What percentage of men cheat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who never thought he would be tempted to cheat. I had a passionate relationship with my wife. Yet 15 years later, here I am with great kids and and a dead bedroom. I am very tempted and it does not help that options seem to be all around me. I have not broken yet, but gosh it is harder than I imagined.

Same situation but I got you beat by a year.

I cheated at year 4 of a sexless marriage and about year 8 of my wife basically rejecting most advantages.

It was honestly.....incredible. The experience was blur of passion and physical pleasure I forgot existed. So much so I almost feel bad for my wife who seemingly prefers a sexless relationship.

I really don't understand why some people, usually but not always women, don't like sex. It's free and amazing!

Some women never liked sex and there can be any number of reasons for this including that they might have unresolved trauma from sexual abuse or sexual assault in their past.

But in my decades of observation and personal experience, most women like sex just fine and are very enthusiastic about having it early in a relationship. Years later when their sexual partner and life partner has been behaving like an overgrown teenager who doesn’t pull equal weight in the logistics and mundane work of running a family/home/marriage and instead selfishly indulges his own needs while seemingly never thinking about hers, the attraction just dies. It’s hard to get excited about having sex with a man you have to clean up after just like one of your actual kids.

So why do lesbians have less sex than straight couples? Or are lesbians overgrown teenagers?

It's because male and female desire is driven by novelty which fades over time but that doesn't feed into the battle of the sexes and you can't blame men for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who never thought he would be tempted to cheat. I had a passionate relationship with my wife. Yet 15 years later, here I am with great kids and and a dead bedroom. I am very tempted and it does not help that options seem to be all around me. I have not broken yet, but gosh it is harder than I imagined.

Dead bedroom? Declare your marriage open then go exercise those options. You aren’t broken this is the normal solution to a sexless marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious why sexual monogamy seems to be the be all and end all of what people think of as marital commitment. Let's say your spouse - DW or DH - did all the right things: took care of you when sick, put a roof over your and the kids head, food on the table, was otherwise caring and loving and a good parent and then.... you found out they had a one night stand on a business trip. Would thatmake you want to blow up your whole world and that of your kids? Marraige is very very complicated.

Having been cheated on before---yes, because it changes everything.

Without trust you question everything and become a person you never wanted to be. It is no way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious why sexual monogamy seems to be the be all and end all of what people think of as marital commitment. Let's say your spouse - DW or DH - did all the right things: took care of you when sick, put a roof over your and the kids head, food on the table, was otherwise caring and loving and a good parent and then.... you found out they had a one night stand on a business trip. Would thatmake you want to blow up your whole world and that of your kids? Marraige is very very complicated.

I agree with this. I have never cheated nor had my spouse to my knowledge. But I think we as a society attach such monumental importance to strict, perfect fidelity over many decades, which is just kind of silly when you think about it in the context of our animal nature, changing emotional, physical, and intellectual needs over time. It’s almost like we use the concept of fidelity as a measure of our safety in the relationship and financially. I’m just opining here. I think there are other ways of doing life and relationships that perhaps more people are starting to think about.

Many people agree with you. I assume a lot of the people so outraged by cheating are younger and idealistic. I am nearing 50. Call me jaded, but when I look around at the actual marriages that are still going (there are many of them!), a lot of them are sexless, or the passion is gone. Even the stats about married people age 50+ show that most aren't having sex that often and many are down to once a month or less.

Do you throw it all away for one last chance at experiencing life's greatest joys? Or just bottle that stuff inside and let the resentment grow?

Regardless of the moralizing, our animal instincts often win out.

Some people have self-control. Others are selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious why sexual monogamy seems to be the be all and end all of what people think of as marital commitment. Let's say your spouse - DW or DH - did all the right things: took care of you when sick, put a roof over your and the kids head, food on the table, was otherwise caring and loving and a good parent and then.... you found out they had a one night stand on a business trip. Would thatmake you want to blow up your whole world and that of your kids? Marraige is very very complicated.

Having been cheated on before---yes, because it changes everything.

Without trust you question everything and become a person you never wanted to be. It is no way to live.

Uhhh, no. That's a choice you make because you're not emotionally evolved enough to forgive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who never thought he would be tempted to cheat. I had a passionate relationship with my wife. Yet 15 years later, here I am with great kids and and a dead bedroom. I am very tempted and it does not help that options seem to be all around me. I have not broken yet, but gosh it is harder than I imagined.

