Toddlers at the Funeral

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the harsh response of many posters. I lost both of my parents when my kids were small. First my dad when DC1 was a few months old, and then my mom when DC2 was just 1 and DC1 still a toddler. Even in my deepest grief I recognized that my kids' needs come first, and that we needed to plan around things with their best interest in mind. So if that means that my spouse would stay behind with them while I had to fly solo to my parent's funeral, so be it. It's not personal; it just comes with the territory when you have small kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White people??? Republican husband?? Ha ha. I think there is going to be even more funerals in the family in the near future…

Oh go f%#! Yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the harsh response of many posters. I lost both of my parents when my kids were small. First my dad when DC1 was a few months old, and then my mom when DC2 was just 1 and DC1 still a toddler. Even in my deepest grief I recognized that my kids' needs come first, and that we needed to plan around things with their best interest in mind. So if that means that my spouse would stay behind with them while I had to fly solo to my parent's funeral, so be it. It's not personal; it just comes with the territory when you have small kids.

You don't understand how different people need different things when grieving? You don't understand how someone may (reasonably) need their spouse by their side at their parent's funeral? You don't understand how much of a jerk you have to be to refuse your spouse's request for your emotional support to be there at the funeral because you are "tired"

Mon Dieu! Life must be terribly confusing for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the harsh response of many posters. I lost both of my parents when my kids were small. First my dad when DC1 was a few months old, and then my mom when DC2 was just 1 and DC1 still a toddler. Even in my deepest grief I recognized that my kids' needs come first, and that we needed to plan around things with their best interest in mind. So if that means that my spouse would stay behind with them while I had to fly solo to my parent's funeral, so be it. It's not personal; it just comes with the territory when you have small kids.

You don't understand how different people need different things when grieving? You don't understand how someone may (reasonably) need their spouse by their side at their parent's funeral? You don't understand how much of a jerk you have to be to refuse your spouse's request for your emotional support to be there at the funeral because you are "tired"

Mon Dieu! Life must be terribly confusing for you!

NP. They’ve already worked it out. DH is over it. The family made a decision jointly that would work for all of them with school schedules and Covid (and possibly other factors that we don’t know about).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. Another family member put their foot down on traveling this weekend due to health issues. Some of the kids can’t miss school for a week, so all agreed on spring break timeframe. We’re all going, but it will be in March during spring break. No open casket, just a celebration of life service.

I'm glad you decided to waste everyone's time with your trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the harsh response of many posters. I lost both of my parents when my kids were small. First my dad when DC1 was a few months old, and then my mom when DC2 was just 1 and DC1 still a toddler. Even in my deepest grief I recognized that my kids' needs come first, and that we needed to plan around things with their best interest in mind. So if that means that my spouse would stay behind with them while I had to fly solo to my parent's funeral, so be it. It's not personal; it just comes with the territory when you have small kids.

You don't understand how different people need different things when grieving? You don't understand how someone may (reasonably) need their spouse by their side at their parent's funeral? You don't understand how much of a jerk you have to be to refuse your spouse's request for your emotional support to be there at the funeral because you are "tired"

Mon Dieu! Life must be terribly confusing for you!

NP. They’ve already worked it out. DH is over it. The family made a decision jointly that would work for all of them with school schedules and Covid (and possibly other factors that we don’t know about).

DH isn't over it. I assure you. OP seems over it though, and I pity her husband, and yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the harsh response of many posters. I lost both of my parents when my kids were small. First my dad when DC1 was a few months old, and then my mom when DC2 was just 1 and DC1 still a toddler. Even in my deepest grief I recognized that my kids' needs come first, and that we needed to plan around things with their best interest in mind. So if that means that my spouse would stay behind with them while I had to fly solo to my parent's funeral, so be it. It's not personal; it just comes with the territory when you have small kids.

You don't understand how different people need different things when grieving? You don't understand how someone may (reasonably) need their spouse by their side at their parent's funeral? You don't understand how much of a jerk you have to be to refuse your spouse's request for your emotional support to be there at the funeral because you are "tired"

Mon Dieu! Life must be terribly confusing for you!

NP. They’ve already worked it out. DH is over it. The family made a decision jointly that would work for all of them with school schedules and Covid (and possibly other factors that we don’t know about).

DH isn't over it. I assure you. OP seems over it though, and I pity her husband, and yours.

It’s an anonymous message board. All we have are the facts from OP. Why are so many people interested in creating backstories and what in the world does OP’s thread have to do with my marriage????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the harsh response of many posters. I lost both of my parents when my kids were small. First my dad when DC1 was a few months old, and then my mom when DC2 was just 1 and DC1 still a toddler. Even in my deepest grief I recognized that my kids' needs come first, and that we needed to plan around things with their best interest in mind. So if that means that my spouse would stay behind with them while I had to fly solo to my parent's funeral, so be it. It's not personal; it just comes with the territory when you have small kids.

You don't understand how different people need different things when grieving? You don't understand how someone may (reasonably) need their spouse by their side at their parent's funeral? You don't understand how much of a jerk you have to be to refuse your spouse's request for your emotional support to be there at the funeral because you are "tired"

Mon Dieu! Life must be terribly confusing for you!

NP. They’ve already worked it out. DH is over it. The family made a decision jointly that would work for all of them with school schedules and Covid (and possibly other factors that we don’t know about).

