Speechless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For God's sake it was a joke! They didn't put hot grease or acid on her face. Kids play jokes on each other. They don't make the best decisions but neither did you when you were that age.

I get a kick out of the whining mom's who want to contact the school. The school? What the hell are they going to do?

Amazing what wimps we are raising.

Wrong.

What's not amazing is that kids think that they can get away with mean spirited, rude, hurtful behavior. It's because parents like you make excuses for your children's bad behavior-not surprising at all because you probably have shown them all along how to be rude and selfish and to not care about how other people feel. Apples and trees.

I'm with OP. I hope your daughter is feeling better and more secure of herself because she has her strong mom behind her.

[Anonymous]

I'm with OP. I hope your daughter is feeling better and more secure of herself because she has her strong mom behind her.

Nope. Her mother's over-the-top reaction only reinforces her feeling of victimization. She has learned that she is not strong enough to handle even the simplest things without mommy stepping in and fighting her battles for her. She probably lost two friends.

This could have been handled with a simple conversation with the girls the next morning. The chest pains, hysterics, 3am emails..... Completely over the top and unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel that this fall somewhere in between a "traditional" sleepover prank and outright bullying. Yes, pranks are often part of sleepovers but this one seemed to go much to far with the amount of glitter and such that was used (that it was all over her hair, for example). A prank is not mean spirited and this one seems to be. At the same time, the other girls are at an age where their sense of good judgment is still developing and they may have done something that at the time, late at night and in the dark seemed fun only to fully understand come the morning.

I would think that the real test would be to see the two other girls' reaction when they learn how upset your DD is about what transpired. If they immediately seem surprised and concerned than this incident is in more of the prank gone to far column. A gentle talk and explanation about trust and boundaries is in order, even with their parents present. But if they seem annoyed that your DD went to you or if they seem to be defensive in any way, well, than this incident is extremely concerning.

Agree. When I was younger at a sleepover, we wrote "I love_____" on our friend's face because she fell asleep at 9:30. She woke up and went to the bathroom to see the guy's name on her face. She came out laughing, then we laughed, and it was all in good fun. These girls sound malicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that in eight pages of posts, no one has commented how weird it was that the girls ganged up on OP's daughter in her own home. I was both the victim and perpetrator of pranks in middle school, but you never targeted the kid who was having the party--because back then, everyone was a little afraid of other peoples' parents.

I won't speak to my opinion OP's response. But if a girl did this to my child in my home, that's a huge sign of disrespect not just to my DD but to me.

To save my DD, I might have handled it more calmly, but those girls would not have been invited back. Ever.

We did have something like this happen at a sleep over party. Disruptive. Ugly. Out of bounds. Never again. And the girl, now in college -- psycho. (many mental problems) So as the mom, I would be looking very carefully at these girls going forward. This is not a camp trick -- it is an at home trick. I would be looking towards the future and asking myself about these friends. Could be OK, could be not OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For God's sake it was a joke! They didn't put hot grease or acid on her face. Kids play jokes on each other. They don't make the best decisions but neither did you when you were that age.

I get a kick out of the whining mom's who want to contact the school. The school? What the hell are they going to do?

Amazing what wimps we are raising.

For God's sake it's easier to say it's a joke than to actually deal with middle school girls and their parents in a direct, reasonable manner.

PP, you are the wimp.

You have little kids don't you?

I deal with middle school girls and boys all the time. They are all idiots. Mine (and the OP's) included. I can gurantee you that the OP's kid has done stuff too. They all do because they are-- idiots. Talk to the girls, talk to the parents, move on. Next week it will be something else. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Yes, they are idiots. Which is why adults have to make it clear to them that being an idiot is not acceptable behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel that this fall somewhere in between a "traditional" sleepover prank and outright bullying. Yes, pranks are often part of sleepovers but this one seemed to go much to far with the amount of glitter and such that was used (that it was all over her hair, for example). A prank is not mean spirited and this one seems to be. At the same time, the other girls are at an age where their sense of good judgment is still developing and they may have done something that at the time, late at night and in the dark seemed fun only to fully understand come the morning.

I would think that the real test would be to see the two other girls' reaction when they learn how upset your DD is about what transpired. If they immediately seem surprised and concerned than this incident is in more of the prank gone to far column. A gentle talk and explanation about trust and boundaries is in order, even with their parents present. But if they seem annoyed that your DD went to you or if they seem to be defensive in any way, well, than this incident is extremely concerning.

Agree. When I was younger at a sleepover, we wrote "I love_____" on our friend's face because she fell asleep at 9:30. She woke up and went to the bathroom to see the guy's name on her face. She came out laughing, then we laughed, and it was all in good fun. These girls sound malicious.

It only seems malicious rather than dumb because of how the girl reacted. If the girl had woken up, seen it, laughed it off, this whole thing may have been different. Instead, it's a three ring circus. This girl needs to learn to cope better now. It doesn't get any easier. I went through two years of intense bullying that was malicious, and this prank wasn't malicious. The only good thing that came out of those years was the assurance that my mom would back up me, her very timid daughter, if needed, but finally, how to stand up for myself, handle things, and find people I could count on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, thanks for the update. I think you handled it well.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

I hate sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel that this fall somewhere in between a "traditional" sleepover prank and outright bullying. Yes, pranks are often part of sleepovers but this one seemed to go much to far with the amount of glitter and such that was used (that it was all over her hair, for example). A prank is not mean spirited and this one seems to be. At the same time, the other girls are at an age where their sense of good judgment is still developing and they may have done something that at the time, late at night and in the dark seemed fun only to fully understand come the morning.

