DW has incredibly low sex drive - not sure what can be done to help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Agreed, it's a statement about sexual desire, and PP seems to feel that sexual desire should never be studied or discussed critically, which makes sense given her personal experiences.

As demonstrated, it doesn't make the statement correct.

Now you're just making shit up.

"anyone who shames sexuality is nuts"

Anyone who shames their spouse for sexually desiring them with an out of hand dismissal and a comment to just use their hand and get over it is nuts. And an asshole.
Be real about the discussion you were having.

That's not what she said. In fact, I quoted her directly.

Talk about making shit up.

Lmao- someone needs to scroll up. Or take something for their memory. This tap dancing you're doing is amazing.

Yeah and that person is you.

As stated, I quoted directly.

You, on the other hand..... did not.

Everyone can read the convo here and see you tried to shame the man by telling him things changed and he needs to just deal with it and take matters into his own hands. That knee jerk shaming of his desire was wrong. And everyone who cares about their marriage knows that that dismissive attitude isn't what you take when trying to resolve marital issues. And a sudden change in the status quo is a marital issue. Both parties get to be heard and both get a say. But by all means,keep up the good fight against compromise!

I never "shamed" his desire. However, when he wants his wife to prioritize his desire, over her own preferences, this is where we run into a problem.

And, in a comment that seems to have completely gone over your head, I was pointing out that that routine prioritizing of male desire over women's feelings is exactly what leads to such phenomenon as sex trafficking and child sexual abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Agreed, it's a statement about sexual desire, and PP seems to feel that sexual desire should never be studied or discussed critically, which makes sense given her personal experiences.

As demonstrated, it doesn't make the statement correct.

Now you're just making shit up.

"anyone who shames sexuality is nuts"

Anyone who shames their spouse for sexually desiring them with an out of hand dismissal and a comment to just use their hand and get over it is nuts. And an asshole.
Be real about the discussion you were having.

Reading back over the thread the point is when one spouse tries to make it a obligation or a job. Therein lies the real problem.

Yep. Or say, "I desire her, and by her not granting me sexual access to her body, I am being denied something I am owed in marriage.

Hugely problematic thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Agreed, it's a statement about sexual desire, and PP seems to feel that sexual desire should never be studied or discussed critically, which makes sense given her personal experiences.

As demonstrated, it doesn't make the statement correct.

Now you're just making shit up.

"anyone who shames sexuality is nuts"

Anyone who shames their spouse for sexually desiring them with an out of hand dismissal and a comment to just use their hand and get over it is nuts. And an asshole.
Be real about the discussion you were having.

That's not what she said. In fact, I quoted her directly.

Talk about making shit up.

Lmao- someone needs to scroll up. Or take something for their memory. This tap dancing you're doing is amazing.

Yeah and that person is you.

As stated, I quoted directly.

You, on the other hand..... did not.

Everyone can read the convo here and see you tried to shame the man by telling him things changed and he needs to just deal with it and take matters into his own hands. That knee jerk shaming of his desire was wrong. And everyone who cares about their marriage knows that that dismissive attitude isn't what you take when trying to resolve marital issues. And a sudden change in the status quo is a marital issue. Both parties get to be heard and both get a say. But by all means,keep up the good fight against compromise!

I never "shamed" his desire. However, when he wants his wife to prioritize his desire, over her own preferences, this is where we run into a problem.

And, in a comment that seems to have completely gone over your head, I was pointing out that that routine prioritizing of male desire over women's feelings is exactly what leads to such phenomenon as sex trafficking and child sexual abuse.

And again, arguing a point that wasn't made. Nothing went over anyone's head, that's just not the conversation that was being had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Agreed, it's a statement about sexual desire, and PP seems to feel that sexual desire should never be studied or discussed critically, which makes sense given her personal experiences.

As demonstrated, it doesn't make the statement correct.

Now you're just making shit up.

"anyone who shames sexuality is nuts"

Anyone who shames their spouse for sexually desiring them with an out of hand dismissal and a comment to just use their hand and get over it is nuts. And an asshole.
Be real about the discussion you were having.

That's not what she said. In fact, I quoted her directly.

Talk about making shit up.

Lmao- someone needs to scroll up. Or take something for their memory. This tap dancing you're doing is amazing.

