How to not “let yourself go”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've let myself go and has just started picking myself up again after losing a lot of weight. OP, it's good that you are thinking about this now, I wish I have before having kids. PPs are correct, having kids can age you, and women tend to make themselves the last on the list when it comes to tending their needs. I think it starts to happen postpartum when you are tired and all you want to do is have a proper meal and rest, and then that becomes a habit, because by the time you go back to work, everything becomes a juggling act and you always have to adjust to something new when you hit milestones. I don't regret having kids, I just wish I knew how to take care of myself then and it should have been part of my routine because these past few years, my mood and my self confidence definitely dwindled up to a point where I don't like looking at myself. So, looking back, this is what I would have done:

Built in daily exercise. It doesn't have to be long, if you don't have time do 10 minute high intensity exercises throughout the day. This will help keep your energy up.
Eat healthy by keeping healthy food at home, treat yourself once in a while but don't make it daily. Do not snack all day long, it becomes a really bad habit. Drink more water.
Take a short mental breaks even for just 5- 10 minutes, deep breathing.
You can actually do a less than 5 minute makeup routine! You just need powder, lipstick, blush, mascara and eyeliner! You don't need to look like professionally done. Do this first thing in the morning when you dress up. This small routine makes a big difference for me.

Agree with this- my makeup routine is pretty minimal but it's the first thing I do every day. If I waited until the kids get up I just wouldn't get to it.

I have a 6mo and 3yo and feel like I have let myself go a bit more with each kid. I used to walk a lot as part of my daily commute, ran regularly, did yoga/pilates a couple times per week. Even after DC #1 I got back into a somewhat competent workout routine and managed to get somewhat regular haircuts/pedicures. Then I changed jobs (longer commute, less walking) and had a second kid and it feels like there just isn't time for anything! I don't get enough sleep and have no energy to work out after both kids are finally in bed (plus then I would have to stay up even later to get everything else done!). I've lost quite a bit of weight from breastfeeding but have stagnated and don't eat the healthiest some days. I know I need to set some small goals and stick to them- my first is to get to bed a half hour earlier each night, the second is to start running again on my telework day. Once I'm done pumping I plan to join the gym at my agency so I can at least work out there a couple times per week.

The one thing I do a bit better now than when I was younger is skin care. Would like to ask dermo about retin-A once I'm done nursing. I also did a major wardrobe purge/update after DC #1 that I probably wouldn't have done otherwise. Will probably need to do again.

Regarding alcohol, I am TOTALLY ok with whatever aging effect my 2-3 glasses of wine/beer per week is having on me. Some things just aren't worth giving up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see any posts from men about letting themselves go. And I never hear anyone use the phrase "let oneself go" in reference to a man, unless he's a last stage alcoholic.

Maybe men just accept it more? I mean since having kids my DH has "let himself go" in a lot of the same ways I have- less sleep, less exercise, not as healthy eating. But yeah no one cares if men have wrinkles....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see any posts from men about letting themselves go. And I never hear anyone use the phrase "let oneself go" in reference to a man, unless he's a last stage alcoholic.

Maybe men just accept it more? I mean since having kids my DH has "let himself go" in a lot of the same ways I have- less sleep, less exercise, not as healthy eating. But yeah no one cares if men have wrinkles....

Right bc of course Dadbod is a positive term, not considered "letting oneself go."

[Anonymous]

Sleep. Be disciplined about eating refined carbs and sugar. Exercise. I've failed at all 3. Once or twice a year I try to regain control, only to fall off this wagon. Just started back a week or two ago and feel much better. Time to schedule a long-overdue haircut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Raising kids is super hard work. And letting yourself go might be one season, but when they get older, you can pick yourself back up, get a nice haircut, start working out again, and get nicer clothes. That's what I did. I look better at 45 than I did at 38. I was too tired and busy with 3 very small children to ever wear anything but J Crew shorts and schlumpy V-neck T-shirts during that time. I had a god awful sensible haircut, never wore makeup, and looked tired all the time. Now that my kids are in late-elementary, early middle school, I have enough time to jog twice a week and see a personal trainer once a week, afford better clothes because I have a job again, wear makeup and have a nicer haircut, and get botox twice a year. Letting yourself go is almost never a one-way street.

+1
I started looking and feeling better when my three started late elementary/MS as well. I was getting more sleep, able to work out a bit, and afford nicer clothes etc. My kids are now in HS, and I look tons better at 50 than I did at 38. No joke. Not to say parenting is a cake walk at this age, but I have time and a bit more money to take care of me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's not confuse "letting yourself go" with "getting older." Many of the things cited here as "letting yourself go" are actually just consequences of aging, which every single one of us will do. Most women don't go from caring about their appearance in their 20s and early 30s to not giving a flying fig in their late 30s/40s. So the women in their late 30s/early 40s who might look like they've "let themselves go" are more than likely just older versions of the same person they were at a younger age. They didn't necessarily "let themselves go" but rather, your looks simply become harder to maintain and control as you get older.

