Why is it so acceptable to alienate Dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Custody agreements are unenforceable. What are you going to do, sedate the child to transport them if they refuse to go see the other parent? Physically grab them?

As a parent you enforce the schedule just like you do school and homework.

If you get to high school, and your relationship with your kids is such that you think someone needs to force them to see you, you've done the whole parenting thing wrong.

Not forcing a child is not alienation.

So, if your child says they will not go to school or do their homework, you don't enforce that? Sounds like a cop out to parenting and why your kids don't respect you.

You are trying to be purposefully obtuse. You can enforce those things up until about HS and then they either do it or they don't. If a father hasn't cultivated a parenting relationship with his child/ren up until then and they don't want to see him, it is NOT the mother's job to be the bad cop. I'm positive that if they didn't want to come back to her house, he would not enforce that either.

Yes, it is the mothers job to support the relationship. They know you don't want them to have a relationship and they will honor your wishes. Yes, you can enforce those things. Checked out parent like you are why kids have so many mental health and other behavioral issues. They need and want their parents support and co-parenting is part of it. He absolutely would have to enforce kids returning to her home, even with abuse or neglect. That's how i works. There is a court order.

Except you suck & that’s why your kids don’t want to see you. You also moved far away and choose not to have 50/50.

Sometimes it's the mom's that move. Sometimes it's like your situation where the mom's go above and beyond to be nasty to the Dad's and encourage the kids to behave in the same way. Its sad for the kids. You don't realize the harm you are doing to your kids.

Seriously, pp--please learn the proper use for apostrophes. You are doing it consistently so it's obviously not just an accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Custody agreements are unenforceable. What are you going to do, sedate the child to transport them if they refuse to go see the other parent? Physically grab them?

As a parent you enforce the schedule just like you do school and homework.

If you get to high school, and your relationship with your kids is such that you think someone needs to force them to see you, you've done the whole parenting thing wrong.

Not forcing a child is not alienation.

So, if your child says they will not go to school or do their homework, you don't enforce that? Sounds like a cop out to parenting and why your kids don't respect you.

You are trying to be purposefully obtuse. You can enforce those things up until about HS and then they either do it or they don't. If a father hasn't cultivated a parenting relationship with his child/ren up until then and they don't want to see him, it is NOT the mother's job to be the bad cop. I'm positive that if they didn't want to come back to her house, he would not enforce that either.

Yes, it is the mothers job to support the relationship. They know you don't want them to have a relationship and they will honor your wishes. Yes, you can enforce those things. Checked out parent like you are why kids have so many mental health and other behavioral issues. They need and want their parents support and co-parenting is part of it. He absolutely would have to enforce kids returning to her home, even with abuse or neglect. That's how i works. There is a court order.

Except you suck & that’s why your kids don’t want to see you. You also moved far away and choose not to have 50/50.

Sometimes it's the mom's that move. Sometimes it's like your situation where the mom's go above and beyond to be nasty to the Dad's and encourage the kids to behave in the same way. Its sad for the kids. You don't realize the harm you are doing to your kids.

And majority of the time it's fathers spewing this nonsense about moms so ease their own guilty conscience. It's always easier to blame others for your own shortcomings.

Many Dad's want their kids and people like you discourage the relationships and contact. If Mom moves, without Dad's consent, you expect Dad to drop everything and move cross country following her?

Mom would need permission to move, but nice try.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but I know a family where the mom moved with the kids--about 2000 miles away. Her new husband got a new job. The dad went to court to try to stop it but the judge still allowed the mom to move with the kids. This was about 5 years ago in VA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Custody agreements are unenforceable. What are you going to do, sedate the child to transport them if they refuse to go see the other parent? Physically grab them?

As a parent you enforce the schedule just like you do school and homework.

If you get to high school, and your relationship with your kids is such that you think someone needs to force them to see you, you've done the whole parenting thing wrong.

Not forcing a child is not alienation.

So, if your child says they will not go to school or do their homework, you don't enforce that? Sounds like a cop out to parenting and why your kids don't respect you.

You are trying to be purposefully obtuse. You can enforce those things up until about HS and then they either do it or they don't. If a father hasn't cultivated a parenting relationship with his child/ren up until then and they don't want to see him, it is NOT the mother's job to be the bad cop. I'm positive that if they didn't want to come back to her house, he would not enforce that either.

Yes, it is the mothers job to support the relationship. They know you don't want them to have a relationship and they will honor your wishes. Yes, you can enforce those things. Checked out parent like you are why kids have so many mental health and other behavioral issues. They need and want their parents support and co-parenting is part of it. He absolutely would have to enforce kids returning to her home, even with abuse or neglect. That's how i works. There is a court order.