Yeah and that person is you.

As stated, I quoted directly.

You, on the other hand..... did not.

Everyone can read the convo here and see you tried to shame the man by telling him things changed and he needs to just deal with it and take matters into his own hands. That knee jerk shaming of his desire was wrong. And everyone who cares about their marriage knows that that dismissive attitude isn't what you take when trying to resolve marital issues. And a sudden change in the status quo is a marital issue. Both parties get to be heard and both get a say. But by all means,keep up the good fight against compromise!

I never "shamed" his desire. However, when he wants his wife to prioritize his desire, over her own preferences, this is where we run into a problem.

And, in a comment that seems to have completely gone over your head, I was pointing out that that routine prioritizing of male desire over women's feelings is exactly what leads to such phenomenon as sex trafficking and child sexual abuse.

What utter nonsense. This is a stretch of epic proportions. The former is the economics of the black market and the underground economy. The latter is mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Agreed, it's a statement about sexual desire, and PP seems to feel that sexual desire should never be studied or discussed critically, which makes sense given her personal experiences.

As demonstrated, it doesn't make the statement correct.

Now you're just making shit up.

"anyone who shames sexuality is nuts"

Anyone who shames their spouse for sexually desiring them with an out of hand dismissal and a comment to just use their hand and get over it is nuts. And an asshole.
Be real about the discussion you were having.

That's not what she said. In fact, I quoted her directly.

Talk about making shit up.

Lmao- someone needs to scroll up. Or take something for their memory. This tap dancing you're doing is amazing.

Yeah and that person is you.

As stated, I quoted directly.

You, on the other hand..... did not.

Everyone can read the convo here and see you tried to shame the man by telling him things changed and he needs to just deal with it and take matters into his own hands. That knee jerk shaming of his desire was wrong. And everyone who cares about their marriage knows that that dismissive attitude isn't what you take when trying to resolve marital issues. And a sudden change in the status quo is a marital issue. Both parties get to be heard and both get a say. But by all means,keep up the good fight against compromise!

I never "shamed" his desire. However, when he wants his wife to prioritize his desire, over her own preferences, this is where we run into a problem.

And, in a comment that seems to have completely gone over your head, I was pointing out that that routine prioritizing of male desire over women's feelings is exactly what leads to such phenomenon as sex trafficking and child sexual abuse.

What utter nonsense. This is a stretch of epic proportions. The former is the economics of the black market and the underground economy. The latter is mental illness.

And at the very root of it? The fact that men want to have sex, and their lack of concern with the feelings of the women (or girls, in many cases) involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Agreed, it's a statement about sexual desire, and PP seems to feel that sexual desire should never be studied or discussed critically, which makes sense given her personal experiences.

As demonstrated, it doesn't make the statement correct.

Now you're just making shit up.

"anyone who shames sexuality is nuts"

Anyone who shames their spouse for sexually desiring them with an out of hand dismissal and a comment to just use their hand and get over it is nuts. And an asshole.
Be real about the discussion you were having.

That's not what she said. In fact, I quoted her directly.

Talk about making shit up.

Lmao- someone needs to scroll up. Or take something for their memory. This tap dancing you're doing is amazing.

Yeah and that person is you.

As stated, I quoted directly.

You, on the other hand..... did not.

Everyone can read the convo here and see you tried to shame the man by telling him things changed and he needs to just deal with it and take matters into his own hands. That knee jerk shaming of his desire was wrong. And everyone who cares about their marriage knows that that dismissive attitude isn't what you take when trying to resolve marital issues. And a sudden change in the status quo is a marital issue. Both parties get to be heard and both get a say. But by all means,keep up the good fight against compromise!

I never "shamed" his desire. However, when he wants his wife to prioritize his desire, over her own preferences, this is where we run into a problem.

And, in a comment that seems to have completely gone over your head, I was pointing out that that routine prioritizing of male desire over women's feelings is exactly what leads to such phenomenon as sex trafficking and child sexual abuse.

Yes. That's not what the OP was doing though. Seems like he just wants to be heard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Agreed, it's a statement about sexual desire, and PP seems to feel that sexual desire should never be studied or discussed critically, which makes sense given her personal experiences.

As demonstrated, it doesn't make the statement correct.

