My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are an immature brat. Buck up and be an adult. Take care of your own kids. Your parents sound low key, living their retirement. They obviously love you and your kids or they wouldn’t visit. At some point they may stop, given you think they are not “useful” to you. I’m sure your attitude reeks.

I really hope you don’t treat your own grandchildren like this. No wonder so many kids drop out of school, do drugs and hey pregnant here. People literally don’t care about their families at all and have no sense of responsibility for their kids. I have no attitude at them, I’m just frustrated they treat my kids like zoo animals. My grandparents helped them out all the time.

This is a just a typical selfish boomer mindset that many Americans have. People in Europe and Asia don’t act this selfish and arrogant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are an immature brat. Buck up and be an adult. Take care of your own kids. Your parents sound low key, living their retirement. They obviously love you and your kids or they wouldn’t visit. At some point they may stop, given you think they are not “useful” to you. I’m sure your attitude reeks.

I really hope you don’t treat your own grandchildren like this. No wonder so many kids drop out of school, do drugs and hey pregnant here. People literally don’t care about their families at all and have no sense of responsibility for their kids. I have no attitude at them, I’m just frustrated they treat my kids like zoo animals. My grandparents helped them out all the time.

I’m not a grandparent. I’m a 49F with 2 kids 13 and 16. I have never judged either set of grandparents for their “usefulness”. You’re kidding yourself if you think they don’t sense your attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are an immature brat. Buck up and be an adult. Take care of your own kids. Your parents sound low key, living their retirement. They obviously love you and your kids or they wouldn’t visit. At some point they may stop, given you think they are not “useful” to you. I’m sure your attitude reeks.

I really hope you don’t treat your own grandchildren like this. No wonder so many kids drop out of school, do drugs and hey pregnant here. People literally don’t care about their families at all and have no sense of responsibility for their kids. I have no attitude at them, I’m just frustrated they treat my kids like zoo animals. My grandparents helped them out all the time.

I’m not a grandparent. I’m a 49F with 2 kids 13 and 16. I have never judged either set of grandparents for their “usefulness”. You’re kidding yourself if you think they don’t sense your attitude.

My point is that I hope you are more involved with the grandkids if you end up having any. I would not wish what my parents have done upon anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are an immature brat. Buck up and be an adult. Take care of your own kids. Your parents sound low key, living their retirement. They obviously love you and your kids or they wouldn’t visit. At some point they may stop, given you think they are not “useful” to you. I’m sure your attitude reeks.

I really hope you don’t treat your own grandchildren like this. No wonder so many kids drop out of school, do drugs and hey pregnant here. People literally don’t care about their families at all and have no sense of responsibility for their kids. I have no attitude at them, I’m just frustrated they treat my kids like zoo animals. My grandparents helped them out all the time.

I’m not a grandparent. I’m a 49F with 2 kids 13 and 16. I have never judged either set of grandparents for their “usefulness”. You’re kidding yourself if you think they don’t sense your attitude.

My point is that I hope you are more involved with the grandkids if you end up having any. I would not wish what my parents have done upon anyone else.

You said they visit which is more than some people have. Appreciate the time they spend with you and maybe ask yourself why you expect them to help you raise your kids. Grow up and maybe ask yourself if there is anything you can do for them

[Anonymous]

I don't understand OP at all. I'm not a grandma, but if I end up being one, then I certainly don't intend to go cooking and cleaning when I visit my then adult children. Like what??? Your parents are not your maids. You're supposed to figure out your childcare on your own while you work. Billions of parents do this. Your mom is already cooking and cleaning at her own house, and then you think she should clean yours too? And cook??? It seems that you only work and ILs are doing everything else that normal adults manage themselves. Imagine coming to visit for 3 days and be expected to cook and clean. Do you do this when you visit someone???????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are an immature brat. Buck up and be an adult. Take care of your own kids. Your parents sound low key, living their retirement. They obviously love you and your kids or they wouldn’t visit. At some point they may stop, given you think they are not “useful” to you. I’m sure your attitude reeks.

I really hope you don’t treat your own grandchildren like this. No wonder so many kids drop out of school, do drugs and hey pregnant here. People literally don’t care about their families at all and have no sense of responsibility for their kids. I have no attitude at them, I’m just frustrated they treat my kids like zoo animals. My grandparents helped them out all the time.

