My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP may be a troll, but the people in this thread are so juvenile, vulgar, and classless. True gutter Jerry Springer audience members of the soul. That response was *way* out of line when speaking to any man’s wife, let alone his own brother’s wife.

She contacted him first and made a rude demand. She got back what she was dishing out. Who did she think she was to contact him and talk to him that way?

She “texted him and asked him why he never took her kids anywhere that it was not fair.” That may be whiny, but it’s not rude and it’s definitely not disrespectful. What the brother said was.

Do we teach our children to speak to others that way? Of course not, but because OP’s wife is allegedly some horrible woman who should be divorced immediately and she deserves to get put in her place? GMAFB. Vile.

I’m not the person you’re responding to, but come on. Of course it’s super rude to contact a random person (absolutely nobody to you, by blood or marriage) and demand that they spend tens of thousands of dollars on your kids taking them on vacations just because they feel entitled to it because they need to watch another kid get it. Nobody normal does that. The brother got annoyed and understandably so. Honestly she’s lucky he didn’t just tell her to F off. I’m sure he had to hold that back and feels like he did a pretty good job restraining himself!

NP but he's literally her brother in law. By marriage.

OP you sound like a weird observer in your own family. You've been with this woman for seven years and you don't think it's strange that your family doesn't care to get to know her beyond pleasantries? You don't particularly care about your stepdaughters even though you've known them since elementary school, you don't care enough about your own daughter not to join families with someone whose kids she dislikes enough to avoid your house, you don't care enough about your wife to tell you brother not to curse at her. You're just kind of drifting through, surrounded by people behaving various degrees of badly and reporting back on their behavior with little investment or awareness to how you're contributing to this dysfunction. It's bizarre, but I think this is a troll so who cares.

Brother in law is nobody in this case. She’s not his blood and she didn’t marry him. Brother in law sometimes means something in families because it’s the blood uncle for your kids. Which isn’t the case here. This guy has no relation whatsoever to this woman. And he has no relation whatsoever to her kids.

What a bizarre take on in laws. We don’t have kids but my husband’s brother is not a nobody to me or vice versa. And despite not popping me out of her womb, my husband’s mother is related to me too *gasp!*

Well that’s your take on it. Personally I don’t think you owe them anything and they don’t owe you anything. Once you have kids, things change slightly since your kids are blood related to them.

If you choose to have friendships with your in-laws because of mutual respect then that’s great. But they aren’t related to you.

They’re literally related by marriage. That’s the definition of being related by marriage. The world doesn’t revolve around your petty opinion, Janice!

You’re related to your own spouse by marriage. Not anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP may be a troll, but the people in this thread are so juvenile, vulgar, and classless. True gutter Jerry Springer audience members of the soul. That response was *way* out of line when speaking to any man’s wife, let alone his own brother’s wife.

She contacted him first and made a rude demand. She got back what she was dishing out. Who did she think she was to contact him and talk to him that way?

She “texted him and asked him why he never took her kids anywhere that it was not fair.” That may be whiny, but it’s not rude and it’s definitely not disrespectful. What the brother said was.

Do we teach our children to speak to others that way? Of course not, but because OP’s wife is allegedly some horrible woman who should be divorced immediately and she deserves to get put in her place? GMAFB. Vile.

I’m not the person you’re responding to, but come on. Of course it’s super rude to contact a random person (absolutely nobody to you, by blood or marriage) and demand that they spend tens of thousands of dollars on your kids taking them on vacations just because they feel entitled to it because they need to watch another kid get it. Nobody normal does that. The brother got annoyed and understandably so. Honestly she’s lucky he didn’t just tell her to F off. I’m sure he had to hold that back and feels like he did a pretty good job restraining himself!

NP but he's literally her brother in law. By marriage.

OP you sound like a weird observer in your own family. You've been with this woman for seven years and you don't think it's strange that your family doesn't care to get to know her beyond pleasantries? You don't particularly care about your stepdaughters even though you've known them since elementary school, you don't care enough about your own daughter not to join families with someone whose kids she dislikes enough to avoid your house, you don't care enough about your wife to tell you brother not to curse at her. You're just kind of drifting through, surrounded by people behaving various degrees of badly and reporting back on their behavior with little investment or awareness to how you're contributing to this dysfunction. It's bizarre, but I think this is a troll so who cares.

Brother in law is nobody in this case. She’s not his blood and she didn’t marry him. Brother in law sometimes means something in families because it’s the blood uncle for your kids. Which isn’t the case here. This guy has no relation whatsoever to this woman. And he has no relation whatsoever to her kids.

