Why don’t more parents understand that adult kids have leverage nowadays to cut off contact, and

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

Honey, I didn't get a car until I was a junior in College. You aren't owed a car. If you had your own car then you could have figured out a way to cash your own check without mommy. If you wanted to go to college out of state you could have figured out a way to get the $50 app fee without your parents. At 18 you are an adult and could have taken the steps to be fully independent. I am by no means saying your parents are peaches because they sound awful but people are going to use your severe case as a reason for all kids to cut off their parents for much less.

I was 17 when applying for college. I didn’t turn 18 until my freshman year of college. A minor can’t open a bank account in their own. So no, I couldn’t find a way to get a $50 check unless I stole one. Like I mentioned, I tried to get assistance from my college advisor in somehow paying the application fee. He then notified my parents and I was punished.

There are tons of people who work with no bank accounts that cash their paychecks. You don't need a bank account to cash a check made out to you. Then you take your cash and send it with the application or give cash to friend and they write you the check.
There are unhoused children and young adults fighting their way out of more oppressive situations than yours.

I was underage and didn’t have access to the internet. I had no way of knowing that I could put a check in the mail when I didn’t have a bank account with checks.

Fwiw I also didn’t have access to cash. I wouldn’t have been allowed to leave the house to walk a few miles to the nearest ATM. I would have had to lie and say I needed cash for something else, which they would have said no to.

You already said they gave you a car senior year, when you would have been applying to college. No walking necessary. Also, you had a job, presumably near some sort of business center closer to an ATM, unless you were Amish and working on a farm. Also, you said you tried to give cash to your guidance counselor, so did you have cash or not, which is it?

And bottom line, nobody cares about the mechanics of putting a check in the mail. The problem was very different. Your parents were mad that you tried to apply out-of-state when they told you they were unwilling to sign up for $20/30k in loans per year. You still haven't told us how you were "punished" for trying to get your counselor to write the check, even though several of us have asked you.

You're not reliable. If you were my kid, I might actually say OK, fend for yourself for a year or two and figure out how the world works.

Sad. You are full fledged adult with the capacity and resources of someone who has been adult for decades. And you are challenging the lack of resourcefulness of a controlled sheltered 17 year old. Good for you! You are smarter than a pre-internet 17 year old. By the way, I have also been responding to you. I'm not the poster who is telling her story, but I am very aware of parents who control through money. As I said earlier, be glad you don't know.

Unless you're the Roy family, you've got a seriously distorted idea of what it means to "control through money." Not buying pp a car when she turned 16, not paying OOS, are not controlling behaviors[i]. You seem to think that kids should have free access to parental money, in order to satisfy their every whim.

Your kids must be entitled little brats too. Good luck with that.

You don’t get it. You can’t see past the bolded. What’s interesting is I was actually trying to do the opposite of what you’re accusing me of. I wanted to pay for my own college and buy me own car with money I earned from a job I found. Why is that so terrible and entitled? Entitled would be thinking I deserve a car, my parents must pay for OOS school etc. I didn’t think any of that.

YOUR PARENTS WOULD HAVE HAD TO COSIGN ANY LOANS YOU TOOK OUT FOR OOS.

And yeah, in one of your earlier posts you whined that you didn't get a car until senior year of HS. Boo hoo.

Sorry for the caps, but in your case it's so necessary. You keep ignoring, again and again, this very basic fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

Honey, I didn't get a car until I was a junior in College. You aren't owed a car. If you had your own car then you could have figured out a way to cash your own check without mommy. If you wanted to go to college out of state you could have figured out a way to get the $50 app fee without your parents. At 18 you are an adult and could have taken the steps to be fully independent. I am by no means saying your parents are peaches because they sound awful but people are going to use your severe case as a reason for all kids to cut off their parents for much less.

