Sister in law from hell

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I am telling my whiny bro is to not think about his baby and wife. Nice.

No, he ONLY thinks about them. I would like him to also see his friends, go to the gym, get a haircut... all things he needs and that is wife is already doing. They have a full time nanny and help with cleaning so he could do all those things if he wanted.

So, in other words, your brother talks to you so much that you know most details of his married life?

[Anonymous]

This thread is a great Exhibit A of misandry. The amount of women on this board who hate men is quite astounding. I have never in my life met women like this and being a woman, I have a lot of female friends.

It is why we still have so much toxic masculinity. When you treat men like they don't deserve respect, you don't get a lot of respect back. When you teach your boys they aren't worth anything, they act out when they grow up.

When you attack women who support men who are in abusive situations or dealing with abuse in their relationship - you are just deepening the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you read my post OP and give it a few minutes thought. It appears to me that you lack listening and hearing skills. This is very common, rather than reading what people here are writing, and thinking about it, and then wondering if some of it might ring true, you are coming with a rebuttal right away in your head, hence not really absorbing any of what people wrote. You are not hearing at all what people are saying. Nothing in your replies suggests that you actually gave a single thought or a pause to anything anyone wrote or suggested.
Step 1: Face the speaker and maintain eye contact. ...
Step 2: Be attentive, but relaxed. ...
Step 3: Keep an open mind. ...
Step 4: Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying. ...
Step 5: Don't interrupt and don't impose your "solutions."
And also Put yourself in their shoes.

I am not PP, but I think you should look in the mirror and apply these steps to yourself. Pot meet kettle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you read my post OP and give it a few minutes thought. It appears to me that you lack listening and hearing skills. This is very common, rather than reading what people here are writing, and thinking about it, and then wondering if some of it might ring true, you are coming with a rebuttal right away in your head, hence not really absorbing any of what people wrote. You are not hearing at all what people are saying. Nothing in your replies suggests that you actually gave a single thought or a pause to anything anyone wrote or suggested.
Step 1: Face the speaker and maintain eye contact. ...
Step 2: Be attentive, but relaxed. ...
Step 3: Keep an open mind. ...
Step 4: Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying. ...
Step 5: Don't interrupt and don't impose your "solutions."
And also Put yourself in their shoes.

I am not PP, but I think you should look in the mirror and apply these steps to yourself. Pot meet kettle.

OOps, meant to write "I am not OP"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a great Exhibit A of misandry. The amount of women on this board who hate men is quite astounding. I have never in my life met women like this and being a woman, I have a lot of female friends.

It is why we still have so much toxic masculinity. When you treat men like they don't deserve respect, you don't get a lot of respect back. When you teach your boys they aren't worth anything, they act out when they grow up.

When you attack women who support men who are in abusive situations or dealing with abuse in their relationship - you are just deepening the problem.

+1000
I cannot believe how many posters are piling up on OP. Are there women like these in real life? I am happy I do not know them.
The brother is clearly being abused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I am telling my whiny bro is to not think about his baby and wife. Nice.

No, he ONLY thinks about them. I would like him to also see his friends, go to the gym, get a haircut... all things he needs and that is wife is already doing. They have a full time nanny and help with cleaning so he could do all those things if he wanted.

So, in other words, your brother talks to you so much that you know most details of his married life?

And then she discusses it with her mom ad nauseam. OP, focus on your family and the 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you read my post OP and give it a few minutes thought. It appears to me that you lack listening and hearing skills. This is very common, rather than reading what people here are writing, and thinking about it, and then wondering if some of it might ring true, you are coming with a rebuttal right away in your head, hence not really absorbing any of what people wrote. You are not hearing at all what people are saying. Nothing in your replies suggests that you actually gave a single thought or a pause to anything anyone wrote or suggested.
Step 1: Face the speaker and maintain eye contact. ...
Step 2: Be attentive, but relaxed. ...
Step 3: Keep an open mind. ...
Step 4: Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying. ...
Step 5: Don't interrupt and don't impose your "solutions."
And also Put yourself in their shoes.

I am not PP, but I think you should look in the mirror and apply these steps to yourself. Pot meet kettle.

