S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP wrote in an aggressive way but I just had this experience with an ‘introvert.’ I asked her question after question in an attempt to make an engaging conversation and she never reciprocate or carried the conversation anywhere. It was exhausting and boring and I don’t enjoy hanging out with her. I don’t know if she’s a snob or a bitch or just dull as a white wall but unfortunately she’s the girlfriend of my husband’s coworker, so forced socializing it is...

People like you are insufferable. You “asked her question after question” and got upset when she didn’t engage? Maybe she didn’t want to be interrogated. Learn some conversational skills. If you just ask a person questions, the person feels like they’ve been put on the spot. Ugh!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone is talking about something I have no interest in, like movies I haven't seen, then I will have nothing to say. Extroverts can be talking a lot but saying little (lots of hot air like "Oh WOW!" ..."That's wonderful".... "It REALLY is."...). I don't want to parrot back what someone else just said but with more syrupy adjectives, extra adverbs, and intonation in my voice. It just seems phony to me and I can't physically muster the energy to talk like that.

Talking is like public speaking. You are supposed to know your audience. Does OP even know much about this person or what she is interested in?

The s is the OP and I really, truly appreciate this post because of the perspective.
—if someone is talking about something I have no interest in, like a movie I have not seen, I do my best to find something sincerely interesting or relatable about it. I think it’s downright rude to tune it out.
—I’ll definitely give some intonation and adjectives, for example if a friend is complaining about something at work. Maybe it’s not fascinating to me, but I’ll try to be enthusiastic and relate. Is it tiring? Sure, but that person wants validation for her story, and I think part of “carrying the conversation burden” is to listen and give some support.
—I don’t think conversayion is like public speaking. You are not my “audience”. I am not here to entertain you and throw out topics or questions in the hope that you will feel sufficiently energized to engage. Conversation is a two way street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP wrote in an aggressive way but I just had this experience with an ‘introvert.’ I asked her question after question in an attempt to make an engaging conversation and she never reciprocate or carried the conversation anywhere. It was exhausting and boring and I don’t enjoy hanging out with her. I don’t know if she’s a snob or a bitch or just dull as a white wall but unfortunately she’s the girlfriend of my husband’s coworker, so forced socializing it is...

People like you are insufferable. You “asked her question after question” and got upset when she didn’t engage? Maybe she didn’t want to be interrogated. Learn some conversational skills. If you just ask a person questions, the person feels like they’ve been put on the spot. Ugh!!

Many earlier posters asked if the OP had asked questions. So which is it...are you supposed to ask questions, or not ask questions-seems like y’all get pissed off either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP wrote in an aggressive way but I just had this experience with an ‘introvert.’ I asked her question after question in an attempt to make an engaging conversation and she never reciprocate or carried the conversation anywhere. It was exhausting and boring and I don’t enjoy hanging out with her. I don’t know if she’s a snob or a bitch or just dull as a white wall but unfortunately she’s the girlfriend of my husband’s coworker, so forced socializing it is...

People like you are insufferable. You “asked her question after question” and got upset when she didn’t engage? Maybe she didn’t want to be interrogated. Learn some conversational skills. If you just ask a person questions, the person feels like they’ve been put on the spot. Ugh!!

Many earlier posters asked if the OP had asked questions. So which is it...are you supposed to ask questions, or not ask questions-seems like y’all get pissed off either way.

Asking a few questions is way different than "QUESTION AFTER QUESTION." A few questions = an attempt at genuine conversation. Question after question is literally an interrogation. See the difference?

Balance, people. Tell a few stories or anecdotes, then listen. Ask a few questions, then ease up. Respond to a few points in the conversation, then give someone else the floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Introvert = sneaky.

Introvert=not interested enough in others to sneak

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is talking about something I have no interest in, like movies I haven't seen, then I will have nothing to say. Extroverts can be talking a lot but saying little (lots of hot air like "Oh WOW!" ..."That's wonderful".... "It REALLY is."...). I don't want to parrot back what someone else just said but with more syrupy adjectives, extra adverbs, and intonation in my voice. It just seems phony to me and I can't physically muster the energy to talk like that.

Talking is like public speaking. You are supposed to know your audience. Does OP even know much about this person or what she is interested in?

The s is the OP and I really, truly appreciate this post because of the perspective.
—if someone is talking about something I have no interest in, like a movie I have not seen, I do my best to find something sincerely interesting or relatable about it. I think it’s downright rude to tune it out.
—I’ll definitely give some intonation and adjectives, for example if a friend is complaining about something at work. Maybe it’s not fascinating to me, but I’ll try to be enthusiastic and relate. Is it tiring? Sure, but that person wants validation for her story, and I think part of “carrying the conversation burden” is to listen and give some support.
—I don’t think conversayion is like public speaking. You are not my “audience”. I am not here to entertain you and throw out topics or questions in the hope that you will feel sufficiently energized to engage. Conversation is a two way street.

