My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand OP at all. I'm not a grandma, but if I end up being one, then I certainly don't intend to go cooking and cleaning when I visit my then adult children. Like what??? Your parents are not your maids. You're supposed to figure out your childcare on your own while you work. Billions of parents do this. Your mom is already cooking and cleaning at her own house, and then you think she should clean yours too? And cook??? It seems that you only work and ILs are doing everything else that normal adults manage themselves. Imagine coming to visit for 3 days and be expected to cook and clean. Do you do this when you visit someone???????

With a baby? God Americans are so entitled and pampered. Yes of course I would help out at a house with visiting my family. So weird. Guess you never cooked with your family or helped out with siblings growing up.

[Anonymous]

What do you people do when you go on a family vacation to another place? Just hire a maid and cook? Yes if we all go on vacation we all help out. If we all eat a meal we all help out. My friends do this as well even when I host. Yes we all play and help out with the baby. Again. So weird.

[Anonymous]

Tell us more about this one bedroom house with lead paint. Where can you buy a one bedroom house? Or is it an apartment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell us more about this one bedroom house with lead paint. Where can you buy a one bedroom house? Or is it an apartment?

It’s an old single family house that is super tiny because it’s more than 100 years old and it’s under 1000sq feet. It is one bathroom 1 bedroom with an office. The office has a bed in it that’s not even big enough for 2 people to sleep and my parent uses it as an office for work during the day. All the furniture is antique and there is are a bunch of decorations that have lead paint peeling off of them. I don’t feel safe to take them to visit because I’m worried they will get brain damage and there is no room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell us more about this one bedroom house with lead paint. Where can you buy a one bedroom house? Or is it an apartment?

It’s an old single family house that is super tiny because it’s more than 100 years old and it’s under 1000sq feet. It is one bathroom 1 bedroom with an office. The office has a bed in it that’s not even big enough for 2 people to sleep and my parent uses it as an office for work during the day. All the furniture is antique and there is are a bunch of decorations that have lead paint peeling off of them. I don’t feel safe to take them to visit because I’m worried they will get brain damage and there is no room.

So they still work? All the more reason you should not expect them to work for you when they come visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are expecting too much from your parents. Parents aren't there to help with your kids or pay for your kids. If you get that from even one side, you've won the lotto.

Such a sad statement on American society.

Parents should help their kids and kids should help their parents, barring extenuating circumstances, abuse, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell us more about this one bedroom house with lead paint. Where can you buy a one bedroom house? Or is it an apartment?

It’s an old single family house that is super tiny because it’s more than 100 years old and it’s under 1000sq feet. It is one bathroom 1 bedroom with an office. The office has a bed in it that’s not even big enough for 2 people to sleep and my parent uses it as an office for work during the day. All the furniture is antique and there is are a bunch of decorations that have lead paint peeling off of them. I don’t feel safe to take them to visit because I’m worried they will get brain damage and there is no room.

So they still work? All the more reason you should not expect them to work for you when they come visit.

She's not asking them to do anything other than a friend coming over would do. Carrying a baby around for 15 minutes while someone makes a phone call and changing its diaper? Why are Americans so incompetent that this is considered work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell us more about this one bedroom house with lead paint. Where can you buy a one bedroom house? Or is it an apartment?

It’s an old single family house that is super tiny because it’s more than 100 years old and it’s under 1000sq feet. It is one bathroom 1 bedroom with an office. The office has a bed in it that’s not even big enough for 2 people to sleep and my parent uses it as an office for work during the day. All the furniture is antique and there is are a bunch of decorations that have lead paint peeling off of them. I don’t feel safe to take them to visit because I’m worried they will get brain damage and there is no room.

So they still work? All the more reason you should not expect them to work for you when they come visit.

She's not asking them to do anything other than a friend coming over would do. Carrying a baby around for 15 minutes while someone makes a phone call and changing its diaper? Why are Americans so incompetent that this is considered work?

Did you read the OP? She wants them to do what her in-laws do which is take care of the kids and provide financial help.

