How to handle: ILs just let themselves in, unannounced

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time they come just tell them: if you're going to arrive early, let me know so that I don't get startled by a key in the door. Or : text me when youre close to Baltimore so I can be prepared for your arrival.

They didn't expect you to be there and used the key you gave them- it makes sense (though they should have rang the doobell first). I also wouldn't be thrilled, but I wouldn't expect them to have killed time somewhere else. A heads up would be nice though, especially since I'm probably still cleaning or showering if guests are hours early.

NP. A heads-up isn't "nice" before entering someone's home on a non-emergency basis; it is necessary.

seriously. There's a good chance my DH and I would be having a lunch time quickie in a public area of the house.

[Anonymous]

It would be very embarrassing if they had caught her banging the mailman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious if all the people who are ok with the inlaws letting themselves in without giving their son and dil a heads up first would do this to someone whose key they possess. If you had your adult child and their family’s house key, would you let yourself in for a few hours without notifying them first? What if you had the neighbor’s key and you needed to borrow some sugar for a special dessert and you didnt have time to run to the store, but the neighbor isn’t home? You’re obviously close if you have their key, right? Where’s the line?

I think the difference is that OP was expecting a visit albeit at a later time that day. I thought from the title the in-laws lived down the road and just stopped in without the Op knowing they were going to be by at all.

What kind of emergency does OP imagine her in-laws would drive 4 hours to get into their home and neither OP or DH would be able to let them in or meet them to give them a guest key?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious if all the people who are ok with the inlaws letting themselves in without giving their son and dil a heads up first would do this to someone whose key they possess. If you had your adult child and their family’s house key, would you let yourself in for a few hours without notifying them first? What if you had the neighbor’s key and you needed to borrow some sugar for a special dessert and you didnt have time to run to the store, but the neighbor isn’t home? You’re obviously close if you have their key, right? Where’s the line?

I think the difference is that OP was expecting a visit albeit at a later time that day. I thought from the title the in-laws lived down the road and just stopped in without the Op knowing they were going to be by at all.

What kind of emergency does OP imagine her in-laws would drive 4 hours to get into their home and neither OP or DH would be able to let them in or meet them to give them a guest key?

NP. Oh, come on. Shit happens. It doesn't hurt to have a few people who are very close to you have keys. I have keys to my sister's house, and she's 3 hours away. But I would never, ever use that key if it wasn't an emergency, or without her prior knowledge.

Common. Courtesy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious if all the people who are ok with the inlaws letting themselves in without giving their son and dil a heads up first would do this to someone whose key they possess. If you had your adult child and their family’s house key, would you let yourself in for a few hours without notifying them first? What if you had the neighbor’s key and you needed to borrow some sugar for a special dessert and you didnt have time to run to the store, but the neighbor isn’t home? You’re obviously close if you have their key, right? Where’s the line?

I think the difference is that OP was expecting a visit albeit at a later time that day. I thought from the title the in-laws lived down the road and just stopped in without the Op knowing they were going to be by at all.

What kind of emergency does OP imagine her in-laws would drive 4 hours to get into their home and neither OP or DH would be able to let them in or meet them to give them a guest key?

NP. Oh, come on. Shit happens. It doesn't hurt to have a few people who are very close to you have keys. I have keys to my sister's house, and she's 3 hours away. But I would never, ever use that key if it wasn't an emergency, or without her prior knowledge.

Common. Courtesy.

I’m still waiting to hear what constitutes an emergency? Prior knowledge I agree. But if the emergency key is only if they are both hospitalized so no one can let them in to bring the kids to the house then that needs to be clear. Otherwise it’s really a matter of prior knowledge and agreement not a real emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious if all the people who are ok with the inlaws letting themselves in without giving their son and dil a heads up first would do this to someone whose key they possess. If you had your adult child and their family’s house key, would you let yourself in for a few hours without notifying them first? What if you had the neighbor’s key and you needed to borrow some sugar for a special dessert and you didnt have time to run to the store, but the neighbor isn’t home? You’re obviously close if you have their key, right? Where’s the line?

I think the difference is that OP was expecting a visit albeit at a later time that day. I thought from the title the in-laws lived down the road and just stopped in without the Op knowing they were going to be by at all.

