How to handle: ILs just let themselves in, unannounced

[Anonymous]

Let me guess - another White person drama? On one hand, I would think that the son and daughter-in-law are horrible people to so humiliate their elderly parents/IL. On the other hand, White people also raise their children in a way that least inconveniences them, so it is not a wonder that they are treated like this when they get old.

OP, you gave keys to your ILs to your house. They used it to enter your house. Unless they were caught stealing your money and jewelry I do not know what the issue was. Yes, elderly parents and teenage children, both are supposed to keep us in the loop about their plans but they don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess - another White person drama? On one hand, I would think that the son and daughter-in-law are horrible people to so humiliate their elderly parents/IL. On the other hand, White people also raise their children in a way that least inconveniences them, so it is not a wonder that they are treated like this when they get old.

OP, you gave keys to your ILs to your house. They used it to enter your house. Unless they were caught stealing your money and jewelry I do not know what the issue was. Yes, elderly parents and teenage children, both are supposed to keep us in the loop about their plans but they don't.

And the anti-White people poster arrives. Where were you while everyone else was posting eight pages? Did it take you that long to invent your hate speech connection?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess - another White person drama? On one hand, I would think that the son and daughter-in-law are horrible people to so humiliate their elderly parents/IL. On the other hand, White people also raise their children in a way that least inconveniences them, so it is not a wonder that they are treated like this when they get old.

OP, you gave keys to your ILs to your house. They used it to enter your house. Unless they were caught stealing your money and jewelry I do not know what the issue was. Yes, elderly parents and teenage children, both are supposed to keep us in the loop about their plans but they don't.

And the anti-White people poster arrives. Where were you while everyone else was posting eight pages? Did it take you that long to invent your hate speech connection?

I’m white and I agree with everything that PP said.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't think twice about this. They are family. And good inlaws. Unclench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess - another White person drama? On one hand, I would think that the son and daughter-in-law are horrible people to so humiliate their elderly parents/IL. On the other hand, White people also raise their children in a way that least inconveniences them, so it is not a wonder that they are treated like this when they get old.

OP, you gave keys to your ILs to your house. They used it to enter your house. Unless they were caught stealing your money and jewelry I do not know what the issue was. Yes, elderly parents and teenage children, both are supposed to keep us in the loop about their plans but they don't.

Thanks for playing, but no. I am Chinese American, and my husband is white. The "issue" is that I was home alone and heard someone entering my house, and it nearly gave me a heart attack. There is absolutely no reason why they couldn't have called or texted first. None.

My issue is less that they arrived early or even used the key, and more that they didn't call. As a result, I was scared in my home. For no reason.

Sorry to disappoint your racist, stereotyping ass. -OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't think twice about this. They are family. And good inlaws. Unclench.

OP here. You know what, I've been the victim of robbery at gunpoint. It kind of stays with you. I'm going to remain "clenched" on this one, for good reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't think twice about this. They are family. And good inlaws. Unclench.

OP here. You know what, I've been the victim of robbery at gunpoint. It kind of stays with you. I'm going to remain "clenched" on this one, for good reason.

Sure.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope the conversation your dh had with them left your good relationship intact. What they did was inappropriate but you've said repeatedly how great they are. I'd go out of my way to let them know how much I appreciate them.

BUT change the damn locks no matter what they say. My ils were wonderful. I loved them. They pulled something similar and we realized every time they were in our home, they were going through every drawer, closet, office documents etc. They were wonderful but it took some time before we realized. Dh's sister visited and did this in front of us.

Change the locks. It isn't that expensive. It is pretty easy to do yourself and you can get better quality locks. We had neighbors who pushed all the neighbors around us to give them keys for emergencies. We refused because when we first moved in, they insisted on giving us a tour of the home of a neighbor who was on vacation. Any time one of the neighbors would go on vacation, they would go through the house regularly and invite other people to see the house. These were lovely people who we loved having as nieghbors. They were wonderful except for this boundary issue. We never gave them our keys and we had our locks changed immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't think twice about this. They are family. And good inlaws. Unclench.

OP here. You know what, I've been the victim of robbery at gunpoint. It kind of stays with you. I'm going to remain "clenched" on this one, for good reason.

Sure.

Yep. Near Eastern Market, on a Sunday, right after church and brunch. Sh*t happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hope the conversation your dh had with them left your good relationship intact. What they did was inappropriate but you've said repeatedly how great they are. I'd go out of my way to let them know how much I appreciate them.

BUT change the damn locks no matter what they say. My ils were wonderful. I loved them. They pulled something similar and we realized every time they were in our home, they were going through every drawer, closet, office documents etc. They were wonderful but it took some time before we realized. Dh's sister visited and did this in front of us.

Change the locks. It isn't that expensive. It is pretty easy to do yourself and you can get better quality locks. We had neighbors who pushed all the neighbors around us to give them keys for emergencies. We refused because when we first moved in, they insisted on giving us a tour of the home of a neighbor who was on vacation. Any time one of the neighbors would go on vacation, they would go through the house regularly and invite other people to see the house. These were lovely people who we loved having as nieghbors. They were wonderful except for this boundary issue. We never gave them our keys and we had our locks changed immediately.

Why did you go on such a tour?! You were just as complicit in invading a Neighbor's privacy. You are just as bad as them! Say NO.

[Anonymous]

I let myself into my mom’s house, but always give her a heads up. The only time I let myself into my brother’s house unannounced is when I surprised him with food in his fridge and knew he wouldn’t be home. I suppose I would be irritated if someone just let themselves in to my house without a heads up and it wasn’t for a surprise or something.

[Anonymous]

Next time they come just tell them: if you're going to arrive early, let me know so that I don't get startled by a key in the door. Or : text me when youre close to Baltimore so I can be prepared for your arrival.

They didn't expect you to be there and used the key you gave them- it makes sense (though they should have rang the doobell first). I also wouldn't be thrilled, but I wouldn't expect them to have killed time somewhere else. A heads up would be nice though, especially since I'm probably still cleaning or showering if guests are hours early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time they come just tell them: if you're going to arrive early, let me know so that I don't get startled by a key in the door. Or : text me when youre close to Baltimore so I can be prepared for your arrival.

They didn't expect you to be there and used the key you gave them- it makes sense (though they should have rang the doobell first). I also wouldn't be thrilled, but I wouldn't expect them to have killed time somewhere else. A heads up would be nice though, especially since I'm probably still cleaning or showering if guests are hours early.

NP. A heads-up isn't "nice" before entering someone's home on a non-emergency basis; it is necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't think twice about this. They are family. And good inlaws. Unclench.

OP here. You know what, I've been the victim of robbery at gunpoint. It kind of stays with you. I'm going to remain "clenched" on this one, for good reason.

You’re full of sh*t. If this was the main issue for you, you’d have mentioned it outright. Now you’re just inserting that into the conversation to bolster yourself against the people who think you’re a psycho with some bigger issue with your in laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't think twice about this. They are family. And good inlaws. Unclench.

OP here. You know what, I've been the victim of robbery at gunpoint. It kind of stays with you. I'm going to remain "clenched" on this one, for good reason.

You’re full of sh*t. If this was the main issue for you, you’d have mentioned it outright. Now you’re just inserting that into the conversation to bolster yourself against the people who think you’re a psycho with some bigger issue with your in laws.

It's not my "main issue." But yeah, it happened. And I don't care at all if you believe me or not.