asking for money for hosting teens tacky?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Did OP invite or did the boys make the plan and the son said "hey, what do you think if the 7 of us go to the beach house for a week..."

It sounds like the later..? Although it’s unclear. If the later, it’s fine to ask.

The only way it’s tacky is if a family decides to invite a bunch of kids to their vacation home and then asks parent to contribute. That would be weird.

Nuance matters!

Even if the son organized it, there’s a moment when the owners of the house make it an official invite and that’s the last time you can ask people to chip in. You can say “that sounds great, Bobby! Make sure all the parents are on board and everyone is okay with contributing $100 for groceries.” You can’t say “that sounds great, Bobby!” and then a month later send Venmo requests.

I mean you can, but it’s less polite.

Are you sure? There doesn't have to be an "official invite" this can all be organized by the kids. My younger teen goes on a group trip every year and there is nothing official about it at all. The dads are friends and coordinate the logistics and that's about it.

Yeah there is, it’s not about the stationary but there’s a point when the owners (parents) say it’s okay and that’s when you need to communicate any expected $.

This can all go through the 17yr olds. The parents don’t even need to talk at all. The kids should just ask his friends for money.

You’re nuts. I wouldn’t send my kid on a 5 day beach vacation with another family without even talking to the parents. Wow.

Agree, but I wouldn’t except if I knew them super well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Did OP invite or did the boys make the plan and the son said "hey, what do you think if the 7 of us go to the beach house for a week..."

It sounds like the later..? Although it’s unclear. If the later, it’s fine to ask.

The only way it’s tacky is if a family decides to invite a bunch of kids to their vacation home and then asks parent to contribute. That would be weird.

Nuance matters!

Even if the son organized it, there’s a moment when the owners of the house make it an official invite and that’s the last time you can ask people to chip in. You can say “that sounds great, Bobby! Make sure all the parents are on board and everyone is okay with contributing $100 for groceries.” You can’t say “that sounds great, Bobby!” and then a month later send Venmo requests.

I mean you can, but it’s less polite.

Are you sure? There doesn't have to be an "official invite" this can all be organized by the kids. My younger teen goes on a group trip every year and there is nothing official about it at all. The dads are friends and coordinate the logistics and that's about it.

Yeah there is, it’s not about the stationary but there’s a point when the owners (parents) say it’s okay and that’s when you need to communicate any expected $.

This can all go through the 17yr olds. The parents don’t even need to talk at all. The kids should just ask his friends for money.

You’re nuts. I wouldn’t send my kid on a 5 day beach vacation with another family without even talking to the parents. Wow.

Because your kid is about 8. At 17 i would have driven myself with friends and there probably wouldn’t even be parents there. A 17 yr old is capable of handling this without you.

Here’s the ultimate checked out parent. That would be a hard no for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

Ignore the army of petty aholes attacking you for not being sufficiently generous after giving a free beach week.

Tell your kid to organize food with his friends (with your help). It's a good exercise.

Parents invite to make it easier on them as they don’t want to entertain or spend time with their kids.

If we invite a friend we’d decline all money as it’s our invite. Same with friends parents. If a kid is with me for anything we pay.

Inviting one friend for a meal is one thing, inviting seven friends for a week is a totally different proposition.

With all the people complaining that it’s tacky, I have yet to hear a poster that invited a comparable number of friends for extended time and paid for everything.

Then, don’t invite seven. Simple. Most of us don’t have big beach homes and vacations are for spending time with our kids, not avoiding them.

Guaranteed the kid did the inviting.

Then the parents allowed it. Mine never would even think to ask.

They allowed it but didn’t send out engraved invites. Yours would never think to ask what? Have friends at a beach house? Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Did OP invite or did the boys make the plan and the son said "hey, what do you think if the 7 of us go to the beach house for a week..."

It sounds like the later..? Although it’s unclear. If the later, it’s fine to ask.

The only way it’s tacky is if a family decides to invite a bunch of kids to their vacation home and then asks parent to contribute. That would be weird.

Nuance matters!

Even if the son organized it, there’s a moment when the owners of the house make it an official invite and that’s the last time you can ask people to chip in. You can say “that sounds great, Bobby! Make sure all the parents are on board and everyone is okay with contributing $100 for groceries.” You can’t say “that sounds great, Bobby!” and then a month later send Venmo requests.

I mean you can, but it’s less polite.

Are you sure? There doesn't have to be an "official invite" this can all be organized by the kids. My younger teen goes on a group trip every year and there is nothing official about it at all. The dads are friends and coordinate the logistics and that's about it.

Yeah there is, it’s not about the stationary but there’s a point when the owners (parents) say it’s okay and that’s when you need to communicate any expected $.

This can all go through the 17yr olds. The parents don’t even need to talk at all. The kids should just ask his friends for money.

You’re nuts. I wouldn’t send my kid on a 5 day beach vacation with another family without even talking to the parents. Wow.

Because your kid is about 8. At 17 i would have driven myself with friends and there probably wouldn’t even be parents there. A 17 yr old is capable of handling this without you.

Here’s the ultimate checked out parent. That would be a hard no for me.

