My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Uh, no. This young woman’s aunt and uncle are taking her on vacation. Neither she nor the OP owe anything to his wife’s spoiled, whiny brats.

OP, stay in the guest room and do whatever to need to do to get out of this marriage. The constant greed and keeping count from your step daughters and wife is just beginning.

Those whiny brats are somebody's children.

And he committed to respecting those whiny brats when he committed to their mother.

respecting doesn't equal foisting them on his brother for an expensive international trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your brother was incredibly hurtful, OP. You should tell him to never talk to your wife and YOUR kids like that ever again.

I know your wife provoked him, but she was addressing a specific situation, with a specific request. It did not warrant a generalized hate comment. The two are entirely different beasts. Your wife was annoying in the moment. Your brother was incredibly hateful, in a permanent way.

Your wife has some hope of growing and maturing. Your brother does not. I strongly disagree with all the posters who think this is gotcha moment for your wife. I would NEVER respond like that to an annoying SIL, particularly not vis-a-vis kids. He crossed a line, and your job is to let him know that.

(Now separately, I would be mad at your wife too, for failing to understand the dynamics of a blended family.)

The specific situation and request were so inappropriate that while hurtful, the response was not unreasonable.

+1

Agree. Besides, OP warned wife number two that BIL was not amenable to making this a negotiation, so wife number two should have sat down right then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Uh, no. This young woman’s aunt and uncle are taking her on vacation. Neither she nor the OP owe anything to his wife’s spoiled, whiny brats.

OP, stay in the guest room and do whatever to need to do to get out of this marriage. The constant greed and keeping count from your step daughters and wife is just beginning.

Those whiny brats are somebody's children.

And he committed to respecting those whiny brats when he committed to their mother.

respecting doesn't equal foisting them on his brother for an expensive international trip.

OP’s wife is mad at *him* and has him in the doghouse for not checking and correcting his brother’s over the top disrespectful comment NOT because the brother said no. She is in the right, DH is a passive coward in that regard.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you are right about the trip, but I think you and your wife screwed her children in terms of college finances. You really should not have gotten married if the plan was to remain this detached from each other's children and to have completely separate finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol I think your brothers response was golden. Why did you marry this woman? She sounds awful.

+100.

No wonder your daughter does not want to come around the house when the girls are there.

And your brother, he should take your wife's daughters on a trip for their instagram account attention seeking??? No way.

Good luck, but I fear you are in for more of the same.

p.s. I think it is wonderful that your daughter, and her uncle & aunt have had these trips together all these years. Priceless family memories!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol I think your brothers response was golden. Why did you marry this woman? She sounds awful.

+100.

No wonder your daughter does not want to come around the house when the girls are there.

And your brother, he should take your wife's daughters on a trip for their instagram account attention seeking??? No way.

Good luck, but I fear you are in for more of the same.

p.s. I think it is wonderful that your daughter, and her uncle & aunt have had these trips together all these years. Priceless family memories!

+1

I'm not one for playing favorites, but in this case - it is not your actual family, it is step children. And, your brother treats his own blood nephew to a trip. I would feel differently if he was taking one blood relative, and not the rest - but that is not the case here. Your wife sounds like a demanding shrew, who bred three more demanding shrews. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol I think your brothers response was golden. Why did you marry this woman? She sounds awful.

+1. If this is an accurate description of events, I find no way to excuse your wife's behavior or opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Uh, no. This young woman’s aunt and uncle are taking her on vacation. Neither she nor the OP owe anything to his wife’s spoiled, whiny brats.

OP, stay in the guest room and do whatever to need to do to get out of this marriage. The constant greed and keeping count from your step daughters and wife is just beginning.

Those whiny brats are somebody's children.

And he committed to respecting those whiny brats when he committed to their mother.

respecting doesn't equal foisting them on his brother for an expensive international trip.

OP’s wife is mad at *him* and has him in the doghouse for not checking and correcting his brother’s over the top disrespectful comment NOT because the brother said no. She is in the right, DH is a passive coward in that regard.

She needs to look in the mirror. It was disrespectful to even ask the brother. There is no defending HER actions. The brother simply reacted after the Wife went behind her husbands back. Sorry, the wife is in the wrong and got what she deserved. She would not get an apology from me if I were in OP's shoes.

[Anonymous]

This whole thing is a PSA about getting remarried with adolescent kids in the picture. Why do people do this??

[Anonymous]

You can't control other people. It is not the brother's job to take those step kids on trips.
It was rude and inappropriate for the wife to text the brother.

Brother responded fairly, if not diplomatically.

What OP should do? If you want to stay married, you are supposed to support your spouse, even when they are wrong.