Still with you, OP! I have to make small talk with all kinds of people and, yeah, it's draining. It's part of being an adult. Otherwise, expect your work and social life to suffer. If you have things the way you like them (no parties, no leadership at work) then good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is talking about something I have no interest in, like movies I haven't seen, then I will have nothing to say. Extroverts can be talking a lot but saying little (lots of hot air like "Oh WOW!" ..."That's wonderful".... "It REALLY is."...). I don't want to parrot back what someone else just said but with more syrupy adjectives, extra adverbs, and intonation in my voice. It just seems phony to me and I can't physically muster the energy to talk like that.

Talking is like public speaking. You are supposed to know your audience. Does OP even know much about this person or what she is interested in?

The s is the OP and I really, truly appreciate this post because of the perspective.
—if someone is talking about something I have no interest in, like a movie I have not seen, I do my best to find something sincerely interesting or relatable about it. I think it’s downright rude to tune it out.
—I’ll definitely give some intonation and adjectives, for example if a friend is complaining about something at work. Maybe it’s not fascinating to me, but I’ll try to be enthusiastic and relate. Is it tiring? Sure, but that person wants validation for her story, and I think part of “carrying the conversation burden” is to listen and give some support.
—I don’t think conversayion is like public speaking. You are not my “audience”. I am not here to entertain you and throw out topics or questions in the hope that you will feel sufficiently energized to engage. Conversation is a two way street.

Introvert here, and I want to ask about your second point. I have been told that I don’t carry the burden of conversation before. I don’t think your point here really speaks to that. I am a great listener. I am a therapist by nature and by profession. And if someone told me a story about a problem they were struggling with at work, I would almost always find it interesting, and I wouldn’t have to fake it. That is not small talk.
When I hear about the burden of conversation, it’s almost always about talking more, not listening and validating. You said in your OP that she didn’t share antidotes and make herself vulnerable. But I find that when I do it that, everyone at the table is only feigning interest and seems to be waiting for me to be done. So I stay quiet. But then I am not taking on my share of the conversation. I find it very frustrating.
I will say that I really enjoy one on one conversation where both parties legitimately care about the other person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is talking about something I have no interest in, like movies I haven't seen, then I will have nothing to say. Extroverts can be talking a lot but saying little (lots of hot air like "Oh WOW!" ..."That's wonderful".... "It REALLY is."...). I don't want to parrot back what someone else just said but with more syrupy adjectives, extra adverbs, and intonation in my voice. It just seems phony to me and I can't physically muster the energy to talk like that.

Talking is like public speaking. You are supposed to know your audience. Does OP even know much about this person or what she is interested in?

The s is the OP and I really, truly appreciate this post because of the perspective.
—if someone is talking about something I have no interest in, like a movie I have not seen, I do my best to find something sincerely interesting or relatable about it. I think it’s downright rude to tune it out.
—I’ll definitely give some intonation and adjectives, for example if a friend is complaining about something at work. Maybe it’s not fascinating to me, but I’ll try to be enthusiastic and relate. Is it tiring? Sure, but that person wants validation for her story, and I think part of “carrying the conversation burden” is to listen and give some support.
—I don’t think conversayion is like public speaking. You are not my “audience”. I am not here to entertain you and throw out topics or questions in the hope that you will feel sufficiently energized to engage. Conversation is a two way street.

Still with you, OP! I have to make small talk with all kinds of people and, yeah, it's draining. It's part of being an adult. Otherwise, expect your work and social life to suffer. If you have things the way you like them (no parties, no leadership at work) then good.

I'm a new poster and i'm also with OP. Being an adult means being in social situations where you may not share immediate things in common. So you back and forth.

I have many friends who are introverts, and we tend to spend time together one-on-one. They are more comfortable like that, more likely to engage. Sometimes in group settings they contribute, too, and people tend to defer the conversation to them when they pipe up, because they are really interesting, bright women who may not have as much to say, but definitely have interesting things to say when they do talk.

I know other people who are just downright boring and rude. Unable to answer questions in a meaningful way. Unable to ask questions in a meaningful way. Unable to just "shoot the shit" when you're in the 15 minute coffee break at a conference, the literal purpose of which is to socialize. To the example above, if someone is talking about a movie and you haven't seen it, you try to find something to contribute. You ask what it was about. Oh, an action movie? I thought that director usually did scify? Or, I heard that movie was supposed to be really good (because you saw the 1 paragraph review in people magazine at the doctor's office), did you enjoy it? If you literally cannot find something to say about a generic movie, then you are a boring, rude person.

