What percentage of men cheat?
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Anonymous
NP and honestly no at this point in my marriage I agree with you. I grew up thinking cheating was morally wrong and there’s no exception to that. If you cheat, you’re the bad guy no matter what. Fast forward to my marriage, my DH is dismissive, critical, unkind, talks down to me, and refuses to do an ounce to keep our household running. Yes, I’ve thought about divorce many times. I don’t leave because of finances and the kids. There’s recently been someone who caught my eye, who is attractive and kind to me. Most DCUM would day if your marriage is that bad, work on it or just divorce. It’s never as easy as that, ever. All I’m trying to say is things are never so black and white. My DH had probably never had an affair but his vows, to PP’s point, were theater. He doesn’t love, honor, and cherish me. If I were to have an affair because I need a break from the constant trauma of DH’s treatment of me, I refuse to believe I’d be the bad guy. |
Anonymous
Umm. Tons of people do. I don't say things I don't mean usually or if I do I apologize. Again, different upbringing. |
Anonymous
But why would you want to go back to your spouse then? And why would you lie to your spouse about the cheating or tell them they are wonderful in bed and with what they do and all the things cheaters do? Cheaters don't just cheat in the bedroom. They cheat with their words to their spouse. I think you haven't done anything with him because you honor yourself. Cheating really isn't as much about honoring the other person as honoring yourself. This is why genetics and upbringing come into play. Because if you honor your own values, you won't cheat. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| I should reword that. Cheating isn't as much about the other person. It's about your own values of yourself. Especially if it continues. It's just delusions that it is a better lifestyle living in secret. Living in secret is unhealthy. |
Anonymous
People say vows when they get married. It's still is and has always been a thing and yes people mean what they say. If you are sorry and work towards forgiveness sure, but that's one in every 100 cheaters. |
Anonymous
| Also turning this around, if your spouse was cheating would you all of a sudden decide to be abusive to deal with your spouse's cheating? I guess I could see it as a one-time thing if things started getting out of control and you didn't realize you were capable of doing that and acted on impulse, but after the one time, wouldn't you check yourself? Same for cheating. Anyone who continues to be abusive is just justifying their behavior. Not just reacting to chaos. |
Anonymous
Maybe for the same length of time the affair occurred. 3-years of cheating=3 years of abuse. LOl 
It seems the betrayed are expected to hear something major like this and be over it in a day. Trauma doesn't work like that and the longer the affair went undiscovered and number of times they were together is going to very much impact the level of trauma. I'm not saying abuse is okay, but expecting someone to not snap or say something nasty or have very major trust issues as they work through their life having been one big lie and turned completely upside down and they don't know what was real in the past or real now and they are looking at every time you said you were somewhere...were you really there, etc., etc. is one hell of a big ask. |
Anonymous
You wouldn't be the bad guy, and I am sorry you are going through this. Some small percentage of Americans have this weird view of infidelity, it's akin to murder or something, and it's seen as somehow more admirable to break up your family, your finances and all else that comes with divorce and then screw around like bunnies rather than find a way to meet a basic need your spouse neglects. Trust me, I posted once about my sister whose Ex-DH literally beat her, she found the courage to finally leave when she had an affair, and of course the puritans came on here to call her a whore. |
Anonymous
| But she left. She didn’t stay. We are talking about cheaters that stay and then put their spouses through lies. Look if you want to have an open marriage and think that’s better than splitting go for it. But it’s not just puritans who don’t want to be lied to repeatedly over any infidelity. Financial or sexual. |
Anonymous
| Cheaters that make their spouses be the ones to file for divorce. Or who just leave their partner who was loving to them for someone 20 years younger because they feel “alive”. Most cheaters are not trying to escape abuse or even in sexless marriages. Your sister needs to get over the fact that women are judged for their ability to be pure and stop worrying about this issue. It’s not exactly related to cheating. It’s more about views of women in general. Men are judged more on their ability to not be physically abusive than cheating. People already give men a 2nd shot at marriage if they cheat. Unfortunately they often take a 2nd and 3rd and 4th etc. And then the marriage changes to an open marriage or they split up. Either is ok and neither has to be completely detrimental. Just like it was reasonable to leave a physically abusive spouse. I don’t know why people put up these my sin is less than your sin arguments. We all know cheaters and abusers that simply want more cake. |
Anonymous
PP here. Your response doesn’t align with or address what I stated. I have not had an affair. I said this other person caught my eye. I haven’t “gone back to my husband and told him he’s great in bed.” That is you putting words in my mouth and attributing actions to me that have not actually occurred. I have honored my spouse with the commitment I made on my wedding day to love honor and cherish. He has not. When you call me names in front of our young childrenC you have broken your vows. So don’t continued trying to beat the morality drum, which is so important to you. Your morality in the understanding of my situation is misinformed and misguided. |
Anonymous
You are responding to hypothecal questions from me. Not accusations. I thought that was obvious. What i was saying was that you likely wouldn't bend your morals just because someone else did. You completely missed the point of the post. |
Anonymous
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When I was in my 20s I worked in consulting. I traveled M-F, entertained clients, lived in hotels, and spent a lot of time in hotel bars with colleagues and other business travelers. Senior managers and partners at my company at that time tended to be rich and entitled. If they wanted something, they asked for it and were shocked to hear “no”.
All the junior women in the office knew which clients and senior men were cheaters and womanizers. I honestly think 10-15% of men cheat and am flabbergasted at people who think it’s 40-50%. I spent a decade working late nights and closing hotel bars with men with unlimited expense accounts who spend 150+ nights a year in hotels - if anyone has the opportunity and ability to cheat, they do. |
Anonymous
| 95% |