Same situation but I got you beat by a year.

I cheated at year 4 of a sexless marriage and about year 8 of my wife basically rejecting most advantages.

It was honestly.....incredible. The experience was blur of passion and physical pleasure I forgot existed. So much so I almost feel bad for my wife who seemingly prefers a sexless relationship.

I really don't understand why some people, usually but not always women, don't like sex. It's free and amazing!

Some women never liked sex and there can be any number of reasons for this including that they might have unresolved trauma from sexual abuse or sexual assault in their past.

But in my decades of observation and personal experience, most women like sex just fine and are very enthusiastic about having it early in a relationship. Years later when their sexual partner and life partner has been behaving like an overgrown teenager who doesn’t pull equal weight in the logistics and mundane work of running a family/home/marriage and instead selfishly indulges his own needs while seemingly never thinking about hers, the attraction just dies. It’s hard to get excited about having sex with a man you have to clean up after just like one of your actual kids.

So why do lesbians have less sex than straight couples? Or are lesbians overgrown teenagers?

That data is misleading. Lesbians have much longer sex sessions and they are the most likely among all groups to have an orgasm and have multiple orgasms, even more than men. Straight women have the lowest amount of orgasms. They report greater satisfaction and higher quality sex than any other group.

What’s likely is that lesbians take their time and prioritize both partners orgasming, so less sex is needed. Versus heterosexual couples, where women are pressured to put out for their male partners and enjoy it only a fraction of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious why sexual monogamy seems to be the be all and end all of what people think of as marital commitment. Let's say your spouse - DW or DH - did all the right things: took care of you when sick, put a roof over your and the kids head, food on the table, was otherwise caring and loving and a good parent and then.... you found out they had a one night stand on a business trip. Would thatmake you want to blow up your whole world and that of your kids? Marraige is very very complicated.

Having been cheated on before---yes, because it changes everything.

Without trust you question everything and become a person you never wanted to be. It is no way to live.

Uhhh, no. That's a choice you make because you're not emotionally evolved enough to forgive.

DP. Forgiving doesn’t restore trust, idiot. She’s emotionally involved enough not to hurt people by cheating. You have your “not emotionally involved” people mixed up. Good god.

Some people go through life sh@tting on everyone they supposedly care about, but hey what’s your problem with it? They can just say sorry each time they treat people bad abs it’s all good

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:21% of men and 13% of women have cheated at some point in their life (https://www.colorado.edu/asmagazine/2018/04/04/extramarital-sex-partners-likely-be-close-friends-and-men-are-more-apt-cheat)

I bet there’s probably an additional 10% of men and 20% of women who won’t admit it.

Oh, you “bet”? Well, no scientific study is needed then – some DCUM rando has pulled the correct rate of infidelity out of her ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious why sexual monogamy seems to be the be all and end all of what people think of as marital commitment. Let's say your spouse - DW or DH - did all the right things: took care of you when sick, put a roof over your and the kids head, food on the table, was otherwise caring and loving and a good parent and then.... you found out they had a one night stand on a business trip. Would thatmake you want to blow up your whole world and that of your kids? Marraige is very very complicated.

I agree with this. I have never cheated nor had my spouse to my knowledge. But I think we as a society attach such monumental importance to strict, perfect fidelity over many decades, which is just kind of silly when you think about it in the context of our animal nature, changing emotional, physical, and intellectual needs over time. It’s almost like we use the concept of fidelity as a measure of our safety in the relationship and financially. I’m just opining here. I think there are other ways of doing life and relationships that perhaps more people are starting to think about.

Many people agree with you. I assume a lot of the people so outraged by cheating are younger and idealistic. I am nearing 50. Call me jaded, but when I look around at the actual marriages that are still going (there are many of them!), a lot of them are sexless, or the passion is gone. Even the stats about married people age 50+ show that most aren't having sex that often and many are down to once a month or less.

Do you throw it all away for one last chance at experiencing life's greatest joys? Or just bottle that stuff inside and let the resentment grow?

Regardless of the moralizing, our animal instincts often win out.

