Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update: It all worked out fine and there was no issue at all; it is all set. We're not scammers or moochers. I really hope people can be kinder and assume better intentions on this board. Thanks to all for the serious and well meaning advice...

I hope you learned your lesson never to ask for advice on DCUM.

LOL!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update: It all worked out fine and there was no issue at all; it is all set. We're not scammers or moochers. I really hope people can be kinder and assume better intentions on this board. Thanks to all for the serious and well meaning advice...

Fact is you're in your 50s begging your nephew-in-law and mother-in-law to use their* beach house to throw a party for your teen kid. For one, throwing a party with non-family (teen) guests at someone else's house is 100% classless. And two, you are moochers. I'm not picking on you, I've been in very similar situations with family-owned property. I became uncomfortable doing this sort of thing in my 30s, I can't imagine still doing it in my 50s. This is precisely why families in their 30s and 40s buy their own beach house. Or if you want to exert control over this property you (and your DH's brother) need to buy out your mother or have her sign off the deed now. Your MIL's passive aggressive behavior seems to tease out nephew might be making a play to buy her out (or already has) to take total control of the property.

*and we know damn well in your head you consider it "yours" (since you're convinced it'll be "yours" when MIL croaks)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update: It all worked out fine and there was no issue at all; it is all set. We're not scammers or moochers. I really hope people can be kinder and assume better intentions on this board. Thanks to all for the serious and well meaning advice...

You definitely are moochers. Sad that you don’t see that. Glad it worked out.

A bully to the end. Sad you don’t see that.

I think the bully is the conniver who coerces a MIL and nephew-in-law to bend after a fairly obvious no on throwing a party for random teens at a property in their name, that they pay taxes on, and with their name on the home insurance. Is OP going to cough up a million bucks if some teen's parent sues the crap out of them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update: It all worked out fine and there was no issue at all; it is all set. We're not scammers or moochers. I really hope people can be kinder and assume better intentions on this board. Thanks to all for the serious and well meaning advice...

NP. You are literally a moocher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update: It all worked out fine and there was no issue at all; it is all set. We're not scammers or moochers. I really hope people can be kinder and assume better intentions on this board. Thanks to all for the serious and well meaning advice...

You definitely are moochers. Sad that you don’t see that. Glad it worked out.

A bully to the end. Sad you don’t see that.

I think the bully is the conniver who coerces a MIL and nephew-in-law to bend after a fairly obvious no on throwing a party for random teens at a property in their name, that they pay taxes on, and with their name on the home insurance. Is OP going to cough up a million bucks if some teen's parent sues the crap out of them?

NP - you are a freak.

OP - please rest assured that other than people who (i) have deep-seated family issues, (ii) are incredibly stupid, or (iii) are just trolling, no one thinks you were acting unreasonably. Glad it worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update: It all worked out fine and there was no issue at all; it is all set. We're not scammers or moochers. I really hope people can be kinder and assume better intentions on this board. Thanks to all for the serious and well meaning advice...

Fact is you're in your 50s begging your nephew-in-law and mother-in-law to use their* beach house to throw a party for your teen kid. For one, throwing a party with non-family (teen) guests at someone else's house is 100% classless. And two, you are moochers. I'm not picking on you, I've been in very similar situations with family-owned property. I became uncomfortable doing this sort of thing in my 30s, I can't imagine still doing it in my 50s. This is precisely why families in their 30s and 40s buy their own beach house. Or if you want to exert control over this property you (and your DH's brother) need to buy out your mother or have her sign off the deed now. Your MIL's passive aggressive behavior seems to tease out nephew might be making a play to buy her out (or already has) to take total control of the property.

*and we know damn well in your head you consider it "yours" (since you're convinced it'll be "yours" when MIL croaks)

Wow, you are coming into this scenario with a lot of vitriol and projection. I don't think you even read the post. Two teenagers sleeping over is different than some kind of wild beer bash with 50 kids. Parents present. Lifetime of going to the same home. I know absolutely nobody who buys their own beach house when they have one owned by their parents. NOBODY. Perhaps you are made of money and beach houses grow on trees. Perhaps you are accustomed to family members who want nothing to do with one another. This is not how it works in most families. Your post is classless. Clueless, actually, too.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read all the comments so maybe this has been said already - Not sure what you should do about the beach house. Maybe make other plans but fundamentally why does this have to be a surprise for your dd? These are weird times and life is harder to coordinate. I'm sure she'll have a great time even if she knows her friends are coming.

