Reply to My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know this sounds crazy and unbelievable.  I don't blame anyone for thinking that.  Here is the thing my wife and I have been together for 7 years.  This is not some brief relationship where I lost my head and rushed into marriage.  In hindsight I guess we should have waited longer to combine households. [b] This was never an issue before we got married.  My daughter likes her stepmom and she has so little interaction with my stepkids it never crossed my mind this would be an issue.  You guys are kind of scaring me with all the divorce talk.  I said the marriage was doomed out of frustration not because I actually want a divorce.[/b]  I know I need to talk to my brother about what he said about not liking the kids but I can't defend my wife and her actions.  As for paying for college my daughter has a 529 college savings account which is fully funded.  My wife and her ex husband are responsible for paying for their kids college and unfortunately they will have to take out loans.  This was discussed before we got married and it was agreed we are responsible for taking care of our own kids.  We keep finances separate.  As far as vacations go my daughter will always be invited.  I guess seeing a therapist is the answer.[/quote]

She thought that when you got married, you would be a family.  She probably imagined some kind of Brady Bunch situation where you two have these four teenage daughters.  You thought that when you got married, you would keep living your own separate lives, but you would share the household chores and have more regular sex.

Neither of you are wrong, but you are both being trying to force your vision of a family on the other person, and you are pushing each other to be even more extreme.  Obviously, she is acting crazy, getting over emotional, and calling your brother to include her daughter on this trip.  Meanwhile, you are completely shutting down all emotion and saying that you aren’t a parent to your stepchildren, just their friend (which is equally crazy).  
You need to come closer together in a shared vision of your family instead of digging your heels in on your own vision.  I doubt that either of you want to be the person you are being.  Probably therapy will help.  [/quote]

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