The working parent grind is so exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s how we made it work- my kids are out of the house now so mainly this was pre-pandemic/telework.
1. Few activities. They probably just had one each at any one time.
2. Lots of independence and responsibility. The kids did their own laundry from 8 or 9, and cooked a meal a week from 12 or 13. They took themselves to activities on their own by bus or bike from 12 onwards. They walked to school on their own from 9 onwards.
3. We had a nanny from 3 to 6 for a couple of years during the worst of it.

It wasn’t easy but the kids don’t seem any the worse for it. Indeed, they adapted to college much better than many of their peers. I think we infantilize kids in this country.

This. My parents were both doctors who had very inflexible jobs. All of our afterschool activities were done through the school. We otherwise were latchkey kids who made our own dinners most nights of the week. We also would clean up after ourselves, do the laundry, bike to the grocery store, etc., without being told. The only kids I knew who went to therapy were kids who had SAHMs. Otherwise you had to figure things out on your own. But there was also wasn't the expectation to go to college. ADHD kids usually went to vocational school instead of high school, and did better there.

I remember school activities were extremely boring, just kids hanging out.
I wish I had done serious dance or sports or music. That’s going to be harder when you are an adult.

Your school didn’t have sports? All my sports were done through school. If I couldn’t get on a team I chose the no-cut sport for the season.

My school only had softball but when I couldn’t make it by that age (15). They don’t have time to teach a complete newb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a young boomer at 65.

Most of my college friends worked throughout their careers. They are accountants, nurses, journalists, HR pris, teachers, lawyers. They used daycare, they lived close to their jobs. They had modest houses, sometimes a biweekly cleaning service, and their kids all watched a lot of TV and played with other kids from their schools without a ton of supervision. There was not a lot of travel sports. Just school sports.

In short we lived much more middle class lives and weren't micromanage the hothouse flowers you are bringing up today.

My DH played it differently. We postponed kids until our early 40s, doing a bunch of travel and house projects then one of us switched to part time after they were born. By that time we had power in our jobs and could set up our schedules to suit us.

You are out of touch. There are no modest homes close to most people's jobs.

Starting at 40s for kids, statistically that means fewer people even get to have kids as its a huge gamble, and on average kids get to have parents for a much shorter part of their lives and likely won't get any grandparent help with childcare.

You real secret was making more than average and buying when houses were cheap

My home is modest and it is close to my job. You need to move away from DC and you’ll find older homes near where you work. I live in eastern Baltimore County in a small 3 bedroom brick home with smallish front and back yards in a neighborhood built in the 50s. I bought it in 2018 for $235k. I’m a single parent and a teacher.

Oh I agree, teachers are a great job if you are interested in living in the sticks where housing is cheaper. But teachers starting out make around $60k -- how do you swing a home mortgage that is 4x your salary and still have money for things like paying for car, medical, etc?

PITI: $1800
Take home after taxes: $3900
EVERYTHING ELSE has to fit into $2000 discretionary (car payments, fuel, groceries, CHILDCARE)
Are you saving anything for emergencies, let alone college?

And your salary is capped at $72k unless you achieve a masters or National Ceritification which costs money and time (things a single parent you don't have).

Do you get child support or government subsidies?

I live 20 minutes from downtown Baltimore. Hardly the sticks.

I bought the house with very little down (I forget the name of the special program from teachers, veterans, etc) but I was probably making around $80k back then. Now I’m at $112k. I used to get CS but now both kids are over 18 (they are 19 and 21). One is on college FT and the other is in PT). Both work PT. Teachers in Baltimore City schools earn decent money without National Board Certification (although I’ve considered doing it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Try being one parent who works two jobs and holds it all down solo. That is real fatigue. I would kill to have just one job or to have a second parent and income in our household. You’ve got both. Please realize how lucky you are!

Was all of the above - not a result of your own life-choices? Why are you deciding to be a single parent or even a parent - without full planning?

