S/O Question for people who wouldn't go to a wedding if your kids aren't invited

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here: I sense these invitees responding who boycott weddings that don’t include their kids really don’t like to go to weddings sans spouse. My DW is like that, but when we had little kids I went to lots of weddings solo and had a great time. So they’re mad partly because they see going solo is a terrible option.

I don't think anyone on this thread has said they are mad about getting a wedding invite that doesn't include kids- they are just saying they wouldn't go. Which is totally different.

PP guy here: My point is that if the whole family would go if kids were invited, then at least the parent closest to the couple getting married should go when kids aren’t invited (though perhaps not to the ends of the earth).

[Anonymous]

Doesn't matter to me if the kids are invited or not. I'll base if we go on how much I want to go to the wedding. We have a friends' wedding out of state coming up and I am SO excited about it - group of really fun friends at a great venue. Leaving kids with my parents, who will be flying in to watch them (kids are 3 and almost 1 so definitely in the small kid category). But some random cousin getting married in Florida in the middle of the summer? Not going even if the kids are invited.

[Anonymous]

I like my kid and I don’t care that much about your wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess for many people here cost, childcare is a concern. I think also that since the divorce rates are so high, there is no reason to inconvenience oneself and take the whole family?

I really haven't taken into account divorce rates. Out of the 40 or so weddings I have been to, only one has ended in divorce, but that wedding was FUN and I have never thought twice about going. Most of my friends got married in their late 20s / 30s - is the divorce rate that high for people who get married a little later?

I can see how the equation would be different if a friend is getting married to someone you REALLY don't like. We had some friends who were getting married last year and no one was particularly thrilled for them. He was a serial cheater and treated her like crap, so a lot of people thought pretty hard about not going to the wedding. They ended up calling it off a week before the wedding, thankfully.

OT but who do you think called it off, the bride or the groom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOLing at OP of the other thread hopping on here to state her case, as though she's not completely absurd.

She passed absurd a while back, and is now coming up fast on lunatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Me too! X1000 when it’s a destination. Forgive me for not wanting you to dictate where I spend my one vacation per year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who, as a child, LOVED when my parents went away for a night or weekend and left me with grandma or a relative? Kids don’t want/need you constantly up their ass all the time. Go to the wedding. It’s good for all involved. Enough with the “prioritizing family time” excuse. I’m quite certain your kids get enough of you.

I think we can agree that different families operate differently without throwing out insults like "I'm quite certain your kids get enough of you". I have no problem with anyone else's decision about how to celebrate their wedding, or how to accept/decline wedding invites that they get. I would never tell someone that they were a bad parent who didn't spend enough time with their kids because they went to some out of town weddings without them. But apparently you're telling posters that their kids have had enough of them and we should stop being "constantly up their ass" by having family time on weekends when they are small? Stop with the nastiness! It serves no purpose other than to make others think there is something fundamentally wrong with you.

Oh good. Mother Theresa is here.

If by mother Theresa you mean “not an asshole” then sure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Most weddings I go to - fancy black tie, beach, barn, museum, winery, etc. - are kid-free. How fun they are depends on the people who are there (and maybe how good the band/dj is). I think it's odd to assume that kid-free weddings are automatically super fancy ones, that definitely has not been true in my experience.

Mine either. Kid free is the default of all the weddings I have been to, of all different types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Most weddings I go to - fancy black tie, beach, barn, museum, winery, etc. - are kid-free. How fun they are depends on the people who are there (and maybe how good the band/dj is). I think it's odd to assume that kid-free weddings are automatically super fancy ones, that definitely has not been true in my experience.

Mine either. Kid free is the default of all the weddings I have been to, of all different types.

Out of curiosity, where are you located? I am in California and this is not my experience at all. Kid free is relatively unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Most weddings I go to - fancy black tie, beach, barn, museum, winery, etc. - are kid-free. How fun they are depends on the people who are there (and maybe how good the band/dj is). I think it's odd to assume that kid-free weddings are automatically super fancy ones, that definitely has not been true in my experience.

Mine either. Kid free is the default of all the weddings I have been to, of all different types.

Out of curiosity, where are you located? I am in California and this is not my experience at all. Kid free is relatively unusual.

DC. I'm thinking about weddings- numbers approximate- in Maine (2), Nashville, Florida (3), NYC or surrounding (6+), Boston(2), DC (6+), California (2), Texas, Atlanta (2), North Carolina, Mexico (2), Italy, India, and Ohio. Friends from all over the place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Me too! X1000 when it’s a destination. Forgive me for not wanting you to dictate where I spend my one vacation per year.

I think this may be the issue. Miss Manners frequently points out that the bride and groom are not the government. They do not have the power to obligate people to attend their weddings or send them gifts merely by issuing an invitation. If you prefer not to have children at your wedding, fine. You do not get to dictate that people spend thousands on airfare, weekend sitters, and hotel rooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Most weddings I go to - fancy black tie, beach, barn, museum, winery, etc. - are kid-free. How fun they are depends on the people who are there (and maybe how good the band/dj is). I think it's odd to assume that kid-free weddings are automatically super fancy ones, that definitely has not been true in my experience.

Mine either. Kid free is the default of all the weddings I have been to, of all different types.

Out of curiosity, where are you located? I am in California and this is not my experience at all. Kid free is relatively unusual.

I'm also in DC but also lived in San Francisco for years, and even after I left, went back to CA for plenty of weddings. I would say I went to 10-12 weddings for CA friends, and the only one that was kid friendly was at a campground up in Lake Shasta.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like my kid and I don’t care that much about your wedding.

OK, see, this is the problem. The implication is that parents who happily attend weddings without their kids don't LIKE their kids. You must be able to see how that is absurd. And as this thread demonstrates, there is a spectrum of how much many of us care about weddings depending on who is getting married. I don't care much about a peripheral friend's wedding, or a friend who I have lost close touch with over the years, but I care a hell of a lot about the weddings of close friends and family.

But you know all of that and are just being obtuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess for many people here cost, childcare is a concern. I think also that since the divorce rates are so high, there is no reason to inconvenience oneself and take the whole family?

I really haven't taken into account divorce rates. Out of the 40 or so weddings I have been to, only one has ended in divorce, but that wedding was FUN and I have never thought twice about going. Most of my friends got married in their late 20s / 30s - is the divorce rate that high for people who get married a little later?

I can see how the equation would be different if a friend is getting married to someone you REALLY don't like. We had some friends who were getting married last year and no one was particularly thrilled for them. He was a serial cheater and treated her like crap, so a lot of people thought pretty hard about not going to the wedding. They ended up calling it off a week before the wedding, thankfully.

OT but who do you think called it off, the bride or the groom?

Ya know, that's a good question. I really don't know, but if I had to guess, the groom really didn't want to get married but also didn't want to be the one to bail, so I think his bad behavior escalated leading up to the wedding, finally pushing her over the edge? She's a nice and good person but I suspect doesn't think highly of herself if she thinks he is the best she can do. (They're still together, just not married. It's a real bummer.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Me too! X1000 when it’s a destination. Forgive me for not wanting you to dictate where I spend my one vacation per year.

And my day in, day out is a mess of sticky fingers, chasing DD around, working, and basically participating in the grind. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, but what a treat to have a reason to buy a pretty dress, get my hair and nails done, celebrate inone of my friend’s most important moments, and enjoy purely adult conversation, while sipping a few adult drinks.

And the thread is about children at weddings, not destination weddings. I’m sorry that after your wedding, you resent other weddings so much, but the fact that you’re so bitter and refuse to attend someone else’s wedding because doesn’t include your children speaks more about you than it does them.