SAHM with kids in school? Dealing with judgement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God. The work I do for myself is far more meaningful than the corporation I worked for. It's sad we live in a culture that values money over absolutely everything: over friendship, family, humanism, activism, art and music, being happy or healthy. Some literally value this woman getting a meaningless job to earn pennies when she doesn't need it, even if it made her life shorter or her family more stressed. I hope that woman chokes on her sour grapes.

We live in a capitalist society and even ones that are communist, socialist etc have their own values that may not mesh with the choices an individual in that society would prefer to make. I also didn’t hear that the woman was visiting sick friends, involved in activism, creating art and music etc. So it’s not just earning money, it’s what do you do with your time beyond yourself in this journey called life once your kids don’t need your undivided attention 24-7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should tell her that work was interfering with your sex life with your husband. Tell her you chose great sex over working, because who wouldn’t?

OMG. This is sooo true. My WOHM life meant no sex. My SAHM life means amazing sex and a much sweeter marriage.

It IS the oldest professions, after all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say it to your face but I agree with her.
- Independently wealthy and working in a meaningful job

NP here. I would not say anything on your face, PP, but I wonder why is that your family not meaningful to you? Why is being with them and nurturing them not the most meaningful, loving and fulfilling job you could ever do? If you think that only little kids need a full time mom then you are deluded and not really been involved in raising kids. You have outsourced raising your kids (if you have kids) and it was probably ok for your family. Older kids need you differently, but not less. But, that is a moot point - your family is not the most meaningful and time consuming thing for you - and that is your prerogative.

I find people who say or think like the PP above, very unenlightened.

OP, you have the most meaningful and wonderful job in the world. If you have the money to take care of your needs and some wants, then feel free to LIVE your life and spend time with your family.

Stay Blessed!

D

Lol yes, D, working means one’s family isn’t meaningful. You got me!

stay blessed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should tell her that work was interfering with your sex life with your husband. Tell her you chose great sex over working, because who wouldn’t?

OMG. This is sooo true. My WOHM life meant no sex. My SAHM life means amazing sex and a much sweeter marriage.

It IS the oldest professions, after all!

The bitterness and jealousy is so transparent holy hell! You have obviously sacrificed and suffered at times through gritted teeth as you juggled work and children and the only way you can justify your suffering to yourself is to tell yourself that not working is pathetic. YOU are the pathetic one for not being able to rise above low-hanging psychological comforts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should tell her that work was interfering with your sex life with your husband. Tell her you chose great sex over working, because who wouldn’t?

OMG. This is sooo true. My WOHM life meant no sex. My SAHM life means amazing sex and a much sweeter marriage.

It IS the oldest professions, after all!

The bitterness and jealousy is so transparent holy hell! You have obviously sacrificed and suffered at times through gritted teeth as you juggled work and children and the only way you can justify your suffering to yourself is to tell yourself that not working is pathetic. YOU are the pathetic one for not being able to rise above low-hanging psychological comforts.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should tell her that work was interfering with your sex life with your husband. Tell her you chose great sex over working, because who wouldn’t?

OMG. This is sooo true. My WOHM life meant no sex. My SAHM life means amazing sex and a much sweeter marriage.

It IS the oldest professions, after all!

The bitterness and jealousy is so transparent holy hell! You have obviously sacrificed and suffered at times through gritted teeth as you juggled work and children and the only way you can justify your suffering to yourself is to tell yourself that not working is pathetic. YOU are the pathetic one for not being able to rise above low-hanging psychological comforts.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know any SAHM’s (by choice, not unemployed) who are jealous of WOHM’s. That a pretty big tell. Of course I live in an area where the SAHM’s are not clipping coupons or eating beans and rice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God. The work I do for myself is far more meaningful than the corporation I worked for. It's sad we live in a culture that values money over absolutely everything: over friendship, family, humanism, activism, art and music, being happy or healthy. Some literally value this woman getting a meaningless job to earn pennies when she doesn't need it, even if it made her life shorter or her family more stressed. I hope that woman chokes on her sour grapes.

We live in a capitalist society and even ones that are communist, socialist etc have their own values that may not mesh with the choices an individual in that society would prefer to make. I also didn’t hear that the woman was visiting sick friends, involved in activism, creating art and music etc. So it’s not just earning money, it’s what do you do with your time beyond yourself in this journey called life once your kids don’t need your undivided attention 24-7.

