SAH with Older Kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most people work bc they have to not because it gives their life meaning so it shouldn't be a surprise that your friends feel spending time with their kids is "living the dream".

+1

I make more money than my spouse, but neither one of us makes enough to support a family in this region - nothing but two full-time jobs would work for us and there hasn't been any money left over for nannies and au pairs.

I don't think it would have been better for my kids if I had been SAH - just different. I probably would have been terrible at it and I actually admire parents who can throw themselves into school volunteering, chauffeuring to 4:00 sports practices, cooking meals, spotless houses, maintaining strict bedtime routines, etc. I'm kind of glad to have an excuse for not being good at any of that stuff! (Yes, yes, I know most WOH moms somehow manage to do all that stuff and work full time but I am not one of those people).

Having done it, it was extremely boring to me, once my kids started school. It is really amazing to me that people yearn to stay at home with older kids, but if you work when your kids are small and come home for the second shift, I can see how some burn out.

Did you at first stay home with babies and then school aged kids a bit before going back to work? I can see how your perspective would lead you to feel that way, since it is such a shift from having them home all the time, to in school at least 7 hours a day. But if you are working full-time until your kids are in school, you may not see it the same way. Their personalities are so much more developed at this point, and you want to soak it up without always feeling rushed, you just want more of those interactions, and you become aware of how fast they are growing up. Some WOHM don't see the point of staying home at this juncture based on what the costs are financially and professionally, and some think those extra hours a day on average are worth more, even some with very high salaries.

Those extra hours are pretty much a fiction.

I quit my job when older child was in kindergarten. Those extra hours are not fiction. I meet kids at bus stop and take them to various activities and sports. Kids ride bikes and play outside before dinner. We go to the pool.

The year I quit my job, FCPS had like 15 snow days, 10 2 hour delays, , 5 early dismissals, at least 10 events during the middle of the school day (class parties, teacher conferences, award ceremony, musical, picnic, field day, etc). That does not include teacher work days and breaks.

Unless both parents have flex schedules, this is hard. Dh has a very demanding job with high income. I had a low six figure flexible job. I had a sitter, cook, housekeeper and lanscapers. Date night sitters are easy. Last minute sitters in the middle of the day not so much.

I'm not going to belabor this point but yes, it is. I lived this life. Got kids from bus stop at 3:30 (10 minutes). Watched kids do homework for half an hour. Kids off to play with friend or to sports practice or to girl scouts (all of which require zero parental involvement beyond a drop off and pick up, if they can't walk there themselves). Dad comes home. Total extra amount of time I had with kids, maybe half an hour a day. If it makes you happy to have a less stressful life, that's great. But the more quality time with kids line really isn't true unless you were coming home at 8 every night.

If you are willing to pay the money, not hard to get a nanny that can cover days off from school in addition to after school. Or work from home a day.

You are belaboring this by implying that everyone's schedule is the same for yours. I am out of the house from 7-6:15 working and my 5 year old is at school 11 hours a day. She has little homework as a Kindergartner, and goes to girl scouts once a month. We do gymnastics at the rec center on weekends, so there is a significant amount of hours she would have with me, her dad (who could go in earlier and come home early) and her little sister if one of us wasn't working full time. Stop trying to make your experience universal, do you really think YOUR life is the only reality?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on if you have flexibility, make good money, and like your job/career. And I guess how many kids you have.

We are two working parents with very flexible schedules and reasonable hours and we have 2 kids. I can see how it would be hard with two biglaw parents or a power couple but we manage fine and have found it easier as they've gotten older. But I make good money and my career is important to me so that helps. We have a good routine and husband is an equal partner. We both have a lot of telework options so most afternoons a parent is home, though kids are in activities/sports etc. so we are often home alone.

If things got out of control with either of our jobs, with older kids and more work experience than when I was younger, I can imagine quitting and setting up my own freelance/consulting business for a few years. But what I really want to avoid is being in my early 50s, both kids out of the house and having no career to turn to because I've been out of the workforce for years. I realize that isn't a concern for everyone, especially if you never liked working or the field you were trained in, etc. but it's huge for me so I'm highly motivated to make it work.

