My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well op you can let this be motivation for you. Make sure you are able to provide financially for your future grandkids and take a month off for each of their births

I was already going to do that. I will quit my job when grandkids are born if I haven’t retired already.

If you are younger than 65 what will you do for healthcare? It's nice that you think you will be working as a hobby at that age. You won't.

Will have around a million in my HSA to cover healthcare insurance premiums and expenses before age 65. Then once I get to 65 I can use Medicare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So why don't you let us know where you're from, the non-American post writer??? In reality this is not how it works, at all. In cultures where grandparents helped with childrearing, they were provided shelter and food. It was mostly out of necessity. Nowadays, when people have the means, they want to live their own lives. Childrearing is hard work. Nobody wants to provide free labor (childrearing is a form of division of labor). Grandparents usually raise grandchildren when their kid had a child as a minor or when parents are incarcerated. Nowhere do the grandparents work, run their own household, and then on top of it finance and offer free labor to their offspring. This is why countries have maternity/paternity leaves. You literally get time off work to take care of your baby. Obviously, with women now having other opportunities than marriage, the number of children will drop, exactly because it's hard work. Nobody wants to take on childrearing in their retirement, nobody. And didn't OP's parents still work? You must think other people don't actually enjoy anything else in their life than working. OP's parents know their boundaries: they visited the baby and then went on vacation. This is normal. If you want somebody else to raise your kid, move them in they're willing (make an agreement) or pay for outside help. That said, women who are reluctant to take care of their own babies make crappy mothers and grandmothers. This talk how they will raise their grandchildren is just that... talk. They don't know how nor want to, because someone else has to always "help" them instead.

Many a grandparent behaves differently than what you wrote. You are writing from one perspective only. The parents came over and weren't interested in even holding a baby while someone took a phone call and spent most of the time talking over the family about their other interests and ignoring the family's life. They aren't interested in the family other than photo ops and it shows. I understand why you relate to them. You are cut from the same cloth. We get it.

Thank you. Someone finally understands my frustration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So why don't you let us know where you're from, the non-American post writer??? In reality this is not how it works, at all. In cultures where grandparents helped with childrearing, they were provided shelter and food. It was mostly out of necessity. Nowadays, when people have the means, they want to live their own lives. Childrearing is hard work. Nobody wants to provide free labor (childrearing is a form of division of labor). Grandparents usually raise grandchildren when their kid had a child as a minor or when parents are incarcerated. Nowhere do the grandparents work, run their own household, and then on top of it finance and offer free labor to their offspring. This is why countries have maternity/paternity leaves. You literally get time off work to take care of your baby. Obviously, with women now having other opportunities than marriage, the number of children will drop, exactly because it's hard work. Nobody wants to take on childrearing in their retirement, nobody. And didn't OP's parents still work? You must think other people don't actually enjoy anything else in their life than working. OP's parents know their boundaries: they visited the baby and then went on vacation. This is normal. If you want somebody else to raise your kid, move them in they're willing (make an agreement) or pay for outside help. That said, women who are reluctant to take care of their own babies make crappy mothers and grandmothers. This talk how they will raise their grandchildren is just that... talk. They don't know how nor want to, because someone else has to always "help" them instead.

Many a grandparent behaves differently than what you wrote. You are writing from one perspective only. The parents came over and weren't interested in even holding a baby while someone took a phone call and spent most of the time talking over the family about their other interests and ignoring the family's life. They aren't interested in the family other than photo ops and it shows. I understand why you relate to them. You are cut from the same cloth. We get it.

Thank you. Someone finally understands my frustration.

Well then, good luck trying to force your parents to do your job. Looks like it's not working out for you. Be as frustrated or disappointed as you want, in the end, it's your job to raise your kids and I suppose you'll have to figure out when to take your phone calls and go for your business trips. What an outrage, your parents having other interests than your baby?! Just tell them not to visit at all, they'll be relieved not having to deal with their immature daughter and her tantrums.

[Anonymous]

Ever hear of projection pp?

[Anonymous]

OP I think the general response here is that we understand why you are sad that your parents aren’t more involved and wish they would spend more time with your kids. The problem is that in your initial post you used words like “useless” and “financial support” and “taking care of the kids” and “helping out as much as possible”. So then we can only assume that the relationship you wish you had with your parents is to use them for free childcare and financial support. That is not a relationship. That is you wanting free childcare and money from your parents. What about your parents? Are they not real humans who maybe don’t want to be used by you in order to prove their love for your kids? You need to grow up and learn what a real relationship is, not based on “usefulness”.