Older Moms with Babies-Why?

[Anonymous]

To the "boring" mom -

You sound just great and a lot like me. You sound like a busy person who (rightly) wants to give her DAUGHTER and not STRANGERS her full attention when in the park. You probably would talk to me, though, because odds are good that your child would have engaged me first. (That's what happens to me in the park because I'm engaged with the kids and not the grown ups).

I, too, don't go to the park to find new friends. I, too, have plenty. I suppose PP might not find me interesting, but enough other people do that I can ignore her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP posters, I really never engage someone in a conversation at a park. I'm one of the people who smiles politely and gives a short answer. I could care less about age. I just hate chit chat, small talk and really just want to play with my kid. When I was in my 20s, I did strike up conversations with strangers all the time and was very interested in new people. Now my energies are simply focused elsewhere. I have plenty of friends, don't need more and I'mn ot looking for new adventures.

The other difference is that I work so when I am with my kid at the park, this is my time to play with her not socialize with another adult. If I was home all day and didn't have any other adult interaction it would be different. Chances are some of the older moms may be like me, they aren't avoiding you because you are young they simply have outgrown their bubbly extroverted natures or want quality time with their kid.

Ugh-you sound boring.

I'm not the one who posted this but why is it "boring" to actually want to play with and interact with your kid at the park?! This is why I go too. Seeing Moms engrossed in conversations with other Moms is sad to me. Just like it's sad when I see parents on their cell phones, reading the paper, playing basketball and shooing junior away, or otherwise focused on themselves at a place that is supposed to be focused on the kids. I don't go to the park to find new friends either.

Because it's good for children to see you engage with the world at large and be exclusively focused on them? It seems strange to disconnect yourself from everyone else in a public place.

As for boring, I have never met an interesting person who actually said, "I have plenty of friends, don't need more and I'mn ot looking for new adventures."

The poster DOES engage - she smiles and responds. Children don't need to see Mom burst into any public place and immediately start yammering away with anyone in sight. There's a big difference between "disconnecting" yourself and just choosing not to make your outing to the park about you and the other adults. And for what it's worth, I don't think someone who starts chatting me up on the playground is any more interesting than someone who is there playing with her kid.

[Anonymous]

Yea, from the last few responses, the young G'town poster is obviously correct in her assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP posters, I really never engage someone in a conversation at a park. I'm one of the people who smiles politely and gives a short answer. I could care less about age. I just hate chit chat, small talk and really just want to play with my kid. When I was in my 20s, I did strike up conversations with strangers all the time and was very interested in new people. Now my energies are simply focused elsewhere. I have plenty of friends, don't need more and I'mn ot looking for new adventures.

The other difference is that I work so when I am with my kid at the park, this is my time to play with her not socialize with another adult. If I was home all day and didn't have any other adult interaction it would be different. Chances are some of the older moms may be like me, they aren't avoiding you because you are young they simply have outgrown their bubbly extroverted natures or want quality time with their kid.

I think it sends a nice message to your children if you are friendly to other people, especially towards other moms and kids. And especially if you're not around all day with your child.

Also, since when do people "outgrow" "bubbly extroverted natures?" And how does saying hi and chatting with other people stop you from having quality time with your child?

This comment just REALLY makes her sound OLD. Actually not even sure if OLD is the right term b/c there are some really bubbly old people. Just someone who is getting old and really acting it.

Chances are some of the older moms may be like me, they aren't avoiding you because you are young they simply have outgrown their bubbly extroverted natures or want quality time with their kid.

But she is friendly to other people - she smiles and responds. She just doesn't want to get into a whole conversation. What's wrong with that?

I agree with all this. I am friendly and smile to people at the park, but I want to play with my child. It is as simple as that. I also work FT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea, from the last few responses, the young G'town poster is obviously correct in her assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yea, from the last few responses, the young G'town poster is obviously correct in her assumptions.

Yep. Now that she knows who she's dealing with, though, maybe she doesn't feel so bad that they don't talk to her! Egads. No time to talk at all while engaging with your child every single moment he/she is at a park.

[Anonymous]

if only all the moms claiming they are engaging with their kids really were all that engaging at all times. And what about children interacting with each other? Should I tell my child to stay away from the kid because mom needs to be the one engaging with her kid only?