Exactly this. I have a few friends in this situation. They are depressed. One in particular. She's a brilliant JD, but now bitter and shrewish, screams at her children constantly and laments her lack of a career. She tried to get back in and could not. Now volunteer tutors math in the local high school, so that's good. But still angry and bitter and bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most people work bc they have to not because it gives their life meaning so it shouldn't be a surprise that your friends feel spending time with their kids is "living the dream".

+1

I make more money than my spouse, but neither one of us makes enough to support a family in this region - nothing but two full-time jobs would work for us and there hasn't been any money left over for nannies and au pairs.

I don't think it would have been better for my kids if I had been SAH - just different. I probably would have been terrible at it and I actually admire parents who can throw themselves into school volunteering, chauffeuring to 4:00 sports practices, cooking meals, spotless houses, maintaining strict bedtime routines, etc. I'm kind of glad to have an excuse for not being good at any of that stuff! (Yes, yes, I know most WOH moms somehow manage to do all that stuff and work full time but I am not one of those people).

Having done it, it was extremely boring to me, once my kids started school. It is really amazing to me that people yearn to stay at home with older kids, but if you work when your kids are small and come home for the second shift, I can see how some burn out.

Did you at first stay home with babies and then school aged kids a bit before going back to work? I can see how your perspective would lead you to feel that way, since it is such a shift from having them home all the time, to in school at least 7 hours a day. But if you are working full-time until your kids are in school, you may not see it the same way. Their personalities are so much more developed at this point, and you want to soak it up without always feeling rushed, you just want more of those interactions, and you become aware of how fast they are growing up. Some WOHM don't see the point of staying home at this juncture based on what the costs are financially and professionally, and some think those extra hours a day on average are worth more, even some with very high salaries.

Those extra hours are pretty much a fiction.

I quit my job when older child was in kindergarten. Those extra hours are not fiction. I meet kids at bus stop and take them to various activities and sports. Kids ride bikes and play outside before dinner. We go to the pool.

The year I quit my job, FCPS had like 15 snow days, 10 2 hour delays, , 5 early dismissals, at least 10 events during the middle of the school day (class parties, teacher conferences, award ceremony, musical, picnic, field day, etc). That does not include teacher work days and breaks.

Unless both parents have flex schedules, this is hard. Dh has a very demanding job with high income. I had a low six figure flexible job. I had a sitter, cook, housekeeper and lanscapers. Date night sitters are easy. Last minute sitters in the middle of the day not so much.

I'm not going to belabor this point but yes, it is. I lived this life. Got kids from bus stop at 3:30 (10 minutes). Watched kids do homework for half an hour. Kids off to play with friend or to sports practice or to girl scouts (all of which require zero parental involvement beyond a drop off and pick up, if they can't walk there themselves). Dad comes home. Total extra amount of time I had with kids, maybe half an hour a day. If it makes you happy to have a less stressful life, that's great. But the more quality time with kids line really isn't true unless you were coming home at 8 every night.

If you are willing to pay the money, not hard to get a nanny that can cover days off from school in addition to after school. Or work from home a day.

You are belaboring this by implying that everyone's schedule is the same for yours. I am out of the house from 7-6:15 working and my 5 year old is at school 11 hours a day. She has little homework as a Kindergartner, and goes to girl scouts once a month. We do gymnastics at the rec center on weekends, so there is a significant amount of hours she would have with me, her dad (who could go in earlier and come home early) and her little sister if one of us wasn't working full time. Stop trying to make your experience universal, do you really think YOUR life is the only reality?

Of course not, but do you think her life in kindergarten is what it will always be? Sounds like you also have a preschooler. I agree that is the best time to stay at home and in fact what .

The original post,however was about kids in older elementary and yes, your kid will most likely have the life I described in a year or tw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most people work bc they have to not because it gives their life meaning so it shouldn't be a surprise that your friends feel spending time with their kids is "living the dream".

+1

I make more money than my spouse, but neither one of us makes enough to support a family in this region - nothing but two full-time jobs would work for us and there hasn't been any money left over for nannies and au pairs.

I don't think it would have been better for my kids if I had been SAH - just different. I probably would have been terrible at it and I actually admire parents who can throw themselves into school volunteering, chauffeuring to 4:00 sports practices, cooking meals, spotless houses, maintaining strict bedtime routines, etc. I'm kind of glad to have an excuse for not being good at any of that stuff! (Yes, yes, I know most WOH moms somehow manage to do all that stuff and work full time but I am not one of those people).