DH isn't over it. I assure you. OP seems over it though, and I pity her husband, and yours.

It’s an anonymous message board. All we have are the facts from OP. Why are so many people interested in creating backstories and what in the world does OP’s thread have to do with my marriage????

Based on the follow up I suspect OP is a troll. But your support of OP's callous attitude towards her spouse tells me a lot about how you regard your spouse and the likely state of your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the harsh response of many posters. I lost both of my parents when my kids were small. First my dad when DC1 was a few months old, and then my mom when DC2 was just 1 and DC1 still a toddler. Even in my deepest grief I recognized that my kids' needs come first, and that we needed to plan around things with their best interest in mind. So if that means that my spouse would stay behind with them while I had to fly solo to my parent's funeral, so be it. It's not personal; it just comes with the territory when you have small kids.

You likely didn't love your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the harsh response of many posters. I lost both of my parents when my kids were small. First my dad when DC1 was a few months old, and then my mom when DC2 was just 1 and DC1 still a toddler. Even in my deepest grief I recognized that my kids' needs come first, and that we needed to plan around things with their best interest in mind. So if that means that my spouse would stay behind with them while I had to fly solo to my parent's funeral, so be it. It's not personal; it just comes with the territory when you have small kids.

You likely didn't love your parents.

Maybe she loved her parents but was overwhelmed by her children. There are plenty of women who reallly can’t manage when their children aren’t in a routine. It sounds like she did what she felt best, understanding what was beyond her capabilities. I think it’s admirable she’s so forward with her weakness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the harsh response of many posters. I lost both of my parents when my kids were small. First my dad when DC1 was a few months old, and then my mom when DC2 was just 1 and DC1 still a toddler. Even in my deepest grief I recognized that my kids' needs come first, and that we needed to plan around things with their best interest in mind. So if that means that my spouse would stay behind with them while I had to fly solo to my parent's funeral, so be it. It's not personal; it just comes with the territory when you have small kids.

You don't understand how different people need different things when grieving? You don't understand how someone may (reasonably) need their spouse by their side at their parent's funeral? You don't understand how much of a jerk you have to be to refuse your spouse's request for your emotional support to be there at the funeral because you are "tired"

Mon Dieu! Life must be terribly confusing for you!

NP. They’ve already worked it out. DH is over it. The family made a decision jointly that would work for all of them with school schedules and Covid (and possibly other factors that we don’t know about).

DH isn't over it. I assure you. OP seems over it though, and I pity her husband, and yours.

It’s an anonymous message board. All we have are the facts from OP. Why are so many people interested in creating backstories and what in the world does OP’s thread have to do with my marriage????

Based on the follow up I suspect OP is a troll. But your support of OP's callous attitude towards her spouse tells me a lot about how you regard your spouse and the likely state of your marriage.

Or one of the multiple advice columnists who use the threads here for fuel for their columns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the harsh response of many posters. I lost both of my parents when my kids were small. First my dad when DC1 was a few months old, and then my mom when DC2 was just 1 and DC1 still a toddler. Even in my deepest grief I recognized that my kids' needs come first, and that we needed to plan around things with their best interest in mind. So if that means that my spouse would stay behind with them while I had to fly solo to my parent's funeral, so be it. It's not personal; it just comes with the territory when you have small kids.

So you had a different mindset then op’s husband. So your experience isn’t relevant. This isn’t about how to deal with your parent dying. It’s not even really about whether toddlers should go to funerals. It’s about how you emotionally meet your spouse when they are grieving. OP seems annoyed and unwilling to bend in the face of her husband’s grief. It doesn’t sound like that happened to you.

[Anonymous]

I would go, but I would leave the kids. Figure out someone that can take them. In my case, I would fly my parents if I have to be gone for more than 2 days or, if less, I would pay a nanny. I would not want my toddlers at my parents funeral either. It’s sad, you need to be with family and 2 3-year olds will require a lot of your attention

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the harsh response of many posters. I lost both of my parents when my kids were small. First my dad when DC1 was a few months old, and then my mom when DC2 was just 1 and DC1 still a toddler. Even in my deepest grief I recognized that my kids' needs come first, and that we needed to plan around things with their best interest in mind. So if that means that my spouse would stay behind with them while I had to fly solo to my parent's funeral, so be it. It's not personal; it just comes with the territory when you have small kids.

You likely didn't love your parents.

Wow. Because I could still function and think for my toddler and baby's needs that means I didn't love my parents?

You don't know anything about how I love, but I do know you have a dark, despicable soul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the harsh response of many posters. I lost both of my parents when my kids were small. First my dad when DC1 was a few months old, and then my mom when DC2 was just 1 and DC1 still a toddler. Even in my deepest grief I recognized that my kids' needs come first, and that we needed to plan around things with their best interest in mind. So if that means that my spouse would stay behind with them while I had to fly solo to my parent's funeral, so be it. It's not personal; it just comes with the territory when you have small kids.

You likely didn't love your parents.

Wow. Because I could still function and think for my toddler and baby's needs that means I didn't love my parents?

You don't know anything about how I love, but I do know you have a dark, despicable soul.

I’m glad the PP came back bc I was horrified by this comment. You also don’t know anyone’s situation. If a parent died after a degenerative illness you say goodbye slowly, painfully, day by day, and sometimes at the end a feeling of relief comes that their suffering is over. How dare you judge this poster or anyone else in this way.