Now you're just making shit up.

"anyone who shames sexuality is nuts"

Anyone who shames their spouse for sexually desiring them with an out of hand dismissal and a comment to just use their hand and get over it is nuts. And an asshole.
Be real about the discussion you were having.

That's not what she said. In fact, I quoted her directly.

Talk about making shit up.

Lmao- someone needs to scroll up. Or take something for their memory. This tap dancing you're doing is amazing.

Yeah and that person is you.

As stated, I quoted directly.

You, on the other hand..... did not.

Everyone can read the convo here and see you tried to shame the man by telling him things changed and he needs to just deal with it and take matters into his own hands. That knee jerk shaming of his desire was wrong. And everyone who cares about their marriage knows that that dismissive attitude isn't what you take when trying to resolve marital issues. And a sudden change in the status quo is a marital issue. Both parties get to be heard and both get a say. But by all means,keep up the good fight against compromise!

I never "shamed" his desire. However, when he wants his wife to prioritize his desire, over her own preferences, this is where we run into a problem.

And, in a comment that seems to have completely gone over your head, I was pointing out that that routine prioritizing of male desire over women's feelings is exactly what leads to such phenomenon as sex trafficking and child sexual abuse.

Yes. That's not what the OP was doing though. Seems like he just wants to be heard.

But it seems as though his wife did hear him. She seems to actually anticipate his sexual advances, according to OP, and dread them.

But her hearing him does not change her libido, nor does it mean she is obligated to somehow match hers up with his.

She doesn't want sex from him, that's that. Unless or until that changes, OP will have to find a productive, healthy way of dealing with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Agreed, it's a statement about sexual desire, and PP seems to feel that sexual desire should never be studied or discussed critically, which makes sense given her personal experiences.

As demonstrated, it doesn't make the statement correct.

Now you're just making shit up.

"anyone who shames sexuality is nuts"

Anyone who shames their spouse for sexually desiring them with an out of hand dismissal and a comment to just use their hand and get over it is nuts. And an asshole.
Be real about the discussion you were having.

That's not what she said. In fact, I quoted her directly.

Talk about making shit up.

Lmao- someone needs to scroll up. Or take something for their memory. This tap dancing you're doing is amazing.

Yeah and that person is you.

As stated, I quoted directly.

You, on the other hand..... did not.

Everyone can read the convo here and see you tried to shame the man by telling him things changed and he needs to just deal with it and take matters into his own hands. That knee jerk shaming of his desire was wrong. And everyone who cares about their marriage knows that that dismissive attitude isn't what you take when trying to resolve marital issues. And a sudden change in the status quo is a marital issue. Both parties get to be heard and both get a say. But by all means,keep up the good fight against compromise!

I never "shamed" his desire. However, when he wants his wife to prioritize his desire, over her own preferences, this is where we run into a problem.

And, in a comment that seems to have completely gone over your head, I was pointing out that that routine prioritizing of male desire over women's feelings is exactly what leads to such phenomenon as sex trafficking and child sexual abuse.

What utter nonsense. This is a stretch of epic proportions. The former is the economics of the black market and the underground economy. The latter is mental illness.

And at the very root of it? The fact that SOME men want to have sex with prostitutes, and a much smaller number of men have a mental illness that compels them to have sex with children (not just girls). Two completely different issues/problems.

There, fixed it for you.

[Anonymous]

You seem to have read the OP in the most uncharitable way and used it as a jumping off point to go off on the patriarchy. Others were trying to help the OP troubleshoot. You don't see troubleshooting as necessary, but it's a lot more productive for their marriage, of which his wife is a part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Agreed, it's a statement about sexual desire, and PP seems to feel that sexual desire should never be studied or discussed critically, which makes sense given her personal experiences.

As demonstrated, it doesn't make the statement correct.

Now you're just making shit up.

"anyone who shames sexuality is nuts"

Anyone who shames their spouse for sexually desiring them with an out of hand dismissal and a comment to just use their hand and get over it is nuts. And an asshole.
Be real about the discussion you were having.

That's not what she said. In fact, I quoted her directly.

Talk about making shit up.

Lmao- someone needs to scroll up. Or take something for their memory. This tap dancing you're doing is amazing.

Yeah and that person is you.

