How to not “let yourself go”?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, men in general don't feel obligated to get up at 4am to do workouts, work their wardrobe to make casual look chic, weigh themselves obsessively or wear makeup.

It's all the expectations women put on themselves. A woman must do it all magically - have killer looks, raise three kids, take care of the house and cook great meals, have a successful career.

Men just get up, shower and go to work. Yes, they may go to the gym afterwards. They don't feel obligated to run home to cook a healthy family meal from scratch, check the kids homework, take the kids to soccer, do laundry, etc while trying to squeeze time in for a manicure.

[Anonymous]

Nor do they go to dermatologist and research skin care.

[Anonymous]

yall are ridiulous

All the mommy martyrs that's your own damn faults

get your husbands to do more problem solved

[Anonymous]

How did this turn into a battle of the sexes? A woman asked how to not let herself go. Many answered with what they have done or intend to do or wish they had done. Still more shared encouragement that things are better when the kids are older. Some snarked that we do it to keep men around. Some insisted we do it for ourselves. Who cares why? The results of "keeping it together" are as follows: good health, good self image, good example for our kids, etc.

[Anonymous]

Don’t gain weight. Take care of your skin and hair. Don’t stop caring about how you’re dressed. Exercise. Botox.

Men should be doing all this too. To include liposuctioning their double chins and getting laser/chemical peels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, men in general don't feel obligated to get up at 4am to do workouts, work their wardrobe to make casual look chic, weigh themselves obsessively or wear makeup.

It's all the expectations women put on themselves. A woman must do it all magically - have killer looks, raise three kids, take care of the house and cook great meals, have a successful career.

Men just get up, shower and go to work. Yes, they may go to the gym afterwards. They don't feel obligated to run home to cook a healthy family meal from scratch, check the kids homework, take the kids to soccer, do laundry, etc while trying to squeeze time in for a manicure.

Nope. It’s women like you who don’t expect much of men. Why can’t your husband check homework, cook, take kids to soccer, do laundry?

I’ve kept up my appearance since having kids and actually look better. I have time to do so because I expect my spouse to coparent. I don’t do things because he won’t. I prioritize my career and self also. I try and live like a man. It’s freeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know anyone IRL who has a serious career and kids, and who hasn’t let themselves go to some extent, even if it’s just ten extra pounds they can’t seem to lose. There isn’t enough time for everything, something has to give.

Excuse me. Just because you don't know anyone doesn't mean that we all let ourselves go. I didn't. I'm 49 now, stayed in shape. I have 2 sons. I did get divorced and my ex said that he would never marry anyone who stayed in the gym as much as I did. I don't care. I found my real love 1 month after my divorce.

I think the point is, "something's gotta give." In your case it MAY have been the attention you paid to the marriage. (Not at ALL blaming you for a divorce, who knows what happened- and its sounds like it was an excellent move- but the point is, you can't do everything "perfectly. And frankly, the fact that it sounds like your ex felt exercise was in the way of something bigger doesn't really strengthen your point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people say make-up makes you look better? It just makes you look like you put purchased products on your face.

This is the sort of thing people without facial flaws say. I wear concealer because I have huge dark purple undereye circles. I've had them my entire life. I 100% look better with makeup than without it. Without makeup, the circles are my prominent feature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every woman.

She must make a good career. She must be an involved mother and spend quality time with her children. She must maintain attractive looks - go to the gym and beauty salons regularly. She must maintain her house and host social gatherings. She must cook healthy and delicious meals. She must keep her husband interested - date night, etc.

Am I missing anything?

I hear what you are saying and I often am really irritated about expectations on women. HOWEVER, if you look at it from this perspective it changes

- Feel attractive and be healthy
- Have a close relationship with my spouse
- Have a close relationship with my kids
- Thrive in my career

Thank you. This is a great perspective.

It's a good perspective that her relationship with her spouse and kids relies on how much she weighs and if she gets wrinkles?

I'm the one with the "good perspective" bullets. No, that's not at all the point, I was trying to say the opposite. The point is that esp the beauty and health part are from YOUR perspective, not what your kids think of your weight or wrinkles, but how you FEEL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The women who have the nerve to say “I let myself go because I actually love my kids and spend time with them” are so annoying. This is called DC urban MOM. Probably 95% of us here have kids. You aren’t special. You do not prioritize working out or taking care of yourself and that’s why you’ve let yourself go. It’s not that you’re busy and we aren’t (everyone is busy) or that you love your kids and we don’t. You just don’t do it.

Op, I have two kids. I work full time as a teacher. When I turned 30 I started doing Bikini Body Guide workouts in my living room while my kids, who were 5 and 1 at the time, watched tv. That’s how I know women who claim they can’t work out because of kids are full of shit. Yes you can. I did.

I eventually went back to work. I get up by 4 am every single day. I either work our in the morning from 5-6 or I do it when I get home from 5-6. It’s a habit now four years later. I go in my basement and work out.

