Does anyone regret leaving the work force?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No but I have been in and out and my peers who never left are partners in BigLaw and I work in higher ed making a lot less money. Just know that yes, indeed, your career will never recover. Just part of being a woman in America!

I left my full-time career and switched to part-time after I had my first child. I agree with PP that it is unlikely that your career will recover if you leave the workforce for years. At times, I have regrets that I am not anywhere near as professionally accomplished as some of my then-peers have become.

But the bottom line for me is: yes, leaving full-time work was bad for my career, but it was good for my life.

The right balance is different for different people. Good luck, OP, in finding what is a good balance for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

My husband would make 15-20x what I would earn.

Several of my successful female friends are now divorced or separating. I know it is only my friend circle but the ones who are the most successful are the least compromising in their standards and their marriages have fallen apart. The ones who are at the very top constantly feel like guys are trying to push them out or take their job. My one friend who has poured a decade of her life into a company just got laid off. Her husband was taking time to find himself. They just upgraded everything in their house and now may sell their multi million dollar home. The grass is always greener on the other side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

My husband would make 15-20x what I would earn.

Several of my successful female friends are now divorced or separating. I know it is only my friend circle but the ones who are the most successful are the least compromising in their standards and their marriages have fallen apart. The ones who are at the very top constantly feel like guys are trying to push them out or take their job. My one friend who has poured a decade of her life into a company just got laid off. Her husband was taking time to find himself. They just upgraded everything in their house and now may sell their multi million dollar home. The grass is always greener on the other side.

You sound really smug about your friends who are divorced or separated. There but for the grade of God go I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

It's 2022. And we're talking about women in their 30s and 40s (ie with children at home) - so peak earning years. There are LOTS of jobs that pay that amount in 2022. And the higher up you go, the more flexibility you have to demand work from home. ALso not surprising the hours are reasonable - because this is a lot less money than the jobs where they expect around-the-clock checking in. Remember, we're not talking about 27 year olds.

That you think there aren't (or you've convinced yourself there aren't) is part of the problem. Women aim low straight out of college. Especially the ones with the eye on the prize of staying home. They take unpaid internships, get low paying jobs in nonprofits or doing things that "make them happy". But after 5 years they have kids, and turns out the job didn't make them that "happy" because they are more than happy to quit as soon as they have kids. Plus, those "make me happy" jobs pay shit. So even more reason to quit. It's all self-perpetuating.

But back to the original point: $250k a year in 2022 is not unusual in DC for a job with flexibility in your late 30s and 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

It's 2022. And we're talking about women in their 30s and 40s (ie with children at home) - so peak earning years. There are LOTS of jobs that pay that amount in 2022. And the higher up you go, the more flexibility you have to demand work from home. ALso not surprising the hours are reasonable - because this is a lot less money than the jobs where they expect around-the-clock checking in. Remember, we're not talking about 27 year olds.

That you think there aren't (or you've convinced yourself there aren't) is part of the problem. Women aim low straight out of college. Especially the ones with the eye on the prize of staying home. They take unpaid internships, get low paying jobs in nonprofits or doing things that "make them happy". But after 5 years they have kids, and turns out the job didn't make them that "happy" because they are more than happy to quit as soon as they have kids. Plus, those "make me happy" jobs pay shit. So even more reason to quit. It's all self-perpetuating.

But back to the original point: $250k a year in 2022 is not unusual in DC for a job with flexibility in your late 30s and 40s.

While I agree this is possible I think you are unrealistic about how easy they are to find - especially with the kind of flexibility you mention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

It's 2022. And we're talking about women in their 30s and 40s (ie with children at home) - so peak earning years. There are LOTS of jobs that pay that amount in 2022. And the higher up you go, the more flexibility you have to demand work from home. ALso not surprising the hours are reasonable - because this is a lot less money than the jobs where they expect around-the-clock checking in. Remember, we're not talking about 27 year olds.

That you think there aren't (or you've convinced yourself there aren't) is part of the problem. Women aim low straight out of college. Especially the ones with the eye on the prize of staying home. They take unpaid internships, get low paying jobs in nonprofits or doing things that "make them happy". But after 5 years they have kids, and turns out the job didn't make them that "happy" because they are more than happy to quit as soon as they have kids. Plus, those "make me happy" jobs pay shit. So even more reason to quit. It's all self-perpetuating.

But back to the original point: $250k a year in 2022 is not unusual in DC for a job with flexibility in your late 30s and 40s.

While I agree this is possible I think you are unrealistic about how easy they are to find - especially with the kind of flexibility you mention.