As stated, I quoted directly.

You, on the other hand..... did not.

Everyone can read the convo here and see you tried to shame the man by telling him things changed and he needs to just deal with it and take matters into his own hands. That knee jerk shaming of his desire was wrong. And everyone who cares about their marriage knows that that dismissive attitude isn't what you take when trying to resolve marital issues. And a sudden change in the status quo is a marital issue. Both parties get to be heard and both get a say. But by all means,keep up the good fight against compromise!

I never "shamed" his desire. However, when he wants his wife to prioritize his desire, over her own preferences, this is where we run into a problem.

And, in a comment that seems to have completely gone over your head, I was pointing out that that routine prioritizing of male desire over women's feelings is exactly what leads to such phenomenon as sex trafficking and child sexual abuse.

Yes. That's not what the OP was doing though. Seems like he just wants to be heard.

But it seems as though his wife did hear him. She seems to actually anticipate his sexual advances, according to OP, and dread them.

But her hearing him does not change her libido, nor does it mean she is obligated to somehow match hers up with his.

She doesn't want sex from him, that's that. Unless or until that changes, OP will have to find a productive, healthy way of dealing with it.

You can't possibly be in partnership with anything more complex than a goldfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Agreed, it's a statement about sexual desire, and PP seems to feel that sexual desire should never be studied or discussed critically, which makes sense given her personal experiences.

As demonstrated, it doesn't make the statement correct.

Now you're just making shit up.

"anyone who shames sexuality is nuts"

Anyone who shames their spouse for sexually desiring them with an out of hand dismissal and a comment to just use their hand and get over it is nuts. And an asshole.
Be real about the discussion you were having.

That's not what she said. In fact, I quoted her directly.

Talk about making shit up.

Lmao- someone needs to scroll up. Or take something for their memory. This tap dancing you're doing is amazing.

Yeah and that person is you.

As stated, I quoted directly.

You, on the other hand..... did not.

Everyone can read the convo here and see you tried to shame the man by telling him things changed and he needs to just deal with it and take matters into his own hands. That knee jerk shaming of his desire was wrong. And everyone who cares about their marriage knows that that dismissive attitude isn't what you take when trying to resolve marital issues. And a sudden change in the status quo is a marital issue. Both parties get to be heard and both get a say. But by all means,keep up the good fight against compromise!

I never "shamed" his desire. However, when he wants his wife to prioritize his desire, over her own preferences, this is where we run into a problem.

And, in a comment that seems to have completely gone over your head, I was pointing out that that routine prioritizing of male desire over women's feelings is exactly what leads to such phenomenon as sex trafficking and child sexual abuse.

What utter nonsense. This is a stretch of epic proportions. The former is the economics of the black market and the underground economy. The latter is mental illness.

And at the very root of it? The fact that SOME men want to have sex with prostitutes, and a much smaller number of men have a mental illness that compels them to have sex with children (not just girls). Two completely different issues/problems.

There, fixed it for you.

Sure enough men to fund the entire sex industry and make the average age of a prostitute 13. Enough men to make violent pornography popular enough to where there is "torture" genre, and to where "teen" was the number one searched for term for pornography in 2014.

So, it's about time people started thinking about effect of "sexuality" on the recipients of the desire, and not discounting someone's experiences in favor of supporting the turned-on party.

It's a problem that needs to be addressed, and has been allowed to occur by the unwillingness of some to "shame sexuality".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Agreed, it's a statement about sexual desire, and PP seems to feel that sexual desire should never be studied or discussed critically, which makes sense given her personal experiences.

As demonstrated, it doesn't make the statement correct.

Now you're just making shit up.

"anyone who shames sexuality is nuts"

Anyone who shames their spouse for sexually desiring them with an out of hand dismissal and a comment to just use their hand and get over it is nuts. And an asshole.
Be real about the discussion you were having.

That's not what she said. In fact, I quoted her directly.

Talk about making shit up.

Lmao- someone needs to scroll up. Or take something for their memory. This tap dancing you're doing is amazing.

Yeah and that person is you.

As stated, I quoted directly.

You, on the other hand..... did not.