Cool. Because we know your kids are remotely teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tacky to ask. But we also have a similar set up and every time, the friend has arrived with money that their parents have told them to give us. As well as spending money.

Like, how much money do the kids give you?

I seriously want to know what the etiquette is and how much to send with my kid who is likely to get these invites as she gets closer to high school.

"As she gets closer to high school?" You really don't need to be sweating this years in advance on the off chance some friend will take her to a beach house for several days.

I wouldn’t allow it. You don’t know the parents or how much supervision these kids will have. Alcohol could be a factor. No way.

Good lord. 17 year olds go to college. Get a grip.

No, they go to college at 18 and alcohol and the beach means potential drowning. Not smart.

Wait, you won’t let a 17yr old go to a beach without you? Land that helicopter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

Ignore the army of petty aholes attacking you for not being sufficiently generous after giving a free beach week.

Tell your kid to organize food with his friends (with your help). It's a good exercise.

Parents invite to make it easier on them as they don’t want to entertain or spend time with their kids.

If we invite a friend we’d decline all money as it’s our invite. Same with friends parents. If a kid is with me for anything we pay.

Inviting one friend for a meal is one thing, inviting seven friends for a week is a totally different proposition.

With all the people complaining that it’s tacky, I have yet to hear a poster that invited a comparable number of friends for extended time and paid for everything.

Then, don’t invite seven. Simple. Most of us don’t have big beach homes and vacations are for spending time with our kids, not avoiding them.

Guaranteed the kid did the inviting.

Well now the kid can do the uninviting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

Ignore the army of petty aholes attacking you for not being sufficiently generous after giving a free beach week.

Tell your kid to organize food with his friends (with your help). It's a good exercise.

Parents invite to make it easier on them as they don’t want to entertain or spend time with their kids.

If we invite a friend we’d decline all money as it’s our invite. Same with friends parents. If a kid is with me for anything we pay.

Inviting one friend for a meal is one thing, inviting seven friends for a week is a totally different proposition.

With all the people complaining that it’s tacky, I have yet to hear a poster that invited a comparable number of friends for extended time and paid for everything.

Then, don’t invite seven. Simple. Most of us don’t have big beach homes and vacations are for spending time with our kids, not avoiding them.

Guaranteed the kid did the inviting.

Well now the kid can do the uninviting

Why! If your kid can’t go then they can decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

Ignore the army of petty aholes attacking you for not being sufficiently generous after giving a free beach week.

Tell your kid to organize food with his friends (with your help). It's a good exercise.

Parents invite to make it easier on them as they don’t want to entertain or spend time with their kids.

If we invite a friend we’d decline all money as it’s our invite. Same with friends parents. If a kid is with me for anything we pay.

Inviting one friend for a meal is one thing, inviting seven friends for a week is a totally different proposition.

With all the people complaining that it’s tacky, I have yet to hear a poster that invited a comparable number of friends for extended time and paid for everything.

Then, don’t invite seven. Simple. Most of us don’t have big beach homes and vacations are for spending time with our kids, not avoiding them.

Guaranteed the kid did the inviting.

Then the parents allowed it. Mine never would even think to ask.

They allowed it but didn’t send out engraved invites. Yours would never think to ask what? Have friends at a beach house? Why not?

No, because vacations are our time as a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tacky to ask. But we also have a similar set up and every time, the friend has arrived with money that their parents have told them to give us. As well as spending money.

Like, how much money do the kids give you?

I seriously want to know what the etiquette is and how much to send with my kid who is likely to get these invites as she gets closer to high school.

"As she gets closer to high school?" You really don't need to be sweating this years in advance on the off chance some friend will take her to a beach house for several days.

I wouldn’t allow it. You don’t know the parents or how much supervision these kids will have. Alcohol could be a factor. No way.

Good lord. 17 year olds go to college. Get a grip.

No, they go to college at 18 and alcohol and the beach means potential drowning. Not smart.

Wait, you won’t let a 17yr old go to a beach without you? Land that helicopter.

With a parent like you, no. With a parent that supervises yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tacky to ask. But we also have a similar set up and every time, the friend has arrived with money that their parents have told them to give us. As well as spending money.

Like, how much money do the kids give you?

I seriously want to know what the etiquette is and how much to send with my kid who is likely to get these invites as she gets closer to high school.

"As she gets closer to high school?" You really don't need to be sweating this years in advance on the off chance some friend will take her to a beach house for several days.

I wouldn’t allow it. You don’t know the parents or how much supervision these kids will have. Alcohol could be a factor. No way.

Good lord. 17 year olds go to college. Get a grip.

No, they go to college at 18 and alcohol and the beach means potential drowning. Not smart.

Wait, you won’t let a 17yr old go to a beach without you? Land that helicopter.

With a parent like you, no. With a parent that supervises yes.

You are so naive. The parents who allows this are always the permissive parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tacky to ask. But we also have a similar set up and every time, the friend has arrived with money that their parents have told them to give us. As well as spending money.

Like, how much money do the kids give you?

I seriously want to know what the etiquette is and how much to send with my kid who is likely to get these invites as she gets closer to high school.