Having done it, it was extremely boring to me, once my kids started school. It is really amazing to me that people yearn to stay at home with older kids, but if you work when your kids are small and come home for the second shift, I can see how some burn out.

Did you at first stay home with babies and then school aged kids a bit before going back to work? I can see how your perspective would lead you to feel that way, since it is such a shift from having them home all the time, to in school at least 7 hours a day. But if you are working full-time until your kids are in school, you may not see it the same way. Their personalities are so much more developed at this point, and you want to soak it up without always feeling rushed, you just want more of those interactions, and you become aware of how fast they are growing up. Some WOHM don't see the point of staying home at this juncture based on what the costs are financially and professionally, and some think those extra hours a day on average are worth more, even some with very high salaries.

Those extra hours are pretty much a fiction.

I quit my job when older child was in kindergarten. Those extra hours are not fiction. I meet kids at bus stop and take them to various activities and sports. Kids ride bikes and play outside before dinner. We go to the pool.

The year I quit my job, FCPS had like 15 snow days, 10 2 hour delays, , 5 early dismissals, at least 10 events during the middle of the school day (class parties, teacher conferences, award ceremony, musical, picnic, field day, etc). That does not include teacher work days and breaks.

Unless both parents have flex schedules, this is hard. Dh has a very demanding job with high income. I had a low six figure flexible job. I had a sitter, cook, housekeeper and lanscapers. Date night sitters are easy. Last minute sitters in the middle of the day not so much.

I'm not going to belabor this point but yes, it is. I lived this life. Got kids from bus stop at 3:30 (10 minutes). Watched kids do homework for half an hour. Kids off to play with friend or to sports practice or to girl scouts (all of which require zero parental involvement beyond a drop off and pick up, if they can't walk there themselves). Dad comes home. Total extra amount of time I had with kids, maybe half an hour a day. If it makes you happy to have a less stressful life, that's great. But the more quality time with kids line really isn't true unless you were coming home at 8 every night.

If you are willing to pay the money, not hard to get a nanny that can cover days off from school in addition to after school. Or work from home a day.

You are belaboring this by implying that everyone's schedule is the same for yours. I am out of the house from 7-6:15 working and my 5 year old is at school 11 hours a day. She has little homework as a Kindergartner, and goes to girl scouts once a month. We do gymnastics at the rec center on weekends, so there is a significant amount of hours she would have with me, her dad (who could go in earlier and come home early) and her little sister if one of us wasn't working full time. Stop trying to make your experience universal, do you really think YOUR life is the only reality?

Of course not, but do you think her life in kindergarten is what it will always be? Sounds like you also have a preschooler. I agree that is the best time to stay at home and in fact what .

The original post,however was about kids in older elementary and yes, your kid will most likely have the life I described in a year or tw.

hit submit to fast, meant to type "what I did."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most people work bc they have to not because it gives their life meaning so it shouldn't be a surprise that your friends feel spending time with their kids is "living the dream".

+1

I make more money than my spouse, but neither one of us makes enough to support a family in this region - nothing but two full-time jobs would work for us and there hasn't been any money left over for nannies and au pairs.

I don't think it would have been better for my kids if I had been SAH - just different. I probably would have been terrible at it and I actually admire parents who can throw themselves into school volunteering, chauffeuring to 4:00 sports practices, cooking meals, spotless houses, maintaining strict bedtime routines, etc. I'm kind of glad to have an excuse for not being good at any of that stuff! (Yes, yes, I know most WOH moms somehow manage to do all that stuff and work full time but I am not one of those people).

Having done it, it was extremely boring to me, once my kids started school. It is really amazing to me that people yearn to stay at home with older kids, but if you work when your kids are small and come home for the second shift, I can see how some burn out.

Did you at first stay home with babies and then school aged kids a bit before going back to work? I can see how your perspective would lead you to feel that way, since it is such a shift from having them home all the time, to in school at least 7 hours a day. But if you are working full-time until your kids are in school, you may not see it the same way. Their personalities are so much more developed at this point, and you want to soak it up without always feeling rushed, you just want more of those interactions, and you become aware of how fast they are growing up. Some WOHM don't see the point of staying home at this juncture based on what the costs are financially and professionally, and some think those extra hours a day on average are worth more, even some with very high salaries.