My point is that women who look like they've "let themselves go" are probably the type who have always been very low maintenance and who have not cared all that much about how they look.

I agree with this. I'm pretty much the same person at 53 that I was at 25. I can dress up when I want to and look very nice, but mostly I'm a casual person who wears just a bit of makeup, uses chapstick for lipstick, and wears very curly, wash-and-go hair, never straightened. I wear glasses, never contacts. Most of the time, I prefer casual clothes and comfortable shoes. (I used to wear great shoes more regularly, but my feet can't really take heels anymore and require a good supportive arch. So it's sneakers for me much of the time.) This is me; this has always been me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people say make-up makes you look better? It just makes you look like you put purchased products on your face.

If it doesn't make you look better you are doing something wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know anyone IRL who has a serious career and kids, and who hasn’t let themselves go to some extent, even if it’s just ten extra pounds they can’t seem to lose. There isn’t enough time for everything, something has to give.

Excuse me. Just because you don't know anyone doesn't mean that we all let ourselves go. I didn't. I'm 49 now, stayed in shape. I have 2 sons. I did get divorced and my ex said that he would never marry anyone who stayed in the gym as much as I did. I don't care. I found my real love 1 month after my divorce.

[Anonymous]

The women who have the nerve to say “I let myself go because I actually love my kids and spend time with them” are so annoying. This is called DC urban MOM. Probably 95% of us here have kids. You aren’t special. You do not prioritize working out or taking care of yourself and that’s why you’ve let yourself go. It’s not that you’re busy and we aren’t (everyone is busy) or that you love your kids and we don’t. You just don’t do it.

Op, I have two kids. I work full time as a teacher. When I turned 30 I started doing Bikini Body Guide workouts in my living room while my kids, who were 5 and 1 at the time, watched tv. That’s how I know women who claim they can’t work out because of kids are full of shit. Yes you can. I did.

I eventually went back to work. I get up by 4 am every single day. I either work our in the morning from 5-6 or I do it when I get home from 5-6. It’s a habit now four years later. I go in my basement and work out.

I eat well 80% of the time. Again, anyone can do this. Some choose not to. They’re not better than anyone else because they eat like hell.

I dress nicely because I work hard and like to. I don’t slum around in yoga pants and baggy tees. It’s not hard to put a little makeup on and take care of your hair.

I don’t do this for anyone but me and that’s probably the main predictor of who will let themselves go and who won’t. I care about myself enough to want to be strong and healthy and capable. I like to look good for me. I’m not willing to compromise on that and then look in the mirror and hate myself.

Make time or don’t. Give a shit about yourself or don’t. That is all it comes down to.

[Anonymous]

I also think a lot of letting yourself go is whether you ever really cared in the first place.

Never into skincare and makeup? No big deal at 25/30. At 45 with 3 kids and a FT time? Youth is no longer on your side and the lack of diligence catches up with you.

Never into workout out or putting together outfits? Again, no biggie at 25/30, but it’ll catch up with you.

I used to say I didn’t work out bc I have such a demanding job. Yes my husband works more and works out 5x a week. Women with jobs and kids make it to the gym 3x a week. At some point, you gotta look in the mirror and ask yourself who you want to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The women who have the nerve to say “I let myself go because I actually love my kids and spend time with them” are so annoying. This is called DC urban MOM. Probably 95% of us here have kids. You aren’t special. You do not prioritize working out or taking care of yourself and that’s why you’ve let yourself go. It’s not that you’re busy and we aren’t (everyone is busy) or that you love your kids and we don’t. You just don’t do it.

Op, I have two kids. I work full time as a teacher. When I turned 30 I started doing Bikini Body Guide workouts in my living room while my kids, who were 5 and 1 at the time, watched tv. That’s how I know women who claim they can’t work out because of kids are full of shit. Yes you can. I did.

I eventually went back to work. I get up by 4 am every single day. I either work our in the morning from 5-6 or I do it when I get home from 5-6. It’s a habit now four years later. I go in my basement and work out.

I eat well 80% of the time. Again, anyone can do this. Some choose not to. They’re not better than anyone else because they eat like hell.

I dress nicely because I work hard and like to. I don’t slum around in yoga pants and baggy tees. It’s not hard to put a little makeup on and take care of your hair.

I don’t do this for anyone but me and that’s probably the main predictor of who will let themselves go and who won’t. I care about myself enough to want to be strong and healthy and capable. I like to look good for me. I’m not willing to compromise on that and then look in the mirror and hate myself.

Make time or don’t. Give a shit about yourself or don’t. That is all it comes down to.