You have no idea how much sex your neighbors are having.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious why sexual monogamy seems to be the be all and end all of what people think of as marital commitment. Let's say your spouse - DW or DH - did all the right things: took care of you when sick, put a roof over your and the kids head, food on the table, was otherwise caring and loving and a good parent and then.... you found out they had a one night stand on a business trip. Would thatmake you want to blow up your whole world and that of your kids? Marraige is very very complicated.

I agree with this. I have never cheated nor had my spouse to my knowledge. But I think we as a society attach such monumental importance to strict, perfect fidelity over many decades, which is just kind of silly when you think about it in the context of our animal nature, changing emotional, physical, and intellectual needs over time. It’s almost like we use the concept of fidelity as a measure of our safety in the relationship and financially. I’m just opining here. I think there are other ways of doing life and relationships that perhaps more people are starting to think about.

Many people agree with you. I assume a lot of the people so outraged by cheating are younger and idealistic. I am nearing 50. Call me jaded, but when I look around at the actual marriages that are still going (there are many of them!), a lot of them are sexless, or the passion is gone. Even the stats about married people age 50+ show that most aren't having sex that often and many are down to once a month or less.

Do you throw it all away for one last chance at experiencing life's greatest joys? Or just bottle that stuff inside and let the resentment grow?

Regardless of the moralizing, our animal instincts often win out.

You have no idea how much sex your neighbors are having.

+1. How could you possibly know *a lot* of people’s sex lives? It’s weird to project that onto other couples. I think that’s a very “misery loves company” statement people want to believe to comfort themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who never thought he would be tempted to cheat. I had a passionate relationship with my wife. Yet 15 years later, here I am with great kids and and a dead bedroom. I am very tempted and it does not help that options seem to be all around me. I have not broken yet, but gosh it is harder than I imagined.

Same situation but I got you beat by a year.

I cheated at year 4 of a sexless marriage and about year 8 of my wife basically rejecting most advantages.

It was honestly.....incredible. The experience was blur of passion and physical pleasure I forgot existed. So much so I almost feel bad for my wife who seemingly prefers a sexless relationship.

I really don't understand why some people, usually but not always women, don't like sex. It's free and amazing!

Some women never liked sex and there can be any number of reasons for this including that they might have unresolved trauma from sexual abuse or sexual assault in their past.

But in my decades of observation and personal experience, most women like sex just fine and are very enthusiastic about having it early in a relationship. Years later when their sexual partner and life partner has been behaving like an overgrown teenager who doesn’t pull equal weight in the logistics and mundane work of running a family/home/marriage and instead selfishly indulges his own needs while seemingly never thinking about hers, the attraction just dies. It’s hard to get excited about having sex with a man you have to clean up after just like one of your actual kids.

So why do lesbians have less sex than straight couples? Or are lesbians overgrown teenagers?

That data is misleading. Lesbians have much longer sex sessions and they are the most likely among all groups to have an orgasm and have multiple orgasms, even more than men. Straight women have the lowest amount of orgasms. They report greater satisfaction and higher quality sex than any other group.

What’s likely is that lesbians take their time and prioritize both partners orgasming, so less sex is needed. Versus heterosexual couples, where women are pressured to put out for their male partners and enjoy it only a fraction of the time.

Such an elegant whitewash depiction of lesbian bed death. You nailed the subtle misanthropy! Wikipedia could use (another) great fictional author like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious why sexual monogamy seems to be the be all and end all of what people think of as marital commitment. Let's say your spouse - DW or DH - did all the right things: took care of you when sick, put a roof over your and the kids head, food on the table, was otherwise caring and loving and a good parent and then.... you found out they had a one night stand on a business trip. Would thatmake you want to blow up your whole world and that of your kids? Marraige is very very complicated.

Having been cheated on before---yes, because it changes everything.

Without trust you question everything and become a person you never wanted to be. It is no way to live.

For me, it wouldn't necessarily take down the marriage, but it would bring it to a very low place difficult to recover

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious why sexual monogamy seems to be the be all and end all of what people think of as marital commitment. Let's say your spouse - DW or DH - did all the right things: took care of you when sick, put a roof over your and the kids head, food on the table, was otherwise caring and loving and a good parent and then.... you found out they had a one night stand on a business trip. Would thatmake you want to blow up your whole world and that of your kids? Marraige is very very complicated.

