Question for older men who date much younger women

[Anonymous]

I’ve always assumed there was a fundamental flaw or personality deficiency in a man who would go for a woman that much younger than him. Friends’ experiences have generally proven this to be true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Men are hard wired to want women in their early 20's. It's just biology. I date younger women because I want them and I can get them, don't care if that pisses off the feminists.

Do you have daughters?

I find it hard to believe men who have daughters and thus realize how very young women in their EARLY 20s really are would feel okay with this.

If you have daughters, as I do, you realize that once they reach a certain age, you can no longer control what they do. Either you raised them to make good choices, or you didn't, but at that point it's totally up to them. I would say that point is definitely no later than when they go off to college, and realistically there isn't much you can do to limit their choices when they're juniors and seniors in high school. They are going to have sex with who they want to have sex with, regardless of what you think about it, that's just a fact.

As a thought experiment, let's say a woman in her 20s came into DCUM relationships and said, "my dad insists he should have the power to approve who I have sex with, and I am absolutely not allowed to have sex with a man if he's not okay with it." What do you think the DCUM reaction would be? I think DCUM would howl, "ewww, creepy and controlling, get away from this crazy patriarch as fast as you can!" Would you, as a father, want to have this power if you could (which you can't)?

Lots of people do totally legal things that I don't approve of. But that's freedom. You can't stop adult women from sleeping with "unsuitable" men unless you deprive them of freedom. And that's not gonna happen so you might as well not sit around being mad about it.

Lol, what? You COMPLETELY missed the point. The point was not “24 year olds shouldn’t be allowed to date men in their 40s.” Go back and read.

I was responding directly to the guy who asked how fathers would feel about their daughters dating older men, you moron, and my response directly addressed that point. Go back and read.

“Moron?” Haha…are you sure you can hang with the younger crowd?

I am that poster. And the point, which apparently needs to be spelled out for you: a normal man who has raised daughters realizes how VERY young and emotionally different a girl in her young 20s is. I could not see a 23 year old as a viable romantic relationship partner any more than I could see a 17 year old as one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are hard wired to want women in their early 20's. It's just biology. I date younger women because I want them and I can get them, don't care if that pisses off the feminists.

Do you have daughters?

I find it hard to believe men who have daughters and thus realize how very young women in their EARLY 20s really are would feel okay with this.

And I am a man. My colleague, who was in his late 40’s, started up an affair with a 20 year old. I could never look at him the same way; it’s completely predatory. But he doesn’t have daughters, and I think that might be why he could wrap his mind around it

This. They are mostly not really adults on the inside no matter what the outside look like. They may be intellectually precocious but emotionally are usually very young still.

Perhaps they should not be allowed to vote then.

Or drink, or have jobs, or go out in public without a responsible adult as their protector / duenna.

Actually he is literally talking about people who aren’t old enough to drink or graduate from college. You want your collegesged daughter sleeping with a 45 year old promiscuous slime who gives her an STD?

He is literally talking about "very young women in their EARLY 20s". They may be old enough to drink - but it hardly matters because we all know they ARE drinking anyway.

When my daughter goes to college, I will have ZERO control over who she sleeps with. She will do whatever she wants. There is no point in me even thinking about it.

No one is talking about you needing to control your daughter. People are wondering how middle-aged men feel morally okay “dating” young women in their early 20s, because anyone who has ANY context at all realizes that how emotionally young they are at that stage.

I am morally ok with any adult consensually dating any other adult. If you are not morally ok with that, then you have to argue that adult women need to be controlled in some way, to prevent them from dating objectionable men, which you consider immoral, otherwise your moral position is futile and senseless.

You can't stop women from having sex with whoever they want, so you might as well not be mad about it.

Believing that it is creepy when men date much younger than them does not imply that women should be controlled or stopped. It implies that...these men are creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are hard wired to want women in their early 20's. It's just biology. I date younger women because I want them and I can get them, don't care if that pisses off the feminists.

