If you are divorced and will never remarry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so depressing.

This thread demonstrates there are so so many bitter women on this site…. “ Men” generalized, criticized over and over.

You are the only bitter one. We made our own money and will have a lot of fun with it. Don't need to rely on a man, and don't want to take care of an old man.

+1. Women posting do not seem bitter at all. In fact, they sound happy. Happy with their life after a divorced. I think PP is threatened by the idea of a happily divorced woman who does not need a man to support or define her (financially or otherwise).

+2. I don't get it. These women are saying they don't want to be with a man for financial reasons and the men should be happy to hear that. I love this post--such a positive vibe from women on taking control of their life and living life on their own terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m equally unimpressed by women and this forum isn’t doing anything to change my mind. Every time I peruse this site it reinforces my decision to never marry again. Thank you ladies. Please keep it up.

It so true, I mean, they ALWAYS are the victim

We agree you should not marry again .. we never intend to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had initially a very happy, fairytale-like marriage (12 years). Then he cheated and dumped me for a business partner, when our son was in high school. I "mommy-tracked" in my career so my eH could travel. I was that submissive housewife with small jobs on a side for 16 years. Then he told me he no longer needed a "cook in the kitchen" and doesn't plan his retirement with me.
After such a let-down, I am working on rebuilding my career a life, and taking care of people who really matter- my child and my parents.

I got some assets in divorce; my exH was a high net worth individual. I miss a little bit the financial freedom. I would remarry only for a high joint net worth. I do think that men in general are not reliable. Nodoby is 100% reliable, even those who appear to have integrity initially. Therefore, marriage only would make sense from financial standpoint eg to raise my and my family net worth to the next level. I dont need marriage for companionship.

Second to last sentence is sad, and the last sentence, a loe

It’s not sad.

We have tons of companionship. Marriages is not necessary for companionship.

It is sad so many women want to marry to latch on to another persons money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All men should be required to read this board for at least two hours before considering marriage.

Yes they should.

There are women out there that work, make their own $ and have their own retirement.

If you divorce them. You get to keep all.your.money.

If you are divorced and don’t want to marry because you don’t want a woman spending your kids college fund, they are out there. They want to date. But want to go home to their own house.

[Anonymous]

Divorced at 41, 51 now. I wanted to remarry back then but over the past decade I have become ambivalent about it and at this point not sure I want to tangle my finances up with someone else. Have a longtime SO and we live separately and it works just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had initially a very happy, fairytale-like marriage (12 years). Then he cheated and dumped me for a business partner, when our son was in high school. I "mommy-tracked" in my career so my eH could travel. I was that submissive housewife with small jobs on a side for 16 years. Then he told me he no longer needed a "cook in the kitchen" and doesn't plan his retirement with me.
After such a let-down, I am working on rebuilding my career a life, and taking care of people who really matter- my child and my parents.

I got some assets in divorce; my exH was a high net worth individual. I miss a little bit the financial freedom. I would remarry only for a high joint net worth. I do think that men in general are not reliable. Nodoby is 100% reliable, even those who appear to have integrity initially. Therefore, marriage only would make sense from financial standpoint eg to raise my and my family net worth to the next level. I dont need marriage for companionship.

so like other here, you will only marry up$$$, but a man is expected to marry down to a genuine person like you… hmm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced at 33, currently 35, female. Like PPs have said, I just don’t find men all that impressive. Immature and self-absorbed, don’t take anyone else into consideration. It’s frustrating because I know good men do exist - my father was 100% family-oriented and always put his family first - but they are difficult to find. Even more unimpressed now that I’m mostly dating divorced men with kids, blows my mind how uninvolved they are as parents.

Happier now that it’s just my kids and me. Things are so much calmer and things run more smoothly. I do miss companionship, but it’s just not worth the hassle at this point.

On behalf of the man who dodged a bullet by not being married to an awful person like you, I thank you for your decision.

A hit dog will holler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced at 33, currently 35, female. Like PPs have said, I just don’t find men all that impressive. Immature and self-absorbed, don’t take anyone else into consideration. It’s frustrating because I know good men do exist - my father was 100% family-oriented and always put his family first - but they are difficult to find. Even more unimpressed now that I’m mostly dating divorced men with kids, blows my mind how uninvolved they are as parents.

Happier now that it’s just my kids and me. Things are so much calmer and things run more smoothly. I do miss companionship, but it’s just not worth the hassle at this point.

On behalf of the man who dodged a bullet by not being married to an awful person like you, I thank you for your decision.

Wow. Not PP, but hit a little close to home, huh? Yikes.

I agree. That pp was the one she was talking about! lol

[Anonymous]

It should be required reading for ANYONE contemplating marriage.

