Why is it so acceptable to alienate Dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Custody agreements are unenforceable. What are you going to do, sedate the child to transport them if they refuse to go see the other parent? Physically grab them?

As a parent you enforce the schedule just like you do school and homework.

If you get to high school, and your relationship with your kids is such that you think someone needs to force them to see you, you've done the whole parenting thing wrong.

Not forcing a child is not alienation.

So, if your child says they will not go to school or do their homework, you don't enforce that? Sounds like a cop out to parenting and why your kids don't respect you.

You are trying to be purposefully obtuse. You can enforce those things up until about HS and then they either do it or they don't. If a father hasn't cultivated a parenting relationship with his child/ren up until then and they don't want to see him, it is NOT the mother's job to be the bad cop. I'm positive that if they didn't want to come back to her house, he would not enforce that either.

Yes, it is the mothers job to support the relationship. They know you don't want them to have a relationship and they will honor your wishes. Yes, you can enforce those things. Checked out parent like you are why kids have so many mental health and other behavioral issues. They need and want their parents support and co-parenting is part of it. He absolutely would have to enforce kids returning to her home, even with abuse or neglect. That's how i works. There is a court order.

Except you suck & that’s why your kids don’t want to see you. You also moved far away and choose not to have 50/50.

Sometimes it's the mom's that move. Sometimes it's like your situation where the mom's go above and beyond to be nasty to the Dad's and encourage the kids to behave in the same way. Its sad for the kids. You don't realize the harm you are doing to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Custody agreements are unenforceable. What are you going to do, sedate the child to transport them if they refuse to go see the other parent? Physically grab them?

As a parent you enforce the schedule just like you do school and homework.

If you get to high school, and your relationship with your kids is such that you think someone needs to force them to see you, you've done the whole parenting thing wrong.

Not forcing a child is not alienation.

So, if your child says they will not go to school or do their homework, you don't enforce that? Sounds like a cop out to parenting and why your kids don't respect you.

You are trying to be purposefully obtuse. You can enforce those things up until about HS and then they either do it or they don't. If a father hasn't cultivated a parenting relationship with his child/ren up until then and they don't want to see him, it is NOT the mother's job to be the bad cop. I'm positive that if they didn't want to come back to her house, he would not enforce that either.

Yes, it is the mothers job to support the relationship. They know you don't want them to have a relationship and they will honor your wishes. Yes, you can enforce those things. Checked out parent like you are why kids have so many mental health and other behavioral issues. They need and want their parents support and co-parenting is part of it. He absolutely would have to enforce kids returning to her home, even with abuse or neglect. That's how i works. There is a court order.

Oh I am far from checked out. I parent my child 100% of the time. The dad comes over twice a month for a long lunch. If my kid didn't want to go at 14 I am not going to play the bad cop and make him. See, if it was that important to dad to have a relationship with his child, he would get his ass up to take him to school, talk to his teachers, take him to the doctor, take him when he is sick. But it's not important to him. SO he doesn't. He leaves all of that up to me. And then I'm supposed to be like "your father loves you and you HAVE to go with him." F that noise. SHow up for your kid when it matters. Not just when the right mood strikes you.

And before you say I wanted this, I didn't. He left, and he freely forked over custody. I would have very much welcomed a break every once in a while when the kid was little.

You choose full custody. It's all your responsibility. You sound incredibly nasty and ever stop to consider that's why Dad's not involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Custody agreements are unenforceable. What are you going to do, sedate the child to transport them if they refuse to go see the other parent? Physically grab them?

As a parent you enforce the schedule just like you do school and homework.

If you get to high school, and your relationship with your kids is such that you think someone needs to force them to see you, you've done the whole parenting thing wrong.

Not forcing a child is not alienation.

So, if your child says they will not go to school or do their homework, you don't enforce that? Sounds like a cop out to parenting and why your kids don't respect you.

You are trying to be purposefully obtuse. You can enforce those things up until about HS and then they either do it or they don't. If a father hasn't cultivated a parenting relationship with his child/ren up until then and they don't want to see him, it is NOT the mother's job to be the bad cop. I'm positive that if they didn't want to come back to her house, he would not enforce that either.