Those extra hours are pretty much a fiction.

I quit my job when older child was in kindergarten. Those extra hours are not fiction. I meet kids at bus stop and take them to various activities and sports. Kids ride bikes and play outside before dinner. We go to the pool.

The year I quit my job, FCPS had like 15 snow days, 10 2 hour delays, , 5 early dismissals, at least 10 events during the middle of the school day (class parties, teacher conferences, award ceremony, musical, picnic, field day, etc). That does not include teacher work days and breaks.

Unless both parents have flex schedules, this is hard. Dh has a very demanding job with high income. I had a low six figure flexible job. I had a sitter, cook, housekeeper and lanscapers. Date night sitters are easy. Last minute sitters in the middle of the day not so much.

I'm not going to belabor this point but yes, it is. I lived this life. Got kids from bus stop at 3:30 (10 minutes). Watched kids do homework for half an hour. Kids off to play with friend or to sports practice or to girl scouts (all of which require zero parental involvement beyond a drop off and pick up, if they can't walk there themselves). Dad comes home. Total extra amount of time I had with kids, maybe half an hour a day. If it makes you happy to have a less stressful life, that's great. But the more quality time with kids line really isn't true unless you were coming home at 8 every night.

If you are willing to pay the money, not hard to get a nanny that can cover days off from school in addition to after school. Or work from home a day.

You are belaboring this by implying that everyone's schedule is the same for yours. I am out of the house from 7-6:15 working and my 5 year old is at school 11 hours a day. She has little homework as a Kindergartner, and goes to girl scouts once a month. We do gymnastics at the rec center on weekends, so there is a significant amount of hours she would have with me, her dad (who could go in earlier and come home early) and her little sister if one of us wasn't working full time. Stop trying to make your experience universal, do you really think YOUR life is the only reality?

Of course not, but do you think her life in kindergarten is what it will always be? Sounds like you also have a preschooler. I agree that is the best time to stay at home and in fact what .

The original post,however was about kids in older elementary and yes, your kid will most likely have the life I described in a year or tw.

That is if you over schedule your kids. My kids don't do 30min of HW and then off to activities daily. They are home, having playdates, going to the pool right at 4pm, we have family dinners. etc.. I am not rushed and driving people all over the place. They each have one activity once a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most people work bc they have to not because it gives their life meaning so it shouldn't be a surprise that your friends feel spending time with their kids is "living the dream".

+1

I make more money than my spouse, but neither one of us makes enough to support a family in this region - nothing but two full-time jobs would work for us and there hasn't been any money left over for nannies and au pairs.

I don't think it would have been better for my kids if I had been SAH - just different. I probably would have been terrible at it and I actually admire parents who can throw themselves into school volunteering, chauffeuring to 4:00 sports practices, cooking meals, spotless houses, maintaining strict bedtime routines, etc. I'm kind of glad to have an excuse for not being good at any of that stuff! (Yes, yes, I know most WOH moms somehow manage to do all that stuff and work full time but I am not one of those people).

Having done it, it was extremely boring to me, once my kids started school. It is really amazing to me that people yearn to stay at home with older kids, but if you work when your kids are small and come home for the second shift, I can see how some burn out.

Not the least boring for me. My DH is retired so we are now both at home with our rising 4th grader. During the school day, we are free to do whatever we like, golf, tennis, hiking, working out, dine out, shop, movies, volunteer, etc. Our kid has a lot of activities during the week as well as a weekend activity that we travel all over the country for, usually at least one plane trip a month, while the other 2-3 weekends are local. Doubtful most people would choose to work if they did not have to earn a living. It is much more fun to stay at home with an older kid that's for sure!

I disagree. Your life sounds lovely minus the monthly plane ride (sounds awful) but not all of us want a life of leisure. I've worked hard for my career as has my spouse and we are committed to both family and career. My father retired a multimillionaire at 52 and chose to start a new company. Some people are driven to contribute and challenge themselves. Some people volunteer, true, you don't HAVE to have a career but not true that if given the chance all of us would give it up.