I would still send my bio daughter on trips with her uncle.
I would have a no contact rule from my wife and brother. Wife needs to respect that too.

Wife was WAY out of line but, you married her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol I think your brothers response was golden. Why did you marry this woman? She sounds awful.

+100.

No wonder your daughter does not want to come around the house when the girls are there.

And your brother, he should take your wife's daughters on a trip for their instagram account attention seeking??? No way.

Good luck, but I fear you are in for more of the same.

p.s. I think it is wonderful that your daughter, and her uncle & aunt have had these trips together all these years. Priceless family memories!

+1

I'm not one for playing favorites, but in this case - it is not your actual family, it is step children. And, your brother treats his own blood nephew to a trip. I would feel differently if he was taking one blood relative, and not the rest - but that is not the case here. Your wife sounds like a demanding shrew, who bred three more demanding shrews. Yikes.

Why does it matter if it’s a blood relative? It actually seems kind of worse that it’s because they are stepchildren.
My parents and sister will take just one of our kids on a trip sometimes. No one gets hurt feelings about it because they know that they are valuable and loved by everyone and treated fairly overall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't control other people. It is not the brother's job to take those step kids on trips.
It was rude and inappropriate for the wife to text the brother.

Brother responded fairly, if not diplomatically.

What OP should do? If you want to stay married, you are supposed to support your spouse, even when they are wrong.

I would still send my bio daughter on trips with her uncle.
I would have a no contact rule from my wife and brother. Wife needs to respect that too.

Wife was WAY out of line but, you married her.

No way would I support wife in this scenario. A wife can come and go, but a good brother is priceless. I would fight like a mother bear to preserve DD's relationship with her aunt and uncle, and would do absolutely nothing to jeopardize it. I would apologize to brother for wife's behavior, TBH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this sounds crazy and unbelievable. I don't blame anyone for thinking that. Here is the thing my wife and I have been together for 7 years. This is not some brief relationship where I lost my head and rushed into marriage. In hindsight I guess we should have waited longer to combine households. This was never an issue before we got married. My daughter likes her stepmom and she has so little interaction with my stepkids it never crossed my mind this would be an issue. You guys are kind of scaring me with all the divorce talk. I said the marriage was doomed out of frustration not because I actually want a divorce. I know I need to talk to my brother about what he said about not liking the kids but I can't defend my wife and her actions. As for paying for college my daughter has a 529 college savings account which is fully funded. My wife and her ex husband are responsible for paying for their kids college and unfortunately they will have to take out loans. This was discussed before we got married and it was agreed we are responsible for taking care of our own kids. We keep finances separate. As far as vacations go my daughter will always be invited. I guess seeing a therapist is the answer.

She thought that when you got married, you would be a family. She probably imagined some kind of Brady Bunch situation where you two have these four teenage daughters. You thought that when you got married, you would keep living your own separate lives, but you would share the household chores and have more regular sex.

Neither of you are wrong, but you are both being trying to force your vision of a family on the other person, and you are pushing each other to be even more extreme. Obviously, she is acting crazy, getting over emotional, and calling your brother to include her daughter on this trip. Meanwhile, you are completely shutting down all emotion and saying that you aren’t a parent to your stepchildren, just their friend (which is equally crazy).
You need to come closer together in a shared vision of your family instead of digging your heels in on your own vision. I doubt that either of you want to be the person you are being. Probably therapy will help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing is a PSA about getting remarried with adolescent kids in the picture. Why do people do this??

Their market value dictates this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol I think your brothers response was golden. Why did you marry this woman? She sounds awful.

+100.

No wonder your daughter does not want to come around the house when the girls are there.

And your brother, he should take your wife's daughters on a trip for their instagram account attention seeking??? No way.

Good luck, but I fear you are in for more of the same.

p.s. I think it is wonderful that your daughter, and her uncle & aunt have had these trips together all these years. Priceless family memories!

+1

I'm not one for playing favorites, but in this case - it is not your actual family, it is step children. And, your brother treats his own blood nephew to a trip. I would feel differently if he was taking one blood relative, and not the rest - but that is not the case here. Your wife sounds like a demanding shrew, who bred three more demanding shrews. Yikes.

Why does it matter if it’s a blood relative? It actually seems kind of worse that it’s because they are stepchildren.
My parents and sister will take just one of our kids on a trip sometimes. No one gets hurt feelings about it because they know that they are valuable and loved by everyone and treated fairly overall.

It matters because you owe them nothing. It is somewhat like taking one of your kid’s friends on a trip. If you want to and can afford it, great, but zero obligation. Frankly you have no obligation to take blood nephews/nieces on trips either.