You relinquish all rights to complain when you become a parent because you signed up for this. Unless, of course, you were trafficked and you were bred forcefully without your consent and had no recourse to BC/abortion.

My DH dying was not my choice or his. Things happen in life and they aren't always planned.

And my former husband committed a crime and is now destitute and living three time zones away. Being a solo parent was not a choice nor planned. And I am doing everything on my own now to manage the consequences my child and I have to deal with from his unilateral actions and decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought WOHM life was fantastic and these supermoms did everything that a SAHM does and more?? 🤔

- SAHM

This is a bizarre comment for this thread. No one thinks this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a young boomer at 65.

Most of my college friends worked throughout their careers. They are accountants, nurses, journalists, HR pris, teachers, lawyers. They used daycare, they lived close to their jobs. They had modest houses, sometimes a biweekly cleaning service, and their kids all watched a lot of TV and played with other kids from their schools without a ton of supervision. There was not a lot of travel sports. Just school sports.

In short we lived much more middle class lives and weren't micromanage the hothouse flowers you are bringing up today.

My DH played it differently. We postponed kids until our early 40s, doing a bunch of travel and house projects then one of us switched to part time after they were born. By that time we had power in our jobs and could set up our schedules to suit us.

You are out of touch. There are no modest homes close to most people's jobs.

Starting at 40s for kids, statistically that means fewer people even get to have kids as its a huge gamble, and on average kids get to have parents for a much shorter part of their lives and likely won't get any grandparent help with childcare.

You real secret was making more than average and buying when houses were cheap

My home is modest and it is close to my job. You need to move away from DC and you’ll find older homes near where you work. I live in eastern Baltimore County in a small 3 bedroom brick home with smallish front and back yards in a neighborhood built in the 50s. I bought it in 2018 for $235k. I’m a single parent and a teacher.

Oh I agree, teachers are a great job if you are interested in living in the sticks where housing is cheaper. But teachers starting out make around $60k -- how do you swing a home mortgage that is 4x your salary and still have money for things like paying for car, medical, etc?

PITI: $1800
Take home after taxes: $3900
EVERYTHING ELSE has to fit into $2000 discretionary (car payments, fuel, groceries, CHILDCARE)
Are you saving anything for emergencies, let alone college?

And your salary is capped at $72k unless you achieve a masters or National Ceritification which costs money and time (things a single parent you don't have).

Do you get child support or government subsidies?

I live 20 minutes from downtown Baltimore. Hardly the sticks.

I bought the house with very little down (I forget the name of the special program from teachers, veterans, etc) but I was probably making around $80k back then. Now I’m at $112k. I used to get CS but now both kids are over 18 (they are 19 and 21). One is on college FT and the other is in PT). Both work PT. Teachers in Baltimore City schools earn decent money without National Board Certification (although I’ve considered doing it).

Imagine being MC and still railing against systemic issues that affect MC households.
Also, 112k as a single adult is significant and you dont work 3 months out of the year. GTFOH.
Taxpayers subsidized your special program. You got CS. And your POV is outdated since your kids at 19 and 21.

So not paying for childcare, making over 100k as a single adult. You are above the median household income for BC and double the individual income for BC. Not city. County.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a young boomer at 65.

Most of my college friends worked throughout their careers. They are accountants, nurses, journalists, HR pris, teachers, lawyers. They used daycare, they lived close to their jobs. They had modest houses, sometimes a biweekly cleaning service, and their kids all watched a lot of TV and played with other kids from their schools without a ton of supervision. There was not a lot of travel sports. Just school sports.

In short we lived much more middle class lives and weren't micromanage the hothouse flowers you are bringing up today.

My DH played it differently. We postponed kids until our early 40s, doing a bunch of travel and house projects then one of us switched to part time after they were born. By that time we had power in our jobs and could set up our schedules to suit us.

You are out of touch. There are no modest homes close to most people's jobs.

Starting at 40s for kids, statistically that means fewer people even get to have kids as its a huge gamble, and on average kids get to have parents for a much shorter part of their lives and likely won't get any grandparent help with childcare.