Yes, it is the mothers job to support the relationship. They know you don't want them to have a relationship and they will honor your wishes. Yes, you can enforce those things. Checked out parent like you are why kids have so many mental health and other behavioral issues. They need and want their parents support and co-parenting is part of it. He absolutely would have to enforce kids returning to her home, even with abuse or neglect. That's how i works. There is a court order.

Except you suck & that’s why your kids don’t want to see you. You also moved far away and choose not to have 50/50.

Sometimes it's the mom's that move. Sometimes it's like your situation where the mom's go above and beyond to be nasty to the Dad's and encourage the kids to behave in the same way. Its sad for the kids. You don't realize the harm you are doing to your kids.

And majority of the time it's fathers spewing this nonsense about moms so ease their own guilty conscience. It's always easier to blame others for your own shortcomings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Custody agreements are unenforceable. What are you going to do, sedate the child to transport them if they refuse to go see the other parent? Physically grab them?

As a parent you enforce the schedule just like you do school and homework.

If you get to high school, and your relationship with your kids is such that you think someone needs to force them to see you, you've done the whole parenting thing wrong.

Not forcing a child is not alienation.

So, if your child says they will not go to school or do their homework, you don't enforce that? Sounds like a cop out to parenting and why your kids don't respect you.

You are trying to be purposefully obtuse. You can enforce those things up until about HS and then they either do it or they don't. If a father hasn't cultivated a parenting relationship with his child/ren up until then and they don't want to see him, it is NOT the mother's job to be the bad cop. I'm positive that if they didn't want to come back to her house, he would not enforce that either.

Yes, it is the mothers job to support the relationship. They know you don't want them to have a relationship and they will honor your wishes. Yes, you can enforce those things. Checked out parent like you are why kids have so many mental health and other behavioral issues. They need and want their parents support and co-parenting is part of it. He absolutely would have to enforce kids returning to her home, even with abuse or neglect. That's how i works. There is a court order.

Oh I am far from checked out. I parent my child 100% of the time. The dad comes over twice a month for a long lunch. If my kid didn't want to go at 14 I am not going to play the bad cop and make him. See, if it was that important to dad to have a relationship with his child, he would get his ass up to take him to school, talk to his teachers, take him to the doctor, take him when he is sick. But it's not important to him. SO he doesn't. He leaves all of that up to me. And then I'm supposed to be like "your father loves you and you HAVE to go with him." F that noise. SHow up for your kid when it matters. Not just when the right mood strikes you.

And before you say I wanted this, I didn't. He left, and he freely forked over custody. I would have very much welcomed a break every once in a while when the kid was little.

You choose full custody. It's all your responsibility. You sound incredibly nasty and ever stop to consider that's why Dad's not involved.

I didn't choose full custody. He chose it for me. What was I supposed to say? "uh,judge I don't want my kid full time either." No! I love my kid and will happily raise him to the best of my ability. He continually chooses not to see his child. That is 100% on him. He is not involved because he doesn't want to be. I have nothing to do with that.

Perhaps you should reflect of why you blame everyone else for your problems and don't have any self reflection skills?

[Anonymous]

Once it gets to the point where kid is being treated like they committed a crime (making the kid miss teenage life) when they certainly did nothing of the sort, it’s time for Mom & Dad to stop fighting and let Kid pick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Custody agreements are unenforceable. What are you going to do, sedate the child to transport them if they refuse to go see the other parent? Physically grab them?

As a parent you enforce the schedule just like you do school and homework.

If you get to high school, and your relationship with your kids is such that you think someone needs to force them to see you, you've done the whole parenting thing wrong.

Not forcing a child is not alienation.

So, if your child says they will not go to school or do their homework, you don't enforce that? Sounds like a cop out to parenting and why your kids don't respect you.

I would enforce those things because I believe they are important and in my DC's best interest. I also believe that if my DC chooses not to have a relationship with DC's father, DC has very good reasons for that choice and it's understandable. I don't stand in the way, but I'm not going to sacrifice my relationship with my child to coerce them into spending time with someone who treats them badly. If DC's father wants to come over and coerce DC into spending time with him, DC's father can go right ahead. I make sure we are home so that DC's father has that opportunity. My ex is so litigious that I always, always hit my marks when it comes to custody agreement stuff. If a phone call is required, I make sure that it occurs and that the phone call is open for the mandated time, even if DC chooses not to speak any words over the phone. But I am not willing to punish or physically coerce DC (not that I even could at this point). The poor relationship with DC's father is the result of the father's life choices, and he can earn a better relationship if he chooses. Or, if he thinks it's so easy to coerce a teenager, he can come right over and do it.