I was 17 when applying for college. I didn’t turn 18 until my freshman year of college. A minor can’t open a bank account in their own. So no, I couldn’t find a way to get a $50 check unless I stole one. Like I mentioned, I tried to get assistance from my college advisor in somehow paying the application fee. He then notified my parents and I was punished.

There are tons of people who work with no bank accounts that cash their paychecks. You don't need a bank account to cash a check made out to you. Then you take your cash and send it with the application or give cash to friend and they write you the check.
There are unhoused children and young adults fighting their way out of more oppressive situations than yours.

I was underage and didn’t have access to the internet. I had no way of knowing that I could put a check in the mail when I didn’t have a bank account with checks.

Fwiw I also didn’t have access to cash. I wouldn’t have been allowed to leave the house to walk a few miles to the nearest ATM. I would have had to lie and say I needed cash for something else, which they would have said no to.

You already said they gave you a car senior year, when you would have been applying to college. No walking necessary. Also, you had a job, presumably near some sort of business center closer to an ATM, unless you were Amish and working on a farm. Also, you said you tried to give cash to your guidance counselor, so did you have cash or not, which is it?

And bottom line, nobody cares about the mechanics of putting a check in the mail. The problem was very different. Your parents were mad that you tried to apply out-of-state when they told you they were unwilling to sign up for $20/30k in loans per year. You still haven't told us how you were "punished" for trying to get your counselor to write the check, even though several of us have asked you.

You're not reliable. If you were my kid, I might actually say OK, fend for yourself for a year or two and figure out how the world works.

Sad. You are full fledged adult with the capacity and resources of someone who has been adult for decades. And you are challenging the lack of resourcefulness of a controlled sheltered 17 year old. Good for you! You are smarter than a pre-internet 17 year old. By the way, I have also been responding to you. I'm not the poster who is telling her story, but I am very aware of parents who control through money. As I said earlier, be glad you don't know.

Unless you're the Roy family, you've got a seriously distorted idea of what it means to "control through money." Not buying pp a car when she turned 16, not paying OOS, are not controlling behaviors[i]. You seem to think that kids should have free access to parental money, in order to satisfy their every whim.

Your kids must be entitled little brats too. Good luck with that.

You don’t get it. You can’t see past the bolded. What’s interesting is I was actually trying to do the opposite of what you’re accusing me of. I wanted to pay for my own college and buy me own car with money I earned from a job I found. Why is that so terrible and entitled? Entitled would be thinking I deserve a car, my parents must pay for OOS school etc. I didn’t think any of that.

YOUR PARENTS WOULD HAVE HAD TO COSIGN ANY LOANS YOU TOOK OUT FOR OOS.

And yeah, in one of your earlier posts you whined that you didn't get a car until senior year of HS. Boo hoo.

Sorry for the caps, but in your case it's so necessary. You keep ignoring, again and again, this very basic fact.

Yes. I wanted to have a job and save money for a car like normal kids. Instead the car was used as a means to control me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

Honey, I didn't get a car until I was a junior in College. You aren't owed a car. If you had your own car then you could have figured out a way to cash your own check without mommy. If you wanted to go to college out of state you could have figured out a way to get the $50 app fee without your parents. At 18 you are an adult and could have taken the steps to be fully independent. I am by no means saying your parents are peaches because they sound awful but people are going to use your severe case as a reason for all kids to cut off their parents for much less.

I was 17 when applying for college. I didn’t turn 18 until my freshman year of college. A minor can’t open a bank account in their own. So no, I couldn’t find a way to get a $50 check unless I stole one. Like I mentioned, I tried to get assistance from my college advisor in somehow paying the application fee. He then notified my parents and I was punished.

There are tons of people who work with no bank accounts that cash their paychecks. You don't need a bank account to cash a check made out to you. Then you take your cash and send it with the application or give cash to friend and they write you the check.
There are unhoused children and young adults fighting their way out of more oppressive situations than yours.

I was underage and didn’t have access to the internet. I had no way of knowing that I could put a check in the mail when I didn’t have a bank account with checks.

