Morbidly obese SIL

[Anonymous]

SIL lives several hrs away but we see them 4-5 times a year. Good relationship. My brother in law, her DH, runs his own business and works 60 hour weeks. I've known her for 25 years. They got married 20 years ago and she stopped working right away. They had one child who is now am independent high schooler. She is a very lovely lady but a little lazy I think. She watches daytime TV all day and eats junk food. She doesn't cook ever. Her idea of cooking is popping frozen chicken tenders in the oven. She only eats processed foods like sugar cereal soda and frozen pizza frozen Tyson's strips. She has been eating this way her whole life and finds normal home food or even normal restaurant food unappetizig and veg is gross. In her early 20s she was slender. In her late 20s she was plump. In her 30s she was fat. In her 40s she is obese. She has HT, diabetes, ibs etc now. But despite all the health problems that are here now, she still won't change at all. No matter what doctors say. Or DH. DH is fed up coming home to frozen pizza or takeout fried food. He had sit down with her and said he wants home cooked basic food on table every night. He'd be really happy with pasta jarred sauce and side salad. He works crazy hours and Saud he'd cook himself if he could but he can't. His health problems are catching up too. Gout, hypertension, prediabetes etc. He said he can't go on doing this. My DH and I are relatively healthy eat home cooked food, meal plan and we both work. He says he's at his wits end. Should we have an intervention with her? We love them both but have been reluctant to get involved in this aspect. BC she's never asked us for that type of advice. They are both educated people living in a wealthy suburb of NYC with plenty of $ for good healthy food. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

What's it to you? Her DH can cook and you need to look at yourself.
Team SIL, nasty OP needs something to do, perhaps start watching daytime tv? It might make you a more pleasant person that does not put her nose where it does not belong.

[Anonymous]

My only real though is how the hell you think this is any of your concern.

[Anonymous]

MYOB. You sound judgmental and meddling. Also, obese people know they’re obese. She doesn’t need your condescending little intervention

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL lives several hrs away but we see them 4-5 times a year. Good relationship. My brother in law, her DH, runs his own business and works 60 hour weeks. I've known her for 25 years. They got married 20 years ago and she stopped working right away. They had one child who is now am independent high schooler. She is a very lovely lady but a little lazy I think. She watches daytime TV all day and eats junk food. She doesn't cook ever. Her idea of cooking is popping frozen chicken tenders in the oven. She only eats processed foods like sugar cereal soda and frozen pizza frozen Tyson's strips. She has been eating this way her whole life and finds normal home food or even normal restaurant food unappetizig and veg is gross. In her early 20s she was slender. In her late 20s she was plump. In her 30s she was fat. In her 40s she is obese. She has HT, diabetes, ibs etc now. But despite all the health problems that are here now, she still won't change at all. No matter what doctors say. Or DH. DH is fed up coming home to frozen pizza or takeout fried food. He had sit down with her and said he wants home cooked basic food on table every night. He'd be really happy with pasta jarred sauce and side salad. He works crazy hours and Saud he'd cook himself if he could but he can't. His health problems are catching up too. Gout, hypertension, prediabetes etc. He said he can't go on doing this. My DH and I are relatively healthy eat home cooked food, meal plan and we both work. He says he's at his wits end. Should we have an intervention with her? We love them both but have been reluctant to get involved in this aspect. BC she's never asked us for that type of advice. They are both educated people living in a wealthy suburb of NYC with plenty of $ for good healthy food. Thoughts?

No to the bolded. How do you think it will go down? Would you like an intervention in something that is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. You can suggest to the dh that he order from a healthy food delivery services for breakfast, lunch dinner whatever. He can prep it himself or have ready to eat meals. Something like Hello Fresh. But, stay out of talking directly.

[Anonymous]

MYOB!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a thought: go to hell, and look for a clue on your way.

Wow, what???

[Anonymous]

OP here. Her DH asked us to sit down with her. But we are reluctant to. Don't know why I'm getting all this hate here. It is very sad to see her dealing with diabetes hypertension etc now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a thought: go to hell, and look for a clue on your way.

Wow, what???

Wow, what? OP is living in 2022 and still somehow hasn’t figured out that someone else’s weight, diet or lifestyle:
A) None of her business
B) Not something to gossip about

OP was not looking to be helpful or kind. She is using the Internet to smugly take down her SIL. She wants to air all her petty, judgmental, mean little feelings. And I’m calling her on it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am certain that your SIL knows that she's obese. I also strongly suspect that she feels really bad about it, which might explain her lifestyle that looks "lazy" to you, but might be more rooted in depression and anxiety. No action on your part will improve the situation.

[Anonymous]

If her DH wants to help her he should talk to her directly about his concern for her health issues and maybe see if they can go to a nutritionist together or cook some healthy meals together. They can work towards finding out what the underlying issue might be and discuss how he can best support her if that’s what she needs.

You should not be involved in any way.

[Anonymous]

Your SIL knows she has a problem.

But there's a difference between knowing, and having other people tell you in a loving way that you need to DO something about it (more than what you've tried before).

However, I think any intervention needs to be led by her husband, and involve her own family, and ideally her doctor. Unless you and she have had a trusting relationship for years, she might be offended if her SIL takes the lead.

I suppose such a person has anxiety, depression, ADHD, or other disorders that it very hard for them to function. So please bear this in mind. It's not like she can "snap out of it". She should also do regular check-ups at the doctor to see if she has a metabolic or hormonal condition which might contribute to the weight gain. Hypothyroidism is common and leads to weight gain.

If she has a friend she could go to cooking classes with, it might be a good idea. If the doctor can persuade her to walk about her neighborhood (get a dog?), that's great too. She doesn't need too much modifications to start to lose weight.

[Anonymous]

Her husband is an idiot for thinking you should intervene. And you should stay out of this completely. Ultimately, the dude working 60 hours a week will have to handle his own health. I am a wife that works 60 hours a week and I can find time for some basic healthy cooking — so can he.

The issue of her not working and the division of labor as a result is entirely a problem to solve between the two of them. But the idea that someone who has never, ever cooked suddenly taking on healthy meal responsibilities is unrealistic at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a thought: go to hell, and look for a clue on your way.

Wow, what???

Wow, what? OP is living in 2022 and still somehow hasn’t figured out that someone else’s weight, diet or lifestyle:
A) None of her business
B) Not something to gossip about

OP was not looking to be helpful or kind. She is using the Internet to smugly take down her SIL. She wants to air all her petty, judgmental, mean little feelings. And I’m calling her on it.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, you can use the report button to ask Jeff to delete certain posts.

I've been on DCUM on and off all morning, and there is a troll who is being particularly nasty today. They already spewed their venom all over a few other threads.