I would think that the real test would be to see the two other girls' reaction when they learn how upset your DD is about what transpired. If they immediately seem surprised and concerned than this incident is in more of the prank gone to far column. A gentle talk and explanation about trust and boundaries is in order, even with their parents present. But if they seem annoyed that your DD went to you or if they seem to be defensive in any way, well, than this incident is extremely concerning.

Agree. When I was younger at a sleepover, we wrote "I love_____" on our friend's face because she fell asleep at 9:30. She woke up and went to the bathroom to see the guy's name on her face. She came out laughing, then we laughed, and it was all in good fun. These girls sound malicious.

It only seems malicious rather than dumb because of how the girl reacted. If the girl had woken up, seen it, laughed it off, this whole thing may have been different. Instead, it's a three ring circus. This girl needs to learn to cope better now. It doesn't get any easier. I went through two years of intense bullying that was malicious, and this prank wasn't malicious. The only good thing that came out of those years was the assurance that my mom would back up me, her very timid daughter, if needed, but finally, how to stand up for myself, handle things, and find people I could count on.

Nope. You can't get past the fact that this situation is not you and it's not about you. It's a cruel thing that happened to a girl in her own home. You're like formerly obese but now slim women who look at all overweight people and decide that if they can't overcome their food issues then they must be weak losers. Going through your own struggles with bullies hasn't given you much empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate sleepovers.

same here. Kids are so exhausted the next day and cranky.

[Anonymous]

When I read all the "oh you over reacted", " oh you are a terrible mom - how dare you have chest pains from being upset that your daughter was hurt", it makes me think that posters are simply scared of the fact that they would not be able to deal with the situation. This is proved over and over because 75% of the posters who have swept it under the rug because it's easier and less scary.

You would be wrong. We've dealt with very serious issues, which is why I can say that mom needs to be strong and level headed for her daughter. That doesn't mean you don't deal with it,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For God's sake it was a joke! They didn't put hot grease or acid on her face. Kids play jokes on each other. They don't make the best decisions but neither did you when you were that age.

I get a kick out of the whining mom's who want to contact the school. The school? What the hell are they going to do?

Amazing what wimps we are raising.

Wrong.

What's not amazing is that kids think that they can get away with mean spirited, rude, hurtful behavior. It's because parents like you make excuses for your children's bad behavior-not surprising at all because you probably have shown them all along how to be rude and selfish and to not care about how other people feel. Apples and trees.

I'm with OP. I hope your daughter is feeling better and more secure of herself because she has her strong mom behind her.

Agree. I hate moms like the PP. They deflect blame and have an excuse for everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For God's sake it was a joke! They didn't put hot grease or acid on her face. Kids play jokes on each other. They don't make the best decisions but neither did you when you were that age.

I get a kick out of the whining mom's who want to contact the school. The school? What the hell are they going to do?

Amazing what wimps we are raising.

Wrong.

What's not amazing is that kids think that they can get away with mean spirited, rude, hurtful behavior. It's because parents like you make excuses for your children's bad behavior-not surprising at all because you probably have shown them all along how to be rude and selfish and to not care about how other people feel. Apples and trees.

I'm with OP. I hope your daughter is feeling better and more secure of herself because she has her strong mom behind her.

Agree. I hate moms like the PP. They deflect blame and have an excuse for everything.

Me too! And the creative excuses they come up for their kids' bad behavior! They are just hurting their kids in the long run by allowing them to be entitled, mean, spoiled brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

When I read all the "oh you over reacted", " oh you are a terrible mom - how dare you have chest pains from being upset that your daughter was hurt", it makes me think that posters are simply scared of the fact that they would not be able to deal with the situation. This is proved over and over because 75% of the posters who have swept it under the rug because it's easier and less scary.

You would be wrong. We've dealt with very serious issues, which is why I can say that mom needs to be strong and level headed for her daughter. That doesn't mean you don't deal with it,

She was both those things during the situation.

She didnt tell her dd that she was having chest pains or ask her child to assist her. She didnt cry and fall apart in front of her daughter. She was upset and distraught privately hence the chest pains.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole point of a joke is to be funny. If it's not funny, it's not a joke. This wasn't funny.

If it were me, I would have helped my daughter clean up and put her somewhere else to sleep for the night. And at 7 am I would have called the other girls' parents and asked them to pick up their daughters right now, and then when they came, said, "This is what your daughters did. I don't accept that kind of behavior in my house." (I would hope the parents would apologize and let their daughters have it on the way home, but that's up to them, not me.)

The social media issue is another concern, but I don't know how to deal with it.

This is exactly how I feel but I would add the one piece of having my daughter expressed to both girls in the morning how upset she was that they would do this to her. She needs to learn to express her feelings appropriately and not depend on her mom to handle it. Then comes the conversation with your daughter about how to handle it. If she feels it was a prank and just a one time poor judgment on the girls park, apologies ad forgiveness will help them move on and retain a friendship. If we were all shut out for every mistake we ever made, we'd have no friendships or relationships left! This is a great time to talk about trust-having it, keeping it, earning it back, losing it for good. However she sees this as part of a pattern of behavior on their part, help her see that these are not friendships she should be developing.

NP here, I didn't read all the responses but this is what I'm thinking. My parents either told me to ignore things or left me to handle it (school of tough love) and I don't think that served me well as an adult. When Ai had to deal with crazy boss or inappropriate co-worker, Ai didn't know how to handle it other than leave the job. When Ai was younger, I needed someone to help with the tools and guidance to do it on my own, not an atta girl and send me back in. I think there is an appropriate way to stand up for yourself but you need to learn how and may need guidance to help figure it out if you don't have a ready example of how it was done. You also need to have the courage to do so. Part of the anger, upsetness is feeling that you have no power and have to accept being treated badly, so figuring out how to have that voice, get your power back, and doing it in a way that doesn't get you in trouble is ultimately empowering.