Parents being flippant about inheritance - is it a trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked for 50+!years to support myself until I died, and raise my kid.

Now that they are grown, they face the same obligation/responsibility I did.

My job with supporting then is OVER. It is selfish/spoiled and entitled to think a non-disabled adult deserves some share of the hard earned savings of their parents.

Gosh you're a miserable cow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked for 50+!years to support myself until I died, and raise my kid.

Now that they are grown, they face the same obligation/responsibility I did.

My job with supporting then is OVER. It is selfish/spoiled and entitled to think a non-disabled adult deserves some share of the hard earned savings of their parents.

"Hard-earned savings' are one thing. Money that fell into their laps, 'hard-earned' or not by their relatives, that they're hoarding like they're going to live to 300 is another.
But you do you. But don't complain when your grown up child who you kicked out of the house and forgot about won't be willing to show up for you when you get old and sick.

Who said anything about kicking anyone out if the house.

The expectation is for an adult who was gifted a college education with zero debt support him/herself through employment afterwards.

That is harsh or normal?

I guess there's just no reason to be so nasty about it. Why do you seem so triggered? If you don't have funds to share, don't. If you do, that's nice. You'll be dead so why so defensive? It's not your children's fault that, you know, you are going to die someday.

Also I assume that your spouse is 100% on board with you and,
this isn't a divorce/remarriage situation where you are disinheriting your step kids who otherwise would have had an inheritance from their parent. And you didn't screw over the first spouse by cheating, hiding assets, etc, right?

Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just on the phone with our financial advisor who basically told me that we’re highly unlikely to die broke and suggesting ways to lessen the tax burden on what we’re presumably leaving for the kids. So annoying.

A guy who does this for a living for some reasons assumes that.... normal people want to leave their wealth to their kids.

So weird, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah they get grumpy and resentful. It’s weird.

I could understand this, if their parents behaved similarly. But their own parents were very clear they would leave them whatever they could. The disconnect is what I find weird.

I plan to leave a significant amount to my offspring.

That said, if they neglected me for years, I might reconsider. But if you have a normal, friendly, perhaps loving? Relationship with your kids, why wouldn't you want to leave them an inheritance? You can't take it with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked for 50+!years to support myself until I died, and raise my kid.

Now that they are grown, they face the same obligation/responsibility I did.

My job with supporting then is OVER. It is selfish/spoiled and entitled to think a non-disabled adult deserves some share of the hard earned savings of their parents.

"Hard-earned savings' are one thing. Money that fell into their laps, 'hard-earned' or not by their relatives, that they're hoarding like they're going to live to 300 is another.
But you do you. But don't complain when your grown up child who you kicked out of the house and forgot about won't be willing to show up for you when you get old and sick.

Who said anything about kicking anyone out if the house.

The expectation is for an adult who was gifted a college education with zero debt support him/herself through employment afterwards.

That is harsh or normal?

It's funny, some of us were raised with the expectation that we attend college. It wasn't really a choice. It was what my parents directed me to do. So because I was a kid (at least at the time of applying and picking out schools) I did what I was told. Because I'm obedient like that.

I am grateful for my college education but it's not like I held a gun to my parents' heads.

Did your kids force you to pay for their college education? You seem to really resent having educated the offspring you produced. Why are you angry at your own children?

[Anonymous]

I have no idea what my parents' finances are, other than that they are somewhat recently and comfortably retired.

They aren't DCUM wealthy, but they own a rental property outright and I think own their house outright (if they don't yet, they're very close). Their one car is paid off, and they are very (perhaps overly) frugal. I am happy to see now that they are finally loosening up a little and doing some non-domestic traveling that they couldn't easily afford when raising me and my sibling.

I suppose if they still have either or both properties when they pass (which, lord willing, could be decades from now), that will come down to sibling and me. But I'm not factoring that into my financial planning. If it happens, nice, but not counting on it.

If they want to loop me in to their planning or ask for my input, I'm happy to participate. But I will hang back and let them start that conversation if they so desire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom used to tell us when we were kids not to expect an inheritance because she was going to spend "every damn cent!"
It's not like we asked...but we were told that frequently even as little kids.
Like your family, my parents inherited a lot of money after all of us kids were grown with families of our own. My parents retired and spent, spent, spent. Multiple luxury vacations every single year, brand new luxury cars, expensive remodels on their house, etc.
Not one single penny to their kids.
Meanwhile I saw my aunts and uncles spending their inheritance taking THEIR kids (my cousins) on nice family vacations, helping them with down payments on houses, etc.

It does hurt, but there's nothing we can do except try to be different towards our own kids.

I hear you, PP. My in-laws are like that - and then they're wondering why no one in our family wants to be 'close' to them. Well, what goes around comes around.

Oh, they need to cough up money if they want their children to be close to them in old age?

How transactional can you get!

Do you feel like your children are not close to you, or that they are doing some kind of quid-pro-quo thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom used to tell us when we were kids not to expect an inheritance because she was going to spend "every damn cent!"
It's not like we asked...but we were told that frequently even as little kids.
Like your family, my parents inherited a lot of money after all of us kids were grown with families of our own. My parents retired and spent, spent, spent. Multiple luxury vacations every single year, brand new luxury cars, expensive remodels on their house, etc.
Not one single penny to their kids.
Meanwhile I saw my aunts and uncles spending their inheritance taking THEIR kids (my cousins) on nice family vacations, helping them with down payments on houses, etc.