[Anonymous]

I'm a PP poster and am immigrant myself, so don't generalize and bash. I've also lived and worked in more than 10+ countries and have many friends from many different nationalities, I have visited them and stayed in their homes many times and vice versa. NOBODY DOES THIS. Nobody goes to another person's house to cook and clean. It's called HOSTING. When somebody comes for a visit for 3 days, you HOST. No, in my 50+ years I have not changed anyone's diapers except my own kids. No, I don't go to other people's homes to cook and clean, except my childhood home. When somebody comes to visit me, I TAKE DAYS OFF WORK to host them. I don't go to work and leave my parents or ILs or friends to clean my house and make me dinner. I hope you're a troll as otherwise you have no manners and are entitled beyond belief. Your parents obviously don't share your entitlement, so not sure where you picked that up. You COOK and CLEAN your own house. You CHANGE YOUR OWN KID's DIAPERS. If you're unable or unwilling, you HIRE help. You're not a child any more, than you just go to school/work and mommy and daddy provide. You're immature, arrogant and entitled. Of course your parents leave your house when visiting and don't interact: you yourself said you're working, so they have nothing to do there! Have you thought of going somewhere with your parents, and not just wanting them to sit in your house, changing diapers, cooking and cleaning? When you go visit them, you can stay in a HOTEL and do activities outside. You do realize that there's a whole world out there and not just your house with forced labor?

[Anonymous]

Counterpoint: It is common in Indian households for parents, sisters, cousins to do this when they visit. From what I have observed, Chinese parents visiting their daughters will also do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Counterpoint: It is common in Indian households for parents, sisters, cousins to do this when they visit. From what I have observed, Chinese parents visiting their daughters will also do this.

Are you suggesting that the OP and her parents are from different cultures?

[Anonymous]

Also, as far as I know Indian and Chinese parents never visit for 3 days. They come for a month or two and then obviously the division of labor is different, as they literally live with you at that point. It's not like you can take a month off work to host, so it's necessary to chip in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a PP poster and am immigrant myself, so don't generalize and bash. I've also lived and worked in more than 10+ countries and have many friends from many different nationalities, I have visited them and stayed in their homes many times and vice versa. NOBODY DOES THIS. Nobody goes to another person's house to cook and clean. It's called HOSTING. When somebody comes for a visit for 3 days, you HOST. No, in my 50+ years I have not changed anyone's diapers except my own kids. No, I don't go to other people's homes to cook and clean, except my childhood home. When somebody comes to visit me, I TAKE DAYS OFF WORK to host them. I don't go to work and leave my parents or ILs or friends to clean my house and make me dinner. I hope you're a troll as otherwise you have no manners and are entitled beyond belief. Your parents obviously don't share your entitlement, so not sure where you picked that up. You COOK and CLEAN your own house. You CHANGE YOUR OWN KID's DIAPERS. If you're unable or unwilling, you HIRE help. You're not a child any more, than you just go to school/work and mommy and daddy provide. You're immature, arrogant and entitled. Of course your parents leave your house when visiting and don't interact: you yourself said you're working, so they have nothing to do there! Have you thought of going somewhere with your parents, and not just wanting them to sit in your house, changing diapers, cooking and cleaning? When you go visit them, you can stay in a HOTEL and do activities outside. You do realize that there's a whole world out there and not just your house with forced labor?

I don't take time off work when my parents or in-laws visit. I have limited vacation time, and my parents understand and can entertain themselves, and my in-laws are DH's responsibility. I feel bad that I didn't take time off work one time when a sibling visited - I didn't really understand the expectation, and they had traveled across the country and staid with us. We have other family in the area; I just had the nicest guest room.

When my parents visit, they pitch in, but I don't expect it of them. My in-laws do not pitch in at all, so I am always busy with work when they visit. I need the distraction.

[Anonymous]

You need to change your mindset. Why do you expect your parents to provide endless free childcare and be excited about it? This is weird AF. You have an entitlement and perspective problem. Grow up. These are your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Honestly, you sound very demanding, and I'm wondering whether your personality is playing into your parents holding you at arms' length. Maybe your in-laws believe your kids need the support, but your parents are just done.

This is not about me being demanding, it is not too much to ask for them to visit for 2 weeks a year to help out when I have business trips.

Two weeks of childcare???? That’s not demanding? You are insane.