[Anonymous]

Single parents, by definition, are terrible decision makers. Is it surprising they continue to make terrible decisions in solo parenting??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Custody agreements are unenforceable. What are you going to do, sedate the child to transport them if they refuse to go see the other parent? Physically grab them?

As a parent you enforce the schedule just like you do school and homework.

If you get to high school, and your relationship with your kids is such that you think someone needs to force them to see you, you've done the whole parenting thing wrong.

Not forcing a child is not alienation.

So, if your child says they will not go to school or do their homework, you don't enforce that? Sounds like a cop out to parenting and why your kids don't respect you.

I would enforce those things because I believe they are important and in my DC's best interest. I also believe that if my DC chooses not to have a relationship with DC's father, DC has very good reasons for that choice and it's understandable. I don't stand in the way, but I'm not going to sacrifice my relationship with my child to coerce them into spending time with someone who treats them badly. If DC's father wants to come over and coerce DC into spending time with him, DC's father can go right ahead. I make sure we are home so that DC's father has that opportunity. My ex is so litigious that I always, always hit my marks when it comes to custody agreement stuff. If a phone call is required, I make sure that it occurs and that the phone call is open for the mandated time, even if DC chooses not to speak any words over the phone. But I am not willing to punish or physically coerce DC (not that I even could at this point). The poor relationship with DC's father is the result of the father's life choices, and he can earn a better relationship if he chooses. Or, if he thinks it's so easy to coerce a teenager, he can come right over and do it.

You very much influence your child's feelings and relationships. You also forget not all Dad's are your ex and are good loving Dads, and in some situations much better parents than the mothers. Why would you marry and have a child with someone like that? So, stop projecting your poor choices on others to prevent those fathers from having a relationship. You are going to seriously screw up your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once it gets to the point where kid is being treated like they committed a crime (making the kid miss teenage life) when they certainly did nothing of the sort, it’s time for Mom & Dad to stop fighting and let Kid pick.

Since you feel so strongly, kid can live with Dad and fit you in when they feel like it. You don't force kids to pick between their parents. That is not healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Custody agreements are unenforceable. What are you going to do, sedate the child to transport them if they refuse to go see the other parent? Physically grab them?

As a parent you enforce the schedule just like you do school and homework.

If you get to high school, and your relationship with your kids is such that you think someone needs to force them to see you, you've done the whole parenting thing wrong.

Not forcing a child is not alienation.

So, if your child says they will not go to school or do their homework, you don't enforce that? Sounds like a cop out to parenting and why your kids don't respect you.

You are trying to be purposefully obtuse. You can enforce those things up until about HS and then they either do it or they don't. If a father hasn't cultivated a parenting relationship with his child/ren up until then and they don't want to see him, it is NOT the mother's job to be the bad cop. I'm positive that if they didn't want to come back to her house, he would not enforce that either.

Yes, it is the mothers job to support the relationship. They know you don't want them to have a relationship and they will honor your wishes. Yes, you can enforce those things. Checked out parent like you are why kids have so many mental health and other behavioral issues. They need and want their parents support and co-parenting is part of it. He absolutely would have to enforce kids returning to her home, even with abuse or neglect. That's how i works. There is a court order.

Except you suck & that’s why your kids don’t want to see you. You also moved far away and choose not to have 50/50.

Sometimes it's the mom's that move. Sometimes it's like your situation where the mom's go above and beyond to be nasty to the Dad's and encourage the kids to behave in the same way. Its sad for the kids. You don't realize the harm you are doing to your kids.

And majority of the time it's fathers spewing this nonsense about moms so ease their own guilty conscience. It's always easier to blame others for your own shortcomings.

Many Dad's want their kids and people like you discourage the relationships and contact. If Mom moves, without Dad's consent, you expect Dad to drop everything and move cross country following her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Custody agreements are unenforceable. What are you going to do, sedate the child to transport them if they refuse to go see the other parent? Physically grab them?

As a parent you enforce the schedule just like you do school and homework.

If you get to high school, and your relationship with your kids is such that you think someone needs to force them to see you, you've done the whole parenting thing wrong.

Not forcing a child is not alienation.

