How to handle: ILs just let themselves in, unannounced

[Anonymous]

OP, just ask your DH to tell them that you were startled by their arrival and please let you know if they will be arriving early. I am sure they won’t want to scare you again. My relatives are like this. They arrived at 3:30 for dinner and I wasn’t even home from work. But they have an open door policy back home (seriously, visitors are not even expected to knock), and they don’t think anything is wrong with it unless I tell them not to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, just ask your DH to tell them that you were startled by their arrival and please let you know if they will be arriving early. I am sure they won’t want to scare you again. My relatives are like this. They arrived at 3:30 for dinner and I wasn’t even home from work. But they have an open door policy back home (seriously, visitors are not even expected to knock), and they don’t think anything is wrong with it unless I tell them not to do it.

SHE DID. And she posted to that effect, pages ago.

I hate posters who come in to a thread 10 freaking pages long, and assume that they're going to contribute something new to a conversation.

Read the thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just ask your DH to tell them that you were startled by their arrival and please let you know if they will be arriving early. I am sure they won’t want to scare you again. My relatives are like this. They arrived at 3:30 for dinner and I wasn’t even home from work. But they have an open door policy back home (seriously, visitors are not even expected to knock), and they don’t think anything is wrong with it unless I tell them not to do it.

SHE DID. And she posted to that effect, pages ago.

I hate posters who come in to a thread 10 freaking pages long, and assume that they're going to contribute something new to a conversation.

Read the thread!

Pardon me if I skipped a sentence or two. But thank you for your excellent contribution to this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just ask your DH to tell them that you were startled by their arrival and please let you know if they will be arriving early. I am sure they won’t want to scare you again. My relatives are like this. They arrived at 3:30 for dinner and I wasn’t even home from work. But they have an open door policy back home (seriously, visitors are not even expected to knock), and they don’t think anything is wrong with it unless I tell them not to do it.

SHE DID. And she posted to that effect, pages ago.

I hate posters who come in to a thread 10 freaking pages long, and assume that they're going to contribute something new to a conversation.

Read the thread!

Pardon me if I skipped a sentence or two. But thank you for your excellent contribution to this thread.

You're welcome. It's a good rule of thumb, not just for this thread, but for any thread--10 pages in, *someone has probably already posted what you were going to say.*

[Anonymous]

Well given the chorus of voices saying the ILs behavior was incredibly rude and the parents should be thrown in jail, I felt it might be helpful for another person to give some perspective that in some homes this is normal and yes, OP is overreacting. In trying to do so politely, I suggested the OP do something she already did. Perhaps I belong in DCUM jail along with the ILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well given the chorus of voices saying the ILs behavior was incredibly rude and the parents should be thrown in jail, I felt it might be helpful for another person to give some perspective that in some homes this is normal and yes, OP is overreacting. In trying to do so politely, I suggested the OP do something she already did. Perhaps I belong in DCUM jail along with the ILs.

NP. Who cares whether this is normal in "some homes"? OP wasn't asking about "some homes," she was asking about her own home, where a key was only given for emergencies and for one, specific instance of child care. The question wasn't, "Is this OK in other homes?" It was, "It's NOT OK in my home, so how do I address it?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well given the chorus of voices saying the ILs behavior was incredibly rude and the parents should be thrown in jail, I felt it might be helpful for another person to give some perspective that in some homes this is normal and yes, OP is overreacting. In trying to do so politely, I suggested the OP do something she already did. Perhaps I belong in DCUM jail along with the ILs.

NP. Who cares whether this is normal in "some homes"? OP wasn't asking about "some homes," she was asking about her own home, where a key was only given for emergencies and for one, specific instance of child care. The question wasn't, "Is this OK in other homes?" It was, "It's NOT OK in my home, so how do I address it?"

Oh my, get a life!

[Anonymous]

So many weirdos on here. It's fine they let themselves in. Just change the locks if you're going to be like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many weirdos on here. It's fine they let themselves in. Just change the locks if you're going to be like this.

I hope you aren't my relative or neighbor. Because this is so not OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many weirdos on here. It's fine they let themselves in. Just change the locks if you're going to be like this.