Fwiw I also didn’t have access to cash. I wouldn’t have been allowed to leave the house to walk a few miles to the nearest ATM. I would have had to lie and say I needed cash for something else, which they would have said no to.

You already said they gave you a car senior year, when you would have been applying to college. No walking necessary. Also, you had a job, presumably near some sort of business center closer to an ATM, unless you were Amish and working on a farm. Also, you said you tried to give cash to your guidance counselor, so did you have cash or not, which is it?

And bottom line, nobody cares about the mechanics of putting a check in the mail. The problem was very different. Your parents were mad that you tried to apply out-of-state when they told you they were unwilling to sign up for $20/30k in loans per year. You still haven't told us how you were "punished" for trying to get your counselor to write the check, even though several of us have asked you.

You're not reliable. If you were my kid, I might actually say OK, fend for yourself for a year or two and figure out how the world works.

Sad. You are full fledged adult with the capacity and resources of someone who has been adult for decades. And you are challenging the lack of resourcefulness of a controlled sheltered 17 year old. Good for you! You are smarter than a pre-internet 17 year old. By the way, I have also been responding to you. I'm not the poster who is telling her story, but I am very aware of parents who control through money. As I said earlier, be glad you don't know.

Unless you're the Roy family, you've got a seriously distorted idea of what it means to "control through money." Not buying pp a car when she turned 16, not paying OOS, are not controlling behaviors[i]. You seem to think that kids should have free access to parental money, in order to satisfy their every whim.

Your kids must be entitled little brats too. Good luck with that.

You don’t get it. You can’t see past the bolded. What’s interesting is I was actually trying to do the opposite of what you’re accusing me of. I wanted to pay for my own college and buy me own car with money I earned from a job I found. Why is that so terrible and entitled? Entitled would be thinking I deserve a car, my parents must pay for OOS school etc. I didn’t think any of that.

YOUR PARENTS WOULD HAVE HAD TO COSIGN ANY LOANS YOU TOOK OUT FOR OOS.

And yeah, in one of your earlier posts you whined that you didn't get a car until senior year of HS. Boo hoo.

Sorry for the caps, but in your case it's so necessary. You keep ignoring, again and again, this very basic fact.

Yes. I wanted to have a job and save money for a car like normal kids. Instead the car was used as a means to control me.

You keep avoiding the big question about your parents having to pay for/take out a loan for OOS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m glad to see that Nany agree that the spoiler narc princess here is just that, insanely entitled brat who still needs to grow up and thank her parents from preventing her and them from ending up living in a car so she can go to some fancy school and get her a car she wants.
Sadly, I wonder if we have huge millennial generations who are just the same, no idea of the cost of anything. Did narc boomers raise narc millennials? Probably, generational trauma.

While I agree with you that pp is narcissistic, "narc" usually means somebody who reports friends to the authorities.

I’m aware, but I’ve been using it in narcissistic context lately due to an epidemic of narcissism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh? Who are we talking about? Can we not generalize for the rest of the population when we are talking about the angry White people?

Look who is generalizing now.

+1

Got to love racist hypocrites.

[Anonymous]

This thread is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

Honey, I didn't get a car until I was a junior in College. You aren't owed a car. If you had your own car then you could have figured out a way to cash your own check without mommy. If you wanted to go to college out of state you could have figured out a way to get the $50 app fee without your parents. At 18 you are an adult and could have taken the steps to be fully independent. I am by no means saying your parents are peaches because they sound awful but people are going to use your severe case as a reason for all kids to cut off their parents for much less.

I was 17 when applying for college. I didn’t turn 18 until my freshman year of college. A minor can’t open a bank account in their own. So no, I couldn’t find a way to get a $50 check unless I stole one. Like I mentioned, I tried to get assistance from my college advisor in somehow paying the application fee. He then notified my parents and I was punished.