The posters above are all saying they are former biglaw lawyers. If they'd stayed in biglaw, they'd be making at least $350k part time, $600k as an non-equity partner and $1m+ as an equity partner. It would be very easy for them in the covid era to find a job paying $250k, work from home where they shut off the email at 6pm. I have multiple friends making almost that as government lawyers 15 years out of law school. My husband's middling company (not lawyers, not a very exciting entry level job) are currently hiring B students right out of third tier colleges (think SUNY system) and starting pay is $80k, and if they last the year (some won't - they aren't great) the pay kicks to $95k. They work from home 2-3 days a week. $250k is not unreasonable for a flex job in your mid career if you have a decent college degree (like much of DC).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

It's 2022. And we're talking about women in their 30s and 40s (ie with children at home) - so peak earning years. There are LOTS of jobs that pay that amount in 2022. And the higher up you go, the more flexibility you have to demand work from home. ALso not surprising the hours are reasonable - because this is a lot less money than the jobs where they expect around-the-clock checking in. Remember, we're not talking about 27 year olds.

That you think there aren't (or you've convinced yourself there aren't) is part of the problem. Women aim low straight out of college. Especially the ones with the eye on the prize of staying home. They take unpaid internships, get low paying jobs in nonprofits or doing things that "make them happy". But after 5 years they have kids, and turns out the job didn't make them that "happy" because they are more than happy to quit as soon as they have kids. Plus, those "make me happy" jobs pay shit. So even more reason to quit. It's all self-perpetuating.

But back to the original point: $250k a year in 2022 is not unusual in DC for a job with flexibility in your late 30s and 40s.

While I agree this is possible I think you are unrealistic about how easy they are to find - especially with the kind of flexibility you mention.

The posters above are all saying they are former biglaw lawyers. If they'd stayed in biglaw, they'd be making at least $350k part time, $600k as an non-equity partner and $1m+ as an equity partner. It would be very easy for them in the covid era to find a job paying $250k, work from home where they shut off the email at 6pm. I have multiple friends making almost that as government lawyers 15 years out of law school. My husband's middling company (not lawyers, not a very exciting entry level job) are currently hiring B students right out of third tier colleges (think SUNY system) and starting pay is $80k, and if they last the year (some won't - they aren't great) the pay kicks to $95k. They work from home 2-3 days a week. $250k is not unreasonable for a flex job in your mid career if you have a decent college degree (like much of DC).

I want to believe you. My husband is an attorney with a Top 10 law degree (and state flagship undergrad) with several years Big Law experience and several roles at Deputy GC. He is a hard worker and is very personable. He has been trying for years and years to break beyond the low 300's and he doesn't even need that much flexibility. He knows that he could always go back to big law but prefers in house. Getting beyond $310-$315k (including bonus) has proved very elusive for him, despite lots of trying. I'm just saying, its not THAT easy.

[Anonymous]

(^^^and obviously he never left the workforce or SAH or took a long maternity leave or anything like that. He's 41.)

[Anonymous]

I only regretted it when I went back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only regretted it when I went back.

Even though I wasn't super jazzed about going back when I went back, I cherished my time at home so much and it was so worth it to have that time with my kids. If going back to a suckier job is the price I pay for that, so be it.

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Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

It's 2022. And we're talking about women in their 30s and 40s (ie with children at home) - so peak earning years. There are LOTS of jobs that pay that amount in 2022. And the higher up you go, the more flexibility you have to demand work from home. ALso not surprising the hours are reasonable - because this is a lot less money than the jobs where they expect around-the-clock checking in. Remember, we're not talking about 27 year olds.

That you think there aren't (or you've convinced yourself there aren't) is part of the problem. Women aim low straight out of college. Especially the ones with the eye on the prize of staying home. They take unpaid internships, get low paying jobs in nonprofits or doing things that "make them happy". But after 5 years they have kids, and turns out the job didn't make them that "happy" because they are more than happy to quit as soon as they have kids. Plus, those "make me happy" jobs pay shit. So even more reason to quit. It's all self-perpetuating.

But back to the original point: $250k a year in 2022 is not unusual in DC for a job with flexibility in your late 30s and 40s.

While I agree this is possible I think you are unrealistic about how easy they are to find - especially with the kind of flexibility you mention.

The posters above are all saying they are former biglaw lawyers. If they'd stayed in biglaw, they'd be making at least $350k part time, $600k as an non-equity partner and $1m+ as an equity partner. It would be very easy for them in the covid era to find a job paying $250k, work from home where they shut off the email at 6pm. I have multiple friends making almost that as government lawyers 15 years out of law school. My husband's middling company (not lawyers, not a very exciting entry level job) are currently hiring B students right out of third tier colleges (think SUNY system) and starting pay is $80k, and if they last the year (some won't - they aren't great) the pay kicks to $95k. They work from home 2-3 days a week. $250k is not unreasonable for a flex job in your mid career if you have a decent college degree (like much of DC).

I would really like to know where these amazing high paying jobs are. My DH and I both are feds making 250k combined.