Wife wants another child; I do not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP are you on the spectrum?

I’m not trying to be snarky, but you seem to have a really hard time thinking about anyone’s perspective but your own. Also, you keep fixating on the disagreement over the member of children when the real issue is completely different. You seem to have a hard time grasping more complex emotions like betrayal and deceit and how your actions are a textbook definition of those sentiments.

Just curious.

No I'm not on the spectrum. It just seems like I'm being crucified for being honest I changed my mind and am now unwilling

Dude, that is NOT why you’re getting crucified. Clearly none of this is sinking in.

Your wife is upset that you don’t want another baby, sure. Your wife is ALSO upset that you knew years ago that you didn’t want another baby and instead of owning that, you told her a bunch of lies making it seem like you just needed more time. You keep wanting to make this about how you are allowed to change your mind. No one is contesting that. The issue is that you didn’t just change your mind recently. It’s been years and you didn’t tell her because you hoped she just wouldn’t ever be ready herself. The issue is that as recently as a few hours ago, you were saying things like your wife needs to accept her fertility issues and compromise and that her infertility was too draining for HOU to go through again. That’s why you’re being crucified.

[Anonymous]

Have we asked exactly why you definitely don’t want more kids? I think that would affect a lot of our advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have we asked exactly why you definitely don’t want more kids? I think that would affect a lot of our advice.

Another baby would be too much work. Babies get up in the middle of the night. I feel like we would be starting all over. I'm too old now, I think, to start over with a new baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have we asked exactly why you definitely don’t want more kids? I think that would affect a lot of our advice.

Another baby would be too much work. Babies get up in the middle of the night. I feel like we would be starting all over. I'm too old now, I think, to start over with a new baby.

What do you think she would say if you told her these things? If it’s really just a matter of sleepless nights for 6 months then she may be willing to commit to do them. Lord knows many of the mothers on here do all the sleepless nights. Only you can say why you feel too old to start again though. Certainly men father babies into their 40s and 50s all the time, so that’s not a slam dunk. If the real answer is that all you have experienced with children is work and no reward, then there’s nothing that can convince you I’m afraid. Most people do see them as a reward eventually and not just work.

[Anonymous]

One of you has to come to peace with a compromise. What are your reason for not wanting another? If having a big family was essential for her I can see how she would feel betrayed, first by her own body, and to add insult to injury by her husband who changed his mind and now doesn’t want to try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have we asked exactly why you definitely don’t want more kids? I think that would affect a lot of our advice.

He doesn’t need to give a reason. “No” is enough. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have we asked exactly why you definitely don’t want more kids? I think that would affect a lot of our advice.

Another baby would be too much work. Babies get up in the middle of the night. I feel like we would be starting all over. I'm too old now, I think, to start over with a new baby.

OP, you are weird. You are not too old at all. Waking up at night is unpleasant, but I have a hard time believing that’s the main reason. Was your first one really difficult? Are you depressed ? Burnt out? Maybe you don’t feel like you could love another child as much as your first ? Whatever your reasons, they are valid, but there’s more to it than what you are telling us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to mention is seems your wife already compromised to two from having agreed on a big family.

When we agreed to have a big family BEFORE the marriage, we didn't know she had problems. Her fertility problems drained me and it's one of the reasons why I don't want anymore. She should accept that she has fertility problems and needs to compromise now. She says she's compromising with me because she went from wanting a big family to only having two kids. Again, why can't she just be thankful for what she has now?

since you are using her fertility issues against her, what exactly was the deal? Did you do IVF? How many times? how was her pregnancy? how many weeks was the baby when born?

Bc for my first, I struggled a lot. Then I got pregnant on my own for the 2nd

I'm not using her fertility issues against her, just saying that because we didn't know beforehand that she has issues, we can't have the same expectations for how many children we're going to have. I guess if she didn't have issues, we would have had that big family we initially wanted.

We did do IVF twice to get our son. She had the baby about a month early. That was hard on me too and another reason why I don't want to do it again.

