I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt

[Anonymous]

In other words, there is no clear cut possible outcome. He might move past it, or he might never quite get over it, or he might leave you. If you tell him you are taking a chance. If you don't you are taking a chance. Best bet is to not tell him and never do it again.

[Anonymous]

Offer to hook him up with a girlfriend, or a pro, even things out a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a man finds out his wife cheated on him, divorce is the only option. Painful, but true.

Not true. Of all the men I've ever know who had a wife cheat on them, not one of them got divorced. I think over the years I've met three or four.

It's more that they should divorce. When a woman sexually prefers other men to the point where she acts on it, it is foolish to stay in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

I have not read the whole thread. I do wonder how many of the above posters have actually been in OPs situation and "told" or "not told" their spouse and the relative outcomes.

I wouldn't tell and I wouldn't want to know if my DH had a one-night stand. As long as all we are talking about is one-night stands. I would however, make sure the other guy is absolutely sworn to secrecy. Can you trust him? Is there any way anyone else might know or find out? If this secret can be kept, and you are sure it can, then let it die over time. Your fear will die over time as well.

I do suggest figuring out why you let this happen and moving yourself and your marriage in a positive direction away from the factors that allowed this to happen. Otherwise, it will happen again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a man finds out his wife cheated on him, divorce is the only option. Painful, but true.

Not true. Of all the men I've ever know who had a wife cheat on them, not one of them got divorced. I think over the years I've met three or four.

It's more that they should divorce. When a woman sexually prefers other men to the point where she acts on it, it is foolish to stay in the marriage.

Yes. And it's pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a man finds out his wife cheated on him, divorce is the only option. Painful, but true.

Not true. Of all the men I've ever know who had a wife cheat on them, not one of them got divorced. I think over the years I've met three or four.

It's more that they should divorce. When a woman sexually prefers other men to the point where she acts on it, it is foolish to stay in the marriage.

Agreed. In most threads where women admit to cheating, they also admit to doing things they've never done with their husband or don't enjoy with their husband (but couldn't get enough of said acts with the OM). There is no coming back from that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a man finds out his wife cheated on him, divorce is the only option. Painful, but true.

Not true. Of all the men I've ever know who had a wife cheat on them, not one of them got divorced. I think over the years I've met three or four.

It's more that they should divorce. When a woman sexually prefers other men to the point where she acts on it, it is foolish to stay in the marriage.

So said the divorce lawyer whose wife unknowingly is banging the negihbor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Don't tell. Do figure out what happened so you can make sure it never happens again.

If it happens again, you need to tell your husband because there's something else going on.

Wisest advice here.

I agree. OP, if you're honest with yourself, maybe you'll recognize that you're carrying around some resentment that needs to be addressed, so this doesn't happen again. Maybe not. Maybe you just got carried away in the moment and made a bad call. Either way, you now know that you have boundary that shouldn't be crossed.

I love my spouse to no end and would never want or plan to hurt him, but I would not trust myself to be drunk and alone with a man to whom I'm attracted. I know it, and I don't do it. No one is immune to infidelity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a man finds out his wife cheated on him, divorce is the only option. Painful, but true.

Not true. Of all the men I've ever know who had a wife cheat on them, not one of them got divorced. I think over the years I've met three or four.

It's more that they should divorce. When a woman sexually prefers other men to the point where she acts on it, it is foolish to stay in the marriage.

Why is that? Sometimes people make mistakes. What if you are in a long marriage with a special needs child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long do you think the ruse will hold up OP? You said the other guy was married right? What if his guilt consumes him, he tells the wife and then you are contacted? It makes it worse that he is a colleague.

If your husband finds out through circumstances not of your own mouth, I doubt he's ever likely to forgive you for keeping such a lie.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Don't tell. Do figure out what happened so you can make sure it never happens again.

If it happens again, you need to tell your husband because there's something else going on.

Wisest advice here.

I agree. OP, if you're honest with yourself, maybe you'll recognize that you're carrying around some resentment that needs to be addressed, so this doesn't happen again. Maybe not. Maybe you just got carried away in the moment and made a bad call. Either way, you now know that you have boundary that shouldn't be crossed.

I love my spouse to no end and would never want or plan to hurt him, but I would not trust myself to be drunk and alone with a man to whom I'm attracted. I know it, and I don't do it. No one is immune to infidelity.

true that. It's like when I try to go full Atkins diet but sometimes sneak into the pantry and stuff my face with carbs. I don't love my bacon and cheese any less, but depriving myself crackers makes me crave 'em till I binge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relevant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEBjNv5M784

I love Brené Brown. Such a smart woman.

So, this still doesn't change my opinion that OP should not share this with her husband. Best friend, therapist, her mother, yes. Not her husband.

I strongly disagree. Do tell a therapist. Do NOT tell your friends or your mother if you are not going to tell your husband. They did nothing wrong, and making them complicit in keeping YOUR secret makes you a shitty friend in addition to the cheating making you a shitty wife.

Hell no! PP, is spot on. Do not tell a friend or your mother. Terrible advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is DCUM. You are female. Because you cheated and say it was a mistake, it obviously was and your husband should just "man up" about it.

Whatever. You are the same piece of shit men are called out for being when they cheat for whatever reason. You should tell your husband only because he has a right to know you could be infecting him right now. Or, hopefully you'll get a nice heart attack or stroke from the immense pangs of guilt for hiding it.

Awww. Feeling a little inadequate after you found out your ex-wife left you for someone who is much better in bed? Poor little ex-DH.

[Anonymous]

One affair does not ruin a good marriage, unless you feel you have to confess. Confession, as other posters have noted, is selfish and useless.

What you can do is use the guilt you feel to put extra effort into your marriage. Let it fuel you to be a better person, wife and mother. Let it do something positive for you and the people around you. Be an adult, accept it, learn from it, and then move on. No one is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is DCUM. You are female. Because you cheated and say it was a mistake, it obviously was and your husband should just "man up" about it.

Whatever. You are the same piece of shit men are called out for being when they cheat for whatever reason. You should tell your husband only because he has a right to know you could be infecting him right now. Or, hopefully you'll get a nice heart attack or stroke from the immense pangs of guilt for hiding it.

Awww. Feeling a little inadequate after you found out your ex-wife left you for someone who is much better in bed? Poor little ex-DH.

Look. A typical DCUM female.