Do you have daughters?

I find it hard to believe men who have daughters and thus realize how very young women in their EARLY 20s really are would feel okay with this.

And I am a man. My colleague, who was in his late 40’s, started up an affair with a 20 year old. I could never look at him the same way; it’s completely predatory. But he doesn’t have daughters, and I think that might be why he could wrap his mind around it

This. They are mostly not really adults on the inside no matter what the outside look like. They may be intellectually precocious but emotionally are usually very young still.

Perhaps they should not be allowed to vote then.

Or drink, or have jobs, or go out in public without a responsible adult as their protector / duenna.

Actually he is literally talking about people who aren’t old enough to drink or graduate from college. You want your collegesged daughter sleeping with a 45 year old promiscuous slime who gives her an STD?

He is literally talking about "very young women in their EARLY 20s". They may be old enough to drink - but it hardly matters because we all know they ARE drinking anyway.

When my daughter goes to college, I will have ZERO control over who she sleeps with. She will do whatever she wants. There is no point in me even thinking about it.

No one is talking about you needing to control your daughter. People are wondering how middle-aged men feel morally okay “dating” young women in their early 20s, because anyone who has ANY context at all realizes that how emotionally young they are at that stage.

I am morally ok with any adult consensually dating any other adult. If you are not morally ok with that, then you have to argue that adult women need to be controlled in some way, to prevent them from dating objectionable men, which you consider immoral, otherwise your moral position is futile and senseless.

You can't stop women from having sex with whoever they want, so you might as well not be mad about it.

Believing that it is creepy when men date much younger than them does not imply that women should be controlled or stopped. It implies that...these men are creepy.

DP. Exactly. It is a judgment on the men, not the young women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 24, I had a serious relationship with someone 24 years older than me. We both knew it would not be a lifetime union but we were in love and had four great years together. Very fond memories.

Yeah I'm sure he was super in love omg

[Anonymous]

Trick question, they don’t. I never see this happen in real life. Just movies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are hard wired to want women in their early 20's. It's just biology. I date younger women because I want them and I can get them, don't care if that pisses off the feminists.

Do you have daughters?

I find it hard to believe men who have daughters and thus realize how very young women in their EARLY 20s really are would feel okay with this.

And I am a man. My colleague, who was in his late 40’s, started up an affair with a 20 year old. I could never look at him the same way; it’s completely predatory. But he doesn’t have daughters, and I think that might be why he could wrap his mind around it

This. They are mostly not really adults on the inside no matter what the outside look like. They may be intellectually precocious but emotionally are usually very young still.

Perhaps they should not be allowed to vote then.

Or drink, or have jobs, or go out in public without a responsible adult as their protector / duenna.

Actually he is literally talking about people who aren’t old enough to drink or graduate from college. You want your collegesged daughter sleeping with a 45 year old promiscuous slime who gives her an STD?

He is literally talking about "very young women in their EARLY 20s". They may be old enough to drink - but it hardly matters because we all know they ARE drinking anyway.

When my daughter goes to college, I will have ZERO control over who she sleeps with. She will do whatever she wants. There is no point in me even thinking about it.

No one is talking about you needing to control your daughter. People are wondering how middle-aged men feel morally okay “dating” young women in their early 20s, because anyone who has ANY context at all realizes that how emotionally young they are at that stage.

I am morally ok with any adult consensually dating any other adult. If you are not morally ok with that, then you have to argue that adult women need to be controlled in some way, to prevent them from dating objectionable men, which you consider immoral, otherwise your moral position is futile and senseless.

You can't stop women from having sex with whoever they want, so you might as well not be mad about it.

DP.. wouldn't you find it weird if your DD was serious about a man who might be older than you, her father. That's just so weird, and gross, tbh. You would have to wonder what happened in her childhood that would make her go after someone *that* old.

My DD isn't old enough to date yet. When she is, I hope she makes good choices. But the point is - and I don't understand why this is so hard for everyone to get - is what I think about it won't matter a bit. She will do whatever she wants.

