Discovering Affair 10 Years After The Fact

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agreed with others. The only cheaters I know are very much so serial cheaters. There is one the spouse knows about and the others that they don't.

My wife’s affair was discovered by the guy’s wife and I learned from her that my wife had multiple prior. She had talked about it with the guy who told his wife when she interrogated him about her. She had all the dirt. It was good to have in my pocket when wife tried to say this was a one time thing.

[Anonymous]

OP, there is a forum for that. Ill link it below. There is also a part 2 to yhe same forum if you go back to the "I Can Relate" subforum

https://survivinginfidelity.com/topics/349697/for-those-who-found-out-years-later/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see any upside here. Ignore it and it will gnaw at you. Confront and it will obviously upset the apple cart.

How do you KNOW? Are you sure you aren't jumping to a conclusion?

If you raise it, you need to be prepared to be lied to, gaslit or otherwise minimized. Which also won't exactly strengthen your marriage.

Are you sure there weren't others? Are you sure the affair didn't produce any children?

I am the OP.

I came home early from work 2 hours early because we lost power at the office. She was on the phone with her best friend. She had buds in. I wasn't eavesdropping. She thought she was in an empty house and was very loud because of the buds. From what I could glean, the best friend had bumped into the AP at DCA and was telling her about it. I heard enough that I knew to question it and how. She eventually admitted it but grew extremely prickly, almost hostile really, with any question I had. She eventually got angry with me over the questions and walked out. It was truly odd, like I was the bad guy.

I don't have any evidence of others but my mind is racing

Her reaction speaks volumes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are in year 20 of your marriage and discover that your spouse had a 3 month long affair 10 years earlier, would you say anything?

Do you think it matters if the spouse being cheated on was the wife or husband?

It doesn’t matter.

You did say something. What’s your question?

He wants DCUM women to tell him yes it could have been just once ten ago and it never happened again and doesn’t matter. That way he doesn’t have to make any painful decisions.

Sorry OP the answer is no it wasn’t just once a long time ago, and if you have kids, better get their paternity tested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are in year 20 of your marriage and discover that your spouse had a 3 month long affair 10 years earlier, would you say anything?

Do you think it matters if the spouse being cheated on was the wife or husband?

It doesn’t matter.

You did say something. What’s your question?

He wants DCUM women to tell him yes it could have been just once ten ago and it never happened again and doesn’t matter. That way he doesn’t have to make any painful decisions.

Sorry OP the answer is no it wasn’t just once a long time ago, and if you have kids, better get their paternity tested.

Are you psychic? No? Didn’t think so.

OP, what’s your question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are in year 20 of your marriage and discover that your spouse had a 3 month long affair 10 years earlier, would you say anything?

Do you think it matters if the spouse being cheated on was the wife or husband?

It doesn’t matter.

You did say something. What’s your question?

He wants DCUM women to tell him yes it could have been just once ten ago and it never happened again and doesn’t matter. That way he doesn’t have to make any painful decisions.

Sorry OP the answer is no it wasn’t just once a long time ago, and if you have kids, better get their paternity tested.

Are you psychic? No? Didn’t think so.

OP, what’s your question?

You don’t need to be psychic to predict how a man who just discovered his wife cheated is going to act, dolt. They all act the same way. They hope their life won’t be turned upside down and that everything can continue as before. They’re always wrong.

[Anonymous]

There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.

Absolutely one of the best things mentioned on this site in years.

[Anonymous]

Just reapproach her calmly, without anger or negative emotion. She will otherwise latch into your negative emotion and respond to that. Tell her that after 20 years together, you need to be honest with each other. Tell her you want to understand what happened, what she was thinking and feeling. If she still can’t have a mature, honest discussion, then I think you have a choice to make.

Plenty of marriages can weather an affair. But it’s what happens after the affair that makes the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are in year 20 of your marriage and discover that your spouse had a 3 month long affair 10 years earlier, would you say anything?

Do you think it matters if the spouse being cheated on was the wife or husband?

It doesn’t matter.

You did say something. What’s your question?

He wants DCUM women to tell him yes it could have been just once ten ago and it never happened again and doesn’t matter. That way he doesn’t have to make any painful decisions.

Sorry OP the answer is no it wasn’t just once a long time ago, and if you have kids, better get their paternity tested.

Are you psychic? No? Didn’t think so.