I hope you aren't my relative or neighbor. Because this is so not OK.

+1

I guess this thread is a good reminder to all of us not to give out keys to people unless you are really okay with them coming in whenever they want. Because clearly some people are incapable of understanding that sometimes a key for emergencies is just a key for emergencies, no matter how you try to convince them.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read all the posts but I have wonderful in-laws that live 3 hours a way and have their own key to the house.

- we ask them when they think they will arrive or to text when they leave, mostly because we could be doing last minute prep or might want to run out for an errand. And then assume they will be 1/2 hour earlier than that because they are normally early for everything.
- your car was in the garage so they may not have thought anyone was home. My in-laws will ring the bell first before they use the key if they know/think we are home. I could see them letting themselves if they were arriving a time we would be st work.
- Because of the crazy traffic in this area we know it may make sense for them to arrive at times we aren’t home. Like they may leave at 9:30 and get here at 12:30 to avoid the rush hour that seems to be 6:30am - 9:30am and 2:00pm-6:30pm in this area. It’s nice for them to have the flexibility to let themselves in like when they’ve come to help out when my DH is traveling and they will pick up the kids from school - they may want to get here at lunchtime, get lunch here, relax, then carpool at 3pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read all the posts but I have wonderful in-laws that live 3 hours a way and have their own key to the house.

- we ask them when they think they will arrive or to text when they leave, mostly because we could be doing last minute prep or might want to run out for an errand. And then assume they will be 1/2 hour earlier than that because they are normally early for everything.
- your car was in the garage so they may not have thought anyone was home. My in-laws will ring the bell first before they use the key if they know/think we are home. I could see them letting themselves if they were arriving a time we would be st work.
- Because of the crazy traffic in this area we know it may make sense for them to arrive at times we aren’t home. Like they may leave at 9:30 and get here at 12:30 to avoid the rush hour that seems to be 6:30am - 9:30am and 2:00pm-6:30pm in this area. It’s nice for them to have the flexibility to let themselves in like when they’ve come to help out when my DH is traveling and they will pick up the kids from school - they may want to get here at lunchtime, get lunch here, relax, then carpool at 3pm.

And? What does your situation have to do with anything in this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read all the posts but I have wonderful in-laws that live 3 hours a way and have their own key to the house.

- we ask them when they think they will arrive or to text when they leave, mostly because we could be doing last minute prep or might want to run out for an errand. And then assume they will be 1/2 hour earlier than that because they are normally early for everything.
- your car was in the garage so they may not have thought anyone was home. My in-laws will ring the bell first before they use the key if they know/think we are home. I could see them letting themselves if they were arriving a time we would be st work.
- Because of the crazy traffic in this area we know it may make sense for them to arrive at times we aren’t home. Like they may leave at 9:30 and get here at 12:30 to avoid the rush hour that seems to be 6:30am - 9:30am and 2:00pm-6:30pm in this area. It’s nice for them to have the flexibility to let themselves in like when they’ve come to help out when my DH is traveling and they will pick up the kids from school - they may want to get here at lunchtime, get lunch here, relax, then carpool at 3pm.

And? What does your situation have to do with anything in this thread?

LOL +1

[Anonymous]

You are totally overreacting - my ILs let themselves in when they come to visit too (and they also live 4 hours away). We even gave them their own alarm code. It makes life easier, we don't have to worry about being home when they get here, they often make us dinner, etc...

That said, if you didn't want them to let themselves in, why did you let them keep the key?

And if you're THAT paranoid, get an alarm system and give them their own code so you can look up online when they came/went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are totally overreacting - my ILs let themselves in when they come to visit too (and they also live 4 hours away). We even gave them their own alarm code. It makes life easier, we don't have to worry about being home when they get here, they often make us dinner, etc...

That said, if you didn't want them to let themselves in, why did you let them keep the key?

And if you're THAT paranoid, get an alarm system and give them their own code so you can look up online when they came/went.

Why did they let them keep the key? You really need this spelled out, after 10 pages? IT WAS FOR EMERGENCIES. You get that, right? An e-m-e-r-g-e-n-c-y. And she was pissed that they key was used in a situation that is clearly not an emergency.

Got that now?