When I was in grad school in my mid 20s, I knew women in their 20s who dated guys in their 40s. I knew those women well enough to know there wasn't anything that "happened" in their childhoods to make them date much older guys. They just liked those guys at that time. They also dated guys their own age.

It's not even like "dating a much older guy" is the only or the worst mistake a woman in her 20s can make. Why are you so hung up on this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are hard wired to want women in their early 20's. It's just biology. I date younger women because I want them and I can get them, don't care if that pisses off the feminists.

Do you have daughters?

I find it hard to believe men who have daughters and thus realize how very young women in their EARLY 20s really are would feel okay with this.

If you have daughters, as I do, you realize that once they reach a certain age, you can no longer control what they do. Either you raised them to make good choices, or you didn't, but at that point it's totally up to them. I would say that point is definitely no later than when they go off to college, and realistically there isn't much you can do to limit their choices when they're juniors and seniors in high school. They are going to have sex with who they want to have sex with, regardless of what you think about it, that's just a fact.

As a thought experiment, let's say a woman in her 20s came into DCUM relationships and said, "my dad insists he should have the power to approve who I have sex with, and I am absolutely not allowed to have sex with a man if he's not okay with it." What do you think the DCUM reaction would be? I think DCUM would howl, "ewww, creepy and controlling, get away from this crazy patriarch as fast as you can!" Would you, as a father, want to have this power if you could (which you can't)?

Lots of people do totally legal things that I don't approve of. But that's freedom. You can't stop adult women from sleeping with "unsuitable" men unless you deprive them of freedom. And that's not gonna happen so you might as well not sit around being mad about it.

Lol, what? You COMPLETELY missed the point. The point was not “24 year olds shouldn’t be allowed to date men in their 40s.” Go back and read.

I was responding directly to the guy who asked how fathers would feel about their daughters dating older men, you moron, and my response directly addressed that point. Go back and read.

“Moron?” Haha…are you sure you can hang with the younger crowd?

I am that poster. And the point, which apparently needs to be spelled out for you: a normal man who has raised daughters realizes how VERY young and emotionally different a girl in her young 20s is. I could not see a 23 year old as a viable romantic relationship partner any more than I could see a 17 year old as one.

The point which apparently needs to be spelled out for you again, moron: 23 year old women are legal adults in every respect, they are permitted to make whatever life choices they want, and they alone are responsible for those choices. If you don't want to date a 23 year old, great, don't do that. But if a 23 year old wants to date an older man, that's 100% her business and 0% your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are hard wired to want women in their early 20's. It's just biology. I date younger women because I want them and I can get them, don't care if that pisses off the feminists.

Do you have daughters?

I find it hard to believe men who have daughters and thus realize how very young women in their EARLY 20s really are would feel okay with this.

And I am a man. My colleague, who was in his late 40’s, started up an affair with a 20 year old. I could never look at him the same way; it’s completely predatory. But he doesn’t have daughters, and I think that might be why he could wrap his mind around it

This. They are mostly not really adults on the inside no matter what the outside look like. They may be intellectually precocious but emotionally are usually very young still.

Perhaps they should not be allowed to vote then.

Or drink, or have jobs, or go out in public without a responsible adult as their protector / duenna.

Actually he is literally talking about people who aren’t old enough to drink or graduate from college. You want your collegesged daughter sleeping with a 45 year old promiscuous slime who gives her an STD?

He is literally talking about "very young women in their EARLY 20s". They may be old enough to drink - but it hardly matters because we all know they ARE drinking anyway.

When my daughter goes to college, I will have ZERO control over who she sleeps with. She will do whatever she wants. There is no point in me even thinking about it.

No one is talking about you needing to control your daughter. People are wondering how middle-aged men feel morally okay “dating” young women in their early 20s, because anyone who has ANY context at all realizes that how emotionally young they are at that stage.