IMHO marriage is almost always a mistake. Love does not last. Physical desire does not last. And people are inherently selfish. And society no longer creates the pressure to stay married, to not be an adulterer, to remain responsible for your children, etc. etc.

I do think that gender roles have not changed the way economics have. Marriage is usually a raw deal for the woman. She works, takes care of the home and children, and is expected to keep her husband happy too, whether that means sex, meals, chores, whatever.

Men seem to feel entitled to maybe mow the lawn on Saturday morning then spend the rest of the weekend on the couch with a beer watching football while the wife takes care of the kids, the laundry, the meals, shopping, dishes.... The unfairness breeds resentment and that is poison to a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 46. Divorced at 42, two teenagers and 50/50 custody with their local dad. I have wanted to get remarried for the secure feeling of a spouse and partner to navigate life with. But reading these comments, it seems like some want what I have -living independently with my kids and spending time with my lovely boyfriend and at our separate homes. Maybe this will be sufficient, emotionally. Especially since he told me he doesn’t want to get married- so kind of a forgone conclusion but I was thinking about breaking up with him over it. I’m not “high worth individual” as others have mentioned (is this the high brow way of saying rich?), just a regular person.

To me this is the saddest part of being post divorce in middle age—nobody wants a real commitment, just more broken and halfway solutions.

Being committed and not married is not 1/2 way.

+1 agree

Thanks- I am this 46 year old writer. I have felt sad that my boyfriend doesn’t want to get married again (he’s also divorced, with a college age kid), but it is easy and pleasant enough. I do worry about the long term though- what if he or I gets sick, or life gets more complex and we need one another. He is older than me so I don’t want to be his caregiver if he goes downhill, unless I am his wife. I loved being married prior to my divorce- I was very happy with my husband and this way of living and juggling ups and downs of life together, as a team.

Why are you wasting time with this guy? His behavior is telling you exactly how he feels about you. I bet he's happy with the sex though.
Dump him and look for someone that wants a future together if that's what you desire. He doesn't!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All men should be required to read this board for at least two hours before considering marriage.

It’s true. They should realize that failure to pull their weight around the house and do 50% of the work is really serious - it’s not cute, and men don’t get an award for “helping” with the kids. 50% no more no less of ALL the work, which increases exponentially with kids. If you don’t, you’ll end up divorced, and stupidly wondering why divorced women are not eager to find another lazy man to take care of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? How old when you divorced? Why will you never remarry?

59, 59. Don't want to take care of another person ever again, except my children and grand children.

Amen. Cannot wait for my gray divorce! Counting down the years. Will take a 3 month cruise to celebrate right after the 6 month separation clocks out. Hooray! No more idiotic selfish narc spouse.

If one is financially comfortable I don't see getting remarried just to be a caretaker someday. Or have to divide time between their kids, grand-kids and mine. Not to mention I am not attracted to guys over 50. It's that ageing thing that also puts a damper on relationships. Yes take a cruise and be happy to finally be free!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All men should be required to read this board for at least two hours before considering marriage.

Yes they should.

There are women out there that work, make their own $ and have their own retirement.

If you divorce them. You get to keep all.your.money.

If you are divorced and don’t want to marry because you don’t want a woman spending your kids college fund, they are out there. They want to date. But want to go home to their own house.

Soon to be divorced man here, age 46 and I find all of this encouraging. I will never get married again, I couldn't make my first marriage work to a wonderful woman, why would I gamble a second time. I am very much looking forward to dating and relationships again, but marriage isn't necessary for anything I want.

[Anonymous]

A big reason not to remarry in your 50's is your kids and grand-kids. My dad remarried in his early 50's. Yes he had his will/trust in place. However, those can be changed at anytime. She was younger and as his health changed he ended up putting her on all titles. I'm sure pressure from her, and again she was his only caretaker since we lived out of state. A major asset that was suppose to go to the kids all ended up with her after he died. In fact everything did except for a small life insurance policy she didn't know about. As in very small. I feel like a lot of people need to put their blood first before a outsider. She ended up with assets that were our mother's and father which is very sad, but quite common with second marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A big reason not to remarry in your 50's is your kids and grand-kids. My dad remarried in his early 50's. Yes he had his will/trust in place. However, those can be changed at anytime. She was younger and as his health changed he ended up putting her on all titles. I'm sure pressure from her, and again she was his only caretaker since we lived out of state. A major asset that was suppose to go to the kids all ended up with her after he died. In fact everything did except for a small life insurance policy she didn't know about. As in very small. I feel like a lot of people need to put their blood first before a outsider. She ended up with assets that were our mother's and father which is very sad, but quite common with second marriages.

What do you think she was entitled to?