Except you suck & that’s why your kids don’t want to see you. You also moved far away and choose not to have 50/50.

Sometimes it's the mom's that move. Sometimes it's like your situation where the mom's go above and beyond to be nasty to the Dad's and encourage the kids to behave in the same way. Its sad for the kids. You don't realize the harm you are doing to your kids.

And majority of the time it's fathers spewing this nonsense about moms so ease their own guilty conscience. It's always easier to blame others for your own shortcomings.

Many Dad's want their kids and people like you discourage the relationships and contact. If Mom moves, without Dad's consent, you expect Dad to drop everything and move cross country following her?

That is what ANY real parent would do. What was more important to him than his kids? Why didn’t he love them enough to do whatever it took?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Custody agreements are unenforceable. What are you going to do, sedate the child to transport them if they refuse to go see the other parent? Physically grab them?

As a parent you enforce the schedule just like you do school and homework.

If you get to high school, and your relationship with your kids is such that you think someone needs to force them to see you, you've done the whole parenting thing wrong.

Not forcing a child is not alienation.

So, if your child says they will not go to school or do their homework, you don't enforce that? Sounds like a cop out to parenting and why your kids don't respect you.

You are trying to be purposefully obtuse. You can enforce those things up until about HS and then they either do it or they don't. If a father hasn't cultivated a parenting relationship with his child/ren up until then and they don't want to see him, it is NOT the mother's job to be the bad cop. I'm positive that if they didn't want to come back to her house, he would not enforce that either.

Yes, it is the mothers job to support the relationship. They know you don't want them to have a relationship and they will honor your wishes. Yes, you can enforce those things. Checked out parent like you are why kids have so many mental health and other behavioral issues. They need and want their parents support and co-parenting is part of it. He absolutely would have to enforce kids returning to her home, even with abuse or neglect. That's how i works. There is a court order.

Except you suck & that’s why your kids don’t want to see you. You also moved far away and choose not to have 50/50.

Sometimes it's the mom's that move. Sometimes it's like your situation where the mom's go above and beyond to be nasty to the Dad's and encourage the kids to behave in the same way. Its sad for the kids. You don't realize the harm you are doing to your kids.

And majority of the time it's fathers spewing this nonsense about moms so ease their own guilty conscience. It's always easier to blame others for your own shortcomings.

Many Dad's want their kids and people like you discourage the relationships and contact. If Mom moves, without Dad's consent, you expect Dad to drop everything and move cross country following her?

Mom would need permission to move, but nice try.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but I know a family where the mom moved with the kids--about 2000 miles away. Her new husband got a new job. The dad went to court to try to stop it but the judge still allowed the mom to move with the kids. This was about 5 years ago in VA.

Ok but my point still stands. The court system ruled on it and must have found in her favor for a reason.

[Anonymous]

It’s always hilarious to me that these clueless men think 1) we divorce them but still want to do things for them 2) think that we want to keep the kids from them and do all of the work on our own. If they truly knew how hard it was to be the sole parent they would be singing a very different tune. You think I didn’t want to have a couple of nights every week to myself??? WRONG. You think I didn’t want you to run to school to pick up your sick child occasionally??? WRONG. You think I didn’t want the freedom to dare when you had the kids??? Also wrong. But of course you think that you’re still so important to me that my whole world revolves around messing with your life. Im too busy raising your kid to be worried about you. If you want to be a parent, I’d love it and welcome it with open arms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Custody agreements are unenforceable. What are you going to do, sedate the child to transport them if they refuse to go see the other parent? Physically grab them?

As a parent you enforce the schedule just like you do school and homework.

If you get to high school, and your relationship with your kids is such that you think someone needs to force them to see you, you've done the whole parenting thing wrong.

Not forcing a child is not alienation.

So, if your child says they will not go to school or do their homework, you don't enforce that? Sounds like a cop out to parenting and why your kids don't respect you.

I would enforce those things because I believe they are important and in my DC's best interest. I also believe that if my DC chooses not to have a relationship with DC's father, DC has very good reasons for that choice and it's understandable. I don't stand in the way, but I'm not going to sacrifice my relationship with my child to coerce them into spending time with someone who treats them badly. If DC's father wants to come over and coerce DC into spending time with him, DC's father can go right ahead. I make sure we are home so that DC's father has that opportunity. My ex is so litigious that I always, always hit my marks when it comes to custody agreement stuff. If a phone call is required, I make sure that it occurs and that the phone call is open for the mandated time, even if DC chooses not to speak any words over the phone. But I am not willing to punish or physically coerce DC (not that I even could at this point). The poor relationship with DC's father is the result of the father's life choices, and he can earn a better relationship if he chooses. Or, if he thinks it's so easy to coerce a teenager, he can come right over and do it.

