Morbidly obese SIL

[Anonymous]

NP here— the point is that unsolicited advice is never a good idea. It can backfire big time.

I’ve learned this the hard way. I recently read an advice column where it was stated that all unsolicited advice is self serving and I totally agree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here— the point is that unsolicited advice is never a good idea. It can backfire big time.

I’ve learned this the hard way. I recently read an advice column where it was stated that all unsolicited advice is self serving and I totally agree!

So alcoholics and drug addicts should never face interventions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here— the point is that unsolicited advice is never a good idea. It can backfire big time.

I’ve learned this the hard way. I recently read an advice column where it was stated that all unsolicited advice is self serving and I totally agree!

So alcoholics and drug addicts should never face interventions?

Interventions by family are not an effective means for dealing with substance abuse. They don't work. It causes a lot fo family drama and it doesn't work. It's a last ditch effort for people who are going to die and the family feels like they have to try anything and everything. It gives the family some comfort -- ("Hey, we tried.") -- but it doesn't usually work.

OP's brother and SIL need to go to family counseling. They should be working on this together. Or divorcing. And OP's brother needs to figure out his own eating. It's not SIL's fault that OP's brother eats like shit. He is a grown ass man. He needs to take responsibility for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here— the point is that unsolicited advice is never a good idea. It can backfire big time.

I’ve learned this the hard way. I recently read an advice column where it was stated that all unsolicited advice is self serving and I totally agree!

So alcoholics and drug addicts should never face interventions?

They almost never work. It’s delusional, usually narcissistic, thinking on the part of the people who stage them. Ask drug and alcohol addiction professionals about them.

OP does come across as a huge narcissist so that is on-brand, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some of you seem to have a low opinion of BIL too. In defense of him. He never minded when she was overweight etc. It was only when she developed all these health issues including diabetes and now neuropathy etc that he is starting to panic. Plus combined with his own health woes that could be vastly improved with diet.

Agreed it would not end well if we sat down with SIL. If I were carrying an extra 150 lbs I'd be sitting on the couch too. But something has got to give.

My God you are a truly awful, awful person. I hope your poor SIL stays incredibly far away from you, as do her kids. You are not a safe person to be near.

Actually I now feel sorry for your entire family that has to be near you.

You have a psychological problem. The word "fat" equals "shaming" to you. They are not one and the same. My father died of alcoholism and heavy smoking. (I also have obese family members.) I was very young. I resented him for years for choosing cigarettes and alcohol over being in his children's lives. I'm over that now because it's been so long. I wish I had had the insight to tell him that when he was still alive. SIL is killing herself. She will not live to see her grandchildren. Someone should speak up. The word "fat" is not the word "disgusting" any more than "alcoholism" or "lung cancer" are.

Hey, get yourself to a therapist for your horrific psychological problems and stay far, far away from your poor SIL. You are a genuinely awful person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here— the point is that unsolicited advice is never a good idea. It can backfire big time.

I’ve learned this the hard way. I recently read an advice column where it was stated that all unsolicited advice is self serving and I totally agree!

So alcoholics and drug addicts should never face interventions?

They almost never work. It’s delusional, usually narcissistic, thinking on the part of the people who stage them. Ask drug and alcohol addiction professionals about them.

OP does come across as a huge narcissist so that is on-brand, though.

Yep usually the people chiming to want to lead an intervention are narcissists who have watched too much reality tv

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here— the point is that unsolicited advice is never a good idea. It can backfire big time.

I’ve learned this the hard way. I recently read an advice column where it was stated that all unsolicited advice is self serving and I totally agree!

So alcoholics and drug addicts should never face interventions?

They almost never work. It’s delusional, usually narcissistic, thinking on the part of the people who stage them. Ask drug and alcohol addiction professionals about them.

OP does come across as a huge narcissist so that is on-brand, though.

Yep usually the people chiming to want to lead an intervention are narcissists who have watched too much reality tv

That definitely sounds like OP, who sounds outright delusional.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should lead an intervention to tell her to cook more for her husband, for sure (or really anyhting) but that idea is really disturbing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Her DH asked us to sit down with her. But we are reluctant to. Don't know why I'm getting all this hate here. It is very sad to see her dealing with diabetes hypertension etc now.

Op you and her dh are inappropriate idiots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in a family shouldn't "MYOB". It is not judgemental to care about someone clearly ruining their health and their future. There has to be a way to help obese SIL without it being "meddling." This is family. SIL is using food the way some people use drugs or alcohol. She needs help.

I don't know what to tell you, OP. There are a lot of weird psychological issues that go into being obese. Ask a counselor for help.

Good for your for caring about your SIL. Too many emotionally sterile people on this board who do not overlap with anyone, not even their own family members. Really weird.

