Discovering Affair 10 Years After The Fact

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Interesting. Have you ever referred to her (either speaking directly to her, or speaking to someone else about her) as a hoo-er? Is that a term you have used?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Your friend is a POS. The worst kind. The phony kind that needs to act like a do-Gooder phony charitable person whine out wrecking families, including her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the friend know about the affair?

She's also trash.

That's pretty unfair. The friend is OP's friend. It's not her job to tell OP's husband or AP's wife.

Friends should help you become a better person, not encourage trashy behavior and support it.

How do you know OP's wife's friend didn't encourage her to end the affair?

My friend told me about her affair. She was married but they didn't have kids (didn't want them, we were in our early 40's when this happened). I didn't make her feel good about it but I also didn't tell her husband because it was not my place as her friend to do so. That's fine if you disagree with me, I don't really care. But I wasn't encouraging or supporting the affair, I was just listening to my friend.

If you didn’t tell her to stop doing it and to tell her husband about it then yes you were encouraging and supporting the affair, and you are trash.

Oooh, I'm so hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Your friend is a POS. The worst kind. The phony kind that needs to act like a do-Gooder phony charitable person whine out wrecking families, including her own.

Neither couple involved had kids. I'm not saying a husband and wife aren't a family, but you can calm down. Also, if you think every person out there who is doing good in the world is also a flawless person, I have a bridge to sell you.

On the one hand I think it must be nice to live in such a black and white, uncomplicated world. On the other hand, I feel sorry for you and your inability to comprehend the complexities of life. The world is better with color in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Cool, so what’s the ratio for you? A kiss is ok if you drop a little more in the donation plate at church? Copping a feel is bad, but some time at the soup kitchen balances it out? Quickie after work is troubling, so you’ll need to adopt a rescue?

Just trying to calibrate your rationalized “nuance.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Lots of cheater apologists here. Birds of a feather…

You should reread the PP because it has some great points. If you can’t understand it, then that likely has something to do with why your significant other cheated. It’s exhausting being with someone who is dogmatic and hysterical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Cool, so what’s the ratio for you? A kiss is ok if you drop a little more in the donation plate at church? Copping a feel is bad, but some time at the soup kitchen balances it out? Quickie after work is troubling, so you’ll need to adopt a rescue?

Just trying to calibrate your rationalized “nuance.”

The post went over your head. I don’t believe you’re capable of understanding what PP is trying to get across.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Your friend is a POS. The worst kind. The phony kind that needs to act like a do-Gooder phony charitable person whine out wrecking families, including her own.

Neither couple involved had kids. I'm not saying a husband and wife aren't a family, but you can calm down. Also, if you think every person out there who is doing good in the world is also a flawless person, I have a bridge to sell you.

On the one hand I think it must be nice to live in such a black and white, uncomplicated world. On the other hand, I feel sorry for you and your inability to comprehend the complexities of life. The world is better with color in it.

Everyone in hear talking about nuance and scoffing at “black and white thinking” is just a cheater (or some other kind of moral reprobate) who wants to rationalize their misdeeds as “actually not all that bad if you understand the complexities.”

No sale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are assuming the children will know about the affair. Only bad parents tell their children their other parent cheated. Burdening your kids with intimate details of your relationship is abusive.

Wait, the faithful spouse is now a child abuser, for telling the truth?

Those are some impressive mental gymnastics.

You are putting the burden on the betrayed spouse for protecting the cheater’s reputation???

Sorry, when you cheat, you are risking that you will lose your children’s love and respect forever. Own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Your friend is a POS. The worst kind. The phony kind that needs to act like a do-Gooder phony charitable person whine out wrecking families, including her own.

Neither couple involved had kids. I'm not saying a husband and wife aren't a family, but you can calm down. Also, if you think every person out there who is doing good in the world is also a flawless person, I have a bridge to sell you.

On the one hand I think it must be nice to live in such a black and white, uncomplicated world. On the other hand, I feel sorry for you and your inability to comprehend the complexities of life. The world is better with color in it.

Everyone in hear talking about nuance and scoffing at “black and white thinking” is just a cheater (or some other kind of moral reprobate) who wants to rationalize their misdeeds as “actually not all that bad if you understand the complexities.”

No sale.

Do you apply the same rules to other misdeeds, or only cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Your friend is a POS. The worst kind. The phony kind that needs to act like a do-Gooder phony charitable person whine out wrecking families, including her own.

Neither couple involved had kids. I'm not saying a husband and wife aren't a family, but you can calm down. Also, if you think every person out there who is doing good in the world is also a flawless person, I have a bridge to sell you.

On the one hand I think it must be nice to live in such a black and white, uncomplicated world. On the other hand, I feel sorry for you and your inability to comprehend the complexities of life. The world is better with color in it.

Everyone in hear talking about nuance and scoffing at “black and white thinking” is just a cheater (or some other kind of moral reprobate) who wants to rationalize their misdeeds as “actually not all that bad if you understand the complexities.”

No sale.

Do you apply the same rules to other misdeeds, or only cheating?

All of them. I have no doubt that everyone who (for example) steals would like us to take a nuanced view and “understand the complexities” of why they did it, but I’m not buying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Your friend is a POS. The worst kind. The phony kind that needs to act like a do-Gooder phony charitable person whine out wrecking families, including her own.

+1

She probably didn't even admit the affair. Probably said she tripped, fell, and landed on a dick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Your friend is a POS. The worst kind. The phony kind that needs to act like a do-Gooder phony charitable person whine out wrecking families, including her own.

Neither couple involved had kids. I'm not saying a husband and wife aren't a family, but you can calm down. Also, if you think every person out there who is doing good in the world is also a flawless person, I have a bridge to sell you.

On the one hand I think it must be nice to live in such a black and white, uncomplicated world. On the other hand, I feel sorry for you and your inability to comprehend the complexities of life. The world is better with color in it.

Everyone in hear talking about nuance and scoffing at “black and white thinking” is just a cheater (or some other kind of moral reprobate) who wants to rationalize their misdeeds as “actually not all that bad if you understand the complexities.”

No sale.

Do you apply the same rules to other misdeeds, or only cheating?

All of them. I have no doubt that everyone who (for example) steals would like us to take a nuanced view and “understand the complexities” of why they did it, but I’m not buying it.

Sure. Did you vote for Bill Clinton? Donald Trump? Do you watch movies with actors who cheat? How about your kids? Do you pay for them to watch the Wicked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Cool, so what’s the ratio for you? A kiss is ok if you drop a little more in the donation plate at church? Copping a feel is bad, but some time at the soup kitchen balances it out? Quickie after work is troubling, so you’ll need to adopt a rescue?

Just trying to calibrate your rationalized “nuance.”

The post went over your head. I don’t believe you’re capable of understanding what PP is trying to get across.

Translation= I can do whatever I want and never really be a whore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all are assuming the children will know about the affair. Only bad parents tell their children their other parent cheated. Burdening your kids with intimate details of your relationship is abusive.

Wait, the faithful spouse is now a child abuser, for telling the truth?

Those are some impressive mental gymnastics.

You are putting the burden on the betrayed spouse for protecting the cheater’s reputation???

Sorry, when you cheat, you are risking that you will lose your children’s love and respect forever. Own it.

That's not what PP is implying, Dumb Dumb. But you probably have no friends so you'd be one of those "victims" who "confides" in your kids about such things. Pathetic!