I am morally ok with any adult consensually dating any other adult. If you are not morally ok with that, then you have to argue that adult women need to be controlled in some way, to prevent them from dating objectionable men, which you consider immoral, otherwise your moral position is futile and senseless.

You can't stop women from having sex with whoever they want, so you might as well not be mad about it.

Believing that it is creepy when men date much younger than them does not imply that women should be controlled or stopped. It implies that...these men are creepy.

DP. Exactly. It is a judgment on the men, not the young women.

He's making a consensual choice. She's making a consensual choice. No different from any other consensual relationship choice. Why do you hate consensual relationships?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 24, I had a serious relationship with someone 24 years older than me. We both knew it would not be a lifetime union but we were in love and had four great years together. Very fond memories.

Impossible. Must be a troll. According to the other posters on here, you were naive, unable to make choices, emotionally immature, and so on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are hard wired to want women in their early 20's. It's just biology. I date younger women because I want them and I can get them, don't care if that pisses off the feminists.

Do you have daughters?

I find it hard to believe men who have daughters and thus realize how very young women in their EARLY 20s really are would feel okay with this.

And I am a man. My colleague, who was in his late 40’s, started up an affair with a 20 year old. I could never look at him the same way; it’s completely predatory. But he doesn’t have daughters, and I think that might be why he could wrap his mind around it

This. They are mostly not really adults on the inside no matter what the outside look like. They may be intellectually precocious but emotionally are usually very young still.

Perhaps they should not be allowed to vote then.

Or drink, or have jobs, or go out in public without a responsible adult as their protector / duenna.

Actually he is literally talking about people who aren’t old enough to drink or graduate from college. You want your collegesged daughter sleeping with a 45 year old promiscuous slime who gives her an STD?

He is literally talking about "very young women in their EARLY 20s". They may be old enough to drink - but it hardly matters because we all know they ARE drinking anyway.

When my daughter goes to college, I will have ZERO control over who she sleeps with. She will do whatever she wants. There is no point in me even thinking about it.

No one is talking about you needing to control your daughter. People are wondering how middle-aged men feel morally okay “dating” young women in their early 20s, because anyone who has ANY context at all realizes that how emotionally young they are at that stage.

I am morally ok with any adult consensually dating any other adult. If you are not morally ok with that, then you have to argue that adult women need to be controlled in some way, to prevent them from dating objectionable men, which you consider immoral, otherwise your moral position is futile and senseless.

You can't stop women from having sex with whoever they want, so you might as well not be mad about it.

Believing that it is creepy when men date much younger than them does not imply that women should be controlled or stopped. It implies that...these men are creepy.

DP. Exactly. It is a judgment on the men, not the young women.

He's making a consensual choice. She's making a consensual choice. No different from any other consensual relationship choice. Why do you hate consensual relationships?

Plenty of consensual things are creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are hard wired to want women in their early 20's. It's just biology. I date younger women because I want them and I can get them, don't care if that pisses off the feminists.

Do you have daughters?

I find it hard to believe men who have daughters and thus realize how very young women in their EARLY 20s really are would feel okay with this.

And I am a man. My colleague, who was in his late 40’s, started up an affair with a 20 year old. I could never look at him the same way; it’s completely predatory. But he doesn’t have daughters, and I think that might be why he could wrap his mind around it

This. They are mostly not really adults on the inside no matter what the outside look like. They may be intellectually precocious but emotionally are usually very young still.

Perhaps they should not be allowed to vote then.

Or drink, or have jobs, or go out in public without a responsible adult as their protector / duenna.

Actually he is literally talking about people who aren’t old enough to drink or graduate from college. You want your collegesged daughter sleeping with a 45 year old promiscuous slime who gives her an STD?

He is literally talking about "very young women in their EARLY 20s". They may be old enough to drink - but it hardly matters because we all know they ARE drinking anyway.

When my daughter goes to college, I will have ZERO control over who she sleeps with. She will do whatever she wants. There is no point in me even thinking about it.