DH and I are both Ivy educated attorneys so we both had careers. We prefer our current life.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread has completely devolved into the typical women tearing each other down crap through passive aggressive, smug and not so subtle digs. Ladies - you can and should do better than this!!! Everything isn't a competition - it's okay to march to your own drummer, and there is nothing to be gained from tearing others down for their different choices. Lord have mercy...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most people work bc they have to not because it gives their life meaning so it shouldn't be a surprise that your friends feel spending time with their kids is "living the dream".

+1

I make more money than my spouse, but neither one of us makes enough to support a family in this region - nothing but two full-time jobs would work for us and there hasn't been any money left over for nannies and au pairs.

I don't think it would have been better for my kids if I had been SAH - just different. I probably would have been terrible at it and I actually admire parents who can throw themselves into school volunteering, chauffeuring to 4:00 sports practices, cooking meals, spotless houses, maintaining strict bedtime routines, etc. I'm kind of glad to have an excuse for not being good at any of that stuff! (Yes, yes, I know most WOH moms somehow manage to do all that stuff and work full time but I am not one of those people).

Having done it, it was extremely boring to me, once my kids started school. It is really amazing to me that people yearn to stay at home with older kids, but if you work when your kids are small and come home for the second shift, I can see how some burn out.

Not the least boring for me. My DH is retired so we are now both at home with our rising 4th grader. During the school day, we are free to do whatever we like, golf, tennis, hiking, working out, dine out, shop, movies, volunteer, etc. Our kid has a lot of activities during the week as well as a weekend activity that we travel all over the country for, usually at least one plane trip a month, while the other 2-3 weekends are local. Doubtful most people would choose to work if they did not have to earn a living. It is much more fun to stay at home with an older kid that's for sure!

I disagree. Your life sounds lovely minus the monthly plane ride (sounds awful) but not all of us want a life of leisure. I've worked hard for my career as has my spouse and we are committed to both family and career. My father retired a multimillionaire at 52 and chose to start a new company. Some people are driven to contribute and challenge themselves. Some people volunteer, true, you don't HAVE to have a career but not true that if given the chance all of us would give it up.

DH and I are both Ivy educated attorneys so we both had careers. We prefer our current life.

It's not really career or no career for most of the PPs, from what I can tell. I went to Harvard, and am a successful policy advisor in national security, but having gone to Harvard and my current line of work are just two data points, they don't really preordain that I will work for 40 years straight in the same field. I find so many people on DCUM are hyper-formulaic in their approach to life, and think some magical algorithm applies to all decisions (if you stay home do it when they are young, if you make $250K, you are crazy to stay home...unless your spouse makes $1M, then see part C..., if you quit your job you will become a bitter shrew, if you don't stay home with your kids, they will never know you and will end up druggies) It's madness, these assumptions! Life is iterative, and making changes is all part of the fun if you are open to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most people work bc they have to not because it gives their life meaning so it shouldn't be a surprise that your friends feel spending time with their kids is "living the dream".

+1

I make more money than my spouse, but neither one of us makes enough to support a family in this region - nothing but two full-time jobs would work for us and there hasn't been any money left over for nannies and au pairs.

I don't think it would have been better for my kids if I had been SAH - just different. I probably would have been terrible at it and I actually admire parents who can throw themselves into school volunteering, chauffeuring to 4:00 sports practices, cooking meals, spotless houses, maintaining strict bedtime routines, etc. I'm kind of glad to have an excuse for not being good at any of that stuff! (Yes, yes, I know most WOH moms somehow manage to do all that stuff and work full time but I am not one of those people).

Having done it, it was extremely boring to me, once my kids started school. It is really amazing to me that people yearn to stay at home with older kids, but if you work when your kids are small and come home for the second shift, I can see how some burn out.

Did you at first stay home with babies and then school aged kids a bit before going back to work? I can see how your perspective would lead you to feel that way, since it is such a shift from having them home all the time, to in school at least 7 hours a day. But if you are working full-time until your kids are in school, you may not see it the same way. Their personalities are so much more developed at this point, and you want to soak it up without always feeling rushed, you just want more of those interactions, and you become aware of how fast they are growing up. Some WOHM don't see the point of staying home at this juncture based on what the costs are financially and professionally, and some think those extra hours a day on average are worth more, even some with very high salaries.

