Reply to S/O What motivates men to string women along for years?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?[/quote]

As I get older I see that women don't give themselves enough agency. That can always leave when they are not getting what they want. No need to be a victim.

[b]We also give men too much credit for having a 'motivation'. They generally have no idea what they are doing. [/b][/quote]

This is the best nugget of wisdom in this thread. Most men have zero clue what women want and can’t articulate their own feelings.

It took me way too long to go after what I wanted. Prior to my now-wife, I was sliding in and out of relationships that were not right for me. I’d stay way too long because that was the easiest thing to do. I had zero clue what I was doing with life.

-A Man[/quote]

Bottom line, this is a simple communication problem. If a woman wants a proposal, either propose yourself, or ask your man to propose to you. If he says he doesn't know or isn't ready, figure out a time period that you are willing to wait, and tell him to figure it out by that date. If he hasn't figured it out, move on. The man that wants to be with you will figure it out immediately, because that will be one of the most important questions in his life at that time.[/quote]

Women are explicitly told NOT to give ultimatums like this.  I can never figure out why.  
[/quote]

People see how it ends. And it usually ends badly.

I have had to help some friends move out after they put their foot down.

I once forced a friend (then 36) to give her bf of 18 years (!) an ultimatum. He broke up with her and six months later was married to a 25 year old Hooters waitress. She didn’t speak to me for two years. We are cool now, but it was a very bad time. I didn’t think he would refuse since they had been together half their lives. I really couldn’t anticipate that he would then immediately marry someone else. Especially someone so different in background and life prospects.

It’s been ten years and my friend has been in another long term relationship for seven years. She feels like she has no power to ask if things are ever going to advance, but motherhood is off the table now. She plans to retire from teaching as soon as she has her 30 years as it’s painful working with kids. [/quote]

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