I agree with this. I have never cheated nor had my spouse to my knowledge. But I think we as a society attach such monumental importance to strict, perfect fidelity over many decades, which is just kind of silly when you think about it in the context of our animal nature, changing emotional, physical, and intellectual needs over time. It’s almost like we use the concept of fidelity as a measure of our safety in the relationship and financially. I’m just opining here. I think there are other ways of doing life and relationships that perhaps more people are starting to think about.

Many people agree with you. I assume a lot of the people so outraged by cheating are younger and idealistic. I am nearing 50. Call me jaded, but when I look around at the actual marriages that are still going (there are many of them!), a lot of them are sexless, or the passion is gone. Even the stats about married people age 50+ show that most aren't having sex that often and many are down to once a month or less.

Do you throw it all away for one last chance at experiencing life's greatest joys? Or just bottle that stuff inside and let the resentment grow?

Regardless of the moralizing, our animal instincts often win out.

You have no idea how much sex your neighbors are having.

+1. How could you possibly know *a lot* of people’s sex lives? It’s weird to project that onto other couples. I think that’s a very “misery loves company” statement people want to believe to comfort themselves.

We are "seniors" and I'm clueless about the sex lives of my friends. Some couples seem happier than others but I'm not sure if that means anything. We still have sex at least once a week so we really don't have a reason to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious why sexual monogamy seems to be the be all and end all of what people think of as marital commitment. Let's say your spouse - DW or DH - did all the right things: took care of you when sick, put a roof over your and the kids head, food on the table, was otherwise caring and loving and a good parent and then.... you found out they had a one night stand on a business trip. Would thatmake you want to blow up your whole world and that of your kids? Marraige is very very complicated.

I agree with this. I have never cheated nor had my spouse to my knowledge. But I think we as a society attach such monumental importance to strict, perfect fidelity over many decades, which is just kind of silly when you think about it in the context of our animal nature, changing emotional, physical, and intellectual needs over time. It’s almost like we use the concept of fidelity as a measure of our safety in the relationship and financially. I’m just opining here. I think there are other ways of doing life and relationships that perhaps more people are starting to think about.

Many people agree with you. I assume a lot of the people so outraged by cheating are younger and idealistic. I am nearing 50. Call me jaded, but when I look around at the actual marriages that are still going (there are many of them!), a lot of them are sexless, or the passion is gone. Even the stats about married people age 50+ show that most aren't having sex that often and many are down to once a month or less.

Do you throw it all away for one last chance at experiencing life's greatest joys? Or just bottle that stuff inside and let the resentment grow?

Regardless of the moralizing, our animal instincts often win out.

You have no idea how much sex your neighbors are having.

+1. How could you possibly know *a lot* of people’s sex lives? It’s weird to project that onto other couples. I think that’s a very “misery loves company” statement people want to believe to comfort themselves.

We are "seniors" and I'm clueless about the sex lives of my friends. Some couples seem happier than others but I'm not sure if that means anything. We still have sex at least once a week so we really don't have a reason to cheat.

That means nothing to "variety" men in middle age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who never thought he would be tempted to cheat. I had a passionate relationship with my wife. Yet 15 years later, here I am with great kids and and a dead bedroom. I am very tempted and it does not help that options seem to be all around me. I have not broken yet, but gosh it is harder than I imagined.

Same situation but I got you beat by a year.

I cheated at year 4 of a sexless marriage and about year 8 of my wife basically rejecting most advantages.

It was honestly.....incredible. The experience was blur of passion and physical pleasure I forgot existed. So much so I almost feel bad for my wife who seemingly prefers a sexless relationship.

I really don't understand why some people, usually but not always women, don't like sex. It's free and amazing!

Some women never liked sex and there can be any number of reasons for this including that they might have unresolved trauma from sexual abuse or sexual assault in their past.

But in my decades of observation and personal experience, most women like sex just fine and are very enthusiastic about having it early in a relationship. Years later when their sexual partner and life partner has been behaving like an overgrown teenager who doesn’t pull equal weight in the logistics and mundane work of running a family/home/marriage and instead selfishly indulges his own needs while seemingly never thinking about hers, the attraction just dies. It’s hard to get excited about having sex with a man you have to clean up after just like one of your actual kids.

Oh please. To quote Esther Pereil, "fix the sex. The rest takes care of itself."