Most economic models make the huge error of leaving out the value of work for which no money exchanges hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say it to your face but I agree with her.
- Independently wealthy and working in a meaningful job

NP here. I would not say anything on your face, PP, but I wonder why is that your family not meaningful to you? Why is being with them and nurturing them not the most meaningful, loving and fulfilling job you could ever do? If you think that only little kids need a full time mom then you are deluded and not really been involved in raising kids. You have outsourced raising your kids (if you have kids) and it was probably ok for your family. Older kids need you differently, but not less. But, that is a moot point - your family is not the most meaningful and time consuming thing for you - and that is your prerogative.

I find people who say or think like the PP above, very unenlightened.

OP, you have the most meaningful and wonderful job in the world. If you have the money to take care of your needs and some wants, then feel free to LIVE your life and spend time with your family.

Stay Blessed!

D

Lol yes, D, working means one’s family isn’t meaningful. You got me!

stay blessed!

NP here. Working doesn’t imply that your family isn’t meaningful. There are plenty of WOHMs who find their lives outside of work to be meaningful.

But here you implied that your job is meaningful, and the job of raising children is NOT meaningful, or at least not as meaningful as whatever you are doing.

So, while there are plenty of WOHPs who find their jobs as parents to be important and meaningful, you clearly aren’t one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird to me that so many people value work this much. Most people I know either dislike their jobs, or like them but still look forward to retiring. We’ve been through every variation. I’ve worked. I’ve been a single working parent. I’ve had a SAH DH. I’ve been a SAHM. Each had pros and cons. Why do some of you care? Seems like you just want to feel superior.

Some people have no imagination. They cannot imagine that someone who makes different choices than they made could possibly be "doing it right." As one PP so bitterly put it, they must "suck at life" because their life is different. These are the same kinds of people of never learned to "walk in another's shoes." They, and their attitudes, are a huge root problem in our society.

[Anonymous]

I have done both and my life is much more pleasant staying home. And I contribute a lot more to society than when I was working and making rich people richer. Some people have very meaningful jobs. Mine was not. I volunteer and help out my neighbors and spend a ton of time with my kids and family. If I drop dead tomorrow, I will not have regretted my decision to stay home even though I used to have a high paying job. People should do what they want. If someone does not approve of my choices, oh well. You are not living my life and don’t get to choose for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say it to your face but I agree with her.
- Independently wealthy and working in a meaningful job

NP here. I would not say anything on your face, PP, but I wonder why is that your family not meaningful to you? Why is being with them and nurturing them not the most meaningful, loving and fulfilling job you could ever do? If you think that only little kids need a full time mom then you are deluded and not really been involved in raising kids. You have outsourced raising your kids (if you have kids) and it was probably ok for your family. Older kids need you differently, but not less. But, that is a moot point - your family is not the most meaningful and time consuming thing for you - and that is your prerogative.

I find people who say or think like the PP above, very unenlightened.

OP, you have the most meaningful and wonderful job in the world. If you have the money to take care of your needs and some wants, then feel free to LIVE your life and spend time with your family.

Stay Blessed!

D

Lol yes, D, working means one’s family isn’t meaningful. You got me!

stay blessed!

NP here. Working doesn’t imply that your family isn’t meaningful. There are plenty of WOHMs who find their lives outside of work to be meaningful.

But here you implied that your job is meaningful, and the job of raising children is NOT meaningful, or at least not as meaningful as whatever you are doing.

So, while there are plenty of WOHPs who find their jobs as parents to be important and meaningful, you clearly aren’t one of them.

Flawed reasoning but whatever. One can be proud to work in a job that helps society and also find parenting meaningful. Unlike what most SAHMs would claim, it’s not either/ or.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know any SAHM’s (by choice, not unemployed) who are jealous of WOHM’s. That a pretty big tell. Of course I live in an area where the SAHM’s are not clipping coupons or eating beans and rice.

They probably aren’t very bright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know any SAHM’s (by choice, not unemployed) who are jealous of WOHM’s. That a pretty big tell. Of course I live in an area where the SAHM’s are not clipping coupons or eating beans and rice.

They probably aren’t very bright.

No, they're brilliant!

[Anonymous]

The original question was "Dealing with judgement"? The simple answer is this - Why do you care what other people think of the choices you make for your family? I don't "deal with judgement" because I don't allow other people to influence my feelings for the choices my DH and I make for our family. Those people simply do not get my time, attention, or energy.

I'm likely much older than you, OP. My oldest child is 29 and married with a child of his own. My youngest is a high school senior. I'm 52. One thing I've learned is that there will always be people in this world who are energy vampires. They literally thrive on sucking the energy out of other people. WOHMs and SAHMs are both guilty of this. Learn to recognize these people and do not allow them to take from you. Be polite but distant. Choose to spend time with people who respect your choices. The posters on this thread posting nasty responses (on both sides) are good examples. These are not happy people. And they desperately want you to be unhappy too. Learn to recognize those people and do not allow them space in your life.