You real secret was making more than average and buying when houses were cheap

My home is modest and it is close to my job. You need to move away from DC and you’ll find older homes near where you work. I live in eastern Baltimore County in a small 3 bedroom brick home with smallish front and back yards in a neighborhood built in the 50s. I bought it in 2018 for $235k. I’m a single parent and a teacher.

Oh I agree, teachers are a great job if you are interested in living in the sticks where housing is cheaper. But teachers starting out make around $60k -- how do you swing a home mortgage that is 4x your salary and still have money for things like paying for car, medical, etc?

PITI: $1800
Take home after taxes: $3900
EVERYTHING ELSE has to fit into $2000 discretionary (car payments, fuel, groceries, CHILDCARE)
Are you saving anything for emergencies, let alone college?

And your salary is capped at $72k unless you achieve a masters or National Ceritification which costs money and time (things a single parent you don't have).

Do you get child support or government subsidies?

I live 20 minutes from downtown Baltimore. Hardly the sticks.

I bought the house with very little down (I forget the name of the special program from teachers, veterans, etc) but I was probably making around $80k back then. Now I’m at $112k. I used to get CS but now both kids are over 18 (they are 19 and 21). One is on college FT and the other is in PT). Both work PT. Teachers in Baltimore City schools earn decent money without National Board Certification (although I’ve considered doing it).

Imagine being MC and still railing against systemic issues that affect MC households.
Also, 112k as a single adult is significant and you dont work 3 months out of the year. GTFOH.
Taxpayers subsidized your special program. You got CS. And your POV is outdated since your kids at 19 and 21.

So not paying for childcare, making over 100k as a single adult. You are above the median household income for BC and double the individual income for BC. Not city. County.

So you are assuming I’ve always made this salary? I made significantly less than that and still was able to pay my bills. I had to pay for two kids in daycare for many, many years on a lot less. And my ex never paid what he owed but I didn’t fight it because I didn’t have the money for a lawyer.

Yes, I earn more now but I’m paying for two kids in college while making ends meet. The issue with many UMC families (I tutor for them) is that they have too many expenses and then complain they are poor. No, you don’t need to go on trips for every school break. No, your kids don’t need private trainers for their sports. No, you don’t need new cars every few years. They have spending problems, not income problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a young boomer at 65.

Most of my college friends worked throughout their careers. They are accountants, nurses, journalists, HR pris, teachers, lawyers. They used daycare, they lived close to their jobs. They had modest houses, sometimes a biweekly cleaning service, and their kids all watched a lot of TV and played with other kids from their schools without a ton of supervision. There was not a lot of travel sports. Just school sports.

In short we lived much more middle class lives and weren't micromanage the hothouse flowers you are bringing up today.

My DH played it differently. We postponed kids until our early 40s, doing a bunch of travel and house projects then one of us switched to part time after they were born. By that time we had power in our jobs and could set up our schedules to suit us.

You are out of touch. There are no modest homes close to most people's jobs.

Starting at 40s for kids, statistically that means fewer people even get to have kids as its a huge gamble, and on average kids get to have parents for a much shorter part of their lives and likely won't get any grandparent help with childcare.

You real secret was making more than average and buying when houses were cheap

My office in Oakton banks up to a bunch of affordable town homes. A little dated from 1980s. The School bus is right outside my office. A couple could easily live there one car. If spouse worked my place, could get them on bus stop and walk into office. Then when bus comes back litterally take a ten minute break, pick them up, walk back to townhome and make snack. We are WFH three days a week. Only one person at work did this.

Many buy in Woodbridge, Manassas, far from work to get a big huge house. I also worked in Bethesda 10 years ago and had a lady living in Ashburn with three young kids upset about commute to Bethesda three days a week. She had like a 8,000 sf home. I for fun asked you do know homes walking distance to office could be bought same price. She was like, yea, but they would be smaller and dated. I want a big huge new house and at my price point I cant afford Behesda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a young boomer at 65.

