Morbidly obese SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in a family shouldn't "MYOB". It is not judgemental to care about someone clearly ruining their health and their future. There has to be a way to help obese SIL without it being "meddling." This is family. SIL is using food the way some people use drugs or alcohol. She needs help.

I don't know what to tell you, OP. There are a lot of weird psychological issues that go into being obese. Ask a counselor for help.

Good for your for caring about your SIL. Too many emotionally sterile people on this board who do not overlap with anyone, not even their own family members. Really weird.

Anyone who is using judgmental language like “lazy” towards someone with a medical issue, and possibly mental health issues, needs to mind their own business, and F off while they’re at it.

They shouldn’t be the ones holding an intervention as they only see these people 4 times a year, so any of the other information they have is tattling from SILs DH. This is the DH who seems to have his own -ism related to work and being able to conduct normal activities of daily living, like feeding himself nutritious food and looking after his own health issues. Maybe they could start there with the interventions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
DCUM has a very unhealthy taboo over never engaging with people who are overweight. There was a thread recently about an 18 year old who confided in her mother than her doctor had told her she was overweight, and the response was for the mother to not say a word to help her child. Pretty unfathomable to me. Here it's the same thing. You have an in-law who is literally killing herself slowly, and her husband has asked for your help, but DCUM says no, just watch them slowly die.

None of my friends or family or in-law would ever just stand by and do nothing in such circumstances.

I've been reading DCUM for 10 years, and in my mind, this is one of its most toxic aspects. Please note that DCUM always urges interventions when people are underweight, because they're deathly afraid they might have anorexia! Yet obesity kills way more people...

Well, I’d argue that DCUM posters that have a very unhealthy obsession with weight, especially other people’s weight. One just need just take 5 minutes over at the Diet and exercise board to see the level dysfunction related to food and weight, even very healthy weights that are not borderline underweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in a family shouldn't "MYOB". It is not judgemental to care about someone clearly ruining their health and their future. There has to be a way to help obese SIL without it being "meddling." This is family. SIL is using food the way some people use drugs or alcohol. She needs help.

I don't know what to tell you, OP. There are a lot of weird psychological issues that go into being obese. Ask a counselor for help.

Good for your for caring about your SIL. Too many emotionally sterile people on this board who do not overlap with anyone, not even their own family members. Really weird.

Thks. This is OP. Honestly I'm surprised at the amount of hate I have received here. They are accusing me of being jealous of her, people are calling me a troll, and meddling and go to hell etcm we legit love her and have always been concerned for years but never expressed it BC it's nnally all catching up and this post I did was facilitated by the fact that my BIL asked us to have an intervention help. BC we are close. But we have not and don't feel comfortable doing so but we're just questioning if we should. I really do love my SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in a family shouldn't "MYOB". It is not judgemental to care about someone clearly ruining their health and their future. There has to be a way to help obese SIL without it being "meddling." This is family. SIL is using food the way some people use drugs or alcohol. She needs help.

I don't know what to tell you, OP. There are a lot of weird psychological issues that go into being obese. Ask a counselor for help.

Good for your for caring about your SIL. Too many emotionally sterile people on this board who do not overlap with anyone, not even their own family members. Really weird.

Thks. This is OP. Honestly I'm surprised at the amount of hate I have received here. They are accusing me of being jealous of her, people are calling me a troll, and meddling and go to hell etcm we legit love her and have always been concerned for years but never expressed it BC it's nnally all catching up and this post I did was facilitated by the fact that my BIL asked us to have an intervention help. BC we are close. But we have not and don't feel comfortable doing so but we're just questioning if we should. I really do love my SIL.

So, have you even tried approaching her quietly on your own, not in the context of some grand intervention, but to just, you know..* see how she is? * Because even you can’t be clueless enough to think it’s about chicken tenders if any of your story follows true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in a family shouldn't "MYOB". It is not judgemental to care about someone clearly ruining their health and their future. There has to be a way to help obese SIL without it being "meddling." This is family. SIL is using food the way some people use drugs or alcohol. She needs help.

I don't know what to tell you, OP. There are a lot of weird psychological issues that go into being obese. Ask a counselor for help.