There are tons of people who work with no bank accounts that cash their paychecks. You don't need a bank account to cash a check made out to you. Then you take your cash and send it with the application or give cash to friend and they write you the check.
There are unhoused children and young adults fighting their way out of more oppressive situations than yours.

I was underage and didn’t have access to the internet. I had no way of knowing that I could put a check in the mail when I didn’t have a bank account with checks.

Fwiw I also didn’t have access to cash. I wouldn’t have been allowed to leave the house to walk a few miles to the nearest ATM. I would have had to lie and say I needed cash for something else, which they would have said no to.

You already said they gave you a car senior year, when you would have been applying to college. No walking necessary. Also, you had a job, presumably near some sort of business center closer to an ATM, unless you were Amish and working on a farm. Also, you said you tried to give cash to your guidance counselor, so did you have cash or not, which is it?

And bottom line, nobody cares about the mechanics of putting a check in the mail. The problem was very different. Your parents were mad that you tried to apply out-of-state when they told you they were unwilling to sign up for $20/30k in loans per year. You still haven't told us how you were "punished" for trying to get your counselor to write the check, even though several of us have asked you.

You're not reliable. If you were my kid, I might actually say OK, fend for yourself for a year or two and figure out how the world works.

Sad. You are full fledged adult with the capacity and resources of someone who has been adult for decades. And you are challenging the lack of resourcefulness of a controlled sheltered 17 year old. Good for you! You are smarter than a pre-internet 17 year old. By the way, I have also been responding to you. I'm not the poster who is telling her story, but I am very aware of parents who control through money. As I said earlier, be glad you don't know.

Unless you're the Roy family, you've got a seriously distorted idea of what it means to "control through money." Not buying pp a car when she turned 16, not paying OOS, are not controlling behaviors[i]. You seem to think that kids should have free access to parental money, in order to satisfy their every whim.

Your kids must be entitled little brats too. Good luck with that.

You don’t get it. You can’t see past the bolded. What’s interesting is I was actually trying to do the opposite of what you’re accusing me of. I wanted to pay for my own college and buy me own car with money I earned from a job I found. Why is that so terrible and entitled? Entitled would be thinking I deserve a car, my parents must pay for OOS school etc. I didn’t think any of that.

YOUR PARENTS WOULD HAVE HAD TO COSIGN ANY LOANS YOU TOOK OUT FOR OOS.

And yeah, in one of your earlier posts you whined that you didn't get a car until senior year of HS. Boo hoo.

Sorry for the caps, but in your case it's so necessary. You keep ignoring, again and again, this very basic fact.

Yes. I wanted to have a job and save money for a car like normal kids. Instead the car was used as a means to control me.

Except you apparently did nothing about finding your own job. You complained that your mother had to find you a job. Not that waiting tables or whatever would have been enough to pay for a car--your parents would still have had to subsidize your car or co-sign your car loan.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like a borderline college student who is about to be cut off by her parents. The parents no doubt have decided to stop negotiating with terrorists.

College age and 20 something people have ALWAYS had the ability to cut ties with their parents. Do it or don't, we don't care. Good luck paying the bills on your own!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a borderline college student who is about to be cut off by her parents. The parents no doubt have decided to stop negotiating with terrorists.

College age and 20 something people have ALWAYS had the ability to cut ties with their parents. Do it or don't, we don't care. Good luck paying the bills on your own!

This. Cutting off her parents might be a good learning experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m glad to see that Nany agree that the spoiler narc princess here is just that, insanely entitled brat who still needs to grow up and thank her parents from preventing her and them from ending up living in a car so she can go to some fancy school and get her a car she wants.
Sadly, I wonder if we have huge millennial generations who are just the same, no idea of the cost of anything. Did narc boomers raise narc millennials? Probably, generational trauma.

While I agree with you that pp is narcissistic, "narc" usually means somebody who reports friends to the authorities.

I’m aware, but I’ve been using it in narcissistic context lately due to an epidemic of narcissism.