What a bizarre take on in laws. We don’t have kids but my husband’s brother is not a nobody to me or vice versa. And despite not popping me out of her womb, my husband’s mother is related to me too *gasp!*

Well that’s your take on it. Personally I don’t think you owe them anything and they don’t owe you anything. Once you have kids, things change slightly since your kids are blood related to them.

If you choose to have friendships with your in-laws because of mutual respect then that’s great. But they aren’t related to you.

They’re literally related by marriage. That’s the definition of being related by marriage. The world doesn’t revolve around your petty opinion, Janice!

You’re related to your own spouse by marriage. Not anyone else.

DP but that's just factually inaccurate. But it makes sense in a thread where people are taking "I don't play any paternal role for the stepchildren who live in my house" at face value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Nope. The trip with the uncle is not the same thing as a “family vacation.”

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (42m) have been married to my wife (39f) for 6 months. I have a daughter (17) and she has 3 daughters aged (14, 16 & 18). My daughter has a car and comes and goes between my house and her moms as she pleases. My wifes kids live with us 50% of the time. I am not a father figure to my wifes kids and she is not a mother figure to my daughter. I am their friend and they call me by my first name. I have a good relationship with them and my daughter and wife get along for the most part. My daughter does not get along with her step siblings but has her own room and is hardly ever home so they don't cross paths very often. She usually stays over when they are with their dad.

I have a brother (40m) and SIL (40f) and are child free. They don’t like kids but my daughter is the exception. They spend quite a bit of time with her and they have taken her on trips all over the world. She has been traveling with them since she was 5. Some of these trips last 4-6 weeks during the summer. My ex wife and I miss her like crazy but there is no way we would deprive her of these life changing experiences.

My wife and I were together for a few years before we got married so she was familiar with these trips and how my brother feels about kids. He gets her kids nice gifts for Christmas but has made no effort to get to know them beyond pleasantries and has no plans to take it beyond that.

After we got married my wife started to tell me it was not right that my daughter would go on these exotic trips and her kids were not included. I tried to shut this down right away and reminded her that she has known about these trips for years and my brother is under no obligation to take her kids. I also warned her not to bring this up to him directly because he would hurt her feelings. I tried to be as kind as possible but I told her this was not even a topic for discussion. I was not going to alienate my kid so her daughters would not be jealous. We had that conversation last November. I thought this topic had been dropped but it reared it’s ugly head again.

My SIL messaged me and my ex wife some dates for two trips they in the process of planning. One of the places they are going is to Dubai.

When my step daughters found out about Dubai there was a total meltdown. I’m not talking about just crying but whaling. The 18 year old threw an old fashion temper tantrum. She is on instagram and is trying to grow her page and I guess Dubai is popular place for influencers on Instagram.. My wife was so upset and kept going see see see. What did she want me to do??. She said either my brother take all of them or none of them. I said that was not happening. It was a very intense argument and I flat out told her my brother does not care about her kids like that. Even if I told him my daughter could not go he would never travel with them. My daughter is going end of story and they are going to have to accept it.

I thought that was it but my wife went behind my back and confronted my brother and texted him and asked him why he never took her kids anywhere that it was not fair. He replied “I don’t like your kids and I don’t like you either. Don’t message me again with your bullshit.” She asked me what I was going to do about it. I said nothing. She was acting more entitled than her daughters and embarrassed me.

Now my wife is furious I did not defend her honor and “allowed” my brother to disrespect her and her kids. I warned her last November that my brother would hurt her feelings and that is exactly what happened. I can’t control him. This is causing some real issues though. I've been sleeping in the guest bedroom for the last week. I feel like this marriage is doomed. Any advice?

Team BIL.

Never remarry, especially if they have kids - no matter what age (them or you)!

I reside in a DCUM approved area, where there or TONS of divorced people, and can, without hesitation, tell you that each and every remarried person I know is absolutely miserable. This might not help you, OP - but it will shed some light on your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is all the single moms out there who think men are just something to be used and drained of all resources for the benefit of the mom and her kids, then dispenses with, then move on to the next one.

The sense of entitlement is supreme, and rises to a delusional level. "If you are my partner, I am automatically entitled to determine how best to use all of YOUR resources, not just YOUR resources (like the $1,000 check your Mom gave you for your birthday), but all the resources of your entire extended family. I, and I alone, am the sole determinant of all resources that I think I can get my hands on, by any means. This is what you agreed to when I gave you access to my V."

x1000000

THIS, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife sounds like my exDH new wife, she also has 3 kids. OMG. My ILs love taking THEIR ONLY GRANDSON on vacations with them. She throws such a fit every time she hears about any vacation. ILs are polite to her but they made a point of saying "we are nice to your kids but they are not our grandkids".

Your wife needs to grow up or find other people to mooch off.