So, if your child says they will not go to school or do their homework, you don't enforce that? Sounds like a cop out to parenting and why your kids don't respect you.

You are trying to be purposefully obtuse. You can enforce those things up until about HS and then they either do it or they don't. If a father hasn't cultivated a parenting relationship with his child/ren up until then and they don't want to see him, it is NOT the mother's job to be the bad cop. I'm positive that if they didn't want to come back to her house, he would not enforce that either.

Yes, it is the mothers job to support the relationship. They know you don't want them to have a relationship and they will honor your wishes. Yes, you can enforce those things. Checked out parent like you are why kids have so many mental health and other behavioral issues. They need and want their parents support and co-parenting is part of it. He absolutely would have to enforce kids returning to her home, even with abuse or neglect. That's how i works. There is a court order.

Except you suck & that’s why your kids don’t want to see you. You also moved far away and choose not to have 50/50.

Sometimes it's the mom's that move. Sometimes it's like your situation where the mom's go above and beyond to be nasty to the Dad's and encourage the kids to behave in the same way. Its sad for the kids. You don't realize the harm you are doing to your kids.

And majority of the time it's fathers spewing this nonsense about moms so ease their own guilty conscience. It's always easier to blame others for your own shortcomings.

Many Dad's want their kids and people like you discourage the relationships and contact. If Mom moves, without Dad's consent, you expect Dad to drop everything and move cross country following her?

Mom would need permission to move, but nice try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once it gets to the point where kid is being treated like they committed a crime (making the kid miss teenage life) when they certainly did nothing of the sort, it’s time for Mom & Dad to stop fighting and let Kid pick.

Since you feel so strongly, kid can live with Dad and fit you in when they feel like it. You don't force kids to pick between their parents. That is not healthy.

Nope, kid will live with mom & fit dad in when they feel like it. Kid hates dad for a reason. Dad is mean, has authoritarian tendencies & doesn’t understand teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once it gets to the point where kid is being treated like they committed a crime (making the kid miss teenage life) when they certainly did nothing of the sort, it’s time for Mom & Dad to stop fighting and let Kid pick.

Since you feel so strongly, kid can live with Dad and fit you in when they feel like it. You don't force kids to pick between their parents. That is not healthy.

You don’t force kids to see both of their parents, either. That’s not healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once it gets to the point where kid is being treated like they committed a crime (making the kid miss teenage life) when they certainly did nothing of the sort, it’s time for Mom & Dad to stop fighting and let Kid pick.

Since you feel so strongly, kid can live with Dad and fit you in when they feel like it. You don't force kids to pick between their parents. That is not healthy.

I would’ve simply been a teenage runaway in that case, so no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Custody agreements are unenforceable. What are you going to do, sedate the child to transport them if they refuse to go see the other parent? Physically grab them?

As a parent you enforce the schedule just like you do school and homework.

If you get to high school, and your relationship with your kids is such that you think someone needs to force them to see you, you've done the whole parenting thing wrong.

Not forcing a child is not alienation.

So, if your child says they will not go to school or do their homework, you don't enforce that? Sounds like a cop out to parenting and why your kids don't respect you.

I would enforce those things because I believe they are important and in my DC's best interest. I also believe that if my DC chooses not to have a relationship with DC's father, DC has very good reasons for that choice and it's understandable. I don't stand in the way, but I'm not going to sacrifice my relationship with my child to coerce them into spending time with someone who treats them badly. If DC's father wants to come over and coerce DC into spending time with him, DC's father can go right ahead. I make sure we are home so that DC's father has that opportunity. My ex is so litigious that I always, always hit my marks when it comes to custody agreement stuff. If a phone call is required, I make sure that it occurs and that the phone call is open for the mandated time, even if DC chooses not to speak any words over the phone. But I am not willing to punish or physically coerce DC (not that I even could at this point). The poor relationship with DC's father is the result of the father's life choices, and he can earn a better relationship if he chooses. Or, if he thinks it's so easy to coerce a teenager, he can come right over and do it.

You very much influence your child's feelings and relationships. You also forget not all Dad's are your ex and are good loving Dads, and in some situations much better parents than the mothers. Why would you marry and have a child with someone like that? So, stop projecting your poor choices on others to prevent those fathers from having a relationship. You are going to seriously screw up your kid.

Buddy you are the only one projecting