Well you kids watch TV and getting up at 4am is psycho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The women who have the nerve to say “I let myself go because I actually love my kids and spend time with them” are so annoying. This is called DC urban MOM. Probably 95% of us here have kids. You aren’t special. You do not prioritize working out or taking care of yourself and that’s why you’ve let yourself go. It’s not that you’re busy and we aren’t (everyone is busy) or that you love your kids and we don’t. You just don’t do it.

Op, I have two kids. I work full time as a teacher. When I turned 30 I started doing Bikini Body Guide workouts in my living room while my kids, who were 5 and 1 at the time, watched tv. That’s how I know women who claim they can’t work out because of kids are full of shit. Yes you can. I did.

I eventually went back to work. I get up by 4 am every single day. I either work our in the morning from 5-6 or I do it when I get home from 5-6. It’s a habit now four years later. I go in my basement and work out.

I eat well 80% of the time. Again, anyone can do this. Some choose not to. They’re not better than anyone else because they eat like hell.

I dress nicely because I work hard and like to. I don’t slum around in yoga pants and baggy tees. It’s not hard to put a little makeup on and take care of your hair.

I don’t do this for anyone but me and that’s probably the main predictor of who will let themselves go and who won’t. I care about myself enough to want to be strong and healthy and capable. I like to look good for me. I’m not willing to compromise on that and then look in the mirror and hate myself.

Make time or don’t. Give a shit about yourself or don’t. That is all it comes down to.

Well you kids watch TV and getting up at 4am is psycho.

Dp. Who cares if kids watch tv while a parent works out? A 20 HIIT workout even 2 days a week, combined with some strength training and healthful eating does wonders. Waking up at 4 am is not psycho, if that is the only option. At some point, you have to make yourself a priority or you will physically decline beyond repair. Waking early to work out (or spend time for yourself) is absolutely worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The women who have the nerve to say “I let myself go because I actually love my kids and spend time with them” are so annoying. This is called DC urban MOM. Probably 95% of us here have kids. You aren’t special. You do not prioritize working out or taking care of yourself and that’s why you’ve let yourself go. It’s not that you’re busy and we aren’t (everyone is busy) or that you love your kids and we don’t. You just don’t do it.

Op, I have two kids. I work full time as a teacher. When I turned 30 I started doing Bikini Body Guide workouts in my living room while my kids, who were 5 and 1 at the time, watched tv. That’s how I know women who claim they can’t work out because of kids are full of shit. Yes you can. I did.

I eventually went back to work. I get up by 4 am every single day. I either work our in the morning from 5-6 or I do it when I get home from 5-6. It’s a habit now four years later. I go in my basement and work out.

I eat well 80% of the time. Again, anyone can do this. Some choose not to. They’re not better than anyone else because they eat like hell.

I dress nicely because I work hard and like to. I don’t slum around in yoga pants and baggy tees. It’s not hard to put a little makeup on and take care of your hair.

I don’t do this for anyone but me and that’s probably the main predictor of who will let themselves go and who won’t. I care about myself enough to want to be strong and healthy and capable. I like to look good for me. I’m not willing to compromise on that and then look in the mirror and hate myself.

Make time or don’t. Give a shit about yourself or don’t. That is all it comes down to.

Well you kids watch TV and getting up at 4am is psycho.

Dp. Who cares if kids watch tv while a parent works out? A 20 HIIT workout even 2 days a week, combined with some strength training and healthful eating does wonders. Waking up at 4 am is not psycho, if that is the only option. At some point, you have to make yourself a priority or you will physically decline beyond repair. Waking early to work out (or spend time for yourself) is absolutely worth it.

No... waking up at 4am is seriously unhealthy and will take it's toll in other ways. Just because your outer body looks good does not mean your mind is good.

I'm not plopping my kids in front of the TV so I can "work out" I will take them for a hike. Which may not give me a beach body but is better for overall health... and I spend time with the kdis.

In life priorities shift... parents get sick.. you gonna do pilates in the hospital room? Jeez, relax... you don't have to maintain such a crazy schedule to not "let yourself go" and really, letting yourself go a little is amuch healthier... body and soul.

[Anonymous]

^^^I wake up most days by 4:30 NATURALLY. I fall asleep by 9 pm most nights. How is that unhealthy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every woman.

She must make a good career. She must be an involved mother and spend quality time with her children. She must maintain attractive looks - go to the gym and beauty salons regularly. She must maintain her house and host social gatherings. She must cook healthy and delicious meals. She must keep her husband interested - date night, etc.

Am I missing anything?

I hear what you are saying and I often am really irritated about expectations on women. HOWEVER, if you look at it from this perspective it changes

- Feel attractive and be healthy
- Have a close relationship with my spouse
- Have a close relationship with my kids
- Thrive in my career

Thank you. This is a great perspective.

It's a good perspective that her relationship with her spouse and kids relies on how much she weighs and if she gets wrinkles?

Not PP but you seem determined to negatively misunderstood what is written here.