I eat well 80% of the time. Again, anyone can do this. Some choose not to. They’re not better than anyone else because they eat like hell.

I dress nicely because I work hard and like to. I don’t slum around in yoga pants and baggy tees. It’s not hard to put a little makeup on and take care of your hair.

I don’t do this for anyone but me and that’s probably the main predictor of who will let themselves go and who won’t. I care about myself enough to want to be strong and healthy and capable. I like to look good for me. I’m not willing to compromise on that and then look in the mirror and hate myself.

Make time or don’t. Give a shit about yourself or don’t. That is all it comes down to.

Well you kids watch TV and getting up at 4am is psycho.

Dp. Who cares if kids watch tv while a parent works out? A 20 HIIT workout even 2 days a week, combined with some strength training and healthful eating does wonders. Waking up at 4 am is not psycho, if that is the only option. At some point, you have to make yourself a priority or you will physically decline beyond repair. Waking early to work out (or spend time for yourself) is absolutely worth it.

No... waking up at 4am is seriously unhealthy and will take it's toll in other ways. Just because your outer body looks good does not mean your mind is good.

I'm not plopping my kids in front of the TV so I can "work out" I will take them for a hike. Which may not give me a beach body but is better for overall health... and I spend time with the kdis.

In life priorities shift... parents get sick.. you gonna do pilates in the hospital room? Jeez, relax... you don't have to maintain such a crazy schedule to not "let yourself go" and really, letting yourself go a little is amuch healthier... body and soul.

NP but come on. You can hike with the kids AND work out - small bursts of TV time is not going to negatively impact your kids. I'd say my entire generation of 80s kids grew up with cartoons and we are all just fine, and my kids don't watch nearly enough tv as I used to after school and on Saturday mornings.

I used to be on the elliptical at 8 pm after I put my three little ones to bed. I'm not a morning person so no 4 am wakes for me, but I did it on the opposite end of my day. And yes, I still played outside with my kids and spent time with them. A hike with my kids simply wouldn't qualify as a workout for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every woman.

She must make a good career. She must be an involved mother and spend quality time with her children. She must maintain attractive looks - go to the gym and beauty salons regularly. She must maintain her house and host social gatherings. She must cook healthy and delicious meals. She must keep her husband interested - date night, etc.

Am I missing anything?

I hear what you are saying and I often am really irritated about expectations on women. HOWEVER, if you look at it from this perspective it changes

- Feel attractive and be healthy
- Have a close relationship with my spouse
- Have a close relationship with my kids
- Thrive in my career

Thank you. This is a great perspective.

It's a good perspective that her relationship with her spouse and kids relies on how much she weighs and if she gets wrinkles?

I'm the one with the "good perspective" bullets. No, that's not at all the point, I was trying to say the opposite. The point is that esp the beauty and health part are from YOUR perspective, not what your kids think of your weight or wrinkles, but how you FEEL

She literally says, how she looks changes her relationship with her H and kids.

That is all kinds of f'd up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every woman.

She must make a good career. She must be an involved mother and spend quality time with her children. She must maintain attractive looks - go to the gym and beauty salons regularly. She must maintain her house and host social gatherings. She must cook healthy and delicious meals. She must keep her husband interested - date night, etc.

Am I missing anything?

I hear what you are saying and I often am really irritated about expectations on women. HOWEVER, if you look at it from this perspective it changes

- Feel attractive and be healthy
- Have a close relationship with my spouse
- Have a close relationship with my kids
- Thrive in my career

Thank you. This is a great perspective.

It's a good perspective that her relationship with her spouse and kids relies on how much she weighs and if she gets wrinkles?

I'm the one with the "good perspective" bullets. No, that's not at all the point, I was trying to say the opposite. The point is that esp the beauty and health part are from YOUR perspective, not what your kids think of your weight or wrinkles, but how you FEEL

She literally says, how she looks changes her relationship with her H and kids.

That is all kinds of f'd up.

+100

half of you are stuck in the some sort of stepford wives thing

this is 2019 get out of the dam 50s for pete sake

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The women who have the nerve to say “I let myself go because I actually love my kids and spend time with them” are so annoying. This is called DC urban MOM. Probably 95% of us here have kids. You aren’t special. You do not prioritize working out or taking care of yourself and that’s why you’ve let yourself go. It’s not that you’re busy and we aren’t (everyone is busy) or that you love your kids and we don’t. You just don’t do it.

Op, I have two kids. I work full time as a teacher. When I turned 30 I started doing Bikini Body Guide workouts in my living room while my kids, who were 5 and 1 at the time, watched tv. That’s how I know women who claim they can’t work out because of kids are full of shit. Yes you can. I did.

I eventually went back to work. I get up by 4 am every single day. I either work our in the morning from 5-6 or I do it when I get home from 5-6. It’s a habit now four years later. I go in my basement and work out.

I eat well 80% of the time. Again, anyone can do this. Some choose not to. They’re not better than anyone else because they eat like hell.