If you are concerned about your kids doing drugs, dropping out of school or getting pregnant, it’s on YOU, as their parent, to do your best so it won’t happen. If it does, it’s not your parents’ fault. They did raise an entitled brat, though, so I guess your kids can blame them for the kind of parent you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand OP at all. I'm not a grandma, but if I end up being one, then I certainly don't intend to go cooking and cleaning when I visit my then adult children. Like what??? Your parents are not your maids. You're supposed to figure out your childcare on your own while you work. Billions of parents do this. Your mom is already cooking and cleaning at her own house, and then you think she should clean yours too? And cook??? It seems that you only work and ILs are doing everything else that normal adults manage themselves. Imagine coming to visit for 3 days and be expected to cook and clean. Do you do this when you visit someone???????

I never expected them to cook or clean, my frustration is that they don’t even make an effort to pretend like they care about the grandkids. They visit then spend 90% of the time they are here not with the grandkids. They go to bars and visits local tourist attractions. They don’t even eat the food my family prepares for them or sit with the kids at dinner time. I’m just expecting them to make a bare minimum effort to spend some time with the grandkids while they visit not treat them like zoo animals that are only there for cute photos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand OP at all. I'm not a grandma, but if I end up being one, then I certainly don't intend to go cooking and cleaning when I visit my then adult children. Like what??? Your parents are not your maids. You're supposed to figure out your childcare on your own while you work. Billions of parents do this. Your mom is already cooking and cleaning at her own house, and then you think she should clean yours too? And cook??? It seems that you only work and ILs are doing everything else that normal adults manage themselves. Imagine coming to visit for 3 days and be expected to cook and clean. Do you do this when you visit someone???????

Yes we absolutely do this when we visits people, but not relevant. My frustration is they visit and don’t actually spend time with the grandkid. Why bother coming if you aren’t even there to see the grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are an immature brat. Buck up and be an adult. Take care of your own kids. Your parents sound low key, living their retirement. They obviously love you and your kids or they wouldn’t visit. At some point they may stop, given you think they are not “useful” to you. I’m sure your attitude reeks.

I really hope you don’t treat your own grandchildren like this. No wonder so many kids drop out of school, do drugs and hey pregnant here. People literally don’t care about their families at all and have no sense of responsibility for their kids. I have no attitude at them, I’m just frustrated they treat my kids like zoo animals. My grandparents helped them out all the time.

I’m not a grandparent. I’m a 49F with 2 kids 13 and 16. I have never judged either set of grandparents for their “usefulness”. You’re kidding yourself if you think they don’t sense your attitude.

My point is that I hope you are more involved with the grandkids if you end up having any. I would not wish what my parents have done upon anyone else.

You said they visit which is more than some people have. Appreciate the time they spend with you and maybe ask yourself why you expect them to help you raise your kids. Grow up and maybe ask yourself if there is anything you can do for them

Appreciate how they don’t care about my grandkids. Everyone on this thread is awful. People in other countries actually care about their kids and grandkids. Americans apparently don’t.

[Anonymous]

OP, just ignore these haters. Some of us understand what you mean. My parents are also like this. I have realized it is because they were both very poorly parented themselves (huge families, both lost parents early in life, semi-raised by older siblings but mostly left to fend for themselves) and just don't have the emotional bandwidth to offer the kind of love and support other people might offer their grandkids.

It is what it is. It's okay and understandable for you to feel disappointed, but you just have to find a way to deal with it. At least you have your ILs who are so wonderful. That is more than many have. I just go into interactions with my parents knowing they aren't going to give much, and that I might need to vent to my spouse a bit afterwards, and then I move on.

[Anonymous]

Op seems awfully fixated on money and having free childcare, honestly. That fact that she's getting so much help and support from her in-laws should be what she focuses on. That's way more than many young couples with young kids get. Be grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are an immature brat. Buck up and be an adult. Take care of your own kids. Your parents sound low key, living their retirement. They obviously love you and your kids or they wouldn’t visit. At some point they may stop, given you think they are not “useful” to you. I’m sure your attitude reeks.

I really hope you don’t treat your own grandchildren like this. No wonder so many kids drop out of school, do drugs and hey pregnant here. People literally don’t care about their families at all and have no sense of responsibility for their kids. I have no attitude at them, I’m just frustrated they treat my kids like zoo animals. My grandparents helped them out all the time.

I’m not a grandparent. I’m a 49F with 2 kids 13 and 16. I have never judged either set of grandparents for their “usefulness”. You’re kidding yourself if you think they don’t sense your attitude.