No one is talking about you needing to control your daughter. People are wondering how middle-aged men feel morally okay “dating” young women in their early 20s, because anyone who has ANY context at all realizes that how emotionally young they are at that stage.

I am morally ok with any adult consensually dating any other adult. If you are not morally ok with that, then you have to argue that adult women need to be controlled in some way, to prevent them from dating objectionable men, which you consider immoral, otherwise your moral position is futile and senseless.

You can't stop women from having sex with whoever they want, so you might as well not be mad about it.

Believing that it is creepy when men date much younger than them does not imply that women should be controlled or stopped. It implies that...these men are creepy.

DP. Exactly. It is a judgment on the men, not the young women.

He's making a consensual choice. She's making a consensual choice. No different from any other consensual relationship choice. Why do you hate consensual relationships?

Plenty of consensual things are creepy.

Especially creepy as many early twenties young women are still partially subsidized by their parents: cell phone plan, on family health insurance, help with student loans, etc. Guessing girls with little of this family support are drawn to older men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trick question, they don’t. I never see this happen in real life. Just movies.

My gf's Instagram has all sorts of evidence to the contrary.

[Anonymous]

What is so strange about this thread is that the old women complaining about me dating young women are the cause of my relationship with my gf. Those old women raised the loser 20s sons who can't get into a relationship with 20s women.

Here is what my gf has said about young men her age: they are all on drugs, they have poor manners, they all lack ambition and are lazy, they are all anti-intellectual, they are all mommy's boys, they are all polyamorous, and they all state they are not looking for a serious relationship or any relationship beyond hooking up. For my gf any single one of those is a deal breaker.

So thank you DC Urban Moms, for being such terrible mothers that I am able to date young women. If you weren't so awful, I'd be dating you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are hard wired to want women in their early 20's. It's just biology. I date younger women because I want them and I can get them, don't care if that pisses off the feminists.

Do you have daughters?

I find it hard to believe men who have daughters and thus realize how very young women in their EARLY 20s really are would feel okay with this.

And I am a man. My colleague, who was in his late 40’s, started up an affair with a 20 year old. I could never look at him the same way; it’s completely predatory. But he doesn’t have daughters, and I think that might be why he could wrap his mind around it

This. They are mostly not really adults on the inside no matter what the outside look like. They may be intellectually precocious but emotionally are usually very young still.

Perhaps they should not be allowed to vote then.

Or drink, or have jobs, or go out in public without a responsible adult as their protector / duenna.

Actually he is literally talking about people who aren’t old enough to drink or graduate from college. You want your collegesged daughter sleeping with a 45 year old promiscuous slime who gives her an STD?

He is literally talking about "very young women in their EARLY 20s". They may be old enough to drink - but it hardly matters because we all know they ARE drinking anyway.

When my daughter goes to college, I will have ZERO control over who she sleeps with. She will do whatever she wants. There is no point in me even thinking about it.

No one is talking about you needing to control your daughter. People are wondering how middle-aged men feel morally okay “dating” young women in their early 20s, because anyone who has ANY context at all realizes that how emotionally young they are at that stage.

I am morally ok with any adult consensually dating any other adult. If you are not morally ok with that, then you have to argue that adult women need to be controlled in some way, to prevent them from dating objectionable men, which you consider immoral, otherwise your moral position is futile and senseless.

You can't stop women from having sex with whoever they want, so you might as well not be mad about it.

Believing that it is creepy when men date much younger than them does not imply that women should be controlled or stopped. It implies that...these men are creepy.

DP. Exactly. It is a judgment on the men, not the young women.

He's making a consensual choice. She's making a consensual choice. No different from any other consensual relationship choice. Why do you hate consensual relationships?

Plenty of consensual things are creepy.

Especially creepy as many early twenties young women are still partially subsidized by their parents: cell phone plan, on family health insurance, help with student loans, etc. Guessing girls with little of this family support are drawn to older men.

My girlfriend is in grad school and gets a most of her financial support from her parents, and from her own work.