OP, what’s your question?

You don’t need to be psychic to predict how a man who just discovered his wife cheated is going to act, dolt. They all act the same way. They hope their life won’t be turned upside down and that everything can continue as before. They’re always wrong.

Yes, every person acts exactly the same way in a given situation. Cheating wives and cuckolded husbands. Yes, that’s the way humans are. All exactly the same.

Like all the people on this one tiny thread who have reacted differently to this one situation. Yup.

Three pages in and OP hasn’t asked a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are in year 20 of your marriage and discover that your spouse had a 3 month long affair 10 years earlier, would you say anything?

Do you think it matters if the spouse being cheated on was the wife or husband?

It doesn’t matter.

You did say something. What’s your question?

He wants DCUM women to tell him yes it could have been just once ten ago and it never happened again and doesn’t matter. That way he doesn’t have to make any painful decisions.

Sorry OP the answer is no it wasn’t just once a long time ago, and if you have kids, better get their paternity tested.

Are you psychic? No? Didn’t think so.

OP, what’s your question?

You don’t need to be psychic to predict how a man who just discovered his wife cheated is going to act, dolt. They all act the same way. They hope their life won’t be turned upside down and that everything can continue as before. They’re always wrong.

Yes, every person acts exactly the same way in a given situation. Cheating wives and cuckolded husbands. Yes, that’s the way humans are. All exactly the same.

Like all the people on this one tiny thread who have reacted differently to this one situation. Yup.

Three pages in and OP hasn’t asked a question.

Do you have a point to make?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are in year 20 of your marriage and discover that your spouse had a 3 month long affair 10 years earlier, would you say anything?

Do you think it matters if the spouse being cheated on was the wife or husband?

It doesn’t matter.

You did say something. What’s your question?

He wants DCUM women to tell him yes it could have been just once ten ago and it never happened again and doesn’t matter. That way he doesn’t have to make any painful decisions.

Sorry OP the answer is no it wasn’t just once a long time ago, and if you have kids, better get their paternity tested.

Are you psychic? No? Didn’t think so.

OP, what’s your question?

You don’t need to be psychic to predict how a man who just discovered his wife cheated is going to act, dolt. They all act the same way. They hope their life won’t be turned upside down and that everything can continue as before. They’re always wrong.

Yes, every person acts exactly the same way in a given situation. Cheating wives and cuckolded husbands. Yes, that’s the way humans are. All exactly the same.

Like all the people on this one tiny thread who have reacted differently to this one situation. Yup.

Three pages in and OP hasn’t asked a question.

Do you have a point to make?

“They all act the same way.”

No, they don’t.

My point is you act like you know OP’s life and you don’t.

Projecting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just reapproach her calmly, without anger or negative emotion. She will otherwise latch into your negative emotion and respond to that. Tell her that after 20 years together, you need to be honest with each other. Tell her you want to understand what happened, what she was thinking and feeling. If she still can’t have a mature, honest discussion, then I think you have a choice to make.

Plenty of marriages can weather an affair. But it’s what happens after the affair that makes the difference.

Yeah, ignore this.

She’s cheated on you and lied to you for 2 decades. DTMF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are in year 20 of your marriage and discover that your spouse had a 3 month long affair 10 years earlier, would you say anything?

Do you think it matters if the spouse being cheated on was the wife or husband?

It doesn’t matter.

You did say something. What’s your question?

He wants DCUM women to tell him yes it could have been just once ten ago and it never happened again and doesn’t matter. That way he doesn’t have to make any painful decisions.

Sorry OP the answer is no it wasn’t just once a long time ago, and if you have kids, better get their paternity tested.

Are you psychic? No? Didn’t think so.

OP, what’s your question?

You don’t need to be psychic to predict how a man who just discovered his wife cheated is going to act, dolt. They all act the same way. They hope their life won’t be turned upside down and that everything can continue as before. They’re always wrong.

Yes, every person acts exactly the same way in a given situation. Cheating wives and cuckolded husbands. Yes, that’s the way humans are. All exactly the same.

Like all the people on this one tiny thread who have reacted differently to this one situation. Yup.

Three pages in and OP hasn’t asked a question.

Do you have a point to make?

“They all act the same way.”

No, they don’t.

My point is you act like you know OP’s life and you don’t.

Projecting?

You are projecting. Funny.