It does hurt, but there's nothing we can do except try to be different towards our own kids.

You're making yourself miserable with your expectations. Your parents have no obligation to support you or your lifestyle. It's not good for adult kids to get support from their parents. People who get help with their adult parents end up overspending and less ambitious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my parents got inheritance and who knows what happened to it. They both still have money but given how they are I don’t expect anything.

DS recently told us that his GF and her mom and 2 siblings had been homeless for a period after her parents separated. Then he told us that his GF's mother's family had had substantial money for generations, but her mother's parents didn't work, spent all that they had inherited, and could not help their own daughter in this crisis.

Gosh I don’t know I would not be very happy about him having this girlfriend

What? She graduated top of her class with a generous merit scholarship to college and she’s a delightful young woman. Why would we be unhappy?

Bad family

So she should be tared and feathered because her mother's sin?

It is not like you are from some upper class yourself. You sound trashy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked for 50+!years to support myself until I died, and raise my kid.

Now that they are grown, they face the same obligation/responsibility I did.

My job with supporting then is OVER. It is selfish/spoiled and entitled to think a non-disabled adult deserves some share of the hard earned savings of their parents.

Gosh you're a miserable cow

At some stage, caring and support become a 2-way street. If adult kids are selfish, I can see parents pulling back.

[Anonymous]

It is probably best not to talk about money among family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked for 50+!years to support myself until I died, and raise my kid.

Now that they are grown, they face the same obligation/responsibility I did.

My job with supporting then is OVER. It is selfish/spoiled and entitled to think a non-disabled adult deserves some share of the hard earned savings of their parents.

"Hard-earned savings' are one thing. Money that fell into their laps, 'hard-earned' or not by their relatives, that they're hoarding like they're going to live to 300 is another.
But you do you. But don't complain when your grown up child who you kicked out of the house and forgot about won't be willing to show up for you when you get old and sick.

Who said anything about kicking anyone out if the house.

The expectation is for an adult who was gifted a college education with zero debt support him/herself through employment afterwards.

That is harsh or normal?

It's funny, some of us were raised with the expectation that we attend college. It wasn't really a choice. It was what my parents directed me to do. So because I was a kid (at least at the time of applying and picking out schools) I did what I was told. Because I'm obedient like that.

I am grateful for my college education but it's not like I held a gun to my parents' heads.

Did your kids force you to pay for their college education? You seem to really resent having educated the offspring you produced. Why are you angry at your own children?

PS, after thinking about what you posted, I also want to say: It breaks my heart to think that, all these years after sending me to college, my parents might be sitting around, seething with resentment, because they paid for my college education. I am not an ingrate; my parents have no reason to resent me for doing what they told me to do - go to the college they paid for, graduate on time, get acceptable grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents don’t have a penny to leave me but I’m self-made rich. I’m totally baffled by people who spend it all. How can you really think it’s “yours” when it was a generational gift?h

I hope my kids see it that way when they inherit from me.

They won’t. They will think that you were an atm machine made for their use.

What a nasty bitter outlook. My spouse and I have tried to teach our kids as much about money/investing as we can. An uncle helps them with it to. They assume they will get a helpful inheritance but they understand that things can happen. Both kids are very cautious with money.

[Anonymous]

My parents got lots of money from both parents and either refused to let us inherit or took the money meant for us. I tell them I’m tired of the money drama, we will be fine without it as we aren’t used to having it and keep it. They don’t do anything even tiny gifts for my kids. It’s kinda nice as when they try to throw money up to me I remind them they done anything in 30 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked for 50+!years to support myself until I died, and raise my kid.

Now that they are grown, they face the same obligation/responsibility I did.

My job with supporting then is OVER. It is selfish/spoiled and entitled to think a non-disabled adult deserves some share of the hard earned savings of their parents.

"Hard-earned savings' are one thing. Money that fell into their laps, 'hard-earned' or not by their relatives, that they're hoarding like they're going to live to 300 is another.
But you do you. But don't complain when your grown up child who you kicked out of the house and forgot about won't be willing to show up for you when you get old and sick.

Who said anything about kicking anyone out if the house.

The expectation is for an adult who was gifted a college education with zero debt support him/herself through employment afterwards.

That is harsh or normal?

It's funny, some of us were raised with the expectation that we attend college. It wasn't really a choice. It was what my parents directed me to do. So because I was a kid (at least at the time of applying and picking out schools) I did what I was told. Because I'm obedient like that.

I am grateful for my college education but it's not like I held a gun to my parents' heads.

Did your kids force you to pay for their college education? You seem to really resent having educated the offspring you produced. Why are you angry at your own children?

PS, after thinking about what you posted, I also want to say: It breaks my heart to think that, all these years after sending me to college, my parents might be sitting around, seething with resentment, because they paid for my college education. I am not an ingrate; my parents have no reason to resent me for doing what they told me to do - go to the college they paid for, graduate on time, get acceptable grades.

Mine throw it up to me regularly and I remind them I had no say I went or if I went. I just went to make them happy. I wish I did not go so I wouldn’t have had to hear about it years later.