But then I'm a bit of a curmudgeon about these things and hate surprise visits. I would rather know folks are coming and get ready for their visit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update: It all worked out fine and there was no issue at all; it is all set. We're not scammers or moochers. I really hope people can be kinder and assume better intentions on this board. Thanks to all for the serious and well meaning advice...

NP. You are literally a moocher.

Another NP: This just seems like family tradition to me. Is everyone in the family who reserves a week a "moocher"? I suppose MIL and nephew could sit alone in their beach house in grand, isolated splendor...but that seems a bit lonely to me. If it's always been done this way, it seems to me that there's a precedent.

[Anonymous]

I mean...congratulations on strong-arming an old lady into giving you an answer she said she wasn't ready to give?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, how is it mooching when it has been family tradition to divvy up weeks for decades?
Maybe I should start charging my kids rent when they come home to visit as well. I mean the nerve! Taking up valuable space in a property where I pay the home insurance and the mortgage!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean...congratulations on strong-arming an old lady into giving you an answer she said she wasn't ready to give?

+1. Seriously. You just know OP considers this "her" beach house and can't wait for MIL to croak. It also speaks volumes that OP made this thread and not her husband. Who doesn't love a pushy entitled daughter-in-law booking teenage parties at your beach house.

And the spiel about this being for her husband's "family tradition" ( ) and "we contribute" (no details, so obvious exaggerated b.s.) is so over the top. You want it because it's free. And it must be a posh locale or you wouldn't be so hard up to show it off to your daughter's friends.

If OP could get her grubby hands on this deed I guarantee all that "family tradition" would go out the window while she plots a tear-down and custom build with all the equity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, how is it mooching when it has been family tradition to divvy up weeks for decades?
Maybe I should start charging my kids rent when they come home to visit as well. I mean the nerve! Taking up valuable space in a property where I pay the home insurance and the mortgage!!

It. Is. Not. OP's. Vacation. Home. It's not even her family, it's her in-laws. But look how she teases out her entitlement, deluded herself into believing it's hers, "We rarely go and didn't at all last summer during the pandemic. Others go a lot more."

Why is she keeping tabs of the frequency of guests? And why did she type that, so as to bolster her case [to us] that she "deserves" her week(s) this summer.

And who knows how end of care works for the elderly nephew and MIL. OP's certainly salivating she'll be getting at least 25% of the beach house when MIL passes, but this could be unloaded long before an estate lawyer calls up her husband. And even if she and her husband do receive it, they'll receive a quarter share (OP's BIL will get the other 25%), the nephew and his family will control majority stake 50%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean...congratulations on strong-arming an old lady into giving you an answer she said she wasn't ready to give?

+1. Seriously. You just know OP considers this "her" beach house and can't wait for MIL to croak. It also speaks volumes that OP made this thread and not her husband. Who doesn't love a pushy entitled daughter-in-law booking teenage parties at your beach house.

And the spiel about this being for her husband's "family tradition" ( ) and "we contribute" (no details, so obvious exaggerated b.s.) is so over the top. You want it because it's free. And it must be a posh locale or you wouldn't be so hard up to show it off to your daughter's friends.

If OP could get her grubby hands on this deed I guarantee all that "family tradition" would go out the window while she plots a tear-down and custom build with all the equity.

Oh dear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, how is it mooching when it has been family tradition to divvy up weeks for decades?
Maybe I should start charging my kids rent when they come home to visit as well. I mean the nerve! Taking up valuable space in a property where I pay the home insurance and the mortgage!!

It. Is. Not. OP's. Vacation. Home. It's not even her family, it's her in-laws. But look how she teases out her entitlement, deluded herself into believing it's hers, "We rarely go and didn't at all last summer during the pandemic. Others go a lot more."

Why is she keeping tabs of the frequency of guests? And why did she type that, so as to bolster her case [to us] that she "deserves" her week(s) this summer.

And who knows how end of care works for the elderly nephew and MIL. OP's certainly salivating she'll be getting at least 25% of the beach house when MIL passes, but this could be unloaded long before an estate lawyer calls up her husband. And even if she and her husband do receive it, they'll receive a quarter share (OP's BIL will get the other 25%), the nephew and his family will control majority stake 50%.

First, you need to go look up the definition of majority.

Second, the amount of projection in this post is really sad.

[Anonymous]

Zero projection. I see this conniver from a mile away.