S/O Question for people who wouldn't go to a wedding if your kids aren't invited

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Me too! X1000 when it’s a destination. Forgive me for not wanting you to dictate where I spend my one vacation per year.

I think it's odd to frame it as the couple dictating where you spend your vacation.... they can have their wedding wherever they want. They invite you to join, and you decide not to. They aren't trying to "dictate" anything simply by including you. If they then get pissy about you not coming, that's absurd, but of all of the weddings I have been to all over the place, I have never once thought of my friends and family trying to dictate my vacation time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Me too! X1000 when it’s a destination. Forgive me for not wanting you to dictate where I spend my one vacation per year.

And my day in, day out is a mess of sticky fingers, chasing DD around, working, and basically participating in the grind. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, but what a treat to have a reason to buy a pretty dress, get my hair and nails done, celebrate inone of my friend’s most important moments, and enjoy purely adult conversation, while sipping a few adult drinks.

And the thread is about children at weddings, not destination weddings. I’m sorry that after your wedding, you resent other weddings so much, but the fact that you’re so bitter and refuse to attend someone else’s wedding because doesn’t include your children speaks more about you than it does them.

Your treat is someone else's hell. Nothing about having to shop for a dress, or pretty-princess myself up sounds appealing in any way.

I think on this thread, almost everyone agreed that they would just get a sitter for a local no-kids wedding. So, the destination and out-of-town child-free weddings are highly relevant to the thread, as those are the ones people don't want to do without their kids. Just to give an example, if someone close to me were getting married in California, Hawaii, Europe, or somewhere else I actually wanted to visit, I would attend the wedding but then make a longer family vacation out of it. If my kids aren't included, it's not worth the time and expense to arrange for a multi-day sitter, pay for airfare for myself and husband, pay for hotel rooms, and pay for everything else involved in the wedding.

[Anonymous]

We were invited to a Napa winery wedding when DD would be 5 months old. We planned to go, but after RSVPing the bride reached out to us to say that children are not allowed at the reception, but that a nanny would be available on site. I was not comfortable leaving my 5-month-old with a nanny when I didn't know how many other kids there would be... so we changed our RSVP to a "no".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Me too! X1000 when it’s a destination. Forgive me for not wanting you to dictate where I spend my one vacation per year.

And my day in, day out is a mess of sticky fingers, chasing DD around, working, and basically participating in the grind. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, but what a treat to have a reason to buy a pretty dress, get my hair and nails done, celebrate inone of my friend’s most important moments, and enjoy purely adult conversation, while sipping a few adult drinks.

And the thread is about children at weddings, not destination weddings. I’m sorry that after your wedding, you resent other weddings so much, but the fact that you’re so bitter and refuse to attend someone else’s wedding because doesn’t include your children speaks more about you than it does them.

Your treat is someone else's hell. Nothing about having to shop for a dress, or pretty-princess myself up sounds appealing in any way.

I think on this thread, almost everyone agreed that they would just get a sitter for a local no-kids wedding. So, the destination and out-of-town child-free weddings are highly relevant to the thread, as those are the ones people don't want to do without their kids. Just to give an example, if someone close to me were getting married in California, Hawaii, Europe, or somewhere else I actually wanted to visit, I would attend the wedding but then make a longer family vacation out of it. If my kids aren't included, it's not worth the time and expense to arrange for a multi-day sitter, pay for airfare for myself and husband, pay for hotel rooms, and pay for everything else involved in the wedding.

I agree... in which case, you’re u just RSVP regrets. This isn’t as hard as people are making it out to be. The bridal couple even sent yiu a card with postage!

[Anonymous]

Something also that I never thought about before having kids- please let parents know if kids are invited when you send out save the dates. I can't plan our vacations or line up sitters unless I know in advance. 4 weeks once I get your invite isn't enough time.

I'm pretty anti-kids at weddings though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Me too! X1000 when it’s a destination. Forgive me for not wanting you to dictate where I spend my one vacation per year.