I liked what one of the other PPs said, she engages with the kids first. I actually do the same. Kids come up to me or my kids and I acknowledge them, answer their questions and help both my kid and the other kid to come up with something fun to do. My kids like to climb on the equipment a lot, and so do other people's kids. How you would possibly feel like you need to engage a child that is having fun on his own even more, I don't know.

I thought that the part about not actually wanting to talk was much more valid. So I gather that many of the older moms feel like they have outgrown the bubbly phase of their lives and much rather keep to themselves or be very selective about whom to interact with at the playground. Fine. I have made my peace with this anyway. I don't feel entitled to anything, so I know that it is not about me, nor am I desperate to make friends. I just like to exchange minimal information, that's all. It can help in certain moments, especially if you have more than one child. I live by the "it takes a village to raise a child" approach, but I know that's not for everyone.

If this makes you happy, good for you. At least I got some insight into why some people seem so anti-social on the playground. And at least I know it doesn't have anything to do with my age. Yayyyy!

[Anonymous]

"Yep. Now that she knows who she's dealing with, though, maybe she doesn't feel so bad that they don't talk to her! Egads. No time to talk at all while engaging with your child every single moment he/she is at a park. "

I just do not understand this attitude. I go to a park to have fun with DD not entertain other adult women.

I have a great time playing with my child at the park. Its not a chore and I'm not trying to just get through and gte these years behind me. We run together and play ball. I cheer her on while she climbs. She waves from the top with a big grin. We go to larger parks and she likes to run to the different things and I let her. I don't have to yell at her to stay here and within eye sight because I am chatting with someone. If another child wants to join in the fun, no problem but I am not going to park my tushy on a bench and have a chat with you.

If I was having lunch with my husband would you expect us to spend our time talking to you? Would you have this nasty attitude that I was spending every single moment with my husband and not you? Seriously, how self centered are you people?

[Anonymous]

so you just do not consider the park part of your community? You don't meet neighbors there? Most of the people at the park live in the same neighborhood.

Some of you make this sound like we are looking for discussions about the elections. It's about being aware of your surroundings, people, aware of somebody else's name, maybe? Something small?

I am talking about a neighborhood park, where the same individuals are around on a regular basis. Not an anonymous big park.

I think we are talking about different circumstances. It would NEVER occur to me to try to intervene your happy cheerful acts of playing with your child. That would be pathetic.

Thing is, that's not what I see at all times. But maybe you are the same parent who will tell my child that we need to share while giving your kid the toy that does not belong to either of them... who knows. I wonder how many of you I have actually seen. (Can't even say "met in person")

[Anonymous]

Good grief! There sure are all types of people crawling out from under their rocks in which they live.

I too am a working mom, but get home early enough to go to the park in the late afternoon a few times a week. Yes, I interact with my child, but MOSTLY my daughter wants to play with her friends and all I do is watch and make sure she does not break her neck. She has friends and is a social child (maybe the PPs children have social issues and don't play with other kids, taking que's from their oh so friendly mom) In the process of standing there and keeping an eye on my daughter, I invariably run into other people in the community and (gasp!) have a conversation. I'm glad to know the people in my community and never feel like I am maxed out on meeting new people. That is just odd to me. Maybe some of these people should move to more rural places with big backyards so they can get a huge jungle gym from Costco and play in isolation, as to not be bothered by the few friendly and open people living in the neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

From your posts OP you seem to have a needy, whiny, self absorbed, and snotty attitude. Maybe it is just you. In just several short sentences, you just don't come across as someone that other's would want to engage. You offended several through either poorly chosen words or a myopic view of the world, for more you are probably just annoying and irritating. At best you are clueless or at worst you wanted to offend or irritate people...neither great selling points. If this comes across consistently in just a few short posts chances are that your attempts at striking up a conversation aren't very good either.

[Anonymous]

"Maybe some of these people should move to more rural places with big backyards so they can get a huge jungle gym from Costco and play in isolation, as to not be bothered by the few friendly and open people living in the neighborhood. "

Ok, I think it is fair to say that there are people who like to chat and people who do not. If you enjoy having a conversation with other moms at the parr then good for you. If your child wants to just play with the kids again good for you. Why on earth do feel the need to impose your desires on others? Do you really think that other's shouldn't have a right to just go to the park and play in peace with their child?

