Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH has to have a key to the property. Jut go ahead and plane the dates you want. Send DH to the house 2 days early to either set up or clear everyone out. Why should his brother get more say than he does? Especially for a milestone bday.

Your MIL is a pill. I'd die if she were mine.

Imagine being in your 50s and squatting in a beach house you don’t own. OP’s husband should buy out mom’s share of he wants his dates. Then his name and skin can be on the line if God forbid a random teen is hurt or worse at the property.

[Anonymous]

The default with anyone else’s house is that you don’t get to use it until they say so. MIL is not going to say so on your schedule, so the conversation is over. It’s a no and you have to accept it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM bullies are all here!

Yeah, and all the entitled brats too!

Yes, they're one and the same. The bullies think they're entitled to pass judgment on every OP by filling in their own delusional "facts."

Where is the delusion in:
1) The fact that the only actual owners of this property are MIL and her nephew
2) The fact that MIL has told OP/DH not to contact the nephew directly about scheduling.

Dispute those facts. Show me the delusion. I'll wait.

My fav part of the delusion are obvious cheap-o’s (OP and her DH) clearly exaggerating the funds they contribute to the house. Nobody this cheap and conniving is signing big checks for a house they don’t own. Mortgage, insurance, taxes, utilities, bills, upkeep, annual maintenance.

[Anonymous]

OP are you or husband friends with any lawyers? Ask them why MIL sand cousin maybe don’t want you at their beach house with random teens.

Pretty much this exact same situation happened to us and it motivated us to finally buy our own place. Maybe take a hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM bullies are all here!

Yeah, and all the entitled brats too!

Yes, they're one and the same. The bullies think they're entitled to pass judgment on every OP by filling in their own delusional "facts."

Where is the delusion in:
1) The fact that the only actual owners of this property are MIL and her nephew
2) The fact that MIL has told OP/DH not to contact the nephew directly about scheduling.

Dispute those facts. Show me the delusion. I'll wait.

My fav part of the delusion are obvious cheap-o’s (OP and her DH) clearly exaggerating the funds they contribute to the house. Nobody this cheap and conniving is signing big checks for a house they don’t own. Mortgage, insurance, taxes, utilities, bills, upkeep, annual maintenance.

Prove it. Otherwise, you’re filling in your own facts to justify your bullying and name calling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(And to clarify, if nephew wanted both of our weekend dates, it would be a bummer, but we'd find something else to do instead. We just need to know one way or the other so we can move ahead with our planning.)

Then assume that the answer is no, you can’t have it, and make another plan. It’s not your house. You aren’t entitled to it.

Right. OP is acting like the house is hers. “Our weekend dates.” But your own house or see what you get when mil dies.

[Anonymous]

This is what this post is about:
For decades we have been using MIL's and DH's cousin's beach house for free. We asked MIL to see if we could use it on a certain date and she came back and told us cousin is not on board with it this time. I am not accepting this answer and am trying to figure out how to scam and get what I want.

[Anonymous]

Does your DH have a relationship with his cousin (the co-owner) outside of summer beach house logistics? I don't see why he doesn't just call up his cousin and ask. I know MIL said not to, but that seems... bizarre, and a little controlling. If the real issue is that MIL doesn't want to set a precedent of teenage grandchildren throwing parties at the house, that's fine and within her rights as co-owner, but then say so.

If you don't feel you're getting fair benefit of the bargain for whatever maintenance and upkeep you're contributing to the house, just stop. Mooching is expecting family members to perform unpaid labor on your beach house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH have a relationship with his cousin (the co-owner) outside of summer beach house logistics? I don't see why he doesn't just call up his cousin and ask. I know MIL said not to, but that seems... bizarre, and a little controlling. If the real issue is that MIL doesn't want to set a precedent of teenage grandchildren throwing parties at the house, that's fine and within her rights as co-owner, but then say so.

If you don't feel you're getting fair benefit of the bargain for whatever maintenance and upkeep you're contributing to the house, just stop. Mooching is expecting family members to perform unpaid labor on your beach house.

It probably isn't smart to do a complete end-run around your MIL, but I do agree that your DH could do more to figure out what is going on. Does your DH have relationships with any of the nephew's children? Could he ask one of them if they have heard about the situation and know what might be going on. There are ways to do this, without asking the question directly. Does he ever speak to the nephew. Maybe he needs to call him to talk about something else....

OP, I agree that the situation seems strange, but not much you can do.

[Anonymous]

Update: It all worked out fine and there was no issue at all; it is all set. We're not scammers or moochers. I really hope people can be kinder and assume better intentions on this board. Thanks to all for the serious and well meaning advice...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update: It all worked out fine and there was no issue at all; it is all set. We're not scammers or moochers. I really hope people can be kinder and assume better intentions on this board. Thanks to all for the serious and well meaning advice...

I hope you learned your lesson never to ask for advice on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update: It all worked out fine and there was no issue at all; it is all set. We're not scammers or moochers. I really hope people can be kinder and assume better intentions on this board. Thanks to all for the serious and well meaning advice...

You definitely are moochers. Sad that you don’t see that. Glad it worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update: It all worked out fine and there was no issue at all; it is all set. We're not scammers or moochers. I really hope people can be kinder and assume better intentions on this board. Thanks to all for the serious and well meaning advice...

You definitely are moochers. Sad that you don’t see that. Glad it worked out.

A bully to the end. Sad you don’t see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP are you or husband friends with any lawyers? Ask them why MIL sand cousin maybe don’t want you at their beach house with random teens.

Pretty much this exact same situation happened to us and it motivated us to finally buy our own place. Maybe take a hint.

+1

My friends who don't like vacationing with their IL's have bought their own vacation houses, so works like a charm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update: It all worked out fine and there was no issue at all; it is all set. We're not scammers or moochers. I really hope people can be kinder and assume better intentions on this board. Thanks to all for the serious and well meaning advice...

You definitely are moochers. Sad that you don’t see that. Glad it worked out.

OMG. You clearly have no frame of reference for what it's like to have a large, shared family home, nor any respect for the nuances that are unique to each family dynamic. Not every family sees sharing as mooching or generosity, traditional, and togetherness as a scam. It's sad you're so invested in putdowns on this thread!