I think it's odd to frame it as the couple dictating where you spend your vacation.... they can have their wedding wherever they want. They invite you to join, and you decide not to. They aren't trying to "dictate" anything simply by including you. If they then get pissy about you not coming, that's absurd, but of all of the weddings I have been to all over the place, I have never once thought of my friends and family trying to dictate my vacation time.

But isn't that the point of this thread and the other child-free wedding thread? A lot of people will get pissy if you decline the invitation to their child-free destination wedding. It seems like people with children are freaking out about child-free weddings because they feel like they've been summoned to the wedding (i.e. have so much family or social pressure that they can't decline without drama), but can't necessarily find adequate child care. Likewise, a lot of bridezillas seem to think that if you won't jump through a bunch of hoops, spend tons of money, and ditch your kids somewhere for their wedding, that you're not a true friend. If everyone treated wedding invitations like an invitation and not a summons, none of this drama would exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Me too! X1000 when it’s a destination. Forgive me for not wanting you to dictate where I spend my one vacation per year.

And my day in, day out is a mess of sticky fingers, chasing DD around, working, and basically participating in the grind. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, but what a treat to have a reason to buy a pretty dress, get my hair and nails done, celebrate inone of my friend’s most important moments, and enjoy purely adult conversation, while sipping a few adult drinks.

And the thread is about children at weddings, not destination weddings. I’m sorry that after your wedding, you resent other weddings so much, but the fact that you’re so bitter and refuse to attend someone else’s wedding because doesn’t include your children speaks more about you than it does them.

Your treat is someone else's hell. Nothing about having to shop for a dress, or pretty-princess myself up sounds appealing in any way.

I think on this thread, almost everyone agreed that they would just get a sitter for a local no-kids wedding. So, the destination and out-of-town child-free weddings are highly relevant to the thread, as those are the ones people don't want to do without their kids. Just to give an example, if someone close to me were getting married in California, Hawaii, Europe, or somewhere else I actually wanted to visit, I would attend the wedding but then make a longer family vacation out of it. If my kids aren't included, it's not worth the time and expense to arrange for a multi-day sitter, pay for airfare for myself and husband, pay for hotel rooms, and pay for everything else involved in the wedding.

I agree... in which case, you’re u just RSVP regrets. This isn’t as hard as people are making it out to be. The bridal couple even sent yiu a card with postage!

I think what a lot of people are saying is that yes, we do, and that's it- no malice or ill will, just an rsvp of no and a congratulations card to the couple. There is someone on here who insinuates (or actually, says outright) that this means we have terrible priorities and are ruining our kids childhoods by not attending without them. Oh, and destroying our friendships. Without that one troll this thread would have died on page 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Me too! X1000 when it’s a destination. Forgive me for not wanting you to dictate where I spend my one vacation per year.

I think this may be the issue. Miss Manners frequently points out that the bride and groom are not the government. They do not have the power to obligate people to attend their weddings or send them gifts merely by issuing an invitation. If you prefer not to have children at your wedding, fine. You do not get to dictate that people spend thousands on airfare, weekend sitters, and hotel rooms.

Who said they did? A wedding invitation isn't a summons. If you don't want to go, don't go. The problem is that people who won't go simply because their kids weren't invited and they feel offended by that. Those people need to get over themselves since the wedding is not remotely about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like my kid and I don’t care that much about your wedding.

OK, see, this is the problem. The implication is that parents who happily attend weddings without their kids don't LIKE their kids. You must be able to see how that is absurd. And as this thread demonstrates, there is a spectrum of how much many of us care about weddings depending on who is getting married. I don't care much about a peripheral friend's wedding, or a friend who I have lost close touch with over the years, but I care a hell of a lot about the weddings of close friends and family.

But you know all of that and are just being obtuse.

I think you're being nice by calling them obtuse. I think they are rude on so many levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Me too! X1000 when it’s a destination. Forgive me for not wanting you to dictate where I spend my one vacation per year.