SAME

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

Honey, I didn't get a car until I was a junior in College. You aren't owed a car. If you had your own car then you could have figured out a way to cash your own check without mommy. If you wanted to go to college out of state you could have figured out a way to get the $50 app fee without your parents. At 18 you are an adult and could have taken the steps to be fully independent. I am by no means saying your parents are peaches because they sound awful but people are going to use your severe case as a reason for all kids to cut off their parents for much less.

I was 17 when applying for college. I didn’t turn 18 until my freshman year of college. A minor can’t open a bank account in their own. So no, I couldn’t find a way to get a $50 check unless I stole one. Like I mentioned, I tried to get assistance from my college advisor in somehow paying the application fee. He then notified my parents and I was punished.

There are tons of people who work with no bank accounts that cash their paychecks. You don't need a bank account to cash a check made out to you. Then you take your cash and send it with the application or give cash to friend and they write you the check.
There are unhoused children and young adults fighting their way out of more oppressive situations than yours.

I was underage and didn’t have access to the internet. I had no way of knowing that I could put a check in the mail when I didn’t have a bank account with checks.

Fwiw I also didn’t have access to cash. I wouldn’t have been allowed to leave the house to walk a few miles to the nearest ATM. I would have had to lie and say I needed cash for something else, which they would have said no to.

You already said they gave you a car senior year, when you would have been applying to college. No walking necessary. Also, you had a job, presumably near some sort of business center closer to an ATM, unless you were Amish and working on a farm. Also, you said you tried to give cash to your guidance counselor, so did you have cash or not, which is it?

And bottom line, nobody cares about the mechanics of putting a check in the mail. The problem was very different. Your parents were mad that you tried to apply out-of-state when they told you they were unwilling to sign up for $20/30k in loans per year. You still haven't told us how you were "punished" for trying to get your counselor to write the check, even though several of us have asked you.

You're not reliable. If you were my kid, I might actually say OK, fend for yourself for a year or two and figure out how the world works.

Sad. You are full fledged adult with the capacity and resources of someone who has been adult for decades. And you are challenging the lack of resourcefulness of a controlled sheltered 17 year old. Good for you! You are smarter than a pre-internet 17 year old. By the way, I have also been responding to you. I'm not the poster who is telling her story, but I am very aware of parents who control through money. As I said earlier, be glad you don't know.

This. I’m OP. Now I can think of other ways I could have applied for the college. But I was 17 at the time. I didn’t have access to checks, couldn’t look up anything on the internet, didn’t have an ATM card and only solution I came up with I guess is to ask my college counselor for help. This didn’t work so I gave up.

I have to say, this makes sense to me. Normal people with normal parents overestimate the abilities of 17yos raised by mentally ill people in the 80s/90s. If your every outing is controlled, if your ideas are subject to extreme ridicule, if your mom picks your job without your input you are not free, you are not whole. I grew up like this, and I was actually a very intelligent and talented child. I went to college where they said I would go. I had some other ideas, but I could never have made that happen for lots of reasons, including the mental health toll of crossing them. It took, I am serious here, 20 more years AFTER college for me to understand what happened to me in my childhood, and to have the confidence to protect myself. The thing about being abused is that it literally disables you from protecting yourself and your interests. You've been conditioned to NOT do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

Honey, I didn't get a car until I was a junior in College. You aren't owed a car. If you had your own car then you could have figured out a way to cash your own check without mommy. If you wanted to go to college out of state you could have figured out a way to get the $50 app fee without your parents. At 18 you are an adult and could have taken the steps to be fully independent. I am by no means saying your parents are peaches because they sound awful but people are going to use your severe case as a reason for all kids to cut off their parents for much less.

I was 17 when applying for college. I didn’t turn 18 until my freshman year of college. A minor can’t open a bank account in their own. So no, I couldn’t find a way to get a $50 check unless I stole one. Like I mentioned, I tried to get assistance from my college advisor in somehow paying the application fee. He then notified my parents and I was punished.

