways to meet APs for much more than 30 minutes at a time. C'mon.

Sure, he's just heading into random spots to get a single serving of the cheapest drink on the menu.