Good for your for caring about your SIL. Too many emotionally sterile people on this board who do not overlap with anyone, not even their own family members. Really weird.

Thks. This is OP. Honestly I'm surprised at the amount of hate I have received here. They are accusing me of being jealous of her, people are calling me a troll, and meddling and go to hell etcm we legit love her and have always been concerned for years but never expressed it BC it's nnally all catching up and this post I did was facilitated by the fact that my BIL asked us to have an intervention help. BC we are close. But we have not and don't feel comfortable doing so but we're just questioning if we should. I really do love my SIL.

So, have you even tried approaching her quietly on your own, not in the context of some grand intervention, but to just, you know..* see how she is? * Because even you can’t be clueless enough to think it’s about chicken tenders if any of your story follows true.

OP here. Have never tried approaching her quietly on the side BC ii always felt that weight is such a sensitive issue for people and bring that I am not obese I didn't feel like I've walked her walk. Honestly I would be so much more likely to discuss with her had I been obese say and was losing weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in a family shouldn't "MYOB". It is not judgemental to care about someone clearly ruining their health and their future. There has to be a way to help obese SIL without it being "meddling." This is family. SIL is using food the way some people use drugs or alcohol. She needs help.

I don't know what to tell you, OP. There are a lot of weird psychological issues that go into being obese. Ask a counselor for help.

Good for your for caring about your SIL. Too many emotionally sterile people on this board who do not overlap with anyone, not even their own family members. Really weird.

Thks. This is OP. Honestly I'm surprised at the amount of hate I have received here. They are accusing me of being jealous of her, people are calling me a troll, and meddling and go to hell etcm we legit love her and have always been concerned for years but never expressed it BC it's nnally all catching up and this post I did was facilitated by the fact that my BIL asked us to have an intervention help. BC we are close. But we have not and don't feel comfortable doing so but we're just questioning if we should. I really do love my SIL.

It's no use, OP. DCUM is over-run by people who are triggered any time they sense you're judging their wobble. They have no problem judging skinny people, but the double standard doesn't faze them.

Do whatever you need to do, with all the compassion you can muster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Her DH asked us to sit down with her. But we are reluctant to. Don't know why I'm getting all this hate here. It is very sad to see her dealing with diabetes hypertension etc now.

Shut up. I see exactly who you are, and what you are doing: you are a horrible person doing a horrible thing by gossiping about her here.

This +1000. Your judgment is disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Her DH asked us to sit down with her. But we are reluctant to. Don't know why I'm getting all this hate here. It is very sad to see her dealing with diabetes hypertension etc now.

Shut up. I see exactly who you are, and what you are doing: you are a horrible person doing a horrible thing by gossiping about her here.

This +1000. Your judgment is disgusting.

OP here. I am not a horrible person here gossiping. This is a forum to discuss family relationships I thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Her DH asked us to sit down with her. But we are reluctant to. Don't know why I'm getting all this hate here. It is very sad to see her dealing with diabetes hypertension etc now.

OP, either you didn't mention that part about her DH, or in the TL;DR category people missed that. The bolded is the most important piece.

That said, in reality there is nothing you can do about this. The DH can talk to her, her brother can say her DH is concerned is there any way he can help. And that is just a maybe. People who are in a bad cycle rarely are going to suddenly change because someone mentions it to them.

The reality is she is probably depressed for some reason, unhappy, unfilled in her life, and it is now so far beyond knowing how to start fixing it that she doesn't even try.

She has to want to fix it, then put a plan together of baby steps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in a family shouldn't "MYOB". It is not judgemental to care about someone clearly ruining their health and their future. There has to be a way to help obese SIL without it being "meddling." This is family. SIL is using food the way some people use drugs or alcohol. She needs help.

I don't know what to tell you, OP. There are a lot of weird psychological issues that go into being obese. Ask a counselor for help.

Good for your for caring about your SIL. Too many emotionally sterile people on this board who do not overlap with anyone, not even their own family members. Really weird.