My point is that I hope you are more involved with the grandkids if you end up having any. I would not wish what my parents have done upon anyone else.

You said they visit which is more than some people have. Appreciate the time they spend with you and maybe ask yourself why you expect them to help you raise your kids. Grow up and maybe ask yourself if there is anything you can do for them

Appreciate how they don’t care about my grandkids. Everyone on this thread is awful. People in other countries actually care about their kids and grandkids. Americans apparently don’t.

You really feel like an entitled brat, frankly. My guess is your sense of being wronged or shortchanged by your parents is really come a place of embarrassment. You are embarrassed that your parents are unengaged because you feel like or reflects poorly on you as their son's wife. Are you worried they think you came from poor stock? Sounds like your parents are divorced based on your OP, so maybe you were already self conscious about that and how you are viewed in the eyes of your in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relationships built on “usefulness” are not good relationships. Accusing your of using your kids for photographs and nothing more is more telling of your character than theirs. You sound spoiled and immature, unable to provide for your own kids.

The grandparents are building their relationship based on usefulness. They only come to take photos to stay a couple of hours a year and pretend they have a good relationship. They weigh each hour they spend on how useful it is to their life. OP feels used which is probably why she's saying they are useless. They are both using each other I suppose because there is no love to take the place. When you love someone relationship aren't this transactional and no one feels used because each person respects the boundaries someone sets and in the space in between they are there to love, not solely to get something out of the interaction.

OP called her parents useless because they are not taking care of her kids and giving her money.

No I called them useless for being terrible grandparents and not giving a crap about their grandkids. They stay at my house for 3 days, spend less than a hour a day with the grandkids, then leave for a weeklong vacation immediately after. They have plenty of time for weeklong vacations. Clearly the grandkids are an afterthought and they don’t care about them.

You're an annoying broken record. Quit using "literally" so much and quit trying to turn your disappointment into some sort of statement about "people today." These are YOUR parents, toots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are an immature brat. Buck up and be an adult. Take care of your own kids. Your parents sound low key, living their retirement. They obviously love you and your kids or they wouldn’t visit. At some point they may stop, given you think they are not “useful” to you. I’m sure your attitude reeks.

I really hope you don’t treat your own grandchildren like this. No wonder so many kids drop out of school, do drugs and hey pregnant here. People literally don’t care about their families at all and have no sense of responsibility for their kids. I have no attitude at them, I’m just frustrated they treat my kids like zoo animals. My grandparents helped them out all the time.

I’m not a grandparent. I’m a 49F with 2 kids 13 and 16. I have never judged either set of grandparents for their “usefulness”. You’re kidding yourself if you think they don’t sense your attitude.

My point is that I hope you are more involved with the grandkids if you end up having any. I would not wish what my parents have done upon anyone else.

You said they visit which is more than some people have. Appreciate the time they spend with you and maybe ask yourself why you expect them to help you raise your kids. Grow up and maybe ask yourself if there is anything you can do for them

Appreciate how they don’t care about my grandkids. Everyone on this thread is awful. People in other countries actually care about their kids and grandkids. Americans apparently don’t.

You really feel like an entitled brat, frankly. My guess is your sense of being wronged or shortchanged by your parents is really come a place of embarrassment. You are embarrassed that your parents are unengaged because you feel like or reflects poorly on you as their son's wife. Are you worried they think you came from poor stock? Sounds like your parents are divorced based on your OP, so maybe you were already self conscious about that and how you are viewed in the eyes of your in-laws.

Yes, They are divorced and I’m upset they are not engaged but try to pretend like they are great grandparents on social media. Literally the only thing they do is take pictures with them. They don’t ask about how the kids are doing in school or anything that actually matters. They just don’t care what happens to the grandkids at all. My own grandparents (their parents) asked about these things and we would even go to visit them for weeks at a time over the summer. These some of the most meaningful childhood memories I have. It just makes me very sad to know that my own kids won’t have anything like this with my parents. My grandparents even bought a 5 bedroom house to make sure there is plenty of room for the kids and grandkids to visit anytime they want. My parent on the other hand can even be bothered to live in a house where there is enough room to visit for a weekend or that is safe for the grandkids. They literally bought a one bedroom house and decorated it with a bunch of antique furniture that has lead paint on it.

[Anonymous]

What’s with the one bedroom house that the parents supposedly bought? Is there even such a thing as a one bedroom house?