You very much influence your child's feelings and relationships. You also forget not all Dad's are your ex and are good loving Dads, and in some situations much better parents than the mothers. Why would you marry and have a child with someone like that? So, stop projecting your poor choices on others to prevent those fathers from having a relationship. You are going to seriously screw up your kid.

Come on over and parent the kid, then. Have an awesome time. If you're so great, the kid will perceive it by how you behave during your parenting time. You can be in charge of the homework and the chores and take them to all their activities and remind them to shower and do their laundry and listen to them complain about everything and let them eat all of the food in your house. Go right ahead. I'd love the weekend off. I'm just not willing to physically coerce my child into doing it, because if we get into a wrestling match I doubt I would win. So you can come on over and do things your way. Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

That is what ANY good parent would do. Truly, any good parent.

The thing is, the second wives in this thread know that too. Deep down, they do know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

Because they never wanted a relationship with their kid in the first place. They trash the ex and blame her for “alienation” to soothe their guilty mind and make themselves look good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

That is what ANY good parent would do. Truly, any good parent.

The thing is, the second wives in this thread know that too. Deep down, they do know.

Of course they know. I’m a single parent and once dated a guy who trash talked his ex when I knew damn right he was in the wrong. Like he didn’t pay child support for a few years. I let him have it and never looked at him the same.

[Anonymous]

It is not my responsibility to force my kid to have a relationship with her dad. It is his responsibility to have a relationship with her. If he would like my help in facilitating that relationship, he needs to frame it that way - as help facilitating a relationship that for whatever reasons, he cannot manage without help.

It doesn't really matter what the reasons are. When we were divorcing and our kid was 2, my helping him to have a relationship with her was by answering his phone calls (when and as agreed, not all the time without limit) so she could say good night to her dad every night. He was the one who discontinued those calls, not me. Either way, when HE stops trying to parent and be involved in her life, it stops being my responsibility to keep him up to date. We live on opposite coasts now. He moved first and has a new wife who almost certainly thinks that I'm "denying access" by moving myself. He has not tried to see our daughter since 2021. Her birthday was last week. He sent 1 "expensive but totally out of touch with her personality" present and a text message. That was it. He has never visited the town where we have lived since 2020, despite having summers off work and being able to afford it. He simply does not bother to try.

Why should I do anything other than try to help my daughter feel less abandoned by her selfish dad, MRA PP? Please explain some more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Custody agreements are unenforceable. What are you going to do, sedate the child to transport them if they refuse to go see the other parent? Physically grab them?

As a parent you enforce the schedule just like you do school and homework.

If you get to high school, and your relationship with your kids is such that you think someone needs to force them to see you, you've done the whole parenting thing wrong.

Not forcing a child is not alienation.

So, if your child says they will not go to school or do their homework, you don't enforce that? Sounds like a cop out to parenting and why your kids don't respect you.

I would enforce those things because I believe they are important and in my DC's best interest. I also believe that if my DC chooses not to have a relationship with DC's father, DC has very good reasons for that choice and it's understandable. I don't stand in the way, but I'm not going to sacrifice my relationship with my child to coerce them into spending time with someone who treats them badly. If DC's father wants to come over and coerce DC into spending time with him, DC's father can go right ahead. I make sure we are home so that DC's father has that opportunity. My ex is so litigious that I always, always hit my marks when it comes to custody agreement stuff. If a phone call is required, I make sure that it occurs and that the phone call is open for the mandated time, even if DC chooses not to speak any words over the phone. But I am not willing to punish or physically coerce DC (not that I even could at this point). The poor relationship with DC's father is the result of the father's life choices, and he can earn a better relationship if he chooses. Or, if he thinks it's so easy to coerce a teenager, he can come right over and do it.

You very much influence your child's feelings and relationships. You also forget not all Dad's are your ex and are good loving Dads, and in some situations much better parents than the mothers. Why would you marry and have a child with someone like that? So, stop projecting your poor choices on others to prevent those fathers from having a relationship. You are going to seriously screw up your kid.

Come on over and parent the kid, then. Have an awesome time. If you're so great, the kid will perceive it by how you behave during your parenting time. You can be in charge of the homework and the chores and take them to all their activities and remind them to shower and do their laundry and listen to them complain about everything and let them eat all of the food in your house. Go right ahead. I'd love the weekend off. I'm just not willing to physically coerce my child into doing it, because if we get into a wrestling match I doubt I would win. So you can come on over and do things your way. Best of luck!

You mean all the things and more I do for my kids? Send him over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.

[Anonymous]

Part of the anti male bias.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.

Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.