[Anonymous]

this sounds more like social anxiety than introversion. they are very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP wrote in an aggressive way but I just had this experience with an ‘introvert.’ I asked her question after question in an attempt to make an engaging conversation and she never reciprocate or carried the conversation anywhere. It was exhausting and boring and I don’t enjoy hanging out with her. I don’t know if she’s a snob or a bitch or just dull as a white wall but unfortunately she’s the girlfriend of my husband’s coworker, so forced socializing it is...

I can't stand people like you. If you get bored after asking few questions, I don't care about you. If you ask me stupid meaningless questions, don't expect me to engage with you in a conversation. I see your stupidity through and I am not going to spend my time or energy to answer your stupid questions. I could see how hard you are trying to be a social butterfly and how unnatural you are at it. It is very entertaining to watch you. You also very insecure if you see me as a snob, or a bitch, or whatever that doesnt' fit into your cookie cutter girlfriend's image.

Yup. Most likely the introvert saw through OP and didn't want to expend energy engaging with her (and rightly so from OP's nasty posts).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP wrote in an aggressive way but I just had this experience with an ‘introvert.’ I asked her question after question in an attempt to make an engaging conversation and she never reciprocate or carried the conversation anywhere. It was exhausting and boring and I don’t enjoy hanging out with her. I don’t know if she’s a snob or a bitch or just dull as a white wall but unfortunately she’s the girlfriend of my husband’s coworker, so forced socializing it is...

I can't stand people like you. If you get bored after asking few questions, I don't care about you. If you ask me stupid meaningless questions, don't expect me to engage with you in a conversation. I see your stupidity through and I am not going to spend my time or energy to answer your stupid questions. I could see how hard you are trying to be a social butterfly and how unnatural you are at it. It is very entertaining to watch you. You also very insecure if you see me as a snob, or a bitch, or whatever that doesnt' fit into your cookie cutter girlfriend's image.

Yup. Most likely the introvert saw through OP and didn't want to expend energy engaging with her (and rightly so from OP's nasty posts).

I can't believe that people are fine with, and even defending, the bolded. Really, I am truly shocked. "If you ask me stupid meaningless questions, don't expect me to engage with you in a conversation." "I'm not going to spend my time or energy to answer your stupid questions". Someone is trying to get to know you by asking you questions. How do you expect a successful conversation to occur if you come to it with that mindset. What are you bringing to the table except a bad attitude? -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP wrote in an aggressive way but I just had this experience with an ‘introvert.’ I asked her question after question in an attempt to make an engaging conversation and she never reciprocate or carried the conversation anywhere. It was exhausting and boring and I don’t enjoy hanging out with her. I don’t know if she’s a snob or a bitch or just dull as a white wall but unfortunately she’s the girlfriend of my husband’s coworker, so forced socializing it is...

I can't stand people like you. If you get bored after asking few questions, I don't care about you. If you ask me stupid meaningless questions, don't expect me to engage with you in a conversation. I see your stupidity through and I am not going to spend my time or energy to answer your stupid questions. I could see how hard you are trying to be a social butterfly and how unnatural you are at it. It is very entertaining to watch you. You also very insecure if you see me as a snob, or a bitch, or whatever that doesnt' fit into your cookie cutter girlfriend's image.

Yup. Most likely the introvert saw through OP and didn't want to expend energy engaging with her (and rightly so from OP's nasty posts).

I can't believe that people are fine with, and even defending, the bolded. Really, I am truly shocked. "If you ask me stupid meaningless questions, don't expect me to engage with you in a conversation." "I'm not going to spend my time or energy to answer your stupid questions". Someone is trying to get to know you by asking you questions. How do you expect a successful conversation to occur if you come to it with that mindset. What are you bringing to the table except a bad attitude? -OP

I don’t think that everyone expects every conversation to be successful. Not everyone is trying to make new friends, and they would literally, honestly, rather be alone with their thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a secret. Your introvert friend doesn’t like you and think you talk too much.

TThis.

[Anonymous]

I'm extroverted and I have a feeling you'd wear me out listening to you talk.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you're confusing a socially awkward person with an introvert. They're not necessarily the same thing. I am very, very introverted. I am just fine in a group setting - I will participate in conversation, and even initiate it. But do I enjoy it? Rarely... it usually feels like work. I tend to find most socializing draining and prefer to spend time either on my own or with just one or two people. The only way I recharge is in a quiet environment where I don't have to engage with anyone. But I don't have any issues with engaging when needed.