I'm in the camp who likes to play with my kids. I'm pretty active and my kids have lots of social interactions at preschool. They are very energetic and social. I enjoy playing with them and at the end of day they certainly seem to enjoy playing with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From your posts OP you seem to have a needy, whiny, self absorbed, and snotty attitude. Maybe it is just you. In just several short sentences, you just don't come across as someone that other's would want to engage. You offended several through either poorly chosen words or a myopic view of the world, for more you are probably just annoying and irritating. At best you are clueless or at worst you wanted to offend or irritate people...neither great selling points. If this comes across consistently in just a few short posts chances are that your attempts at striking up a conversation aren't very good either.

Self absorbed? Uhmm that would be all the moms who feel like the playground belongs to their kids. And the ones who treat it like what one of the previous PPs described: a big backyard in a rural area.

And oh yes, it is just too simple to call me the OP. Well I am not. Still not. Everytime I seem to hit a sore spot with some you moms, you just generalize and call me offending, nasty and whiny. It's that simple to you. You determine what is appropriate in this world, and that is what you convey to your kids, which makes me rather sad.

There seem to be two camps of moms here: the ones that feel the park is a place for THEIR kids to hang out with YOU only, and the ones who recognize the benefit of creating a community. I am in the latter one, and I do not care how much you try to downsize my posts to name-calling. I have never done such thing, although I was tempted!

I have seen enough posts to assure me that those other regulars are out there as well, the ones that actually care about other people and not just themselves and their own kids. Oh and guess what, their children are not neglected or feel pushed away because mom makes a random comment here and there to another mom!

Regarding the way I write: I am not a native speaker, so cut me some slack. I am officially done with this thread, I appreciate the comments that made me understand the reasons for being anti-social a little better, the others? Well, I will see you at the park and know that you aren't even trying to get my point.

[Anonymous]

I haven't followed all of this thread ( too long) but wanted to weigh in on the moms who are just so focused on their child that they can't possible be friendly. There is a difference between going to the park and being a normal social person and spending time with your child and just being one of those completely self absorbed moms who only talk to their child ex. remember post on the mom who didn't think you had to take turns at the park? and only care about what their kid thinks or feels and sorry working fulltime doesn't excuse you from being civil. Of course the other end of spectrum of just leaving your kid to run around unattended while you drink coffee also isn't good. I bring this up because I am definitely a friendly mom-I have no problem with casual chit chat and I notice that my dd is also pretty friendly--I have noticed the "mean" moms at the park and feel bad for their kids because they don't realize that kids are like sponges so if you are a fairly rude and self centered person..that is what you are going to raise. This isn't just a park phenomena by the way since I also see this in my neighborhood. I remember just moving in and driving down the street and seeing a mom with a little girl who looked about my dd age--I rolled down the window and said hi and said where I had moved in (we are on a cul de sac)-and said my dd age--the lady looked at me and said her dd was six months younger so too young to play with my child and continued her phone conversation. Said lady lives three doors down so how awkward!!!! Anyway, I realize it's her problem but I have good self esteem and really feel bad for moms who maybe are a bit more shy because something like that can really send you back.

[Anonymous]

"There seem to be two camps of moms here: the ones that feel the park is a place for THEIR kids to hang out with YOU only, and the ones who recognize the benefit of creating a community."

This is polarizing and lacks mutual respect for people simply having different personalities. The world is made up of people with extroverted personalities and introverted personalities which should be able to coexist just fine. My sister and DH are more introverted and really do not enjoy small talk. They are quite likely to smile and respond with a simple polite answer but not continue a conversation. DH is very funny once you get to know him. He best explained this once by pointing out..


I have some friends who are extroverts who will launch into a zillion questions getting the other person to talk about themselves and vice versa. My mother is an extreme extrovert and can not even get through a check stand in the grocery store without having a 20 minutes conversation with the checker. She does not pick up on the cues that the checker needs to keep working and may not want to get into personal details with her. My mother is an extreme example but because she so enjoys constant chatting she has a very different expectation of how other people should respond. I think this is going in this thread. I suspect that people who encounter others who don't respond as they would wish are not being mutually respectful of other's privacy or personality.

If you are an extrovert and run into another extrovert at a park, well great, you both will have a good time. Its is very unfair and bad manners to expect someone else to engage in the same way, get personally offended or characterize them as being overly absorbed in their children. A park is a public place and belongs to everyone. Some moms may enjoy meeting other people there and other moms may just want to play with their children.

Also, small talk at a park does not define a community. One of our nicest neighbors is not the type to stop and chat, she is more introverted. It took several years to even get to know her but she is the nicest person.