Any counsellor would tell her that other people should not get involved in personal decisions like someone's weight. It is inappropriate. You and op do not understand boundaries and appropriateness. You come from dysfunctional families and think this is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
DCUM has a very unhealthy taboo over never engaging with people who are overweight. There was a thread recently about an 18 year old who confided in her mother than her doctor had told her she was overweight, and the response was for the mother to not say a word to help her child. Pretty unfathomable to me. Here it's the same thing. You have an in-law who is literally killing herself slowly, and her husband has asked for your help, but DCUM says no, just watch them slowly die.

None of my friends or family or in-law would ever just stand by and do nothing in such circumstances.

I've been reading DCUM for 10 years, and in my mind, this is one of its most toxic aspects. Please note that DCUM always urges interventions when people are underweight, because they're deathly afraid they might have anorexia! Yet obesity kills way more people...

Well, I’d argue that DCUM posters that have a very unhealthy obsession with weight, especially other people’s weight. One just need just take 5 minutes over at the Diet and exercise board to see the level dysfunction related to food and weight, even very healthy weights that are not borderline underweight.

SIL is MORBIDLY OBESE. If you don't have any obese people in your family, if you really think MORBIDLY OBESE is the same as not hitting the gym enough or eating a pint of ice cream after your kids go to bed and feeling uncomfortable around skinny women because of it, then YOU SHOULD NOT BE POSTING ON THIS THREAD.

Obesity is a real health threat and a psychological problem that is as complex and dangerous as drug use and alcoholism. This is not petty DCUM women judging an extra few pounds. Get a clue.

It is a health threat but other people trying to manage someone else's weight is not appropriate and will not work. Are you people really this dumb? It just makes you feel better and the overweight person knows this. Never ever in the history of people trying to manage their weight did it help to have someone else trying to manage it for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people don’t like to cook. They can do a delivery like Mighty Meals in the DMV. I would work on having healthy dinners first for a while and then see if they would like to learn some simple breakfasts or lunch ideas.

If she has a limited diet, she may have sensory issues. I would not try to make her try all new food AND learn to cook/ plan at the same time. That’s a lot of change. Also she has to want to change. Maybe her DH could just get some healthy delivery for himself.

OP here. Mighty meals is great. Part of the problem with SIL is that she literally won't eat anything but 5-6 things. Certain brand of frozen pizza, Tyson's frozen tenders, ballpark hotdogs, pepsi and captain crunch. That's it.

Why is this your business? You love the fact that you are shaming her here. You're a horrible person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll post….basically fat shaming bingo.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could buy them a six-month subscription to Blue Apron or similar?

This is a good idea. Make it about the DH trying to get healthy. Make the subscription something as easy as possible to eat so SIL will start eating it. DH should refuse to get her junk food on the way home.

OP, I certainly do not think you are being meddlesome. I concur with the approach above. I think supporting the husband in his efforts including ordering prepared healthy foods is the way to go at first. The husband should include his daughter in this and hope that the wife will try new foods. Sometimes people will hear from others what they will not hear from their own spouse. That could be why husband is coming to you. I definitely would not stage an intervention yet but if she has siblings she is close to suggest that husband reach out to them for help.

Forgot to add that with her health issues, her doctors have no doubt told her to lose weight multiple times. So the issue isn’t that she is unaware, probably depression or laziness and lack of motivation at play, but I also think something else is going on.The fact that she doesn’t like restaurant food and only eats hot dogs etc is telling. That was my preferred diet at 10 years old. Something else is probably going on here. This is not about cooking. If it was, she would eat restaurant baked chicken and broccoli. There is some other reason that her palate is limited to baseball game fare.

I saw a story like this on the internet - a woman who only ate potato chips, maybe hot dogs, from childhood into adulthood. It's like a mental disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people don’t like to cook. They can do a delivery like Mighty Meals in the DMV. I would work on having healthy dinners first for a while and then see if they would like to learn some simple breakfasts or lunch ideas.

If she has a limited diet, she may have sensory issues. I would not try to make her try all new food AND learn to cook/ plan at the same time. That’s a lot of change. Also she has to want to change. Maybe her DH could just get some healthy delivery for himself.

OP here. Mighty meals is great. Part of the problem with SIL is that she literally won't eat anything but 5-6 things. Certain brand of frozen pizza, Tyson's frozen tenders, ballpark hotdogs, pepsi and captain crunch. That's it.

Why is this your business? You love the fact that you are shaming her here. You're a horrible person.

I disagree. She clearly has mental health issues, involving food, which is frightening for OP's nieces/nephews and husbsnd. She is simply concerned. This isn't about just the SIL chosing to eat junk food. What if your nieces and nephews exclusively ate pizza, hot dogs, and Pepsi? Stop with the faux fat shaming outrage. This sounds like a crisis