"As she gets closer to high school?" You really don't need to be sweating this years in advance on the off chance some friend will take her to a beach house for several days.

I wouldn’t allow it. You don’t know the parents or how much supervision these kids will have. Alcohol could be a factor. No way.

Good lord. 17 year olds go to college. Get a grip.

No, they go to college at 18 and alcohol and the beach means potential drowning. Not smart.

Wait, you won’t let a 17yr old go to a beach without you? Land that helicopter.

With a parent like you, no. With a parent that supervises yes.

You are so naive. The parents who allows this are always the permissive parents.

I'm not naive... that's why I said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

Ignore the army of petty aholes attacking you for not being sufficiently generous after giving a free beach week.

Tell your kid to organize food with his friends (with your help). It's a good exercise.

Parents invite to make it easier on them as they don’t want to entertain or spend time with their kids.

If we invite a friend we’d decline all money as it’s our invite. Same with friends parents. If a kid is with me for anything we pay.

Inviting one friend for a meal is one thing, inviting seven friends for a week is a totally different proposition.

With all the people complaining that it’s tacky, I have yet to hear a poster that invited a comparable number of friends for extended time and paid for everything.

Every summer for about 5 years, I had my spouse's best friend's kids come for a few weeks. Parents decided it, never really asked and it all fell on me. I liked the kids but not the parents but couldn't say no. We paid for everything but the plane ticket as parents got them for free. I bought them a bunch of outfits for back to school (parents dressed them in shabby clothing and shoes were worn out - their style vs. money issue) and paid for fancy camps for them. Never thought twice about spending the money. They never once did I ask for money or expect it. It sucked a it took money and time away from my kids but I did it and looking back glad I did for their sake.

[Anonymous]

Not at all tacky to ask

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Did OP invite or did the boys make the plan and the son said "hey, what do you think if the 7 of us go to the beach house for a week..."

It sounds like the later..? Although it’s unclear. If the later, it’s fine to ask.

The only way it’s tacky is if a family decides to invite a bunch of kids to their vacation home and then asks parent to contribute. That would be weird.

Nuance matters!

Even if the son organized it, there’s a moment when the owners of the house make it an official invite and that’s the last time you can ask people to chip in. You can say “that sounds great, Bobby! Make sure all the parents are on board and everyone is okay with contributing $100 for groceries.” You can’t say “that sounds great, Bobby!” and then a month later send Venmo requests.

I mean you can, but it’s less polite.

Are you sure? There doesn't have to be an "official invite" this can all be organized by the kids. My younger teen goes on a group trip every year and there is nothing official about it at all. The dads are friends and coordinate the logistics and that's about it.

Yeah there is, it’s not about the stationary but there’s a point when the owners (parents) say it’s okay and that’s when you need to communicate any expected $.

This can all go through the 17yr olds. The parents don’t even need to talk at all. The kids should just ask his friends for money.

You’re nuts. I wouldn’t send my kid on a 5 day beach vacation with another family without even talking to the parents. Wow.

Because your kid is about 8. At 17 i would have driven myself with friends and there probably wouldn’t even be parents there. A 17 yr old is capable of handling this without you.

Here’s the ultimate checked out parent. That would be a hard no for me.

Helicopter parenting will just set your kid up for failure... reaching out to the hosts is fine, but thats about it... My friends and I did all kinds of overnight trips on our own and survived - and thived, learning to take care of things without mommy is important

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Did OP invite or did the boys make the plan and the son said "hey, what do you think if the 7 of us go to the beach house for a week..."

It sounds like the later..? Although it’s unclear. If the later, it’s fine to ask.

The only way it’s tacky is if a family decides to invite a bunch of kids to their vacation home and then asks parent to contribute. That would be weird.

Nuance matters!

Even if the son organized it, there’s a moment when the owners of the house make it an official invite and that’s the last time you can ask people to chip in. You can say “that sounds great, Bobby! Make sure all the parents are on board and everyone is okay with contributing $100 for groceries.” You can’t say “that sounds great, Bobby!” and then a month later send Venmo requests.

I mean you can, but it’s less polite.

Are you sure? There doesn't have to be an "official invite" this can all be organized by the kids. My younger teen goes on a group trip every year and there is nothing official about it at all. The dads are friends and coordinate the logistics and that's about it.

Yeah there is, it’s not about the stationary but there’s a point when the owners (parents) say it’s okay and that’s when you need to communicate any expected $.

This can all go through the 17yr olds. The parents don’t even need to talk at all. The kids should just ask his friends for money.

You’re nuts. I wouldn’t send my kid on a 5 day beach vacation with another family without even talking to the parents. Wow.

Because your kid is about 8. At 17 i would have driven myself with friends and there probably wouldn’t even be parents there. A 17 yr old is capable of handling this without you.

Here’s the ultimate checked out parent. That would be a hard no for me.

Helicopter parenting will just set your kid up for failure... reaching out to the hosts is fine, but thats about it... My friends and I did all kinds of overnight trips on our own and survived - and thived, learning to take care of things without mommy is important

Stay blessed. You live a charmed life.