Everyone can read the convo here and see you tried to shame the man by telling him things changed and he needs to just deal with it and take matters into his own hands. That knee jerk shaming of his desire was wrong. And everyone who cares about their marriage knows that that dismissive attitude isn't what you take when trying to resolve marital issues. And a sudden change in the status quo is a marital issue. Both parties get to be heard and both get a say. But by all means,keep up the good fight against compromise!

I never "shamed" his desire. However, when he wants his wife to prioritize his desire, over her own preferences, this is where we run into a problem.

And, in a comment that seems to have completely gone over your head, I was pointing out that that routine prioritizing of male desire over women's feelings is exactly what leads to such phenomenon as sex trafficking and child sexual abuse.

Yes. That's not what the OP was doing though. Seems like he just wants to be heard.

But it seems as though his wife did hear him. She seems to actually anticipate his sexual advances, according to OP, and dread them.

But her hearing him does not change her libido, nor does it mean she is obligated to somehow match hers up with his.

She doesn't want sex from him, that's that. Unless or until that changes, OP will have to find a productive, healthy way of dealing with it.

You can't possibly be in partnership with anything more complex than a goldfish.

Another thing you're wrong about! But of course, my relationship does not involve coercive sex, so maybe by your standard it doesn't count?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Agreed, it's a statement about sexual desire, and PP seems to feel that sexual desire should never be studied or discussed critically, which makes sense given her personal experiences.

As demonstrated, it doesn't make the statement correct.

Now you're just making shit up.

"anyone who shames sexuality is nuts"

Anyone who shames their spouse for sexually desiring them with an out of hand dismissal and a comment to just use their hand and get over it is nuts. And an asshole.
Be real about the discussion you were having.

That's not what she said. In fact, I quoted her directly.

Talk about making shit up.

Lmao- someone needs to scroll up. Or take something for their memory. This tap dancing you're doing is amazing.

Yeah and that person is you.

As stated, I quoted directly.

You, on the other hand..... did not.

Everyone can read the convo here and see you tried to shame the man by telling him things changed and he needs to just deal with it and take matters into his own hands. That knee jerk shaming of his desire was wrong. And everyone who cares about their marriage knows that that dismissive attitude isn't what you take when trying to resolve marital issues. And a sudden change in the status quo is a marital issue. Both parties get to be heard and both get a say. But by all means,keep up the good fight against compromise!

I never "shamed" his desire. However, when he wants his wife to prioritize his desire, over her own preferences, this is where we run into a problem.

And, in a comment that seems to have completely gone over your head, I was pointing out that that routine prioritizing of male desire over women's feelings is exactly what leads to such phenomenon as sex trafficking and child sexual abuse.

Yes. That's not what the OP was doing though. Seems like he just wants to be heard.

But it seems as though his wife did hear him. She seems to actually anticipate his sexual advances, according to OP, and dread them.

But her hearing him does not change her libido, nor does it mean she is obligated to somehow match hers up with his.

She doesn't want sex from him, that's that. Unless or until that changes, OP will have to find a productive, healthy way of dealing with it.

You can't possibly be in partnership with anything more complex than a goldfish.

Another thing you're wrong about! But of course, my relationship does not involve coercive sex, so maybe by your standard it doesn't count?

Right, cause anyone who thinks your attitude is shitty is just putting up with getting raped by their husband You're a piece of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem to have read the OP in the most uncharitable way and used it as a jumping off point to go off on the patriarchy. Others were trying to help the OP troubleshoot. You don't see troubleshooting as necessary, but it's a lot more productive for their marriage, of which his wife is a part.

What would be productive for the marriage is OP thinking about some of the points brought up, how he may be prioritizing himself getting off over his wife's feelings, in a way that men have done for millennia that has had some truly horrific consequences. And thinking about ways in which he can talk himself out of the sexual entitlement he was raised with as the result of growing up with a patriarchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
seems as though his wife did hear him. She seems to actually anticipate his sexual advances, according to OP, and dread them.

But her hearing him does not change her libido, nor does it mean she is obligated to somehow match hers up with his.

She doesn't want sex from him, that's that. Unless or until that changes, OP will have to find a productive, healthy way of dealing with it.

She can certainly choose celibacy for herself and you're right, that's that.
But he can (and should) choose to pursue his normal sexual needs outside the marriage.
That's a productive and healthy way to deal with a withholding spouse.