Those extra hours are pretty much a fiction.

I quit my job when older child was in kindergarten. Those extra hours are not fiction. I meet kids at bus stop and take them to various activities and sports. Kids ride bikes and play outside before dinner. We go to the pool.

The year I quit my job, FCPS had like 15 snow days, 10 2 hour delays, , 5 early dismissals, at least 10 events during the middle of the school day (class parties, teacher conferences, award ceremony, musical, picnic, field day, etc). That does not include teacher work days and breaks.

Unless both parents have flex schedules, this is hard. Dh has a very demanding job with high income. I had a low six figure flexible job. I had a sitter, cook, housekeeper and lanscapers. Date night sitters are easy. Last minute sitters in the middle of the day not so much.

I'm not going to belabor this point but yes, it is. I lived this life. Got kids from bus stop at 3:30 (10 minutes). Watched kids do homework for half an hour. Kids off to play with friend or to sports practice or to girl scouts (all of which require zero parental involvement beyond a drop off and pick up, if they can't walk there themselves). Dad comes home. Total extra amount of time I had with kids, maybe half an hour a day. If it makes you happy to have a less stressful life, that's great. But the more quality time with kids line really isn't true unless you were coming home at 8 every night.

If you are willing to pay the money, not hard to get a nanny that can cover days off from school in addition to after school. Or work from home a day.

You are belaboring this by implying that everyone's schedule is the same for yours. I am out of the house from 7-6:15 working and my 5 year old is at school 11 hours a day. She has little homework as a Kindergartner, and goes to girl scouts once a month. We do gymnastics at the rec center on weekends, so there is a significant amount of hours she would have with me, her dad (who could go in earlier and come home early) and her little sister if one of us wasn't working full time. Stop trying to make your experience universal, do you really think YOUR life is the only reality?

Of course not, but do you think her life in kindergarten is what it will always be? Sounds like you also have a preschooler. I agree that is the best time to stay at home and in fact what .

The original post,however was about kids in older elementary and yes, your kid will most likely have the life I described in a year or tw.

Honest question - why are you so insistent that others come over to your way of thinking? It's a bit over the top. It sounds like either you feel guilty for being back at work and not missing be a SAHM, or do you do miss it but are rationalizing why it doesn't make sense anymore. This is more about you than anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most people work bc they have to not because it gives their life meaning so it shouldn't be a surprise that your friends feel spending time with their kids is "living the dream".

+1

I make more money than my spouse, but neither one of us makes enough to support a family in this region - nothing but two full-time jobs would work for us and there hasn't been any money left over for nannies and au pairs.

I don't think it would have been better for my kids if I had been SAH - just different. I probably would have been terrible at it and I actually admire parents who can throw themselves into school volunteering, chauffeuring to 4:00 sports practices, cooking meals, spotless houses, maintaining strict bedtime routines, etc. I'm kind of glad to have an excuse for not being good at any of that stuff! (Yes, yes, I know most WOH moms somehow manage to do all that stuff and work full time but I am not one of those people).

Having done it, it was extremely boring to me, once my kids started school. It is really amazing to me that people yearn to stay at home with older kids, but if you work when your kids are small and come home for the second shift, I can see how some burn out.

Did you at first stay home with babies and then school aged kids a bit before going back to work? I can see how your perspective would lead you to feel that way, since it is such a shift from having them home all the time, to in school at least 7 hours a day. But if you are working full-time until your kids are in school, you may not see it the same way. Their personalities are so much more developed at this point, and you want to soak it up without always feeling rushed, you just want more of those interactions, and you become aware of how fast they are growing up. Some WOHM don't see the point of staying home at this juncture based on what the costs are financially and professionally, and some think those extra hours a day on average are worth more, even some with very high salaries.

Those extra hours are pretty much a fiction.

I quit my job when older child was in kindergarten. Those extra hours are not fiction. I meet kids at bus stop and take them to various activities and sports. Kids ride bikes and play outside before dinner. We go to the pool.

The year I quit my job, FCPS had like 15 snow days, 10 2 hour delays, , 5 early dismissals, at least 10 events during the middle of the school day (class parties, teacher conferences, award ceremony, musical, picnic, field day, etc). That does not include teacher work days and breaks.