There are tons of people who work with no bank accounts that cash their paychecks. You don't need a bank account to cash a check made out to you. Then you take your cash and send it with the application or give cash to friend and they write you the check.
There are unhoused children and young adults fighting their way out of more oppressive situations than yours.

I was underage and didn’t have access to the internet. I had no way of knowing that I could put a check in the mail when I didn’t have a bank account with checks.

Fwiw I also didn’t have access to cash. I wouldn’t have been allowed to leave the house to walk a few miles to the nearest ATM. I would have had to lie and say I needed cash for something else, which they would have said no to.

You already said they gave you a car senior year, when you would have been applying to college. No walking necessary. Also, you had a job, presumably near some sort of business center closer to an ATM, unless you were Amish and working on a farm. Also, you said you tried to give cash to your guidance counselor, so did you have cash or not, which is it?

And bottom line, nobody cares about the mechanics of putting a check in the mail. The problem was very different. Your parents were mad that you tried to apply out-of-state when they told you they were unwilling to sign up for $20/30k in loans per year. You still haven't told us how you were "punished" for trying to get your counselor to write the check, even though several of us have asked you.

You're not reliable. If you were my kid, I might actually say OK, fend for yourself for a year or two and figure out how the world works.

Sad. You are full fledged adult with the capacity and resources of someone who has been adult for decades. And you are challenging the lack of resourcefulness of a controlled sheltered 17 year old. Good for you! You are smarter than a pre-internet 17 year old. By the way, I have also been responding to you. I'm not the poster who is telling her story, but I am very aware of parents who control through money. As I said earlier, be glad you don't know.

This. I’m OP. Now I can think of other ways I could have applied for the college. But I was 17 at the time. I didn’t have access to checks, couldn’t look up anything on the internet, didn’t have an ATM card and only solution I came up with I guess is to ask my college counselor for help. This didn’t work so I gave up.

I have to say, this makes sense to me. Normal people with normal parents overestimate the abilities of 17yos raised by mentally ill people in the 80s/90s. If your every outing is controlled, if your ideas are subject to extreme ridicule, if your mom picks your job without your input you are not free, you are not whole. I grew up like this, and I was actually a very intelligent and talented child. I went to college where they said I would go. I had some other ideas, but I could never have made that happen for lots of reasons, including the mental health toll of crossing them. It took, I am serious here, 20 more years AFTER college for me to understand what happened to me in my childhood, and to have the confidence to protect myself. The thing about being abused is that it literally disables you from protecting yourself and your interests. You've been conditioned to NOT do that.

But nothing OP has said indicates that her every outing was controlled, that op was subject to extreme ridicule, that op's parents chose her college for her (apart from saying it had to be one of the instate options, and that was for financial reasons), that op had lined up another job but mom said no, or any of that.

OP's story is sad, but not for the reasons you think. I'm sorry for your history, but it's not comparable to a kid who's angry her parents bought her a car in senior instead of junior year of high school.

[Anonymous]

OP is immature, whiny and entitled brat. She thought that she will get some support here but DCUM crowd is pretty savvy.

DCUM called her on her BS. lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

Honey, I didn't get a car until I was a junior in College. You aren't owed a car. If you had your own car then you could have figured out a way to cash your own check without mommy. If you wanted to go to college out of state you could have figured out a way to get the $50 app fee without your parents. At 18 you are an adult and could have taken the steps to be fully independent. I am by no means saying your parents are peaches because they sound awful but people are going to use your severe case as a reason for all kids to cut off their parents for much less.

I was 17 when applying for college. I didn’t turn 18 until my freshman year of college. A minor can’t open a bank account in their own. So no, I couldn’t find a way to get a $50 check unless I stole one. Like I mentioned, I tried to get assistance from my college advisor in somehow paying the application fee. He then notified my parents and I was punished.