+1

Mooch is the word I was looking for, thank you. Damn, OP - good luck with this one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife is dead wrong.

A step-Aunt and Uncle have zero responsibility to send step-nieces on $5,000 trips. Or any trip. It's basically not even a relative. Your wife sounds like a tacky gold digger "gimme too." How tacky

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely a troll.

Exactly. What teenage girl wants to go to Dubai?

[Anonymous]

These kids had entirely different lives and families before your marriage, and it wouldn't even be assumed that this uncle now should include her kids on a very expensive global trip like this. He's allowed to have a continuing relationship that is about his niece, that started from birth. Your remarriage doesn't change that. It might be different if they were either all much younger when you remarried or this was a grandparent, but I don’t understand her reasoning at all. You aren't one family really, just because you remarried and you both have kids. They are all too old.

Why did he have to say " I don't like you or your kids"(?) There were a hundred other things to say, but he went right for the jugular. Is there an apparent reason for this that you know about, OP?
Yes, she is entirely out of line for assuming this in the first place, harassing you about it, revving her kids up, and confronting him. But he could have said something different, unless there is more to the story, and I'll bet there is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP may be a troll, but the people in this thread are so juvenile, vulgar, and classless. True gutter Jerry Springer audience members of the soul. That response was *way* out of line when speaking to any man’s wife, let alone his own brother’s wife.

She contacted him first and made a rude demand. She got back what she was dishing out. Who did she think she was to contact him and talk to him that way?

She “texted him and asked him why he never took her kids anywhere that it was not fair.” That may be whiny, but it’s not rude and it’s definitely not disrespectful. What the brother said was.

Do we teach our children to speak to others that way? Of course not, but because OP’s wife is allegedly some horrible woman who should be divorced immediately and she deserves to get put in her place? GMAFB. Vile.

I’m not the person you’re responding to, but come on. Of course it’s super rude to contact a random person (absolutely nobody to you, by blood or marriage) and demand that they spend tens of thousands of dollars on your kids taking them on vacations just because they feel entitled to it because they need to watch another kid get it. Nobody normal does that. The brother got annoyed and understandably so. Honestly she’s lucky he didn’t just tell her to F off. I’m sure he had to hold that back and feels like he did a pretty good job restraining himself!

NP but he's literally her brother in law. By marriage.

OP you sound like a weird observer in your own family. You've been with this woman for seven years and you don't think it's strange that your family doesn't care to get to know her beyond pleasantries? You don't particularly care about your stepdaughters even though you've known them since elementary school, you don't care enough about your own daughter not to join families with someone whose kids she dislikes enough to avoid your house, you don't care enough about your wife to tell you brother not to curse at her. You're just kind of drifting through, surrounded by people behaving various degrees of badly and reporting back on their behavior with little investment or awareness to how you're contributing to this dysfunction. It's bizarre, but I think this is a troll so who cares.

I agree with all of this. OP sounds bizarrely detached. I’m surprised that so many people feel like they can relate to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

This. End of story. Why she, or the kids would think otherwise is just plain bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Uh, no. This young woman’s aunt and uncle are taking her on vacation. Neither she nor the OP owe anything to his wife’s spoiled, whiny brats.

OP, stay in the guest room and do whatever to need to do to get out of this marriage. The constant greed and keeping count from your step daughters and wife is just beginning.

Step Aunt and Step uncle. Let's be clear, these are not blood relatives, and it would be ridiculous to suggest they take 3 unrelated kids on world wide trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your brother was incredibly hurtful, OP. You should tell him to never talk to your wife and YOUR kids like that ever again.

I know your wife provoked him, but she was addressing a specific situation, with a specific request. It did not warrant a generalized hate comment. The two are entirely different beasts. Your wife was annoying in the moment. Your brother was incredibly hateful, in a permanent way.

Your wife has some hope of growing and maturing. Your brother does not. I strongly disagree with all the posters who think this is gotcha moment for your wife. I would NEVER respond like that to an annoying SIL, particularly not vis-a-vis kids. He crossed a line, and your job is to let him know that.

(Now separately, I would be mad at your wife too, for failing to understand the dynamics of a blended family.)

The specific situation and request were so inappropriate that while hurtful, the response was not unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Uh, no. This young woman’s aunt and uncle are taking her on vacation. Neither she nor the OP owe anything to his wife’s spoiled, whiny brats.

OP, stay in the guest room and do whatever to need to do to get out of this marriage. The constant greed and keeping count from your step daughters and wife is just beginning.

Step Aunt and Step uncle. Let's be clear, these are not blood relatives, and it would be ridiculous to suggest they take 3 unrelated kids on world wide trips.

+1

This. NOT BLOOD RELATIVES. Not even blood grandchild (which would in itself be a big stretch!)