How so? I did not say that she is wrong or that pps are wrong, just that she needs to take a bit of time to think about what she read. Tell us OP how do you explain that you said your SIL was fine until April and now she is a sil from hell?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a great Exhibit A of misandry. The amount of women on this board who hate men is quite astounding. I have never in my life met women like this and being a woman, I have a lot of female friends.

It is why we still have so much toxic masculinity. When you treat men like they don't deserve respect, you don't get a lot of respect back. When you teach your boys they aren't worth anything, they act out when they grow up.

When you attack women who support men who are in abusive situations or dealing with abuse in their relationship - you are just deepening the problem.

+1000
I cannot believe how many posters are piling up on OP. Are there women like these in real life? I am happy I do not know them.
The brother is clearly being abused.

Yes, OP. Also, learn the difference between these and this, and your sockpuppeting may improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a great Exhibit A of misandry. The amount of women on this board who hate men is quite astounding. I have never in my life met women like this and being a woman, I have a lot of female friends.

It is why we still have so much toxic masculinity. When you treat men like they don't deserve respect, you don't get a lot of respect back. When you teach your boys they aren't worth anything, they act out when they grow up.

When you attack women who support men who are in abusive situations or dealing with abuse in their relationship - you are just deepening the problem.

+1000
I cannot believe how many posters are piling up on OP. Are there women like these in real life? I am happy I do not know them.
The brother is clearly being abused.

I would cut off any contact with SIL that I knew was sitting around putting me down all day long. Brother needs to stop whining about not being allowed to talk to his family, when his family clearly is hearing every single detail of his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a great Exhibit A of misandry. The amount of women on this board who hate men is quite astounding. I have never in my life met women like this and being a woman, I have a lot of female friends.

It is why we still have so much toxic masculinity. When you treat men like they don't deserve respect, you don't get a lot of respect back. When you teach your boys they aren't worth anything, they act out when they grow up.

When you attack women who support men who are in abusive situations or dealing with abuse in their relationship - you are just deepening the problem.

Please. It has nothing to do with misandry.

What side of the issue you fall on here depends on whether you find OP’s assertions of abuse convincing. If you take OP at face-value, her brother deserves lots of support and help. If you find OP’s examples of absurd and her manner persistent, self-absorbed, judgmental, and hyperbolic, then you sympathize with SIL.

[Anonymous]

OP, my brother is married to a woman who many of my family members think is mentally ill (e.g., personality disorder, anxious, depressed, controlling, manipulative, etc.). Here is what I have noticed:

1) My brother does not talk to my mom and sister (the main people who have the opinion of mental illness) about things in their relationship that are good. When I asked him why, he point-blank told me that mom and sister don't like wife and don't care about good things. When I asked him why he vents negatively, he said because he is frustrated, gets it off his chest, and then solves the problem. He recognizes that his venting has created an impression of his wife and his marriage that is perhaps not totally accurate. Does your brother understand this?

2) My SIL has never really enjoyed participating in our family events. I have been married twice and my first husband felt similarly. He said that he always felt like he was on the outside. He was also not a great husband and I vented to my mom and siblings about this, and I could see how that changed the way they treated him. I made different choices with my second husband, and he feels more included and participates more.

3) Relatedly, my SIL's family of origin has a really different interaction style. Our family events were way too much for her. Initially, I think my mom expected SIL to adapt to our family's style when it was clear that she didn't like it. Have you noticed differences in the way that your SIL prefers to engage and the way your family of origin prefers to engage? Everything from how loud people talk to use of humor is relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a great Exhibit A of misandry. The amount of women on this board who hate men is quite astounding. I have never in my life met women like this and being a woman, I have a lot of female friends.

It is why we still have so much toxic masculinity. When you treat men like they don't deserve respect, you don't get a lot of respect back. When you teach your boys they aren't worth anything, they act out when they grow up.

When you attack women who support men who are in abusive situations or dealing with abuse in their relationship - you are just deepening the problem.

Please. It has nothing to do with misandry.