I dress nicely because I work hard and like to. I don’t slum around in yoga pants and baggy tees. It’s not hard to put a little makeup on and take care of your hair.

I don’t do this for anyone but me and that’s probably the main predictor of who will let themselves go and who won’t. I care about myself enough to want to be strong and healthy and capable. I like to look good for me. I’m not willing to compromise on that and then look in the mirror and hate myself.

Make time or don’t. Give a shit about yourself or don’t. That is all it comes down to.

Well you kids watch TV and getting up at 4am is psycho.

Dp. Who cares if kids watch tv while a parent works out? A 20 HIIT workout even 2 days a week, combined with some strength training and healthful eating does wonders. Waking up at 4 am is not psycho, if that is the only option. At some point, you have to make yourself a priority or you will physically decline beyond repair. Waking early to work out (or spend time for yourself) is absolutely worth it.

No... waking up at 4am is seriously unhealthy and will take it's toll in other ways. Just because your outer body looks good does not mean your mind is good.

I'm not plopping my kids in front of the TV so I can "work out" I will take them for a hike. Which may not give me a beach body but is better for overall health... and I spend time with the kdis.

In life priorities shift... parents get sick.. you gonna do pilates in the hospital room? Jeez, relax... you don't have to maintain such a crazy schedule to not "let yourself go" and really, letting yourself go a little is amuch healthier... body and soul.

NP but come on. You can hike with the kids AND work out - small bursts of TV time is not going to negatively impact your kids. I'd say my entire generation of 80s kids grew up with cartoons and we are all just fine, and my kids don't watch nearly enough tv as I used to after school and on Saturday mornings.

I used to be on the elliptical at 8 pm after I put my three little ones to bed. I'm not a morning person so no 4 am wakes for me, but I did it on the opposite end of my day. And yes, I still played outside with my kids and spent time with them. A hike with my kids simply wouldn't qualify as a workout for me.

You mean the generation that crashed the economy with bad mortgages, brought us Crack and gave us Trump?

Please do not hold the 80's up as anything to model. Diet coke and Marlboro lights was a diet.

It's fine if it is "not a workout for you" but nobody wants to be you.

Your post is defending a woman that posted "The women who have the nerve to say “I let myself go because I actually love my kids and spend time with them” are so annoying"

Go for it... wake at 4.. or cycle at 8pm (when I am cuddling with my kids)... but don't act like you are doing it the right way. It's your way... not the right/wrong way.. it's just a way... not better not worse but dang! NOT BETTER!!

Let your kids eat Lucky Charms while they watch TV while you do your elliptical so your H still likes you ... IDK/IDC, but don't act like it is the "right way".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every woman.

She must make a good career. She must be an involved mother and spend quality time with her children. She must maintain attractive looks - go to the gym and beauty salons regularly. She must maintain her house and host social gatherings. She must cook healthy and delicious meals. She must keep her husband interested - date night, etc.

Am I missing anything?

I hear what you are saying and I often am really irritated about expectations on women. HOWEVER, if you look at it from this perspective it changes

- Feel attractive and be healthy
- Have a close relationship with my spouse
- Have a close relationship with my kids
- Thrive in my career

Thank you. This is a great perspective.

It's a good perspective that her relationship with her spouse and kids relies on how much she weighs and if she gets wrinkles?

I'm the one with the "good perspective" bullets. No, that's not at all the point, I was trying to say the opposite. The point is that esp the beauty and health part are from YOUR perspective, not what your kids think of your weight or wrinkles, but how you FEEL

She literally says, how she looks changes her relationship with her H and kids.

That is all kinds of f'd up.

+100

half of you are stuck in the some sort of stepford wives thing

this is 2019 get out of the dam 50s for pete sake

Np. Unfortunately for many women, body image is tied into self image and self esteem. Perhaps you and pp have reached a state of Nirvana with regards to your inner and outer selves. What is the harm if a person takes steps to maintain a healthful and attractive appearance which also raises her self confidence and self esteem? While you may be beyond that, most of us here are not. I'm just not going to let myself go, if I can help it. I won't be doing botox and fillers, but I do not begrudge anyone of their choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yall are ridiulous

All the mommy martyrs that's your own damn faults

get your husbands to do more problem solved

I agree.

I'm 53. I walk and do light free weights. I eat very well but I do love white wine!! I don't wear foundation - never have except on special occasions. A little eye liner and/or mascara is what I use. Maybe some lipstick

Keep your hair styled. Mine is gray but I visit the salon on a reg basis. I rarely get pedicures. But I use pumice on my feet & I keep toes painted in the spring & summer.

I visit my doctors each year, too, and while I don't wear contacts, I do have some great frames!!

I think it's all about moderation. When the kids were little, it ws much harder. But I still tried to keep up with light exercise. (I would walk the babies most days when they were in strollers. And cooking healthy meals was/is a priority.

But men need to do their part. That's a given.