There are tons of people who work with no bank accounts that cash their paychecks. You don't need a bank account to cash a check made out to you. Then you take your cash and send it with the application or give cash to friend and they write you the check.
There are unhoused children and young adults fighting their way out of more oppressive situations than yours.

I was underage and didn’t have access to the internet. I had no way of knowing that I could put a check in the mail when I didn’t have a bank account with checks.

Fwiw I also didn’t have access to cash. I wouldn’t have been allowed to leave the house to walk a few miles to the nearest ATM. I would have had to lie and say I needed cash for something else, which they would have said no to.

You already said they gave you a car senior year, when you would have been applying to college. No walking necessary. Also, you had a job, presumably near some sort of business center closer to an ATM, unless you were Amish and working on a farm. Also, you said you tried to give cash to your guidance counselor, so did you have cash or not, which is it?

And bottom line, nobody cares about the mechanics of putting a check in the mail. The problem was very different. Your parents were mad that you tried to apply out-of-state when they told you they were unwilling to sign up for $20/30k in loans per year. You still haven't told us how you were "punished" for trying to get your counselor to write the check, even though several of us have asked you.

You're not reliable. If you were my kid, I might actually say OK, fend for yourself for a year or two and figure out how the world works.

Sad. You are full fledged adult with the capacity and resources of someone who has been adult for decades. And you are challenging the lack of resourcefulness of a controlled sheltered 17 year old. Good for you! You are smarter than a pre-internet 17 year old. By the way, I have also been responding to you. I'm not the poster who is telling her story, but I am very aware of parents who control through money. As I said earlier, be glad you don't know.

Unless you're the Roy family, you've got a seriously distorted idea of what it means to "control through money." Not buying pp a car when she turned 16, not paying OOS, are not controlling behaviors[i]. You seem to think that kids should have free access to parental money, in order to satisfy their every whim.

Your kids must be entitled little brats too. Good luck with that.

You don’t get it. You can’t see past the bolded. What’s interesting is I was actually trying to do the opposite of what you’re accusing me of. I wanted to pay for my own college and buy me own car with money I earned from a job I found. Why is that so terrible and entitled? Entitled would be thinking I deserve a car, my parents must pay for OOS school etc. I didn’t think any of that.

YOUR PARENTS WOULD HAVE HAD TO COSIGN ANY LOANS YOU TOOK OUT FOR OOS.

And yeah, in one of your earlier posts you whined that you didn't get a car until senior year of HS. Boo hoo.

Sorry for the caps, but in your case it's so necessary. You keep ignoring, again and again, this very basic fact.

Yes. I wanted to have a job and save money for a car like normal kids. Instead the car was used as a means to control me.

Except you apparently did nothing about finding your own job. You complained that your mother had to find you a job. Not that waiting tables or whatever would have been enough to pay for a car--your parents would still have had to subsidize your car or co-sign your car loan.

I was told I’d be punished with my parents taking away my car if I didn’t work the job they chose for me. I remember my mom driving me by force to the job and dropping me out front and threatening me. I wasn’t allowed to ride in cars with any teenagers. It was my parents or me. Or maybe one of my parents friends. I didn’t live walking distance to any jobs.

I don’t think you understand parents who control every element of your life. If you grew up normally I can see how you might think “girl, find your own job!” Except it doesn’t work that way with parents like mine. If I’d gone rogue, found my own job, and somehow found a way to get there on a regular basis, they would have crucified me. The job wools have been called to say I can’t work there and my parents favorite threat - was that I couldn’t go to college at all. I could see the light being 17 and almost out of the house. So I worked the job they demanded but of course resented I couldn’t find and chose my own job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is immature, whiny and entitled brat. She thought that she will get some support here but DCUM crowd is pretty savvy.

DCUM called her on her BS. lol

How is someone entitled and a brat because they wanted to find their own job and save money to buy their own car? Not to mention the many other area of my life they controlled for me.