What side of the issue you fall on here depends on whether you find OP’s assertions of abuse convincing. If you take OP at face-value, her brother deserves lots of support and help. If you find OP’s examples of absurd and her manner persistent, self-absorbed, judgmental, and hyperbolic, then you sympathize with SIL.

My objection to OP had nothing to do with misandry, but with the dislike of a sister tearing a sister down. In fact, my objection is fully feminist. When we tear one woman down, we tear all woman down. This is what I find objectionable with OP and her family. Don't tear the sister down. Especially the one that until April was a great SIL, had a sick baby, and might be suffering from PPD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my brother is married to a woman who many of my family members think is mentally ill (e.g., personality disorder, anxious, depressed, controlling, manipulative, etc.). Here is what I have noticed:

1) My brother does not talk to my mom and sister (the main people who have the opinion of mental illness) about things in their relationship that are good. When I asked him why, he point-blank told me that mom and sister don't like wife and don't care about good things. When I asked him why he vents negatively, he said because he is frustrated, gets it off his chest, and then solves the problem. He recognizes that his venting has created an impression of his wife and his marriage that is perhaps not totally accurate. Does your brother understand this?

2) My SIL has never really enjoyed participating in our family events. I have been married twice and my first husband felt similarly. He said that he always felt like he was on the outside. He was also not a great husband and I vented to my mom and siblings about this, and I could see how that changed the way they treated him. I made different choices with my second husband, and he feels more included and participates more.

3) Relatedly, my SIL's family of origin has a really different interaction style. Our family events were way too much for her. Initially, I think my mom expected SIL to adapt to our family's style when it was clear that she didn't like it. Have you noticed differences in the way that your SIL prefers to engage and the way your family of origin prefers to engage? Everything from how loud people talk to use of humor is relevant.

OP here. My brother never used to talk about his wife to me or my mom and very little only to my dad. This is also why I don’t know much about what was going on before. My dad also does not want to talk about the issue so other than knowing she was upset at me for not contacting her directly to ask about her when their daughter was in the hospital, leaving the family chat and planning baptism 2 weeks after we left, I did not know what was going on.
Her family is very similar to our family. Same origins, same culture, etc. They come from a small town near our city and they love to cook... these are the two big differences I see.
She loves to cook and she always looks nice, nails done, every week blow out, always dresses nice, etc. My mom and I are not like this. We don’t cook, never get our nails done and hairdresser maybe once a year. My brother likes that she cares about looking good compared to my mom and I that are more or less always looking frumpy. This is another difference I guess...
over all, family is very important for everyone. They spend a lot of time with her side of the family (though my brother has started hating that too, but only recently).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a great Exhibit A of misandry. The amount of women on this board who hate men is quite astounding. I have never in my life met women like this and being a woman, I have a lot of female friends.

It is why we still have so much toxic masculinity. When you treat men like they don't deserve respect, you don't get a lot of respect back. When you teach your boys they aren't worth anything, they act out when they grow up.

When you attack women who support men who are in abusive situations or dealing with abuse in their relationship - you are just deepening the problem.

+1000
I cannot believe how many posters are piling up on OP. Are there women like these in real life? I am happy I do not know them.
The brother is clearly being abused.

Yes, OP. Also, learn the difference between these and this, and your sockpuppeting may improve.

Different poster here. Really, pp? You think criticizing the other pp's use of "these" is something that gives you credibility? SMH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a great Exhibit A of misandry. The amount of women on this board who hate men is quite astounding. I have never in my life met women like this and being a woman, I have a lot of female friends.

It is why we still have so much toxic masculinity. When you treat men like they don't deserve respect, you don't get a lot of respect back. When you teach your boys they aren't worth anything, they act out when they grow up.

When you attack women who support men who are in abusive situations or dealing with abuse in their relationship - you are just deepening the problem.

+1000
I cannot believe how many posters are piling up on OP. Are there women like these in real life? I am happy I do not know them.
The brother is clearly being abused.

Yes, OP. Also, learn the difference between these and this, and your sockpuppeting may improve.

I’m not OP. I’m also not a native English speaker so feel free to nitpick on my grammar all you want, I don’t really care.