What kind of emergency does OP imagine her in-laws would drive 4 hours to get into their home and neither OP or DH would be able to let them in or meet them to give them a guest key?

NP. Oh, come on. Shit happens. It doesn't hurt to have a few people who are very close to you have keys. I have keys to my sister's house, and she's 3 hours away. But I would never, ever use that key if it wasn't an emergency, or without her prior knowledge.

Common. Courtesy.

I’m still waiting to hear what constitutes an emergency? Prior knowledge I agree. But if the emergency key is only if they are both hospitalized so no one can let them in to bring the kids to the house then that needs to be clear. Otherwise it’s really a matter of prior knowledge and agreement not a real emergency.

I'm not the PP you were responding to, but an emergency to me would be something like a DW and Child 1 were in a car accident, they're now critical in hospital, DH is there, Child 2 is at a friend's house, could the in-laws please come to the house, open up and wait there for Child 2 to arrive who will be dropped off by her friend later that evening. And then wait there until they get a call about what to do next. Something like that is an emergency.

Letting yourself into someone's house several hours before anyone should have expected that you would ever even leave your own house hundreds of miles away, for no reason at all except that you feel like it, is NOT an emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious if all the people who are ok with the inlaws letting themselves in without giving their son and dil a heads up first would do this to someone whose key they possess. If you had your adult child and their family’s house key, would you let yourself in for a few hours without notifying them first? What if you had the neighbor’s key and you needed to borrow some sugar for a special dessert and you didnt have time to run to the store, but the neighbor isn’t home? You’re obviously close if you have their key, right? Where’s the line?

I think the difference is that OP was expecting a visit albeit at a later time that day. I thought from the title the in-laws lived down the road and just stopped in without the Op knowing they were going to be by at all.

What kind of emergency does OP imagine her in-laws would drive 4 hours to get into their home and neither OP or DH would be able to let them in or meet them to give them a guest key?

NP. Oh, come on. Shit happens. It doesn't hurt to have a few people who are very close to you have keys. I have keys to my sister's house, and she's 3 hours away. But I would never, ever use that key if it wasn't an emergency, or without her prior knowledge.

Common. Courtesy.

I’m still waiting to hear what constitutes an emergency? Prior knowledge I agree. But if the emergency key is only if they are both hospitalized so no one can let them in to bring the kids to the house then that needs to be clear. Otherwise it’s really a matter of prior knowledge and agreement not a real emergency.

OK, here you go:

1) Car accident where both parents are hurt, but kids in the back are OK. Grandparents come to take care of the kids in the kids' own house while mom and dad are recovering at the hospital.

2) Family is on vacation. Hurricane comes through and hits their area hard (like the one that hit Annapolis in recent memory). "Mom and Dad, we won't be back for another 5 days; could you go and check out the house?"

3) Whole family is killed in car accident. Mom and Dad come down to start dealing with funeral planning, finding wills, making arrangements to clear out and sell their house.

It took me 20 seconds to come up with three emergency scenarios. You must not have a very good imagination. You must not be very resourceful.

There ya go!

[Anonymous]

I really highly doubt that the in-laws are driving 4 hours and letting themselves into your house on any sort of a regular basis.

Just tell them "I'm so glad that you guys could make it. But you really startled me by getting here so early! When I heard noises in the house, I thought that there might be an intruder. Next time, if you are running early like that could you please give us a heads up when you are about an hour out?"

Or...get a deadbolt that would prevent them from opening the door and coming into the house unexpectedly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really highly doubt that the in-laws are driving 4 hours and letting themselves into your house on any sort of a regular basis.

Just tell them "I'm so glad that you guys could make it. But you really startled me by getting here so early! When I heard noises in the house, I thought that there might be an intruder. Next time, if you are running early like that could you please give us a heads up when you are about an hour out?"

Or...get a deadbolt that would prevent them from opening the door and coming into the house unexpectedly.

It is 11 pages in. Do you really think people haven't suggested these exact things by now? OP posted that her husband handled it, and it's all fine. Why do people chime in 11 pages in without reading?

[Anonymous]

Don't overreact. This was typical in the boomer generation. Just have a discussion about your feelings (not when you are angry or rushed).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be very embarrassing if they had caught her banging the mailman.

Might have solved the issue of them walking in unannounced.

OP tell them the key is for emergencies only.