Most of my college friends worked throughout their careers. They are accountants, nurses, journalists, HR pris, teachers, lawyers. They used daycare, they lived close to their jobs. They had modest houses, sometimes a biweekly cleaning service, and their kids all watched a lot of TV and played with other kids from their schools without a ton of supervision. There was not a lot of travel sports. Just school sports.

In short we lived much more middle class lives and weren't micromanage the hothouse flowers you are bringing up today.

My DH played it differently. We postponed kids until our early 40s, doing a bunch of travel and house projects then one of us switched to part time after they were born. By that time we had power in our jobs and could set up our schedules to suit us.

You are out of touch. There are no modest homes close to most people's jobs.

Starting at 40s for kids, statistically that means fewer people even get to have kids as its a huge gamble, and on average kids get to have parents for a much shorter part of their lives and likely won't get any grandparent help with childcare.

You real secret was making more than average and buying when houses were cheap

My home is modest and it is close to my job. You need to move away from DC and you’ll find older homes near where you work. I live in eastern Baltimore County in a small 3 bedroom brick home with smallish front and back yards in a neighborhood built in the 50s. I bought it in 2018 for $235k. I’m a single parent and a teacher.

Oh I agree, teachers are a great job if you are interested in living in the sticks where housing is cheaper. But teachers starting out make around $60k -- how do you swing a home mortgage that is 4x your salary and still have money for things like paying for car, medical, etc?

PITI: $1800
Take home after taxes: $3900
EVERYTHING ELSE has to fit into $2000 discretionary (car payments, fuel, groceries, CHILDCARE)
Are you saving anything for emergencies, let alone college?

And your salary is capped at $72k unless you achieve a masters or National Ceritification which costs money and time (things a single parent you don't have).

Do you get child support or government subsidies?

I live 20 minutes from downtown Baltimore. Hardly the sticks.

I bought the house with very little down (I forget the name of the special program from teachers, veterans, etc) but I was probably making around $80k back then. Now I’m at $112k. I used to get CS but now both kids are over 18 (they are 19 and 21). One is on college FT and the other is in PT). Both work PT. Teachers in Baltimore City schools earn decent money without National Board Certification (although I’ve considered doing it).

Imagine being MC and still railing against systemic issues that affect MC households.
Also, 112k as a single adult is significant and you dont work 3 months out of the year. GTFOH.
Taxpayers subsidized your special program. You got CS. And your POV is outdated since your kids at 19 and 21.

So not paying for childcare, making over 100k as a single adult. You are above the median household income for BC and double the individual income for BC. Not city. County.

So you are assuming I’ve always made this salary? I made significantly less than that and still was able to pay my bills. I had to pay for two kids in daycare for many, many years on a lot less. And my ex never paid what he owed but I didn’t fight it because I didn’t have the money for a lawyer.

Yes, I earn more now but I’m paying for two kids in college while making ends meet. The issue with many UMC families (I tutor for them) is that they have too many expenses and then complain they are poor. No, you don’t need to go on trips for every school break. No, your kids don’t need private trainers for their sports. No, you don’t need new cars every few years. They have spending problems, not income problems.

UMC have SAHM, nannies and au pairs and can outsource these problems. Look at the original OP, we are discussing two working parents.

[Anonymous]

One of you need to take a job that is not going to take more than 10 hours of work a week. Fannie/Freddie, Navy Federal are fantastic for work life balance and you are going to have less than 2 hours a day vast majority of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought WOHM life was fantastic and these supermoms did everything that a SAHM does and more?? 🤔

- SAHM

This is a bizarre comment for this thread. No one thinks this.

Something hit a sore spot there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of you need to take a job that is not going to take more than 10 hours of work a week. Fannie/Freddie, Navy Federal are fantastic for work life balance and you are going to have less than 2 hours a day vast majority of the time.

I work at one of those places. I now a thinking of retiring at 70. It seems you can make up to 280k a year and still no one cares much what you do as long as work gets done.

