Toddlers at the Funeral
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Anonymous
| One of DH’s parents passed away this weekend. All folks married into the family were expecting this, it was just a matter of time. The siblings and surviving parent are in shock and blaming themselves for not being able to save the other parent. There is not much that could be done after MOF diagnosis. Now the family wants everyone at the funeral. I told my husband that he needs to go and me and the kids (two three year old toddlers) will stay home and watch service online. I mean I will watch it online. We just got back last week after being there for two weeks and my little guys are exhausted and just drained. How can you explain to a spouse that taking toddlers to a funeral is not age appropriate and we probably should not be there due to COVID? No darts please. |
Anonymous
| I agree with you. Hopefully your DH is a reasonable rational person. Somehow I doubt it since his family is expecting 100% attendance. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| My children have attended funerals as toddlers. Mind you that was pre-covid. You know your husband best. Would not going to support him through the death of his parent put a strain on your marriage? |
Anonymous
| Losing a parent is really tough. I don’t agree with you. It’s really important for you and your kids to be there to support your husband through this. Not being there is a permanent game changer in a relationship. |
Anonymous
| Are you married to the mafia? Your husband's family can't demand 100 percent attendance. You yourself really should go, so I'd try and get a sitter. But if you can't, then don't go and don't bring the kids -- any reasonable family member will completely understand. |
Anonymous
OP—We’re in DC and service/funeral will be in Wyoming. It’s not like we can hop in the car and drive for two hours. |
Anonymous
Give me a break. How are 2 toddlers at a funeral being helpful. If anything they are a distraction (melt downs) which sounds like what op is trying to avoid. |
Anonymous
|
Age is not the problem, Omicron is. I would not go to a funeral right now, at the peak of the Omicron surge.
Many years ago, we flew to Europe and Asia with our then toddler for my grandmother's, then grandfather's funerals, back-to-back. The timing and opposite jet lags made it exhausting, but since there was no pandemic at the time, we felt it was our duty. Children at funerals are valuable comfort for the grieving family members. Our relatives' faces lit up when they saw my son. He was not in the least perturbed by any of it, including the Japanese ritual of passing the deceased's bones from person to person to put in the urn. Since then we've had several more funerals, and I've always noticed that people are cheered by the presence of children. But right now, please don't go. It's not responsible for any of us to contribute to viral spread. |
Anonymous
| Small children don’t need to be at a funeral. |
Anonymous
| I would try to find a sitter for the kids and go with DH. Even if I came back early for kids and DH stayed with his family. |
Anonymous
| In preCOVID, okay to take toddlers (with lots of coloring books, etc). Not during COVID though Remind him kids are unvaccinated at this point and may pick it up or pass it onto others during the service. Need to avoid having it become a. super spreader event. |
Anonymous
Me again. Knowing that the funeral is in Wyoming, yea you can't get a sitter. Skip the funeral. It's ok. |
Anonymous
|
Im sorry, OP. My MIL died pre-covid. Grandchildren were all infant - preschool age at the time. We set aside a room at the memorial service, brought a bunch of toys, and took turns keeping them entertained. We did not have a graveside service to navigate, as MIL was cremated.
It's hard at that age, and especially with dealing with covid and children too young to be vaccinated. I'm not sure what we would do if this happened during such a horrible surge as we are having now. |
Anonymous
+1 our entire family attends all funerals. Death is a natural part of life. And witnessing sadness in adults is part of life. |
Anonymous
|
Please rethink your plan.
I know exhaustion from things like this. If it was a beloved Aunt, Uncle or cousin, this is a fine approach. Immediate family member - you need to be there. Life is too short - do everything you can to simplify and make it happen. |