Unless both parents have flex schedules, this is hard. Dh has a very demanding job with high income. I had a low six figure flexible job. I had a sitter, cook, housekeeper and lanscapers. Date night sitters are easy. Last minute sitters in the middle of the day not so much.

I'm not going to belabor this point but yes, it is. I lived this life. Got kids from bus stop at 3:30 (10 minutes). Watched kids do homework for half an hour. Kids off to play with friend or to sports practice or to girl scouts (all of which require zero parental involvement beyond a drop off and pick up, if they can't walk there themselves). Dad comes home. Total extra amount of time I had with kids, maybe half an hour a day. If it makes you happy to have a less stressful life, that's great. But the more quality time with kids line really isn't true unless you were coming home at 8 every night.

If you are willing to pay the money, not hard to get a nanny that can cover days off from school in addition to after school. Or work from home a day.

You are belaboring this by implying that everyone's schedule is the same for yours. I am out of the house from 7-6:15 working and my 5 year old is at school 11 hours a day. She has little homework as a Kindergartner, and goes to girl scouts once a month. We do gymnastics at the rec center on weekends, so there is a significant amount of hours she would have with me, her dad (who could go in earlier and come home early) and her little sister if one of us wasn't working full time. Stop trying to make your experience universal, do you really think YOUR life is the only reality?

Of course not, but do you think her life in kindergarten is what it will always be? Sounds like you also have a preschooler. I agree that is the best time to stay at home and in fact what .

The original post,however was about kids in older elementary and yes, your kid will most likely have the life I described in a year or tw.

Honest question - why are you so insistent that others come over to your way of thinking? It's a bit over the top. It sounds like either you feel guilty for being back at work and not missing be a SAHM, or do you do miss it but are rationalizing why it doesn't make sense anymore. This is more about you than anything else.

Nope, not at all. Just think it's sad that there is a misperception on this site(this isn't the first thread like this) that little kids don't need you and one should put it off to keep kids are older. 9 times out of 10 it is a rationalization for never taking the time, something that is perpetually put off. Or by the time the parent gets around to it, kids are busy with schools and friends. Happens much quicker than people with young kids realize.

. Seems to be a uniquely drum line of thought btw. Most of my friends are either lifer sahs or returned to work after their youngest went

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most people work bc they have to not because it gives their life meaning so it shouldn't be a surprise that your friends feel spending time with their kids is "living the dream".

+1

I make more money than my spouse, but neither one of us makes enough to support a family in this region - nothing but two full-time jobs would work for us and there hasn't been any money left over for nannies and au pairs.

I don't think it would have been better for my kids if I had been SAH - just different. I probably would have been terrible at it and I actually admire parents who can throw themselves into school volunteering, chauffeuring to 4:00 sports practices, cooking meals, spotless houses, maintaining strict bedtime routines, etc. I'm kind of glad to have an excuse for not being good at any of that stuff! (Yes, yes, I know most WOH moms somehow manage to do all that stuff and work full time but I am not one of those people).

Having done it, it was extremely boring to me, once my kids started school. It is really amazing to me that people yearn to stay at home with older kids, but if you work when your kids are small and come home for the second shift, I can see how some burn out.

Did you at first stay home with babies and then school aged kids a bit before going back to work? I can see how your perspective would lead you to feel that way, since it is such a shift from having them home all the time, to in school at least 7 hours a day. But if you are working full-time until your kids are in school, you may not see it the same way. Their personalities are so much more developed at this point, and you want to soak it up without always feeling rushed, you just want more of those interactions, and you become aware of how fast they are growing up. Some WOHM don't see the point of staying home at this juncture based on what the costs are financially and professionally, and some think those extra hours a day on average are worth more, even some with very high salaries.

Those extra hours are pretty much a fiction.

I quit my job when older child was in kindergarten. Those extra hours are not fiction. I meet kids at bus stop and take them to various activities and sports. Kids ride bikes and play outside before dinner. We go to the pool.

The year I quit my job, FCPS had like 15 snow days, 10 2 hour delays, , 5 early dismissals, at least 10 events during the middle of the school day (class parties, teacher conferences, award ceremony, musical, picnic, field day, etc). That does not include teacher work days and breaks.