Thks. This is OP. Honestly I'm surprised at the amount of hate I have received here. They are accusing me of being jealous of her, people are calling me a troll, and meddling and go to hell etcm we legit love her and have always been concerned for years but never expressed it BC it's nnally all catching up and this post I did was facilitated by the fact that my BIL asked us to have an intervention help. BC we are close. But we have not and don't feel comfortable doing so but we're just questioning if we should. I really do love my SIL.

So, have you even tried approaching her quietly on your own, not in the context of some grand intervention, but to just, you know..* see how she is? * Because even you can’t be clueless enough to think it’s about chicken tenders if any of your story follows true.

OP here. Have never tried approaching her quietly on the side BC ii always felt that weight is such a sensitive issue for people and bring that I am not obese I didn't feel like I've walked her walk. Honestly I would be so much more likely to discuss with her had I been obese say and was losing weight.

So, you don’t check in with her to see how she is doing as a human being, who may be going through something, just because she’s overweight? You somehow think that someone going from slender to morbidly obese is just about cooking? You can’t draw in a moment of empathy because you’ve never been overweight.

Of course, it makes NO sense to check in quietly about someone you supposedly care about about their general state of being, so having an intervention with three of you *specifically about her obesity* is certainly a better approach.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could buy them a six-month subscription to Blue Apron or similar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
DCUM has a very unhealthy taboo over never engaging with people who are overweight. There was a thread recently about an 18 year old who confided in her mother than her doctor had told her she was overweight, and the response was for the mother to not say a word to help her child. Pretty unfathomable to me. Here it's the same thing. You have an in-law who is literally killing herself slowly, and her husband has asked for your help, but DCUM says no, just watch them slowly die.

None of my friends or family or in-law would ever just stand by and do nothing in such circumstances.

I've been reading DCUM for 10 years, and in my mind, this is one of its most toxic aspects. Please note that DCUM always urges interventions when people are underweight, because they're deathly afraid they might have anorexia! Yet obesity kills way more people...

That’s misrepresenting what a lot of us said on that thread, including making sure there were healthy food choices in the house, encouraging her to transfer to an adult doctor rather than a pediatrician, and being open to communication about advice when initiated by the DAUGHTER. The issue isn’t that the family shouldn’t care, it’s how to care without having your good intentions boomerang on you by making the situation worse.

[Anonymous]

You've known her for 25 years and today you feel compelled to write a short story about her weight? Find a hobby, OP. You don't care about her, and i's not your problem or place to comment on her weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, you can use the report button to ask Jeff to delete certain posts.

I've been on DCUM on and off all morning, and there is a troll who is being particularly nasty today. They already spewed their venom all over a few other threads.

A troll is actually someone who judges and mocks people for their weight and lifestyle on the Internet because they don’t have the stones to say it to the person to their face (because they know it is objectively wrong to do so).

Being overweight is a touchy subject, clearly. Nothing OP has posted sounds like what you describe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in a family shouldn't "MYOB". It is not judgemental to care about someone clearly ruining their health and their future. There has to be a way to help obese SIL without it being "meddling." This is family. SIL is using food the way some people use drugs or alcohol. She needs help.

I don't know what to tell you, OP. There are a lot of weird psychological issues that go into being obese. Ask a counselor for help.

Good for your for caring about your SIL. Too many emotionally sterile people on this board who do not overlap with anyone, not even their own family members. Really weird.

Thks. This is OP. Honestly I'm surprised at the amount of hate I have received here. They are accusing me of being jealous of her, people are calling me a troll, and meddling and go to hell etcm we legit love her and have always been concerned for years but never expressed it BC it's nnally all catching up and this post I did was facilitated by the fact that my BIL asked us to have an intervention help. BC we are close. But we have not and don't feel comfortable doing so but we're just questioning if we should. I really do love my SIL.

It's no use, OP. DCUM is over-run by people who are triggered any time they sense you're judging their wobble. They have no problem judging skinny people, but the double standard doesn't faze them.

Do whatever you need to do, with all the compassion you can muster.

Yep, nothing like morally superior passive aggression about obesity to show your own virtue right?

I’m team SIL, and I have no wobble, but thanks for providing how awful human beings really are to people who are overweight.