Discovering Affair 10 Years After The Fact

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Cool, so what’s the ratio for you? A kiss is ok if you drop a little more in the donation plate at church? Copping a feel is bad, but some time at the soup kitchen balances it out? Quickie after work is troubling, so you’ll need to adopt a rescue?

Just trying to calibrate your rationalized “nuance.”

The post went over your head. I don’t believe you’re capable of understanding what PP is trying to get across.

Translation= I can do whatever I want and never really be a whore.

It's better to be a whore than an idiot. You are beyond stupid with zero comprehension skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Cool, so what’s the ratio for you? A kiss is ok if you drop a little more in the donation plate at church? Copping a feel is bad, but some time at the soup kitchen balances it out? Quickie after work is troubling, so you’ll need to adopt a rescue?

Just trying to calibrate your rationalized “nuance.”

The post went over your head. I don’t believe you’re capable of understanding what PP is trying to get across.

Translation= I can do whatever I want and never really be a whore.

It's better to be a whore than an idiot. You are beyond stupid with zero comprehension skills.

NP- I am not so sure about that. Being an idiot is fixable along with comprehension skills. You can’t get innocence back no matter how hard you try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Your friend is a POS. The worst kind. The phony kind that needs to act like a do-Gooder phony charitable person whine out wrecking families, including her own.

Neither couple involved had kids. I'm not saying a husband and wife aren't a family, but you can calm down. Also, if you think every person out there who is doing good in the world is also a flawless person, I have a bridge to sell you.

On the one hand I think it must be nice to live in such a black and white, uncomplicated world. On the other hand, I feel sorry for you and your inability to comprehend the complexities of life. The world is better with color in it.

Everyone in hear talking about nuance and scoffing at “black and white thinking” is just a cheater (or some other kind of moral reprobate) who wants to rationalize their misdeeds as “actually not all that bad if you understand the complexities.”

No sale.

Do you apply the same rules to other misdeeds, or only cheating?

All of them. I have no doubt that everyone who (for example) steals would like us to take a nuanced view and “understand the complexities” of why they did it, but I’m not buying it.

Sure. Did you vote for Bill Clinton? Donald Trump? Do you watch movies with actors who cheat? How about your kids? Do you pay for them to watch the Wicked?

I assure you I would never personally associate with a politician or actor, they are mostly scum. (Not hard for me to do, I don’t move in those circles.)

I don’t see how watching a movie in any way indicates endorsement of the personal behavior of the actors. Am I somehow a hypocrite if I see a movie with Jude Law in it?

[Anonymous]

I did not read 11 pages. Hell no. I’m curious if you understand people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Your friend is a POS. The worst kind. The phony kind that needs to act like a do-Gooder phony charitable person whine out wrecking families, including her own.

Neither couple involved had kids. I'm not saying a husband and wife aren't a family, but you can calm down. Also, if you think every person out there who is doing good in the world is also a flawless person, I have a bridge to sell you.

On the one hand I think it must be nice to live in such a black and white, uncomplicated world. On the other hand, I feel sorry for you and your inability to comprehend the complexities of life. The world is better with color in it.

Everyone in hear talking about nuance and scoffing at “black and white thinking” is just a cheater (or some other kind of moral reprobate) who wants to rationalize their misdeeds as “actually not all that bad if you understand the complexities.”

No sale.

NP.

The amounts of twisted logic and copium here are astounding. But none of it overcomes the fact you are a garbage human being if you cheat. You are human garbage. You cannot rationalize that away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Your friend is a POS. The worst kind. The phony kind that needs to act like a do-Gooder phony charitable person whine out wrecking families, including her own.

Neither couple involved had kids. I'm not saying a husband and wife aren't a family, but you can calm down. Also, if you think every person out there who is doing good in the world is also a flawless person, I have a bridge to sell you.

On the one hand I think it must be nice to live in such a black and white, uncomplicated world. On the other hand, I feel sorry for you and your inability to comprehend the complexities of life. The world is better with color in it.

Everyone in hear talking about nuance and scoffing at “black and white thinking” is just a cheater (or some other kind of moral reprobate) who wants to rationalize their misdeeds as “actually not all that bad if you understand the complexities.”

No sale.

NP.

The amounts of twisted logic and copium here are astounding. But none of it overcomes the fact you are a garbage human being if you cheat. You are human garbage. You cannot rationalize that away.

100% cheaters are always blameless in their own eyes. They will find a way to justify it every which way to Sunday. Good people don’t cheat. Period.

All of us have had countless opportunities to do it- but the moral ones with good character- don’t. Period.

[Anonymous]

I'd prolly go get another piece of ass to help even things out.

[Anonymous]

Did the OP ever return to say what he decided here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Your friend is a POS. The worst kind. The phony kind that needs to act like a do-Gooder phony charitable person whine out wrecking families, including her own.

So, your husband had an affair with a better woman than you by various objective measures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

+1

agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost.

That is what they you. And what kind of friends are these?

Not PP but they're humans. People make mistakes. If you want to disown your friends because they had an affair, go ahead. Some of us don't live in such a black and white world.

I just couldn’t imagine myself having that knowledge and choosing to continue to associate with that type of person. I can’t control their lack of integrity, but I can choose my character.

I think you have a very simplistic view of the world. My friend who had an affair sits on the boards of multiple nonprofits, spends a lot of her time and money saving animals, is a very caring friend, and also happened to have an affair after years of a tough marriage. Should she have gotten divorced before moving on with someone else? Absolutely. Am I going to stop being friends with her because of what she did? Nope. Cheaters are not a monolith. Some of them are awful people who disrespect their spouses on a bunch of levels and are probably jerks to many people in their lives. Others are good people who made a mistake. Cut them all off if you want, some of us understand that life is more nuanced than you think. Also, statistically speaking, one of your friends has had an affair, you just don't know about it. So consider that - if you can't tell which friend it is, how exactly does cheating make someone a certain kind of person? Hmm...

Your friend is a POS. The worst kind. The phony kind that needs to act like a do-Gooder phony charitable person whine out wrecking families, including her own.

So, your husband had an affair with a better woman than you by various objective measures.

Weird I read that as she is a phoney hypocrite who pretends to be a perfect human, but is in reality a morally bankrupt, selfish harlot. It sounds like you might get fooled a lot by manipulative liars or subscribe to the do as I say, not as I do camp.