And my day in, day out is a mess of sticky fingers, chasing DD around, working, and basically participating in the grind. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, but what a treat to have a reason to buy a pretty dress, get my hair and nails done, celebrate inone of my friend’s most important moments, and enjoy purely adult conversation, while sipping a few adult drinks.

And the thread is about children at weddings, not destination weddings. I’m sorry that after your wedding, you resent other weddings so much, but the fact that you’re so bitter and refuse to attend someone else’s wedding because doesn’t include your children speaks more about you than it does them.

Your treat is someone else's hell. Nothing about having to shop for a dress, or pretty-princess myself up sounds appealing in any way.

I think on this thread, almost everyone agreed that they would just get a sitter for a local no-kids wedding. So, the destination and out-of-town child-free weddings are highly relevant to the thread, as those are the ones people don't want to do without their kids. Just to give an example, if someone close to me were getting married in California, Hawaii, Europe, or somewhere else I actually wanted to visit, I would attend the wedding but then make a longer family vacation out of it. If my kids aren't included, it's not worth the time and expense to arrange for a multi-day sitter, pay for airfare for myself and husband, pay for hotel rooms, and pay for everything else involved in the wedding.

I agree... in which case, you’re u just RSVP regrets. This isn’t as hard as people are making it out to be. The bridal couple even sent yiu a card with postage!

I think what a lot of people are saying is that yes, we do, and that's it- no malice or ill will, just an rsvp of no and a congratulations card to the couple. There is someone on here who insinuates (or actually, says outright) that this means we have terrible priorities and are ruining our kids childhoods by not attending without them. Oh, and destroying our friendships. Without that one troll this thread would have died on page 2.

Actually, multiple people have disagreed with you multiple times. But go ahead and think that there's a single troll on here that has a crazy viewpoint. Whatever makes you feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Me too! X1000 when it’s a destination. Forgive me for not wanting you to dictate where I spend my one vacation per year.

I think it's odd to frame it as the couple dictating where you spend your vacation.... they can have their wedding wherever they want. They invite you to join, and you decide not to. They aren't trying to "dictate" anything simply by including you. If they then get pissy about you not coming, that's absurd, but of all of the weddings I have been to all over the place, I have never once thought of my friends and family trying to dictate my vacation time.

But isn't that the point of this thread and the other child-free wedding thread? A lot of people will get pissy if you decline the invitation to their child-free destination wedding. It seems like people with children are freaking out about child-free weddings because they feel like they've been summoned to the wedding (i.e. have so much family or social pressure that they can't decline without drama), but can't necessarily find adequate child care. Likewise, a lot of bridezillas seem to think that if you won't jump through a bunch of hoops, spend tons of money, and ditch your kids somewhere for their wedding, that you're not a true friend. If everyone treated wedding invitations like an invitation and not a summons, none of this drama would exist.

+1 This is exactly on point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like my kid and I don’t care that much about your wedding.

OK, see, this is the problem. The implication is that parents who happily attend weddings without their kids don't LIKE their kids. You must be able to see how that is absurd. And as this thread demonstrates, there is a spectrum of how much many of us care about weddings depending on who is getting married. I don't care much about a peripheral friend's wedding, or a friend who I have lost close touch with over the years, but I care a hell of a lot about the weddings of close friends and family.

But you know all of that and are just being obtuse.

I think you're being nice by calling them obtuse. I think they are rude on so many levels.

It's a 13-word sentence; how many levels could there be? LOL

I have no shade to throw regarding people who go to weddings without their kids. YMMV. In my particular situation, I'd rather spend the limited free time I have with my kid than at any wedding. It goes for all weddings, regardless of the closeness of the parties getting married. We didn't even want to go to our own wedding--we eloped. It was fantastic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Me too! X1000 when it’s a destination. Forgive me for not wanting you to dictate where I spend my one vacation per year.

And my day in, day out is a mess of sticky fingers, chasing DD around, working, and basically participating in the grind. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, but what a treat to have a reason to buy a pretty dress, get my hair and nails done, celebrate inone of my friend’s most important moments, and enjoy purely adult conversation, while sipping a few adult drinks.