Unless both parents have flex schedules, this is hard. Dh has a very demanding job with high income. I had a low six figure flexible job. I had a sitter, cook, housekeeper and lanscapers. Date night sitters are easy. Last minute sitters in the middle of the day not so much.

I'm not going to belabor this point but yes, it is. I lived this life. Got kids from bus stop at 3:30 (10 minutes). Watched kids do homework for half an hour. Kids off to play with friend or to sports practice or to girl scouts (all of which require zero parental involvement beyond a drop off and pick up, if they can't walk there themselves). Dad comes home. Total extra amount of time I had with kids, maybe half an hour a day. If it makes you happy to have a less stressful life, that's great. But the more quality time with kids line really isn't true unless you were coming home at 8 every night.

If you are willing to pay the money, not hard to get a nanny that can cover days off from school in addition to after school. Or work from home a day.

You are belaboring this by implying that everyone's schedule is the same for yours. I am out of the house from 7-6:15 working and my 5 year old is at school 11 hours a day. She has little homework as a Kindergartner, and goes to girl scouts once a month. We do gymnastics at the rec center on weekends, so there is a significant amount of hours she would have with me, her dad (who could go in earlier and come home early) and her little sister if one of us wasn't working full time. Stop trying to make your experience universal, do you really think YOUR life is the only reality?

Of course not, but do you think her life in kindergarten is what it will always be? Sounds like you also have a preschooler. I agree that is the best time to stay at home and in fact what .

The original post,however was about kids in older elementary and yes, your kid will most likely have the life I described in a year or tw.

Honest question - why are you so insistent that others come over to your way of thinking? It's a bit over the top. It sounds like either you feel guilty for being back at work and not missing be a SAHM, or do you do miss it but are rationalizing why it doesn't make sense anymore. This is more about you than anything else.

Nope, not at all. Just think it's sad that there is a misperception on this site(this isn't the first thread like this) that little kids don't need you and one should put it off to keep kids are older. 9 times out of 10 it is a rationalization for never taking the time, something that is perpetually put off. Or by the time the parent gets around to it, kids are busy with schools and friends. Happens much quicker than people with young kids realize.

. Seems to be a uniquely drum line of thought btw. Most of my friends are either lifer sahs or returned to work after their youngest went

Goes to kindergarten. There also seems to be, by some, am idealization of what it is like to sah. Once the kids are in school, it can be pretty damm boring. And I say this a someone with a country club membership and the financial ability to continue to outsource all the cleaning and house maintenance as a sah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not so great paying work from home jobs don't interest me. We don't need the money so why tie up your whole day so you can work in pajamas?

If you have a real full time job, you will not have much time with the kids.

I make $165k as a Fed full-time from home with 5.5 weeks va action and great health benefits and unlimited sick leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not so great paying work from home jobs don't interest me. We don't need the money so why tie up your whole day so you can work in pajamas?

If you have a real full time job, you will not have much time with the kids.

I make $165k as a Fed full-time from home with 5.5 weeks va action and great health benefits and unlimited sick leave.

I only work when they are in school. My paycheck is the play $ and I like to have my own retirement as well.

[Anonymous]

Ladies, listen to yourselves. You all sound incredibly insecure about your decisions. If you are so happy with your lifestyle as an "ivy league educated, ex-lawyer" staying home now, why are you so insistent on pointing out to people how great your life is? And why are all of the WOH moms pointing out how they can have it both ways and "outdo" the SAHMs? As always, the truth is in the middle. Staying at home is not all that great. It doesn't make that much of a difference in the long run and puts you at many personal and professional risks. Working is stressful and has drawbacks, and you spend less time with your kids. Either way, the kids are fine, we all know this from looking around at us and seeing well-adjusted happy kids with SAH and working parents. Stop wasting your time trying to make yourself feel better about your life by cutting other people down!

[Anonymous]

I'm happy with my choice to SAHM until my youngest were in school. I'm very blessed to have been able to do such, and I realize this. Most of my WOHM friends tell me how lucky I've been.

I now work very part time. When my youngest enter MS I'll look for full time, but they enjoy having me around, and I love hanging out with them after school, during breaks and during the summer. Their friends, whose parents WOH, tell them that they're lucky that their Mom is home.

There's a little of jealously on this board. Stand tall if you're happy with your decision, but don't attack others because they give a different perspective.