Why exactly is IVF hard on you? Literally all you have to do is jerk off in a cup. That's less work than having sex!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to mention is seems your wife already compromised to two from having agreed on a big family.

When we agreed to have a big family BEFORE the marriage, we didn't know she had problems. Her fertility problems drained me and it's one of the reasons why I don't want anymore. She should accept that she has fertility problems and needs to compromise now. She says she's compromising with me because she went from wanting a big family to only having two kids. Again, why can't she just be thankful for what she has now?

since you are using her fertility issues against her, what exactly was the deal? Did you do IVF? How many times? how was her pregnancy? how many weeks was the baby when born?

Bc for my first, I struggled a lot. Then I got pregnant on my own for the 2nd

I'm not using her fertility issues against her, just saying that because we didn't know beforehand that she has issues, we can't have the same expectations for how many children we're going to have. I guess if she didn't have issues, we would have had that big family we initially wanted.

We did do IVF twice to get our son. She had the baby about a month early. That was hard on me too and another reason why I don't want to do it again.

Why exactly is IVF hard on you? Literally all you have to do is jerk off in a cup. That's less work than having sex!

Because of the chances it won't work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have we asked exactly why you definitely don’t want more kids? I think that would affect a lot of our advice.

He doesn’t need to give a reason. “No” is enough. The end.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have we asked exactly why you definitely don’t want more kids? I think that would affect a lot of our advice.

He doesn’t need to give a reason. “No” is enough. The end.

Of course it is enough. Just like it is enough for his wife to say she wants a divorce.

They are two adults who have grown in different directions so a divorce seems to make sense.

The end.

[Anonymous]

I am the great Corn-troll-io!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to mention is seems your wife already compromised to two from having agreed on a big family.

When we agreed to have a big family BEFORE the marriage, we didn't know she had problems. Her fertility problems drained me and it's one of the reasons why I don't want anymore. She should accept that she has fertility problems and needs to compromise now. She says she's compromising with me because she went from wanting a big family to only having two kids. Again, why can't she just be thankful for what she has now?

since you are using her fertility issues against her, what exactly was the deal? Did you do IVF? How many times? how was her pregnancy? how many weeks was the baby when born?

Bc for my first, I struggled a lot. Then I got pregnant on my own for the 2nd

I'm not using her fertility issues against her, just saying that because we didn't know beforehand that she has issues, we can't have the same expectations for how many children we're going to have. I guess if she didn't have issues, we would have had that big family we initially wanted.

We did do IVF twice to get our son. She had the baby about a month early. That was hard on me too and another reason why I don't want to do it again.

Why exactly is IVF hard on you? Literally all you have to do is jerk off in a cup. That's less work than having sex!

Because of the chances it won't work

So you prefer only things that have a guaranteed outcome?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is DCUM so being the man, it's automatically your fault.

Women change their mind about stuff all the time. You can too.

Yea, I should have known that when I made this post. I feel like I'm in the right and she's in the wrong for wanting to break up the marriage over this.

New poster and I didn’t read all the responses. I feel for the wife because a woman’s childbearing years are limited while a man can father a child in his 80’s. So you OP could change your mind again. So unless you had a vasectomy and it’s really about only wanting to have one child period, I keep getting the sense that it’s either about her fertility issues and not wanting to go thru that again or not wanting to have another child with her. If you divorce do you see yourself only dating woman that do not want any children or their own dating someone with a child? Are your convictions that certain?

Yes, people change their mind but if you change your mind on something that would have been a dealbreaker when you were dating I would think it would take honestly and discussion for your spouse to think thru if they are willing to make that sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, let's say she leaves you. Do you think you will remarry? If so, and you marry someone younger (which most divorced men seem to do), you realize that the new wife may want a child, too? Are you going to be up front about not wanting anymore children with the new wife? Or maybe do you think you might change your mind with the new wife and have just one more? Who knows. Anything else possible.

I will not remarry. I won't be able to find anyone better than this woman