And the thread is about children at weddings, not destination weddings. I’m sorry that after your wedding, you resent other weddings so much, but the fact that you’re so bitter and refuse to attend someone else’s wedding because doesn’t include your children speaks more about you than it does them.

Your treat is someone else's hell. Nothing about having to shop for a dress, or pretty-princess myself up sounds appealing in any way.

I think on this thread, almost everyone agreed that they would just get a sitter for a local no-kids wedding. So, the destination and out-of-town child-free weddings are highly relevant to the thread, as those are the ones people don't want to do without their kids. Just to give an example, if someone close to me were getting married in California, Hawaii, Europe, or somewhere else I actually wanted to visit, I would attend the wedding but then make a longer family vacation out of it. If my kids aren't included, it's not worth the time and expense to arrange for a multi-day sitter, pay for airfare for myself and husband, pay for hotel rooms, and pay for everything else involved in the wedding.

I agree... in which case, you’re u just RSVP regrets. This isn’t as hard as people are making it out to be. The bridal couple even sent yiu a card with postage!

I think what a lot of people are saying is that yes, we do, and that's it- no malice or ill will, just an rsvp of no and a congratulations card to the couple. There is someone on here who insinuates (or actually, says outright) that this means we have terrible priorities and are ruining our kids childhoods by not attending without them. Oh, and destroying our friendships. Without that one troll this thread would have died on page 2

I don't subscribe to the "you're paying for your plate" philosophy on wedding gifts, so I think a gift off the registry is at least warranted. Doubly so if you don't want ill will, want to preserve the friendship, and this is someone who may have used their own vacation days and probably more limited funds in their younger years to attend your own wedding.

[Anonymous]

A wedding is an invitation. You can accept or not. If it is very inconvenient just decline the RSVP. But you don’t get to change the wedding plans for yourself. People do self centered on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Me too! X1000 when it’s a destination. Forgive me for not wanting you to dictate where I spend my one vacation per year.

And my day in, day out is a mess of sticky fingers, chasing DD around, working, and basically participating in the grind. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, but what a treat to have a reason to buy a pretty dress, get my hair and nails done, celebrate inone of my friend’s most important moments, and enjoy purely adult conversation, while sipping a few adult drinks.

And the thread is about children at weddings, not destination weddings. I’m sorry that after your wedding, you resent other weddings so much, but the fact that you’re so bitter and refuse to attend someone else’s wedding because doesn’t include your children speaks more about you than it does them.

Your treat is someone else's hell. Nothing about having to shop for a dress, or pretty-princess myself up sounds appealing in any way.

I think on this thread, almost everyone agreed that they would just get a sitter for a local no-kids wedding. So, the destination and out-of-town child-free weddings are highly relevant to the thread, as those are the ones people don't want to do without their kids. Just to give an example, if someone close to me were getting married in California, Hawaii, Europe, or somewhere else I actually wanted to visit, I would attend the wedding but then make a longer family vacation out of it. If my kids aren't included, it's not worth the time and expense to arrange for a multi-day sitter, pay for airfare for myself and husband, pay for hotel rooms, and pay for everything else involved in the wedding.

I agree... in which case, you’re u just RSVP regrets. This isn’t as hard as people are making it out to be. The bridal couple even sent yiu a card with postage!

I think what a lot of people are saying is that yes, we do, and that's it- no malice or ill will, just an rsvp of no and a congratulations card to the couple. There is someone on here who insinuates (or actually, says outright) that this means we have terrible priorities and are ruining our kids childhoods by not attending without them. Oh, and destroying our friendships. Without that one troll this thread would have died on page 2.

Actually, multiple people have disagreed with you multiple times. But go ahead and think that there's a single troll on here that has a crazy viewpoint. Whatever makes you feel better.

Yeah it's a real coincidence that multiple people come here all at once, respond in a flurry of anger and insults to everything with the same tone, and then retreat simultaneously