I wfh 2-3 days a week. When I go to work only 9-5 and take a one hour lunch. My wife no longer works and semi empty Nestor. We have a few over 65 people. Hard to replace a 20k to 25k a month income so why not never retire if so easy.

I do think my personal
opinion they should make everyone back to office like 830 am to 530 pm with zero WFH and give an early retirement package at same time.

I literally could work Thursday and Friday then the next week Monday and Tuesday then spend 8 days at beach house. One guy does that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a young boomer at 65.

Most of my college friends worked throughout their careers. They are accountants, nurses, journalists, HR pris, teachers, lawyers. They used daycare, they lived close to their jobs. They had modest houses, sometimes a biweekly cleaning service, and their kids all watched a lot of TV and played with other kids from their schools without a ton of supervision. There was not a lot of travel sports. Just school sports.

In short we lived much more middle class lives and weren't micromanage the hothouse flowers you are bringing up today.

My DH played it differently. We postponed kids until our early 40s, doing a bunch of travel and house projects then one of us switched to part time after they were born. By that time we had power in our jobs and could set up our schedules to suit us.

You are out of touch. There are no modest homes close to most people's jobs.

Starting at 40s for kids, statistically that means fewer people even get to have kids as its a huge gamble, and on average kids get to have parents for a much shorter part of their lives and likely won't get any grandparent help with childcare.

You real secret was making more than average and buying when houses were cheap

My home is modest and it is close to my job. You need to move away from DC and you’ll find older homes near where you work. I live in eastern Baltimore County in a small 3 bedroom brick home with smallish front and back yards in a neighborhood built in the 50s. I bought it in 2018 for $235k. I’m a single parent and a teacher.

Oh I agree, teachers are a great job if you are interested in living in the sticks where housing is cheaper. But teachers starting out make around $60k -- how do you swing a home mortgage that is 4x your salary and still have money for things like paying for car, medical, etc?

PITI: $1800
Take home after taxes: $3900
EVERYTHING ELSE has to fit into $2000 discretionary (car payments, fuel, groceries, CHILDCARE)
Are you saving anything for emergencies, let alone college?

And your salary is capped at $72k unless you achieve a masters or National Ceritification which costs money and time (things a single parent you don't have).

Do you get child support or government subsidies?

I live 20 minutes from downtown Baltimore. Hardly the sticks.

I bought the house with very little down (I forget the name of the special program from teachers, veterans, etc) but I was probably making around $80k back then. Now I’m at $112k. I used to get CS but now both kids are over 18 (they are 19 and 21). One is on college FT and the other is in PT). Both work PT. Teachers in Baltimore City schools earn decent money without National Board Certification (although I’ve considered doing it).

Near Downtown Baltimore? That’s probably cheaper than the sticks. Don’t they give people homes to live in Baltimore?

https://financebuzz.com/cities-giving-free-house-or-land

Yeah teachers in Baltimore City get paid more without credentials; hazard pay.
https://foxbaltimore.com/news/project-baltimore/three-baltimore-city-schools-on-verge-of-being-labeled-persistently-dangerous

[Anonymous]

Part time?
If full time, have to outsource some big stuff.

[Anonymous]

I have done Sahm, wfh, in office full time and in office part time. All of these suck as a parent. The easiest by far and less exhausting was working 65 hours a week plus commute pre-kids.

[Anonymous]

I could never work an office job with a long commute. I sub at my child's school and surrounding k-12 schools. Pay depends on the district, this week I am being paid $50/hr (325/day) for a special education teacher assignment at one of the higher paying districts. No benefits but kids are on their fathers healthcare who also works in education. I am on state insursnce.

I am at their school about half the time. Love getting to know my kids friends more, being somewhat available if they need me emotionally, and being able to just drive home from school when I am at theirs without another stop. Their school is out at 2:10 so we often go to the beach or sky zone etc afterwards before dinner. Best single mom job ever, and we have free after school care for when I have the highschool assignments.

Might not be a fancy job, but it works for while they are young.